|| production no. ten || record 08 - 01 - 00 || next match chris masters/jeff jarret/lance storm vs. booker t/simon dean || the trophy cabinet SGW: Gold Of The Week [1x] Top Match [2x, vs. Dustin; vs. Justin] APW: Television Champion [1x], Successfully Defend TV Title [First Ever], Ring Of Dreams Epic Elimination Finalist [1x], World Heavyweight Champion [Longest Reign], Successfully Defend World Title [First Ever], CWF: Tag Team Champion [2x], Hardcore Champion [2x], United States Champion [First Ever], World Championship Tournament Finalist [1x] CWE: Television Champion [First Ever] RW: Premier Champion [1x], Double Jeopardy Participant [1x] ECW: Tag Team Champion [Only] || fell before greatness Rhino [1x] Carlito [1x] Triple H [1x] Steve Corino [1x] Chavo Guerrero [1x] Michael Shane [1x] Chris Benoit [1x] Shawn Michaels [1x] Hulk Hogan [1x]

' GNC '

MIKE .. FN .. ADKINS

Fade Up SGW Logo

[[ We fade away from our SGW logo and hear only grunts and then a shout. ]]

"BREAK IT"

[[ Paul Heyman's voice is then heard. ]]

Paul Heyman: It's an inanimate object.

[[ Beer. ]]

Chris Masters: IT'S NOT IN-ANIMATE, IT'S IN-FERIOR!

Sid Vicious: Snap it in half, Chris.

[[ The picture fades in, finally, and everybody is huddled around Masters who's holding another beer can in the Masterlock, wrenching it tighter and tighter.. ]]

Chris Masters: I sure hope *grunt* Nick Patrick is watching.

Jackie Gayda: How did he end up in your Masterlock challenge anyway?

Chris Masters: Oh, you know *grunt* he pulled a Bret Hart.

Jackie Gayda: You've got to put him in the Masterlock because he wore pink tights and sunglasses?

[[ Chris takes a moment away from submitting the beer can to acknowledge Jackie's ever-growing blonde-ness. ]]

Chris Masters: No. The other kind of Bret Hart. Montreal Screwjob. Cost Lance Storm his Television Title.

Paul Heyman: Some people will just never learn.

[[ BAM SPLASH! The beer can explodes sending alcohol everywhere. ]]

Chris Masters: By the looks of things, they're going to start learning. Especially after what they see me do to Nick Patrick. Who does he think he is, god? Does he think he writes the script around here?

Sid Vicious: Maybe he's like Mark Twain. You know, maybe he's got a pen name. Maybe he actually does write the show.

Chris Masters: So, Josh Smith, the creative juicer backstage... is really just Nick Patrick?

Sid Vicious: Could be.

Paul Heyman: Yeah. I've never actually seen this 'Josh Smith' guy face to face. Could easily be Nick Patrick. Or Austin.

Chris Masters: That could explain how he got the title.

Sid Vicious: No, that was Randy Orton's fault.

Chris Masters: Sid, Randy's dead! Watch your mouth.

[[ Sid hangs his head. ]]

Chris Masters: But hell, if Nick Patrick is really writing these shows, I'm smelling Masterlock Challenge screwjob. He'll have somebody come out and knock me out cold, so he can say he broke it.

Paul Heyman: You have some wild imagination, Chris. How about you stop worrying about Nick Patrick? He's a referee for Christ's sake.

Chris Masters: You're right. If big Dave Batista can't break the ol 'Lock, Nick Patrick.. haha.

Paul Heyman: We took his steroids away...

Chris Masters: Ehh, so what?

Jackie Gayda: Yeah, he's still got no chance.

Chris Masters: Finally, Paul, after all these months, Jackie FINALLY sees the light.

[[ She's a wee bit confused. ]]

Paul Heyman: But, she's still a dumb blonde.

Chris Masters: Undoubtedly.

[[ Chris then looks at Sid. ]]

Chris Masters: Sid, man, you going to clean this shit up? We've got beer everywhere.

Paul Heyman: Chris, you put it-

Chris Masters: ...Siiid?

[[ Sid walks to the other side of the room to fetch a mop and begins to clean up the beer that Chris Masterlocked all over the place. ]]

Paul Heyman: You know, you've got some match this week.

Chris Masters: I sure hope you're joking.

Paul Heyman: ...No. Booker T, five time WCW Champion... and Simon Dean, inventor of the Simon System.

[[ Chris cocks an eyebrow. ]]

Paul Heyman: Well, like, Royce Gracie. He invented his own way of Ultimate Fighting, and nobody could beat him. What if Simon Dean has found some, impenetrable wrestling technique?

Chris Masters: Paul, the only thing that's impenetrable about anybody in the SGW is my Masterlock. WCW is dead. And they're like APW compared to us anyway. King of the low carders sure as hell can't break the Masterlock. And no Simon System will be able to break it. I promise.

[[ Paul sighs. ]]

Paul Heyman: I give up. There's no way I can talk you out of thinking you're superman so... whatever. You're superman.

[[ Sid picks up his head, holding the mop by his waist. ]]

Sid Vicious: I <3 Superman!

Chris Masters: CLEAN!

[[ Damn. ]]

Chris Masters: And Paul, I'm not superman, I'm the Masterpiece. And SGW seems to have forgotten that. Have you heard Simon Dean's threats? I can't believe a guy with the smarts to make up his own protein shake could be so stupid as to tell the world that he, of ALL people, can break the Masterlock.

[[ Heyman chuckles. ]]

Paul Heyman: Simon Dean. What a character that guy is. I swear, it's because of people like him, guy's who get to have say in their gimmicks and such, that brought down ECW.

Chris Masters: And because of your All-Star cast of guys who, well, STILL, cannot break the Masterlock. Rhino, Steve Corino, Chris Benoit, Alexis Laree. You ever see those guys tap?

Jackie Gayda: Alexis is a girl.

Chris Masters: HAH! That's like saying X-Pac enjoyed fucking Chyna.

[[ They all stare at Chris. ]]

Chris Masters: What?

Paul Heyman: She really is a girl.

Chris Masters: ...Oh my.

[[ Chris' face goes pale for a second. ]]

Chris Masters: You mean, guys like Raven, actually get laid?

Paul Heyman: I'm sure it's a rare occasion... but yes.

Chris Masters: Some girls are just desperate I guess.

Paul Heyman: Must be.

[[ Chris ponders. ]]

Chris Masters: That's like fucking a bum. Old, dirty, homeless....

Paul Heyman: Sad, I know.

Chris Masters: Now I feel much better after putting her in the Masterlock. Dating Raven? She deserved it.

[[ There is an awkward pause, followed by a drastic change of subject. ]]

Chris Masters: So.... how about that Simon System?

Paul Heyman: Meh, I don't know Chris... seems like a hoax to me.

Chris Masters: You know what Paul, you might be right. But, there's only one way to find out for sure.

Sid Vicious: FIELD TRIP!

[[ Indeed. ]]

[[ We open up inside of a GNC store. ]]

Paul Heyman: Now, tell me again, what the hell are we doing at a GNC Store? You know how long it's been since I've been inside one of these places?

Chris Masters: Judging by the number of X's before the L on the tag on all of your clothes.... a long time.

Jackie Gayda: Majority of your life, most likely.

Paul Heyman: Jackie, I've only got one thing to say to you... silicon.

[[ Jackie grabs her obviously fake tits and scowls Heyman. ]]

Chris Masters: Stop it, you two. We're here for a very important reason.

Paul Heyman: I hope so. It better be worth my time.

Chris Masters: Trust me, it is. We're going to find out just how good the Simon system really is.

[[ Heyman can't believe what he's hearing. ]]

Paul Heyman: Chris, you fool! You've let those subliminal advertising methods that Simon used in his ten minute to sway you into actually trying it!? If anything, I'd say the Simon system turns you gay.

Sid Vicious: Heh. Simon, Jeff, Mike... all fags.

Chris Masters: Paul, you shouldn't worry about a thing. I'm the Masterpiece, there's nothing that can bring me down. Not some Richard Simmons wanna-be, nor his faulty ass shake. Here ya go Paul, go up there and order up a large Simon system shake.

[[ Reluctantly, Paul walks up to the counter. ]]

Paul Heyman: Excuse me, but I was wondering if I could get a shake?

[[ Behind him, Masters mocks Heyman to Jackie and Sid. The guy behind the counter, is rather buff, and can't help but look at Paul weird. ]]

GNC Man: Well, yeah, as long as you pay for it.

Paul Heyman: Of course I'm going to pay for it, idiot.

GNC Man: Woah. My bad. Yeah, what kind of shake do you want?

Paul Heyman: The Simonizer. Large.

GNC Man: I already knew you wanted a large, but, whatever.

[[ He begins punching stuff in on the computer in front of him. ]]

Paul Heyman: Asshole.

[[ The guy laughs, knowing he could take out Heyman as easily as anybody could beat Mr. 243-0. ]]

GNC Man: Here you go.

[[ Heyman gives the guy the money, and gets his shake in return. The man gives Heyman the cheesiest smile ever and Heyman walks back to the posse. ]]

Paul Heyman: People these days are such dicks. Here's your shake, Chris.

Chris Masters: Good job Paul. I guess.. bottoms up.

[[ He yanks the straw out and rips the lip off of the cup. He looks at the contents, shakes it up a bit, and just as he's about to down it, a voice is heard coming from the other side of the store. ]]

The Voice: DON'T DO IT!!11!!ONE

[[ Chris stops and looks around. ]]

The Voice: OVER HERE[PERIOD]

[[ The four walk over to a table on the other side of the store, next to the windows looking out at the street. ]]

Sid Vicious: Tables can talk?

[[ Spoiler: It's a guy underneath the table. ]]

Chris Masters: It's SGW, anything can happen.

The Voice: OMFGZ~! DON'T DR1NK THAT SHAKE!!~!@

Chris Masters: Why not? I've got to be a man and prove that anything Simon does, I can do better. I might even start putting out the Masterpiece System. I bet it'll taste twice as good as this concoction.

The Voice: WARNING: SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE DROWSINESS, VOMITING, DIARRHEA, AND HOMOSEXUALITY.

[[ The Masterpiece doesn't need to be spoken to in English to understand. ]]

Chris Masters: So that's why he promotes this crap. He expects one of his opponents to be gullible enough to actually try it. Then, they'll either get sick, tired, or turn gay, and he'll have an easy victory.

Paul Heyman: Unfortunately for you, that gullible son of a bitch was you.

Chris Masters: No wonder he thought he was going to break the Masterlock.

[[ Chris tosses the shake right in the trash. ]]

Chris Masters: Nice try, Simon. Trying to make me all woozy and tired for our match? It wouldn't have mattered. It's not just me you've got to worry about. How about the reigning greatest TV Champion ever, Lance Storm? And the man who is single handedly taking this entire industry by storm, Jeff Jarrett? SGW Hall of Famer. And even if I was tired, even if I did feel like going to sleep, I could still beat you. You're nothing to me.

[[ He spits into the trash can right on top of the shake. ]]

Chris Masters: I don't care what you or Booker say about being the first men to break the Masterlock, or whatever it is you guys say. I'm sick of hearing it. It's like listening to a broken record. You wanna break the Masterlock? Well you're damn well welcomed to step right up to the plate and try.

[[ They begin walking out of the store, Chris obviously ticked off ]]

Sid Vicious: Key word TRY.

[[ Chris shakes his head as they begin walking down the sidewalk, back to the hotel, you can assume. ]]

Chris Masters: I just don't understand how somebody can think they can beat me. I'm not Booker T... I'm not Chris Daniels... I'm not the damn Spirit Squad. I'm Chris Masters. Now, granted, I was gone for a while, with some injuries and surgeries and whatnot. But I'm back now. And this week, I'm going to show them what I can do. What I used to do before I left. And after I demonstrate to everyone that I'm not just some average SGW wrestler.

[[ An oncoming biker begins to pedal towards them, Masters simply pushes the guy down. ]]

Chris Masters: In case you all were in some sort of Simonizing Trance... I'M IN THE WORLD TITLE MATCH! Three men got picked to be in that match. I guess that means they're the three best wrestlers in the company, right? And if two of them are in the same match... I think it's safe to say who's going to win.

[[ Again with the big blocks of talking. ]]

Chris Masters: So Simon, give up the little act you got going on. You can't try to act like a badass if you wear a blue spandex suit, wear a microphone in your ear, and are constantly mimicked by two guys in thongs. You've pissed me off Simon.. and for that, you're going to


FALL AT THE FEET
OF A MASTERPIECE! 

[[ The camera stops following them, letting them walk right past the lens and watches as they walk away, getting smaller and smaller with each step until... ]]

[[ Cue up SGW logo. ]]

[[ Fade out. ]]

[[ Static. ]]