Record: 09 - 01 - 00
Next Contest: vs. Steve Austin - Stroke - Non-Title

XI: "Don't Fear The Reaper"

[[ Static. ]]

[[ Fade in the SGW logo. ]]

[[ We open up in the small, congested room that is Chris Masters hotel room just a few blocks down from the Delta Center in Salt Lake City, Utah. Jackie is behind Chris, giving his a massage. ]]

[ Jackie Gayda ] You did great last night, babe.

[ Chris Masters ] Would've been better if I could've put that piece of shit Booker T in the Masterlock.

[ Paul Heyman ] I don't know what got into Jarrett.

[ Chris Masters ] It's obvious. He's on a power trip.

[[ Chris moves Jackie's hands to a different spot for her to rub. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] You know how when you get older, you start wanting motorcycles, hot women, and all that other good stuff?

[ Paul Heyman ] A mid-life crisis?

[ Chris Masters ] Exactly. Well, there's no hiding the fact that Jarrett's climbing that hill. And ever since he made his big return, it's like he's been trying to re-live his youth.

[ Sid Vicious ] JARRETT'S HAVING A CRISIS!

[ Chris Masters ] Think about it. He wanted younger, hotter women... so now he's got Jillian Hall on his dick twenty-four seven.

[[ Jackie chuckles, throwing in more mid-life crisis indicators. ]]

[ Jackie Gayda ] And he's attempting to wrestle again.

[ Paul Heyman ] Ehhhh, I'd use the term "wrestle" lightly.

[ Chris Masters ] Very lightly. He didn't even wrestle the entire match. All he did was tag himself in, and stroked Booker T.

[ Sid Vicious ] BWAHAHA! HE STROKED BOOKER T!

[ Chris Masters ] Thanks, Sid.

[[ Sid smiles. ]]

[ Jackie Gayda ] Maybe that's another thing he used to do when he was young and able-bodied.

[ Paul Heyman ] You never know with that guy. He could've been stroking black guys before you were born.

[ Chris Masters ] I'd prefer to not have to think about that.

[[ Masters shakes his head, disgusted. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] The only stroking that I wanna know about is Jackie stroking the best looking guy in SGW.

[ Paul Heyman ] She'll be stroking Rob Conway? Who gets to stroke the Masterpiece?

[ Chris Masters ] Jackass.

[[ Paul shrugs his shoulders. ]]

[ Paul Heyman ] That's what the Conman said last night, though. He's the best looking thing ever.

[ Chris Masters ] He lied. It's just some self-promotion. Everybody lies about stuff like that.

[[ Heyman scratches his head, a bit confused. ]]

[ Paul Heyman ] So you're not the Masterpiece?

[[ Chris scoffs. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] No. I most certainly am the Masterpiece.

[ Sid Vicious ] I'D RATHER BE SIIID!!!

[ Chris Masters ] Of course.. because you are Sid. Moron.

[[ Sid face scrunches up, and he beats his chest as he yells out. ]]

[ Sid Vicious ] NO... BECAUSE SIIDD IS MASTER.. AND RULER... OF THE WOOORRLLDD!!!!

[[ Everybody kind of, stares at Sid. Paul then mimics the millennium man. ]]

[ Paul Heyman ] Yep. And Chris Masters is UNDER.. DOG.. OF THE.. WEEEEEKKKK!!!

[[ This catches Chris' attention. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] What are you talking about? Paul, are you on drugs?

[ Paul Heyman ] Nope. You're going up against the World Champion, Chris. Odds are heavily stacked against you.

[ Chris Masters ] Hmm, I think I recall the odds against me against Chavo Guerrero, and Chris Benoit. But what happened to them? They tapped out. Just like Stone Cold will this week.

[ Paul Heyman ] Well, last time you two fought, you got pinned.

[ Chris Masters ] You know what I say to that?

[[ Again with the Sid mocking. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] SCREW.. JOB.. OF THE... YEEEAAARRR!!!

[[ Heyman doesn't care. ]]

[ Paul Heyman ] Screwjob or not, you lost. And it could happen again.

[ Sid Vicious ] AUSTIN RULESS... MASTERS SCAREEDD!!

[[ He begins to find this funny, somehow. ]]

[ Sid Vicious ] CHRIS FEARS AUSTIN!!

[[ He falls out of his chair, almost purposely, laughing. Jackie looks down at Sid. ]]

[ Jackie Gayda ] It's ok, everybody is scared of something. Like you and baths.

[ Chris Masters ] Sid, you've let me down.

[[ He hangs his head, and then lifts it back up. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] You need to learn, just like the entire roster needs to learn that nobody can break my Masterlock, that the only person scared of Steve Austin... is Debra.

[[ Sid gets back up, laughing now at that joke. ]]

[ Paul Heyman ] I wonder what she's been up to.

[ Chris Masters ] I haven't talked to her since that interview I gave her last time I fought Austin.

[ Paul Heyman ] A lot of information she gave us, eh?

[[ He shakes his head, smirking. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] Pfft. She told us to throw beer at him and we'll win. And well, we didn't win.

[ Sid Vicious ] Hoe. KICK HER ASS CHRIS!!

[[ Chris rubs his chin. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] Not a bad idea, Sid...

[[ Sid begins to boast, until Chris snaps at him. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] EXCEPT SHE LIVES IN TEXAS!

[[ Heyman stands up. It looks as if he's got an idea.. ]]

[ Paul Heyman ] Chris, Chavo's parents lived all the way in God damned Tijuana Mexico... and you didn't let that stop us from going completely ruin them.

[ Chris Masters ] We had to go there for Shock that week anyway.

[ Paul Heyman ] Listen, Chris, I've gone to so many places that are just.. absurd. So, because this would finally be a trip where we could just relax, and enjoy the Texas life... I'm going to book it. I'll make a few phone calls and we'll finally take a DECENT trip. On me.

[[ He smiles and pats Chris on the shoulders. ]]

[ Paul Heyman ] Only because on this trip, I can expect what's going to happen. Nothing. We'll be in Texas for crying out loud.

[ Chris Masters ] A lot of cowboys and Mexicans... that's about it.

[ Paul Heyman ] Exactly. So, I'll go make a few phone calls, get a jet lined with fine champagne, and we'll all fly out to Texas, all thanks to Steve Austin.

[[ Chris' face turns bitter. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] Just uh, don't mention Steve's name.

[ Paul Heyman ] Oh, 'course not. We'll get away from all of that. We'll go hang out in a cow pasture and sing kumbaya.

[[ Chris is finally coming around. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] Y'know what Paul. That's a great idea. You go get on that. I'ma go get on this..

[[ He throws himself on top of Jackie. Paul looks at Sid and the two walk out of the room as the scene fades. ]]

[[ We open up now inside of Heyman's SUV. In the passenger seat is Sid, beating on the dashboard along with the song playing. Heyman looks at him, frustrated, and tolerates it for a little while, but he just can't stand it. ]]

[ Paul Heyman ] You gunna stop anytime soon? ... Sid?

[[ Sid keeps going without missing a beat, and without hearing Heyman. ]]

[ Paul Heyman ] SID!

[[ Paul reaches to the stereo and shuts it off.. Sid beats a couple of times, not realizing the music stopped, then looks at Heyman.. pouting. Heyman points to the spots where Sid has beaten his dashboard. The glove box dangles open, unable to click back in. ]]

[[ Sid fiddles around, trying to make the glove box fit.. and after a couple minutes of tinkering, it's exactly how it was before. ]]

[ Sid Vicious ] All better. TURN ON MUSIC!

[[ Heyman shakes his head. Sid then crosses his arms. ]]

[ Paul Heyman ] If you weren't eight feet tall and weighed more than the Big Show... I'd slap the piss out of you. I'd rather Gillberg than this shit. Reach in the backseat and give me my cell phone.

[[ Sid tries to turn around in his chair, but he's too big.. and his seatbelt is stopping him from being able to reach the backseat where the phone lies. He sits back up, and then releases the lever on the side of the chair, sending his entire chair reclining to the point where his headrest would be in the lap of the person behind him. ]]

[ Paul Heyman ] You big goofball.

[[ Sid laughs, turns his head to the side, and grabs the cell phone. He pulls the lever again and springs back upright, handing the phone to Heyman. ]]

[ Sid Vicious ] There your phone. .. TURN ON MUSIC!

[ Paul Heyman ] No, because now I've got to make a phone call. We can't get to Texas if I don't call somebody to bring us. The Masterpiece doesn't just go places. He and us, his Entourage, we travel in style.

[[ Sid reaches into the open glove box and pulls out a pair of Heyman's sunglasses that are on the edge of falling out, much like all the rest of the shit that used to be in the glove box. He puts them on. ]]

[ Sid Vicious ] Yeah... styyyle.

[[ Paul flips open his cell phone and begins to mash the buttons. He puts it to his ear and begins to speak when suddenly, our camera's get fuzzy and stuff. ]]

[[ April 16th, 2006. ]]

[[ We fade up inside the Tokyo lockeroom of Chris Masters. He's sweating, tired, and seated with Heyman and Jackie. ]]

[ Paul Heyman ] One down, one to go!

[[ Chris continues to breathe heavily as he speaks. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] What did you expect? Me, lose to Benoit? No way. But damn, headbutt's and submission's really did their number on me.

[ Jackie Gayda ] We know, it wasn't supposed to be ridiculously easy. But now, you've got to focus. You've got to take out Austin. You can win this thing, Chris!

[ Chris Masters ] It's all about the gold from here on out.

[[ Chris stands up, jumps around a bit, and looks over at Heyman. ]]

[ Paul Heyman ] You ready big man?

[[ It's getting pretty emotional now. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] I was born ready.

[[ You hear somebody slap the camera, it shakes, and our picture cuts back together. ]]

[ Sid Vicious ] You ain't got no friends!

[[ Sid yells at Heyman, who's listening to a ring tone now. ]]

[ Sid Vicious ] Who you gunna call?

[[ He stops, and the next words render you helpless, in a state of hilarity. ]]

[ Sid Vicious ] GHOSTBUSTERS!?

[[ Well... at least Sid laughed. ]]

[ Paul Heyman ] Hello?

[[ Somebody has picked up on the other line. ]]

[ Paul Heyman ] My name is Paul Heyman, from SGW, and I'm trying to find a flight to Texas.... No, I'll be paying for it.... Price range? Well, I don't want to blow my wallet on it.

[[ He listens for a while and then, holding his cell phone on his shoulder with his ear, reaches into his pocket and pulls out his wallet. He then slams it shut and stuffs it back in his pants. ]]

[ Paul Heyman ] What am I doing? I've got a credit card, okay? But I don't need anything way out in like, six-digit territory.... of course I want to fly privately.

[[ He reaches around for something, and points to a pen and notepad lying on the floor. Sid picks it up and hands it to him. He begins to jot some stuff down. ]]

[ Paul Heyman ] Yeah, yeah that's perfect. Mhm... Alright thank you.. Goodbye.

[[ He hangs up the phone and looks at Sid with conviction. ]]

[ Paul Heyman ] WE'RE GOING TO TEXAS!!

[[ Sid whips out a cowboy hat from nowhere, puts it on, cranks up the radio, and the two begin to dance like there's no tomorrow as the scene fades out. ]]

[[ We fade back up once again in the hotel room of Chris Masters. He and Jackie lay in the bed, covered to their neck in blankets. ]]

[ Jackie Gayda ] And I thought you did great last night...

[ Chris Masters ] Haha. Well, after Heyman's comment about you stroking the Conman, I had to redeem myself.

[[ Jackie rolls over and lays her arm across Masters. ]]

[ Jackie Gayda ] Well, you did a good job.

[ Chris Masters ] I don't do things I'm not good at.

[[ They laugh a little, and then Chris sits up. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] Tell me, Jackie... how do you think I'm going to do against Austin?

[[ She sits up as well, knowing he wants to be serious now. ]]

[ Jackie Gayda ] It's going to be tough, you know that. But last time you fought him, you were tired, you just finished with Benoit.

[ Chris Masters ] I'm not really in the mood for excuses.

[ Jackie Gayda ] Listen, Chris, it's not an excuse. You fought twice in one night, and almost won both times. You did fantastic, and you're going down in history with it. But Steve Austin's a world champ. While you were out getting surgery, he was winning the big gold.

[ Chris Masters ] I could win the big gold, Jackie. And I can beat Steve Austin. It's like everybody's been whispering in my ear about how he's the world champ, how he's on top of his game. And it all got worse when he got another Gold of the Week again last week.

[ Jackie Gayda ] He's on fire.

[[ He raises his hand to his forehead. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] But he's not perfect. He's not unbeatable. He's just like everybody else as far as I'm concerned. Has he broken the Masterlock? NO! The only thing that's keeping that ego of his running is the fact that he's beaten the majority of his opponents. Well, so have I. And just because he's got the World Title belt, he thinks he's better than every god damned wrestler in SGW.

[[ Chris slams a fist down on the nightstand next to the bed. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] AND HE'S YET TO BREAK THE MASTERLOCK!

[[ Chris calms down and Jackie cuddles next to him as our scene fades once again. ]]

[[ We are once again taken back to SGW's World Warrior event. The last place we saw Chris Masters and Steve Austin battle it out. ]]

[[ You see the backstage area of the Tokyo arena, Steve Austin standing in front of Don Harris. Gene Snitsky and Ron Harris support Don. All four men look ready to battle. ]]

[ Don Harris ] And if you want any more information than that.. Then yer shit out o'luck..

[[ Don points behind Austin.. ]]

[ Don Harris ] Just like you are now.

[[ Austin turns his head and is met with a sickening chair shot to the head. The cameras pan up, showing Chris Masters standing there, smiling. He throws the chair down and walks off, laving Austin in a pool of his own blood. ]]

[ Paul Heyman ] CHRIS! ... CHRIS!

[[ Heyman runs past Austin, noticing the blood, and continues running until he meets up with Chris, who's furious. ]]

[ Paul Heyman ] What was that all about? Austin's damn near dead!

[[ Chris shoves Heyman. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] It's your fault, Paul. You knew I'd have no chance in winning. I knew I had no chance. I had to go through Chris Benoit to get to Austin. There both tough sons of bitches. I'm just evening up the odds.

[[ Chris storms off, you hear Jim Ross say something and we fade out of the past.... ]]

[[ ...And into a large area of pavement. Almost like a landing strip. ]]

[[ Paul Heyman is standing in a tie-dye shirt, some khaki shorts, flip-flops, and a few blots of sunscreen on his face, to accompany his sunglasses. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] We're going to Texas, not Florida.

[ Paul Heyman ] But it's a vacation either way. And I want to be prepared for all that we're going to do. Besides, there are some cool water parks in Texas.

[[ Chris gives up. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] Whatever, Heyman.

[[ Chris and his Entourage continue to walk on this large nothingness until they begin to see the plane. Or the lack of plane. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] How much did this thing cost?

[ Paul Heyman ] I didn't want to blow my wallet on the trip..

[ Chris Masters ] You must not have had much in your wallet.

[[ Zing~! ]]

[[ This is the worst looking plane ever. And out of the cockpit comes the pilot. He stumbles a bit, and eventually opens the doors for the four SGW stars to walk through, and they do, only to find themselves ridiculously close to one another. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] I knew I shouldn't have let you handle this, Paul.

[[ The pilot then comes over the loudspeaker. ]]

[ Pilot ] Oi mates! I'm your pilot today. To your left and right, you can see some.. well, seatbelts, and other useless stuff... and the most important thing on this ride, beer. And to my left and right, I can find some empty beer cans, and this big joystick thing.

[[ Chris' look of discomfort quickly turns into one of anger. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] YOU BOOKED A FLIGHT WITH A DRUNK FUCKING PILOT!?

[ Paul Heyman ] I didn't necessarily tell them to make him drunk, but the opt class pilots were pretty pricey.

[ Chris Masters ] God damn you, Heyman. This better be worth it. Texas better be like Amsterdam or something. How about you call and rent us out a strip club. AND USE MY CREDIT CARD!

[[ Paul Heyman's shoulders slump. This trip is completely nose-diving. ]]

[ Jackie Gayda ] You can't be too mad at the guy, he's been having money issues ever since ECW started.

[[ It's funny, but nobody laughs. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] Seems like everybody's been having to cut back, even Justin Credible has had to change his lifestyle

[[ We break from the tense flight to bring you to Target. A young guy, mid-20's, walks up to a register with a ton of groceries, and gets them all scanned. The price comes up. ]]

[ Justin Credible ] 143.59.

[ Jim ] Ohh man, I forgot every penny I own back at home... damn.

[ Justin Credible ] Wow, buddy. Now I've got to go restock all of this shit. Not the coolest thing you could've done. Douchebag.

[[ Jim pats Justin on the back. ]]

[ Jim ] It's not the coolest. It's not the best. But, my friend, that is Just Incredible!

[[ Jim climbs up onto the register and raises his hand in the air, a loaf of bread resembling the kendo stick Credible used to use. ]]

[[ Yeah.... ]]

[[ Back in reality, right where we left off. ]]

[ Jackie Gayda ] This piece of shit, I'm surprised he had a loudspeaker.

[[ The pilot then turns around from his seat, rubbing his bald head. ]]

[ Pilot ] I don't, I was just talking really loud.

[[ Chris shakes his head. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] Being drunk should be against the law. Period. If you're sitting, flying, walking, standing, wrestling, under the influence, the cops should arrest your ass.

[ Jackie Gayda ] Then comes Steve Austin.

[ Chris Masters ] Steve Austin is one of a kind. He's living under the influence. Even if he doesn't drink, he drunk. It's about time SGW gets a world champion they're proud of. Now, I know my match this week isn't for the belt, but it's one hell of a warm-up.

[ Jackie Gayda ] Didn't you already have a warm-up?

[ Chris Masters ] You call Simon Dean and Chalmers a warm-up?

[[ Jackie leans in. ]]

[ Jackie Gayda ] Chalmers?

[[ Chris slaps himself. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] Booker T. Anyways, that's no warm-up. I'm a world class athlete. The only warm-up suitable for me, is a match with the man himself. And at Total Destruction, it only gets better, because when I make him tap for the THIRD time at Total Destruction, the belt will come home.

[[ He runs his hands along his stomach. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] This is where the United states belt should've gone, and this is where the World title will be.

[ Jackie Gayda ] Ricky Steamboat won't ruin your match this time.

[ Chris Masters ] Ricky Steamboat doesn't ruin anything anymore besides his pants. I gave him a Masterlock that would make a guy as old as him begin looking at life from an entirely new perspective. From a hospital bed.

[[ Sid gives Chris a high five, almost yanking Chris' arm out of socket. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] None of Austin's old pals to ruin my match, and when I'm done, no Austin to ruin SGW. It's time the world got a taste of what the Masterpiece can do.

[ Sid Vicious ] You tell 'em, Chris.

[[ Sid is obviously playing cheerleader. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] The eyes of SGW fans will be peeled, and they'll witness the one thing they've been waiting for since the day Austin started his reign as champion. For Chris Masters, the most entertaining.. athletic.. and best looking guy in Solid Gold Wrestling HISTORY. To topple this "beast" that is Sandman.

[[ Heyman bumps Chris. ]]

[ Paul Heyman ] It's Steve Austin.

[ Chris Masters ] Oh, right. They're both idiotic drunks who love to beat their wives. Who cares which one I'm Masterlocking next? When they're compared to a true athlete, a man with a body that even Da Vinci couldn't chisel from stone, they're both amateurs. I don't care how many world title's he's won. He's just like Sandman in my book...

[[ He points towards Jackie. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] And we know what happened to him.

[[ Jackie locks her hands in Masters' famous pose. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] Jackie had a field day with him. And just like she did with Sandman, I'm going to walk into that ring and beat Stone Cold. And Ricky Steamboat won't be there to raise the wrong hand, and Jeff Jarrett won't be there to tag me out at the last second.

[[ Chris yanks the camera over, filling your screen with the Masterpiece. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] Do you think anybody gives a shit about how you broke your neck and you're still up and about beating down jobbers like Chris Daniels? Try being good for a change, Steve. Ever since you got handed that World Title belt, you've been the best. Suddenly, nobody can stop you. You're looking at the one guy who's going to change all of that.

[[ Pointing towards himself. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] I've taken on bigger, I've handled stronger, I've fought tougher. Hell, let's be honest, I have beaten BETTER men then him! The fact that I'm nearly undefeated, nine wins and one loss.. it just brings to mind that the Masterpiece calls all the shots wherever he goes, whenever he wants! And it just so happens, that you, Steve, picked a bad time to try and get.. in MY FACE!

[[ The camera zooms back out, getting all four in the picture again. Heyman looks as though, he's, well, he's laughing. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] There's nothing funny, Heyman.

[[ He stops. ]]

[ Paul Heyman ] I think you're a little overconfident, Chris. This guy's a five star athlete. He's the world champ, for Christ's sake. I've seen what he can do, from ECW, all the way through WWF and now, in SGW. You're not used to facing this kind of talent.

[ Chris Masters ] I get it. You're the expert now! You know all about me, don't you Heyman?

[[ This doesn't look good. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] So, Chavo Guerrero, wasn't that kind of talent? Chris Benoit, wasn't that kind of talent? They were both stars in ECW, and you're putting them under Steve Austin? Triple H, Hulk Hogan, I've laid some big names to rest, Paul. Steve Austin isn't anything I'm not used to. He's not some new breed of wrestler.

[[ He pauses. ]]

[ Chris Masters ] He's not... the masterpiece. But if you want to talk trash to me, tell me that I'm not ready for Stone Cold.. a guy who's claim to fame is drinking beer and beating women, then you're sadly mistaken. I'm the Masterpiece, not him. You want to mention his numerous world titles, come talk to me after Total Destruction, and we'll see who's got titles then.

[ Sid Vicious ] Jackie has titties...

[ Jackie Gayda ] Titles, not titties.

[ Chris Masters ] Listen, guys, I can't promise I'll walk out of Total Destruction with a win, but I can promise you that on Stroke there will be sweat... there will be blood... and there will be a winner.

AND YOUR WINNER IS
THE MASTERPIECE.

[[ The plane suddenly jerks horribly. Being thousands of miles above any kind of 'soft landing' you don't want to have the plane shaking. Chris gets up, and stands next to the cockpit. ]]

[ Paul Heyman ] What's wrong?

[ Chris Masters ] The pilot's fucking passed out!

[[ DRAMAZZ~!!~~!1ONE. The cameras follow Masters, noticing a pyramid of beer cans surrounding the pilot like a wall. The plane then takes a turn for the worse. ]]

[[ Static. ]]

[[ Fade to black. ]]