Day by day
I feel it slippin’ away
The more I stumble
The more I fade away

 

Cause I’m Broken....

Why am I still here?

Better yet ... Why am I even still alive?

Many have wondered if I did like somewhat disappeared off the face of this fucking planet. Crazily enough, it’s been rumors in the newspapers here and elsewhere. My damn mother even called me wondering if something bad happened. The way I felt ...

I had those thoughts again ...

Those thoughts that kept a loaded pistol to my forehead, playing with death to it’s fullest intent had come back yet again ... fucking with me like ‘child’s play’. My ex left me for a stupid asshole ... my son, he’s steady here by my side ... but, as of late he misses his mother. Meaning I’d have to keep visiting New York just so he could see her, instead of her bringing her ass over here on this side of town to visit her son.

As of right now .... fuck all

That’s exactly how I felt. Out of control ... a ticking time-bomb. Many think of me as this ...

“Kind-hearted, ‘such a sweet fella’ kind of guy, Very Intelligent”

I’m not intelligent nor sweet ... not at times like this. The point of your life where your career is basically ‘washed out’. Out of sync and trying to find his way back onto the golden path of success like he once was in Majestic. I look back at Majestic, and I see pain, sweat, blood, and glory. I haven’t found one of those yet. What happened in Majestic brought me to where I am now ...

All I can ever do now is just basically show up and win. If not, the rise and fall of Cedro Martinez will surely be in the store sometime soon. I had something to prove, and I had to dig the fuck down, snatch it out and hold it up with pride.

Well it’s a Dark Match ...

 

Might as well show them what's still left ...
__________

 

I had nothing more to say or do. My career, my life, my family … of what I thought I once had now all faded away. All I had left was Tristan. All he had was me and his ‘bitch’ of a mother, Jacinthia. Last we met was a couple of weeks ago. Uptown New York … lavish place that she threw herself onto … courtesy of the ‘new guy’ she was able to land.

I knew in a matter of time, she was going to try taking what’s left of me. My son, Tristan. He was the resemblance of me … a bright future ahead. The fight and pride of a true champion. All she would do is spoil him rotten to the maximum and let him grow up on his own with no guiding light. If that ever chose to happen …

I’d truly just say fuck it and hit “auto-pilot”

Wherever it will take me … straight to the top or whether crashing hard into the concrete pavement, a hundred-fifty stories high. The sky would be no limit if all came to that point. A lot was surely on my mind. Scrambled and swapping around, making it even harder to fucking focus on anything that was needed to be taken care of.

Tristan rolled around on the wooden floor playfully as he played with his little toy truck. Dressed from head to toe in black and red fashion, Tristan was showing off his good grain of hair as it gleamed from the sunshine while he moved around. It was moments like that which made me forget about all and just enjoy what was in front of me.

“Daddy … Can we go to Disney World?” Tristan asked as he paused in his playful setting.

As I rose my head up and away from the couch, coming to a upright ninety-degree stance, I couldn’t help but smile at his questions. It would be a far ride from here. I just continued to smirk as he awaited an answer of some sort.

“Sure …. But not today, Tristan …”

“Oh man …. “

His smile had suddenly inverted quickly as he slowly went back to playing with his toy truck. I shook my head as I knew he wanted to go but to be honest … things had to be straightened out enough before any kind of fun-related activities such as that would progress.

“Maybe next weekend …. Okay?” I said, hoping next week would be okay with him.

“Yeash … that works …”

“Good!” I said quickly as I re-applied a fake smile back onto my face. I wasn’t happy at all, due to the ongoing shit that was happening. However, somehow, someway … Things were going to get better quickly for me.

A knock at the door was heard as my eyebrow rose up wondering just who it may be. Wasn’t expecting anyone or ordered anything. As I got up, Tristan stared all the way to the door as I looked out the peephole before smiling and laughing as it was a good ol’ friend of mines … Jamie. I hadn’t seen him in years I believe. There he was, at my doorsteps, same funny face and crazy hair-do. I finally opened the door before greeting him as we were both loud.

“Dude, … Where in the hell have you been?” I said in excitement.

“That’s what I should be asking you … It’s been a long-ass while …” He said as I quickly hushed him up, before pointing towards Tristan.

“Whoa! … Who’s the little one …?” Jamie said with a surprised stare.

As said before, we haven’t seen each in a long while …

“That’s Tristan … He is what keeps me going day in and day out …”

“I hear that …!” He agreed with a smile and nod.

“So what’s been going on, stranger?” I asked,. Wanting to know all of what was going down since we last met up.

“Not a lot man … just work and girls … and work … then girls …. Then finally work …. Crazy lifestyle.”

“You’re right about that …. You and those crazy ass girls you continue hanging out with …” I said, with a laugh.

“Speaking of chicks, mate …. What happened to that lovely lady that used to cling on the side of you like a snap-lock?” He said, looking around slightly. My face quickly grew pale as I just looked at him.

“She … eh …. Left!” I said quickly before walking over to the wall, leaning.

“Left? … Man that was one hot chick to just up and leave the man they call the ‘Speeding Bullet’ …”

“Yeah, she left …”I said, before shrugging my shoulders carelessly.

As I answered the question quickly, I just stared right through the small picture that stood brightly on the fireplace mantle, as it was me and Jacinthia … full of smiles and love. As I moved in closer to it, My right arm just whacked it off the mantle and onto the wooden floor, as the glass plate just shattered completely. Jamie looked at me, stranger than ever as he was trying to figure out just what the fuck was that for. The scene just quickly turned black.

________

Hit me like you'll never see me again.

Yeah, it’s best choice for me to show up this week ... or else I could be given my pink slip and escorted out by the security. *Gives Shifty Eyes*

Well, no need to worry, I’ll be there. I know I’ve lost some of my fanbase. I know I’ve fallen down the ranks, as if I thought I was already at ‘low point’ ... I’ve dugged down beyond the surface. With all that’s happening, the last thing on anyone’s mind is having to hear about some cheap Mexican in Bakersville, California that is sobbing and throwing out all of his thoughts in what could be his final match ...

Who could give a flying fuck about this douche’ and his problems?

To be totally truthful, I could care less as well ... I need to get back on pace, and although I hate going back on this distasteful route ... I think it’s needed. Needed to the point, I will do whatever the hell it takes to finish a task.

MJSC ... Michael Jay .... St. Claire ..... Michael Jay .... I truly wish you the best of luck in this battle. Don’t take this in an entirely different way. No, I’m not tending to boost the little confidence that you still hold at the moment. You and me face one on one in that ring. I can’t remember if we’ve faced off before ... single reason to that ... I don’t feel like flashing back and right now isn’t the time to look back in the day.

I understand you haven’t been haunting people as you’ve done in the past. The Great Australian Shark ... Heh, Infested Waters that I’m entering. Well let me just say ... that little river is no longer infested. I’m coming to clean that river of any kind of bacterial waste. The bacterial waste, representing you, Michael ...

Now, I don’t know and don’t care whether you get this message or not. However, if you do and choose to reply back with a promo full of choppy lines and supposed punch lines about the word ‘Mexican” and “Illegal”, ... prepare for one of the worst beatings of your life. You may be bigger .... taller, and more of brute force than I ... but I live in a world of common-sense. Where stupidity is considered ‘dead’ and whomever choose to live the ‘stupid lifestyle’ will be decomposed.

I’m not here to listen to an hour filled of bullshit and lies. You and I have to battle, and if you haven’t experienced a 120 miles per hour roller coaster before, then I suggest you get your stomach ready for the most craziest, hellacious, dizziest ride of your motherfucking life, my friend.

I truly wish you the best with your preparation ...

 

You’re sooooo going to like .... need it!