|| production no. seven || record 05 - 00 - 00 || next match world warrior vs. chris benoit || the trophy cabinet SGW: Gold Of The Week [1x] APW: Television Champion [1x], Successfully Defend TV Title [First Ever], Ring Of Dreams Epic Elimination Finalist [1x], World Heavyweight Champion [Longest Reign], Successfully Defend World Title [First Ever], CWF: Tag Team Champion [2x], Hardcore Champion [2x], United States Champion [First Ever], World Championship Tournament Finalist [1x] CWE: Television Champion [First Ever] RW: Premier Champion [1x], Double Jeopardy Participant [1x] ECW: Tag Team Champion [Only] || fell before greatness Rhino [1x] Carlito [1x] Triple H [1x] Steve Corino [1x] Chavo Guerrero [1x] Michael Shane [1x]

' Two-For '

MIKE .. FN .. ADKINS

Fade Up SGW Logo

[[ In Loving Memory Of Gillberg. ]]

We Miss You

[[ We fade up in Tokyo, Japan. World Warrior is only hours away and we find ourselves inside of a tailor shop. Chris Masters is standing, his arms up at his shoulders and a very sexy tailor measuring his waist. ]]

Asian Tailor: You suh, are Tirty-Fy inches.

Chris Masters: Listen, Horseshit, measure my waist, not my dick.

[[ She looks at him, confused. ]]

Chris Masters: Never mind. Run along and make sure that belt fits PERFECTLY on my waist.

[[ She puts her hands together and bows before walking away, Chris takes a seat in the lobby next to the rest of his entourage. ]]

Paul Heyman: Chris, I've got to hand it to you, you decide to bring us to the weirdest places, at the most random times, and bring the camera guys.

Chris Masters: I'm the Masterpiece, I do what I want, when I want.

Paul Heyman: Then why don't you turn the cameras on when you're bashing on Benoit at midnight?

Chris Masters: Because, it makes for bad television. Nothing but talking about Benoit. He doesn't deserve it.

[[ Chris leans over and takes a sip of some water out of his bottle. ]]

Paul Heyman: He's been wrestling for twenty years or something, he deserves a lot more respect than what you've given him.

Chris Masters: Who's side are you on, Paulie?

Paul Heyman: Yours, of course. But I'm saying, twenty years of wrestling.

Chris Masters: You call that wrestling? Looks more like an oompa loompa rolling around his opponents to me. And it resembles jobbing, an awful lot.

Sid Vicious: REEEEAAAALLL SHARK BOY SHIT RIGHT THERE!

Chris Masters: Thanks, Sid.

[[ Sid nods. ]]

Paul Heyman: Speaking of Sid, where'd you find him?

Jackie Gayda: I got tired of Gillberg.

Paul Heyman: Speaking of Gillberg, where's he at?

Chris Masters: Needless to say, we won't see too much more of Gillberg.. ever.

Paul Heyman: Shame. He was finally starting to grow on me. He's bitten my ankles so much that my skin is insanely tough down there.

Chris Masters: That's great Paul, really is.

Sid Vicious: Not.

[[ The two laugh. Chris slaps Sid on the chest. Sid then stares at Masters. ]]

Chris Masters: Oh, sorry buddy.

[[ Heyman recovers from the pwnage. ]]

Paul Heyman: I guess he's out of rehab then right? I mean, you can't get rid of somebody like Gillberg with a broken leg.

Jackie Gayda: You could, very easily, in fact.

Chris Masters: Yep, fresh out of rehabilitation. Big Sid, The Millennium Ma-

[[ Sid puts his hand over Chris' mouth. ]]

Sid Vicious: I'm NOT the MILLENNIUM MAN.. I AM.. THE MASTER.. AND RULER.. OF THE WOOORLD!

Chris Masters: Oh, right. How could I forget. Silly me.

Jackie Gayda: I don't know, you've been pretty forgetful lately.

[[ Chris cocks his eyebrow. ]]

Chris Masters: Do tell.

Jackie Gayda: Well, you spent all day yesterday talking about how you're going to beat the crap out of Stone Cold. Let me remind you, you've got to beat Benoit first.

Chris Masters: Jesus christ woman, I thought you meant I was forgetting something important.

[[ Benoit Gets Labus'd. ]]

Paul Heyman: Next time, sweetie, don't waste your breathe. I've tried to teach Masters the importance of respect but, it doesn't work.

Chris Masters: There are few people who I need to respect. I only believe in respecting people in greater positions of authority. Christian, because he was the greatest World Champion of SGW; Myself, because I will be the first United states champion in SGW; and big Sid right here... because he's fucking big.

Paul Heyman: What about Val Venis?

Chris Masters: He's like Benoit. Val beat Tom Cruise to win the belt. Anybody.. could beat Tom Cruise. Except maybe, Austin.. or Benoit, yeah.

Sid Vicious: OHH FUCK BENOIT!

Chris Masters: See, he fits right in with the rest of us. And even more so, he's beaten Benoit, just like I have.

Jackie Gayda: No you haven't.

[[ Chris puts his hand up to his forehead. ]]

Chris Masters: Have beaten, will beat. Have, Will. Four letters, same thing.

Jackie Gayda: No it's not, just beca-

Chris Masters: Listen here. You wanna find out what happened to Gillberg, go ask him. Oh wait, you can't. Wanna know why? Ask Sid. And after you're done, you can then, and ONLY then, ask Gillberg. Get it?

Jackie Gayda: No.

[[ Chris doesn't even breathe. ]]

Chris Masters: Of course you don't. Point is, you need to stop trying to be pessimistic Jackie.. and start getting on your knees, doing the job you're supposed to do. You're on my side.

Jackie Gayda: I know, I know. Go along with everything you say. Which is fine, except you've got two matches in one night, against two really good wrestlers. They're legends of the industry.

Chris Masters: So was Chavo, look what happened to him. At least I didn't go to Steve Austin's double wad and tear apart his bar-be-cue grill.

Paul Heyman: Compared to the numerous other guys Chris has ripped through, Austin's lucky to only get some verbal ruining, and have his wife talk trash.

[[ The Masterpiece breathes on his fingernails, checks them out, and rubs them on his shirt. ]]

Chris Masters: Yeah, I went easy on him. I figure, he's going to have to go home and cry for a few weeks after his brutal loss, why make him have to worry even more? Bad enough he's going to be eating soup through a straw for a month. So, I cut him some slack. But Benoit, hell no.

Sid Vicious: RUIN HIS ASS!

[[ Sid raises both his fists up in the air. ]]

Chris Masters: Indeed I will Sid, indeed I will.

[[ Chris' cell phone begins to vibrate, he picks it up as that Asian slave comes back out. ]]

Asian Tailor: Uhm, I need ah speak wif Chris Mas'uhs.

[[ Heyman points to Chris, who's on his phone. ]]

Paul Heyman: He's on his goddamned cell phone. Go eat another egg roll.

Asian Tailor: But I-

[[ She stops herself, looking embarrassed, as Chris hangs up the phone. ]]

Paul Heyman: Who was that?

Chris Masters: Oh, nobody, I've got an appointment later today, nothing big. What's she want?

[[ Heyman slants his eyes with his fingers. ]]

Paul Heyman: She need speak wif Chris Mas'uhs!?

[[ He smiles real big, and cheesy, as Chris turns to the tailor. ]]

Chris Masters: Chris Masters, with a T, in the flesh.

Asian Tailor: Uhm, we having'uh prollem.

Chris Masters: What? The belt too big? I don't want to look like some Rey Mysterio impersonator.

Sid Vicious: THE BELT LOOKED BETTER ON ME!!

Chris Masters: You're right.

[[ She ignores that. ]]

Asian Tailor: Well, if my calculayshuns are correct... US Belt won't'ah fit.

Chris Masters: Whoa whoa. Say that again, you went all.. Michael Shane promo on me with the slurring and whatnot.

[[ Pause. ]]

Asian Tailor: Yew too big'ah for da belt.

Chris Masters: I told you to measure my waist... Whatever, I'll make it fit. I've got places to go. You're more aggravating than watching Austin and Benoit's ego grow.

Paul Heyman: Since when do second rate superstars get ego's?

Chris Masters: I know it's a shame.

[[ Masters and his band of merry men, and Jackie walk out of the tailor shop, knowing nothing more than they did when they walked in. ]]

[[ Inside the Master Mobile once again, we see our four favorite SGW heroes. Heyman is sitting between Sid and Chris, and looks rather worried. ]]

Paul Heyman: An appointment, you said?

Chris Masters: Yeah, gotta keep myself in check year round. Check-ups, physicals, the whole deal. I have to be flawless before every match. Even against these part-time wrestlers like Benoit.. and Austin.

[[ He pauses, frustrated. ]]

Chris Masters: Bah, I can't even bear to keep saying their names. All of my one-liners have to end in Benoit, and Austin. It's annoying.

Paul Heyman: I agree. It's like those people who grind their teeth.

Chris Masters: Yeah, because so many people do that.. right.

[[ Sid: Not. ]]

[[ There is a short period of silence. Heyman feeling awkward next to this seven foot behemoth, tries to make more casual conversation. ]]

Paul Heyman: What kind of appointment?

Chris Masters: Ahh, the dentist. I can't go out in front of all my Japanese fans with teeth like Benoit. I've got to keep them in line, and trust me, they are. But having a professional tell you they are as well doesn't hurt.

Jackie Gayda: Benoit's teeth only look like that because he sucks at hockey.

Chris Masters: Just because he's Canadian doesn't mean he plays hockey.

[[ He stops and thinks about what he's just said. ]]

Chris Masters: Yes.. yes it does. And he does suck at hockey I'm sure. He's Chris Benoit, I haven't seen him excel at anything in his life besides tapping, getting pinned, and losing. But, you know, he could've lost those teeth during that span in his career where because he was as short as Mysterio and Chavo and Kidman, he thought he could jump off the top rope and do those crazy ass tricks like 'em too.

Paul Heyman: Too bad for him he failed miserably trying.

[[ Chris laughs, remembering some of Benoit's shining moments a whole two feet off the mat, mid-air. ]]

Chris Masters: Yeah, like that time when he tried that diving head butt to the outside of the ring through two guys and eight tables.

Jackie Gayda: Try one guy, and one table.

[[ Chris waves his hand for her to hush. ]]

Chris Masters: Yeah yeah whatever. Anyways, right after his Jeff Hardy moment, old guy realizes something. He sucks at life. And on impact, messes up something in his back and doesn't wrestle for another year or so.

Sid Vicious: HAH IDIOT!

[[ Heyman gives Sid the plainest, dumbest, omg look ever. ]]

[[ Sid, didn't you get pwnd off the top rope? ]]

Chris Masters: Yea Sid uh.. no.

[[ Cut It Out. ]]

Chris Masters: Heyman, I've got a brilliant idea for you three bundles of joy to go do while I'm at the dentist.

Paul Heyman: My my Christopher, what on earth could it be?

[[ Captain Sarcasma. ]]

Chris Masters: Go to one of those party shops, and buy Austin and Benoit each a replica SGW United States title belt.

Jackie Gayda: A present, for both of them, after all they've said about you, and me?

[[ Chris turns to the camera in a classic one-liner fashion. ]]

Chris Masters: Yep, because that's the closest they'll ever to get to MY United States belt.

[[ Cheesy smile. Chris pushes a button, turning on the speaker connecting him to the driver. ]]

Chris Masters: Driver, I need you to stop at the closest party supply store.

[[ Click. Fade. ]]

[[ Finally, at the dentist. Chris Masters and Sid Vicious are seen reading through a few magazines. ]]

[[ Chris throws his Newsweek tabloid to the ground. ]]

Chris Masters: Damnit, I've been waiting forever to go see that dentist, and I've got to wait.

Sid Vicious: NOT IF I SAY DIFFERENT!

Chris Masters: Who the hell are you to tell them what to do?

Sid Vicious: WHO AM I!?

[[ Smooth. ]]

Sid Vicious: WHO AM I!? I AM THE MASTER.. AND THE RULER... OF THE WORLD!!

[[ Good job, Masters. ]]

Sid Vicious: What I.. Say.. GOES! PERIOD!

[[ Sid stands up and marches over to the counter pissed off, lunging at the receptionist. ]]

[[ Sly like a fox. ]]

[[ Paul Heyman is seen hunched over, filing through the bottom rack of toys at that party supply store. ]]

Paul Heyman: People these days have no respect for the one and only thing packing people in their stadiums. Especially way over here. About time something other than a video game or a match convention was held.

Jackie Gayda: Aww come on Paul, don't hate on the little Asians.

[[ They're both searching for that replica belt. ]]

Paul Heyman: I could care less. Two words, Neutrogena, and Hypochondria.

[[ ROFLMFAOZ. ]]

Jackie Gayda: Nagasaki.. and Hiroshima.

Paul Heyman: Whatever, fact is, because of them disrespecting us, some Asian guy has three dicks and five balls. Did they not learn their lesson then?

Jackie Gayda: Guess not. But hey, three dicks isn't bad..

Paul Heyman: Slut.

[[ Well, needless to say, Chris Masters is now in a chair, getting checked by a dentist. ]]

Dentist: Well Chris, your ways of persuasion are unique, but so are your teeth. I've never seen such fine specimen

[[ Chris attempts to talk, despite having two hands and four tools in his mouth. ]]

Chris Masters: Bvuyoregjhk, gwlagda.

Dentist: I agree. I bet you're in top physical condition as well?

Chris Masters: Ybyouvre, vry uesoo ub. Ghtrsyuog.

Dentist: A favor, for me? Well, I'd be honored.

[[ Yeah, he's an American dentist in Japan... it pays more. ]]

[[ Chris reaches into his pocket, pulling out a folded sheet of paper that he hands to the Dentist. ]]

Dentist: An oompa loompa?

Chris Masters: Mm. Fniuoe.

[[ He throws it down and hands the Dentist another one. ]]

Dentist: Ahh, Chris Benoit. I see. What can I do with this? Sign it or something?

[[ Chris spits out the tools. ]]

Chris Masters: HAH! You actually want to sign that thing? I'd rather you sign his cousin.

Dentist: Who's that?

[[ Chris looks at the oompa loompa. ]]

Dentist: Benoit's an oompa loompa?

Chris Masters: There's a few striking resemblances. The height.. for one. Horrible hair styles... lack of wrestling skill.

Dentist: Oh, right right.

[[ Yeah. ]]

Chris Masters: So, find me his dental records. I wanna know how often this guy gets checked up. I hope it's often, so his feelings would get hurt a few times a month by dentists and whatnot.

[[ Enter impression mode. ]]

Chris Masters: Sir, your teeth are absolutely horrible. These x-rays are as messed up as your move list. Hell, there's probably even a tooth for each one of your corny go home lines.

Dentist: He doesn't have too many lines, I don't think.

Chris Masters: Point.

[[ ZING-er. ]]

Dentist: Says here his last appointment was in 1970.

Chris Masters: 1970!? You sure that wasn't his FIRST appointment?

Dentist: First, last, and only.

Chris Masters: Wow.

[[ Chris stands up, and checks the screen for validation. ]]

Chris Masters: It's true. He goes to the dentist about as often as he wins matches..

Dentist: Oh, no way. Just a few weeks ago I saw him spankin' Steiner. And Jericho before that.

Chris Masters: Yeah, whoopee. That's like 'Oh, I beat Chavo and Michael Shane in a handicapped match'. I'd kill myself if anybody lost to some curtain jerkers like them. Hell, if I knew that somebody was in the finals of a tournament for something as prestigious as an SGW championship that had lost to Jericho, Steiner, Cactus Jack, Muhammad Hassan, any of 'em. I would retire. Something both Steve and Chris should look into. Because after World Warrior, they're going to have to. How can somebody wrestle in a wheelchair after I break some more bones in his neck for him? Or, how tough would it be to ever recover from something like...

[[ WHAM! POLISH HAMMER TO THE DENTIST! ]]

Chris Masters: Hah. I can't be stopped. I've gone for just about a month now, without a single person even getting CLOSE to beating me. I'm not your average SGW superstar.. I'm a MASTERPIECE! NOBODY CAN COMPARE TO ME!

[[ He looks at the mangled body of the Dentist, you hear those big footsteps of Sid coming towards you. ]]

Chris Masters: I have proved over and over, week in, and week out, that I deserve NOTHING LESS than SGW gold. And finally, after a month, after FIVE MATCHES, I'm going to get it. I'm getting a win to get me to the title match... and then another win, to get me the belt.

[[ Sid storms in. ]]

Sid Vicious: POWER BOMB!!

Chris Masters: No, Sid, Polish Hammer

Sid Vicious: NO CHRIS, POWER BOMB!!!

[[ Oh no. Sid picks up the Dentist, tosses him on his shoulders.. CRACK! POWER BOMB! Sid Vicious slams that poor guy through the chair Masters was sitting in. ]]

Chris Masters: Chris, Steve, look around you, not only at the mangled body at my feet, but at all the names I've dropped. And at how many people that I've beaten have YET to return to Solid Gold Wrestling. Rhino, Carlito, Trips, Michael Shane, Steve Corino. They were all like you at one point. Cocky, arrogant, hot-headed guys. They all thought they could break the Masterlock. They said it themselves. But guess what happened Benoit?

Sid Vicious: HE PROVED 'EM WRONG!

[[ Take that, Justin Hall. ]]

Chris Masters: Corino thought he was King of Old School, and would have me tapping in record time with some, technical, submission, or whatever. Just like you, my favorite toothless midget. He fought me for a few minutes, and then I woke up, and it was over. Masterlock, tap, and the bell rung.

[[ Sid shows us what Benoit's going to look like, tapping to the ever powerful air-Masterlock. ]]

Chris Masters: I've been shaking SGW's foundation since the day I arrived. I beat legends like Chavo, and ended careers. I made people second think ever joining up. And I made the world realize I never come out on the losing end, it just doesn't happen. Ask Austin how it feels to be locked up. To be in so much pain that you, well, you can't get out of. It takes your breathe away, it gets you worried about your life. And then, there's an involuntary action that happens...

[[ Chris taps one hand on his other. ]]

Chris Masters: Tap.. Tap.. Tap.

Chris Masters: And it's at that point, where your entire body is aching, and you don't feel like you can go on, when you just give up.

[[ The door swings open again, entering are the rest of the group, with two replica belts in hand. ]]

Paul Heyman: It was hell trying to find these things, but we got 'em.

Jackie Gayda: Yeah. A REAL going away present. Screw what Christian says.

[[ Chris' jaw drops. ]]

Chris Masters: Are you guys serious? Do you guys want Cornette to shoot on you two? How dare you down-talk the king of peeps like that. Commie Bastards.

[[ They both hang their head. ]]

Chris Masters: Austin, I don't want to ever hear you talk about beating me, because for as many weeks as I've been getting in that ring, and winning, I've also been putting you in the infamous Masterlock, and you cried like the little baby you are. You were tapping your hand on that mat almost as hard as you hit Debra.

[[ He continues. ]]

Chris Masters: As for you Benoit, you may have contemplated leaving SGW, because of your pure lack of any remote skill in this industry but, you didn't leave. I'm here to make up your mind for you. You're normally used to making other people tap, well, you better hurry and perfect the ways of tapping yourself, because this is not a verbal warning. It's a promise. In only a few short hours, which in turn will be the longest hours of your life, you will be in that ring, looking down at the mat, your heart, racing, your lungs, deprived. The Masterlock will be locked in. For both you, and that bald guy, and you'll learn that tapping is the only way out. Unless of course, you want to

FALL AT THE FEET
OF GREATNESS

[[ Everybody files out of the office, Heyman bringing up the rear. ]]

Paul Heyman: Jesus this place is a mess.

[[ Now, for la piece de resistance! ]]

O.L #1: Hello, and welcome to Benoit's cousin's first ever online performance.

[[ The oompa loompa's, in unison ]]

O.L #1-1000: OOMPA.. LOOMPA.. DOOM PA DEE DOCK.

[[ They bob up and down, like an automated Paris Hilton action figure. ]]

O.L #1-1000: IN A FEW HOURS YOU'LL BE IN THE MASTERLOCK.

[[ This is almost as bad as john Cena's new rap cd. ]]

O.L #1-1000: OOMPA.. LOOMPA.. DOOM PA DEE DEE.
IF YOU WANT TO LIVE YOU'LL TAP OUT TO

Chris Masters: ME!!! MWAHAHA!!! 

Sid Vicious: I HOPE YOU FAGGOTS LOSE AS GOOD AS YOU DO LIE!! CUZ THATS WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING ALL WEEK!!!

[[ 'Nuff said. ]]

[[ That's all for you, Gillberg. ]]

[[ And I'm sorry Scott. ]]

[[ Cue up SGW logo. ]]

[[ Fade out. ]]

[[ Static. ]]