SCENE 01: JUST LIKE A BOY SCOUT

As the scene opens up, the shot is zeroed in on a television, which has X-Men the movie playing on it. Sabretooth leans in towards Storm and whispers.

"Scream for me..."

An eardrum-peircing scream echoes through the room, bouncing off the walls as the shot moves out away from the television. Now anyone that's watched pro wrestling for, say, the last ten years, knows exactly who that scream came from. The world's most famous screamer.. aside from Jamie Lee Curtis, of course.. the lovely - and obviously psychotic - Daffney. To that description, we can now add WCW's latest acquisition. That's right, the mentally tweaked diva has been hired to mingle among the.. rather normal divas.. and we all know how that usually goes.

As she sits on the couch inside her locker room watching the movie, we take note of what she's wearing.. and in some cases, what she's not wearing. Chainmail top, jeans, chainmail accessories, a green heart-shaped pendant on a chain.. and no shoes.. or socks, for that matter. Her jet black hair is up in two ponytails, one on each side of her head a la Abby from NCIS.. or rather, a throwback look from her earlier days.

As she sits, avidly glued to the tv screen, she doesn't notice 'Mean' Gene walk in without announcing himself. He simply stands there like an idiot next to the couch she's sitting on, waiting.. like she's going to notice him and instantly start an interview out of nowhere. Much like Regal would say, 'Not bloody likely'. As the movie comes to an end, she vaguely becomes aware of the new presence in the room, turning her head slowly towards Gene. Instead of the usually cheerful, sugar-driven tone she has, her voice is low and gravelly.

"Geeeet ouuuuut..."

Gene, not expecting this, has no idea what to do. He simply stands there, staring at Daffney like she's grown two extra heads or something similar. Obviously this look is funny to her, since it makes her fall over onto the couch, laughing. When she recovers, she sits up and pats him on the shoulder.

"I'm just screwin' with ya, Gene! How've you been lately? It's been quite awhile, huh? At least a few years."

She stands, getting to her feet, and walks past Gene to the mini fridge. Opening it, she grabs a soda can and holds it up, looking at Gene.

"Soda?"

"Um, no thank you, Daffney."

"Good.. I don't like giving out my sodas anyway."

Shutting the fridge door, she stands up, opening her soda before taking a long sip. Sighing contentedly, she grins at the can then over at Gene.

"Nothing like the first sip from a cold soda.."

She goes over to the couch and sits on the back of it, dangling her legs off of the edge. Holding the can in her lap, her eyes peer up at Gene.

"So.. lemme guess.. you're here for the 'what are your plans for WCW' type interview, right? The ones the noobs always get, whether they're noobs or not, asking how they like it so far, what their goals are, who they wanna go after, whatever." She nods. "I've gotten kinda used to those.. so used to em I kinda expect them.. SO! You know what I did?"

Gene's head slowly moves side to side.

"No, Daffney.. I don't. What did you do?"

Reaching into her back pocket, she pulls out a folded peice of paper. Offering her soda up to Gene, she mutters 'hold this' as she unfolds the paper she's produced. Only she can see what's written on it, so she decides to tell him exactly what she has.

"Gimmie my soda.. thank you.. now! In case you were wondering, this little paper here," she waved it around for effect, "is a list of answers I'm prepared to give you to all those noob questions. Go ahead, ask me one.. betcha I'll have an answer for it!"

Startled, Gene gets a rough start on the questions he usually has.

"Alright.. so what brings you to WCW?"

She stares up at him, blinking a couple times, probably out of disbelief.

"Are you kidding me? I give you the chance to ask a noob question so I can use my handy peice of paper and you go and ask an uber noob question?" She sighs. "Gene.. how long have you been in this business?"

"I don't know, Daffney.. I'd have to say close to forty years by now. My debut was in nineteen-seventy-four."

"Then you should know better than to ask the uber noob questions by now, Gene. Get with the program... BUT.. since you asked, I'll answer it.. without even using my cheat sheet. I am here simply because Dr. Stevie said I should broaden my horizons. That I should go to another company to meet a new set of expectations, and I believe I can. In fact, I'm sure I'll exceed them. Now.. ask another one.. and make it good."

"You said you were here due to Dr. Stevie's insistence. Is this the same Dr. Stevie that Abyss has been seeing? The one that some say has been urging him to become violent?"

"Actually, it is.. who says two people can't see the same doctor? I'm sure Dr. Stevie has tons more patients other than Abyss and I. His list must be filled with patients that he sees on a weekly, sometimes daily basis. There's no reason at all to discredit Dr. Stevie. He's a damn good doctor, and he's very helpful.. which brings me to your next point. There is no way in the world that Dr. Stevie is encouraging Abyss to be violent. He's just trying to get him to see that he can control his anger issues with a bit of work. I've been going to Dr. Stevie for years, and he's never once been rude or violent towards me. If that doesn't speak for his value, then what does?"

"Indeed.. in fact, when is your next appointment?"

"Oh! It's in..." She glances at her watch and jumps up from her sitting spot. "It's in ten minutes! I've gotta go, Gene."

Quickly kissing Gene on the cheek, she grabs her vinyl jacket with the metal clasps (it strangely looks similar to the one Edge wears to the ring) and, with her hand on the knob, turns to her longtime co-worker.

"You'll lock up for me, right? Course you will.. cause you're responsible like that. I'll see you later, Gene!"

And with that, she's out the door, shutting it behind her, leaving Gene to stand there, speechless.

"And there you have it, WCW fans.. the newest.. diva to grace the roster.. Daffney."

Well, almost.

SCENE 02: DIAGNOSIS: INFINITELY CRAZY

As the scene opens up a second time, we are in the familiar office of Dr. Stevie, Daffney and Abyss' psychiatrist. The room hasn't changed a bit in it's furnishings or decor since we were last here, but Daffney, who's currently staring at all of his framed degrees and various other decorations as if she's never seen them before. The opening and shutting of a door is heard off to the side as someone enters the room. Turning, Daffney squees and cheers, obviously happy to see the person. As the camera pans over, Dr. Stevie comes into the shot, smiling and holding his notepad as usual.

"Well.. I see someone's happy to see me. How are you today, Daffney?"

"I'm always happy to see you, Dr. Stevie.. you've helped me more than you'll ever know.. and I'm doing just fine, thank you."

Putting her hand on the back of the couch, she hops over it and sits down on the couch, Indian-style, waiting for Dr. Stevie to take his spot and start thier session. Slowly, deliberately, he does, crossing his legs at the knees like most therapists tend to do. Setting his notepad on his lap, he looks at Daffney, who resembles a small child, ready for storytime.

"So since last week, when I told you to broaden your horizons.. to meet a new set of expectations with a new company, what's been happening? Have you done what I've requested?"

"Yep! I signed up and was accepted to WCW. My first match is this coming Monday on Nitro."

"Good, good.. who are you against?"

She makes a face that says she isn't all too pleased with her choice of opponent.

"Stacy Keibler.. the human pogo stick."

He laughs at her description, both of them knowing Stacy rather well from their earlier days. Most would say that the description is rather accurate, save for Stacy herself.

"I'm sure we both remember her rather well, don't we? Aside from her being infinitely skinny, what else do you remember about her?"

"Um.. she's a former Nitro girl.. she used to be called Miss Hancock.." She snickers at this. "Years later, and that still sounds wrong.. um, she used to be a Ravens cheerleader.. and we both know what I think of cheerleaders.."

"Mhm.. all of those are correct.. but what do you remember about her? Her personality, her voice, her skill in the ring.. things like that."

This answer requires a bit of thought, obviously, since Daffney doesn't answer right away like she did last time. After a few moments, she replies.

"Honestly, she wasn't that memorable. She's your average boring little blonde with no brains. I mean really, Dr. Stevie.. if her being a cheerleader says nothing about her lack of brains, what does? The dog I saw on the side of the road, licking it's own balls has more brains than she does."

Another laugh comes from Dr. Stevie.

"Alright, anything else? Anything aside from her wrestling career?"

"YES! She was on Dancing with the Stars! Yanno, for a dancer, she really sucked. Yeah, she placed third and all, but that just means she didn't suck as much as everyone else did. The judges were like 'yeah, she sucks, but they suck more, so they go first'. It was like path of least resistance, suck style."

She sighs, thinking again before continuing.

"I think she was also a Maxim model or whatever.. she made thier top 100 thingie.. and here's the thing.. she didn't even get in the top ten! Both times, she was in the second half.. once as number eighty-nine, and the other as seventy-seven. Iono about you, but that says 'you're ugly' just as good as anything else."

"Well what if she says that you couldn't get in Maxim or on Dancing like she was because of the way you look?"

"Would I even CARE about getting into those vapid little side-jobs? Um, I think the answer is NO. Maxim only wants stick thin, brainless little Barbies - which I'm NOT - and Dancing wants eyecandy that can dance - again, which I'm NOT. So she shouldn't even go there cause I could care less about what little projects she's done to entertain the hundreds of men that think anorexia is hot."

"What's your strategy for beating her? Do you have one yet?"

"Yeah, I have one. Hope it rains on Monday then take her outside and let the wind snap her in half like a twig."

She laughs at this like it's the funniest thing in the world. To her, it most likely is.

"Really, Dr. Stevie.. I do have an actual strategy. I just don't wanna tell anyone cause they might tell her, then she could know exactly how to beat me. It's a loooot better if I keep it aaaaall in here." She taps her temple with her finger.

He chuckles at her statement, nodding. "Alright, fair enough." He checks his watch. "It's nearing the end of today's session, but here's what I want you to work on - I want you to do your very best to defeat Stacy, both in your mind and in the ring. Learn what your next match is - your opponent, any stipulations, the whole thing. When you know, tell me at our next session. Think you can do that?"

She salutes him like a Marine would. "Yes sir!" She laughs.

"Good, good." He stands up, signaling the end of thier session for today. "I think we made some progress today, Daffney. I'll pencil you in for next week like always."

"Woot! Yay for progress!" She laughs. "I will definitely be here next week, Dr. Stevie. I always am."

"Good, Daffney.. glad to hear it. I'll see you then."

Opening the door for her, he allows her to leave his office. Shutting the door behind her, he sits back down in his chair, making notes on Daffney and their session as the scene fades out.