time: 9:30, morning.

day: saturday, the nineteenth.

place: bailey's bay, bermuda. engel residence.

(And the words repeat in my head, like a broken record at a party. The same thing, over and over. "En nomini patri...". I can't believe she's gone, for good. It doesn't feel like she's gone, at least. It feels like she's right here, next to me, in my bed. I wish she was, but that would be just a dream.)

(I open my eyes and finally awake from a disastrous sleep, my alarm clock says nine thirty. I don't want to get up, I don't want to train, I don't want to work out. What's the point? It doesn't seem the same without her. I close my eyes again, hoping to catch another quick snooze before I really have to get up. I like setting my alarm an hour before I really have to get up, that extra fifteen minutes of cat-napping really helps. The time passes and I open my eyes again and stretch in my silk sheets. Nothing feels better than lying on silk, nothing. You could have sex with the likes of Angelina Jolie and Rachel Leigh Cook simultaneously and it wouldn't feel as good as sleeping in silk. I sit up and feel the sheets slide off me and I spin my legs to touch the floor. I feel the presence of someone in the room with me, but it's probably just my imagination and familiarity with Mia usually being next to me.)

(I feel a hand graze my back and rest on my thigh. The hand looks familiar. I turn around and look - wishing I never would have. My skin color turns pale, my voice doesn't seem to operate, my eyes are fixed on something I'd thought I'd never see again. I wanted to be happy, I wanted to be relieved, but I was fucking petrified.)

Mia: You look like you've seen a ghost. What's wrong?

(A ghost? No, I'm sorry, I thought you were fucking dead. I start to stammer and mutter out words, but nothing that any human being can understand. I jump out of the bed and just lose my mind because I have no idea what's going on. I watch her get buried yesterday and now she's sleeping in my bed? What kind of fucked up dream is this? Or is it a dream? I run into my closet and grab a pair of pants and a shirt, quickly putting them on like someone just caught me with someone else's wife. I didn't even bother to grab my keys on my way out of the bedroom, where I wanted to go wasn't far. I slipped on my shoes in the kitchen and exited the front door - sharpish. I passed the corvette in the driveway and had about a quarter of a mile before I hit the road. My driveway was long for some ridiculous reason, I think Mia wanted it. She WANTED it, as in doesn't want it anymore because she's dead. Right?... Right.)

(I reached the driveway in a desperate sprint to escape the insanity in which was my home. I ran down the road until my body pumped battery acid. Then I ran some more.)

(I finally reached my choice of destination, the cast-iron gate entrance of the Kelser's home. I could see down the driveway and I didn't want to deal with this bullcrap at the front, but I'm sure a guard or Rain would have my head if I climbed over. I hit the intercom button and a familiar voice came over. He asked me who it was and I answered, which lead to the gate opening immediately. I ran down the driveway and finally reached the monstrosity of his fountain and circular marble driveway. There was no one in the world more I wanted to see. For some reason, I knew he had the answers. I knew he knew what was going on. That's what best friends are for. I reached his front door and rang it at least a half a dozen times. I didn't care who was there and who wasn't, I didn't care who was awake and who wasn't. I needed to see someone. I needed to talk to someone, and not someone that I thought passed away. The door unlocked and opened and there stood Thunderwolf; still struggling to jump into a pair of cargos - which by the looks of still visible Ralph Lauren boxers and Jets themed slipper socks - indicates he was most likely in bed before I came over. His curly brown locks of hair were a mess as well. He asked me to come in and I came in right away, taking off my shoes of course because they were dirty from the long run. I wasn't quite out of breath, but I was breathing heavily. He asked me if I ran over here, and I nodded my head. He smiled at me, then laughed. He commented that something must've scared me shitless if I didn't take the vette. I shot him a look of fright and his smile turned to stern. He knew that he had hit the nail right on the head. We walked around a bit in his massive mansion, but we finally came to a rest at the kitchen table - mahogany, of course.)

Thunderwolf: ...so like, why am I awake before noon again? (He notably went back to rephrase what he said once his eyes adjusted and he got a good glimpse of the expression on my face.) Everything all right man? You look stressed the fuck out, what's on your mind?

virus: No..not everything is alright. I had an incident this morning and it just shook me beyond belief. Just needed to see a friendly face. Is everyone else sleeping? I didn't mean to be a bother, but I had to see you.

Thunderwolf: It's cool man, that's what I'm here for, and uh yeah...kids are tucked in, Misty and Enika are upstairs, Rain's probably finding something new to bitch about, and Natasha's probably boozed up in the pool house. So what's botherin' you anyway?

virus: Uh...well, I don't know how to exactly explain this, but here goes. I was having a terrible dream last night and when I woke up this morning, Mia was lying next to me. I swear, man. She was there, she touched me and spoke to me. I had to come over here and see you because I'm starting to lose it man. I need some help coping with this. I thought I didn't need it, but I guess I was wrong. Do you have any ideas or suggestions? Maybe I should just see a shrink or something, hallucinations are just wrong.

Thunderwolf: Yeah uhm, dude, Mia's fine. She had a bout with scarlet fever and we were pretty worried about her a few weeks back, but she's quite well now actually.

virus: What? You think this is fucking funny dude? She's dead. I watched them bury MY MIA yesterday; don't fucking tell me she had some scarlet fever and she's okay now. I don't even know what scarlet fever is. She had breast cancer, she died because of it, and those no-good assclown doctors couldn't even help her. Don't mess with me, man, now's not the time. I came over here for help, not to have you mess with my mind.

Thunderwolf: ...Matt, she's fine man. I'll be the first to admit, we thought what she had was going to take her out, but she's fine now. Probably worried sick about you too, since you're not at home with her. Furthermore, you really need to see a doctor dude I've been trying to convince you to for months, and you just won't listen. You keep coming up with shit like this, and...I just don't know what to do anymore Matt. I'm the closest friend you've got, and you know that, and I'm telling you, you need help. I can't go on pretending like you're fine, cause frankly, you're not.

Do you remember the first time you came over and told me that Mia had breast cancer and you couldn't deal with it? Yeah, I went along with it the best that I could, 'cause you're my bud and all and I just thought whatever this was would come to pass and you'd eventually be all right, but that's not the case. You've got some serious issues. Maybe you had a dream that she had cancer, maybe you just imagined it, but no one has EVER diagnosed her with anything of the sort. She just had Scarlet Fever, and I assure you man, you can walk over, pick up my cell, and call her right now for yourself man. She's perfectly all right.

virus: I can't believe you're doing this to me. She's not alive, okay? For the last time. SHE IS NOT ALIVE. Do I need to spell it out for you? Why don't you believe me? This is such bullshit. Fine, I'll "call" her, where's your cell?

(I hear footsteps approaching Dustin and me and see Enika standing before us, looking very tired and sleepy. I probably woke her up by yelling at Wolf, but I didn't mean to. She sits down at the table with us and I go back to being silent and normal..and depressed.)

Thunderwolf: Nika, would you please tell your brother that Mia didn't die?

Enika: Huh?

Thunderwolf: Exactly my point.

Enika: No, what're you talking about...I just woke up...

Thunderwolf: Last you checked, Mia was still alive, right?

Enika: Yeah? Why? Is something wrong with her now?

Thunderwolf: Nope, healthy as a horse most likely. All things considered, of course.

virus: So you're telling me she had scarlet fever for 3 months...got better..and still lives with me? She's not dead or fucking buried in my backyard, or anything? So it was all just a dream? And I look like an idiot for even being here? Yeah, right. Nice joke, guys. Real cute. REAL FUCKING CUTE.

Thunderwolf: Ask yourself, why would I lie about something as serious as this? Matt, you've got a fucking problem man. The two people on this earth who care about you more than anyone, outside of perhaps your wife who again I emphasize is alive, wouldn't pull this kind of shit on you. Like I said, call her. This is too fucking weird for even me to handle dude...

Enika: Matt, just pick up the phone and call her.

(I hesitate a little, because I really don't believe them. I can see Dustin's cell phone sitting on the kitchen counter - near the coffee-pot - on his phone charger. This is such crap, I don't need to call her. Why? She's dead. They're the ones who need help, not me.)

virus: No, I'm not going to call her. Why? Because you guys are lying right through your teeth. I'm not as dumb or as crazy as you think I am, okay? So whatever. I came here for help, but you guys just want to play a sick, twisted joke on a man who's lost the only thing he's ever loved truly in his entire fucking life. I could give a shit about wrestling, my house, the money, all of that nonsense. Mia was my only true love, and now she's gone. And you dare make fun of it? I can see through these games you two have been cooking up, but your wife can't. Whatever, fuck this. I'm outta here.

Enika: What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

Thunderwolf: Yeah dude, you're totally out of fucking line. What's Misty got to do with any of this?

virus: Oh you damn well know.

(Wolf and Enika look at each other nervously, wondering - just wondering. I throw Enika a stern look, get up from my seat, and head toward the front door. I can hear them calling me back in the kitchen and Enika actually coming after me. I reach the front door, unlock it, and open it up, but I wasn't ready for it. I feel my body melt, my spine collapse, and my mind cave in. Mia was nice enough to greet me at the front door only to kind of catch me from my faint, but I hit the marble anyway. My mind turns into total blackness...)

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