SCENE 00: THE FORWARD

YES! Finally, another win! We told those blonde bitches we'd show them and we did. Granted, they aren't the ones we wanted, but they'll do for now. Next up we have a title match.. a title match! Can you believe it? We can't. Best of all.. it's in an Elimination Chamber.. nobody in or out besides us and the five most undeserving people we've ever met. They'll get thiers.. they all will.. even the Beautiful People.

SCENE 01: ANYTHING FRENCH IS BAD..

We and Maryse have somethings to work out.. particularly why the hell can't she just speak English and be done with it, but more than that, what the hell was she thinking, thinking a can of hairspray and a flimsy little DDT would take us out? The girl has issues.. never more than we do, but she does. Come Hard Justice, we'll be more than happy to sort out all of her issues for her.. while we rake her pretty little face against the hard, cold steel of the cage. In addition to her, we have four others to contend with, who want the pretty peice of gold and leather that we do. They'll be insanely easy, though.. we can almost gaurantee it.

On the way to Jersey, we and Stevie stop at a well known restaurant to get something to eat. It's to be a long drive, and we'll need to refuel both our bodies and our vehicle at least a couple of times a day on the way. This is only stop number one. As we pull the door open, a few patrons look up out of habit and it's then we get the weird looks. They're shrugged off, of course.. it's nothing new to us. Never has been, never will be. Following Stevie up to the counter, our eyes automatically go up to the menu, looking over the choices. Looking back down at the guy behind the register, I glance behind him at the kitchen.. and frown in confusion.

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
Wait.. no cows? How do you get the meat without cows?

PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST || Dr. Stevie
The burgers are frozen, Daffney.. they don't actually butcher the cows here.

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
[We pout.] But I wanted to see bloodletting! I wanna see them go after a cow with some cleavers or something! What fun is a burger joint without actually doing the killing of the cow first? None, that's what! It's just standing around and putting thawed out patties on a plain ass bun!

PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST || Dr. Stevie
Forget the cows, Daffney. Which one do you want?

We look back up at the menu, still pouting over the missed slaughterfest, and point to one once we've decided.

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
That one. At least if I don't get to see the slaughter, I get to see the aftermath.

PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST || Dr. Stevie
[Sighs] Fine. [He turns back to the cashier.] Ah, one number four and one number six, both with large sodas and fries.

Nodding, the guy punches in the order and reads it back to Stevie while we scan the restaurant for any threats we may not have noticed while walking in. Seeing none, we go to turn back to the counter, but get distracted by one small thing: a boy, seemingly no older than seven, is staring at us as if we are some form of alien. Frowning, we stick our tongue out at him and turn our backs, only to recieve two large plastic cups from Stevie.

PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST || Dr. Stevie
Go get the sodas while we wait, Daffney.. and try not to make a mess.

Saluting Stevie in a joking manner, we lazily walk over to the dispensers and put the cup under the ice machine's funnel. Pressing the button, we fill it with ice, stop, swap the cups out, and press the button again, filling the other cup. Taking both cups, we move over to the drink fountain and look over the choices. Knowing Stevie will want coke, we put one cup under that dispenser then choose one for ourselves.. red Hawaiian Punch. Grinning, we put our cup underneath that one and press both buttons at the same time, filling both cups almost to the brim. Taking our fingers from the buttons, we find the appropriately sized plastic tops and snap them on before grabbing a couple of straws and a handful of napkins.

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
I got everythiiiiing!

PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST || Dr. Stevie
Good. Now go find a seat for us.. I'll get the food.

Almost bouncing down through the scattered sets of tables and chairs, we find a good one on one side of a divider that's set up a few feet away from the door leading to the playground area. Setting our drink on one side of the table and Stevie's on the other side, we put the napkins in the middle and sit down, waiting on Stevie to join us. As we sip on our drink, something pops up on the other side of the divider, getting our attention since we can see it out of the corner of our eye. Slowly turning our head, we notice that it's the boy from earlier, peeking over the wall to get a better look at us.

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
What do you want, pipsqueek?

PROFESSIONAL ANKLEBITER || Andrew
...You look weird.

Okay.. little or not, this kid's gonna die. We can see it already. It's just a matter of when and how.

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
And you're ugly. What's your point?

PROFESSIONAL ANKLEBITER || Andrew
Why do you look like that? Halloween was last year.. are you trying out your costume for this year?

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
I look like this to make brats like you ask questions.. and no, this isn't a costume. Now sit down and eat before I waste a good soda by dumping it on your head.

The boy disappears, obviously having sat down to eat with his mother, who apparently hasn't noticed her boy annoying other patrons. Typical.. kid goes on a rampage, mother sits there like a useless zombie. World's full of em these days. Stevie joins us finally, the tray full of food.

PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST || Dr. Stevie
Here's yours.. [He hands our food over to us.] ..and the rest is mine. Try to eat as quickly as possible.. we have a long way to go.

Unwrapping the burger, we take the top bun off, exposing the contents. Ton of lettuce.. two pickle slices.. one tomato.. barely any ketchup, mustard, or mayo.. thin ass patty.. yeah.. typical restaurant burger. Frowning, we take some of the lettuce off, setting it aside on the paper. What do they think we are? Rabbits? Putting the top bun back on, we flip the burger over, taking the bottom bun off this time. Taking the patty between our index finger and thumb, we hold it up for Stevie's inspection.

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
See this? This thin, greasy, grilled to death thing? This.. is what those five girls are gonna look like come Sunday. As I once heard an announcer say, their face is gonna look like hamburger. [We point to the hamburger patty.] Hamburger. I'm not sure if he meant raw hamburger meat or cooked, but he said it. [We put the burger back where it was, picking up a french fry.] And these.. French fries? Are the French out to get me or something? First Maryse with her yelling in my face, trying to scalp me, and DDTing me on the title.. now french fries! Next thing you know, it'll be french bread, croissants, and pastries coming after me. When will it end?!

PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST || Dr. Stevie
I don't know.. now hush and eat so we can go. You're going to put us behind schedule with your paranoia.

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
Paranoia? Nonono.. this isn't paranoia. This is cold hard fact! The French.. are out.. to get me! I won't let it happen, though. I won't. I'll take out Maryse.. she's their ringleader.. and it'll be done. I'll have taken thier instruction book away from them and they won't know what to do! Oh, and according to what Frenchy said, she's with CM Punk's little group, too.. so it'll be another blow to them. I never knew taking down one annoying blonde chick could do so much! It'll be helping so many people! Imagine how many people CM Punk's annoyed with his little holier than thou speeches about drugs, drinking, and crap like that. I know I'm annoyed. I mean.. I take drugs every day.. six pills. You know this cause you gave them to me to shut the voices up.. and he's saying this is wrong! Imagine that! Taking my meds is wrong!

PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST || Dr. Stevie
I think he meant taking more than what I prescribe you is wrong. Now eat. I was done five minutes ago.

Picking up the burger, we stare at it, thinking of the five starlets we have to face Sunday, and take a big bite of it, envisioning thier heads where the burger was. This victory.. just like this burger.. will be delicious.. and the title will just be the icing on the cake. We grin at Stevie as he shakes his head, letting the scene fade out.

SCENE 02: DARKER THAN DARKNESS..

Inside a recently commandeered kitchen, we now stand in front of a large grill, a metal bowl sitting on the attached table. Looking into it, we notice that it's filled with raw hamburger meat. Grinning at the camera with a look that says we're incredibly happy to be in front of something that can hurt people, we start talking about this coming Sunday.

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! That's when I'll be put into a cage.. or rather a elimination chamber.. and unleashed upon five worthless so called starlets. Three blondes are better than none, I suppose. I'm only after one in particular, though.. and I'll deal with her later. For now.. to reflect on how I'll look with that nice shiny belt around my waist. Granted I'm not the one to wear white, especially in leather, but it'll do.. as long as it tells the little blonde bimbos around here that I'm the best, I truly don't care what it looks like. It could look like it's been through hell, with scratches everywhere, missing gems, and the leather coming apart.. I still wouldn't care. Hell.. it'd be made for me if it were like that, honestly. At least Little Miss Perfect Maryse wouldn't want it. That'd make me even happier. And her clones, the Beautiful People? Same thing. They wouldn't want something so 'ugly'. They'd probably throw it in the trash or get it replaced, knowing them. Either way, no matter how it looks, I, like every other chick here want it, and I won't stop until I get it.. or destroy every blonde here.. whichever comes first.

We scoop up a handful of the raw meat and shape it in our hands, making a long tube shape out of it before plopping it onto the hot grill, where it sizzles. We do this twice more before moving on.

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
First up, one of the bitches I wanna get my hands on so badly that I have no words for it.. Madison Rayne. Yeah, Beautiful Hobag.. I haven't forgotten what you and your sorority sister- like morons you call friends did to me and Alexis. You locked me in a storage closet, making me have to bust my damn elbow open to get out and you beat down Alexis and stuffed her in a trunk. Things like that, though I may not trust Mitchell as far as I can throw his fat ass, deserve a little payback.. and while your bootie buddies may not be in this, you are. All by your little lonesome, on the inside of a cage, where they can't get in and you can't get out. Doesn't sound too peachy, does it? Didn't think so. Alexis may not be in this.. but I'll get revenge for her as well til she can get a shot at you for herself. You, my bottled blonde buddy, are in for a universe of hurt.

We scoop up another handful of meat, shaping it into yet another tube, and plop it onto the grill next to the last three we'd put down. We then move on to the next person in the match.

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
Next.. another blonde I wanna get my hands on.. Sable. Yeah, yeah.. you handed me my first loss. Woo-hoo. Doesn't really matter to me anymore. I'm sure it doesn't matter to you, either, but I felt like bringing it up. Why? Because you, like Madison, deserve to be paid back for that. I don't even know why you're in this, to be honest. Won't the sagging skin on your ancient-as- Mae-Young body weigh you down to where you can barely move? Did you get more than that one easy win you started out with when I wasn't paying attention? True, that's easy to do, but not my point. Point is, you don't deserve this shot, and you never will. So you joined Stacy and Torrie's little group. Big deal. What're you trying to do, recapture some of that long lost youth? Good fuckin luck. That crap is long gone and is getting further away as we speak. If you wanna get it back, try this.. have a kid. Then you can vicariously live the rest of your days through her.. provided you live past your one-hundredth birthday.. which, as far as I can remember, is only a few days from now. August eighth, right? Yeah.. good luck with that. This match will most likely be your last.

Scooping up another handful out of the bowl, we shape it like before, before putting it on the grill away from the last peice. We do this again, putting this peice horizontally next to the last, just before moving on to our final blonde.

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
Last and probably least of the blondes in this thing, that little chocolate puff, Maryse. Just thought you'd like to know that my head still fuckin hurts from that DDT you gave me.. and trust me.. this match is all about payback. Just like Madison, you have the most coming to you. You throw that useless can of hairspray at me, DDT me on MY title, and attempt to shave my head. I'm sure you would've gotten the last laugh had Alexis not stepped in, but trust me.. either way it ended would've gotten you taken out by me at some point. Whether it's now or some time in the future, you would've gotten what you deserve.. and the bad thing for you is.. it's now.. and it's for your precious title.

Taking half of what's left in the bowl, we shape it and put it down on the grill before continuing.

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
I still don't know what the hell you said to me then.. and honestly, I don't care. You could've told me that you're really a guy who likes wearing women's underwear, and I wouldn't have known it.. and I still wouldn't care. Granted, I would've told everyone if that was it and watch you suffer in ridicule, but I wouldn't care. The only thing I care about right now is taking that title from you and claiming it as mine.. and that'll be as good as done come Sunday. Bank on it.

Taking what's left, we shape it just like the others and put it down before leaving the grill and walking out of the kitchen. The camera pans down and shows what was made with the meat before fading to black, and it was only one word: DIE.

SCENE 03: GET SHORTWINDED.. QUICK.

Walking into our hotel room, Stevie finds us sleeping in a black lace camisole and panties set. For a minute he pauses, debating on waking us up, but he does it anyway, putting his hand on our belly and shaking us slightly.

PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST || Dr. Stevie
Daffney.. wake up. We have an interview to get to.

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
[We roll over on our side, muttering in our sleep.] Nnn.. five more minutes, Adam..

PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST || Dr. Stevie
[Muttering] Adam? Who the hell is Adam? [Shakes Daffney again] C'mon and get up already.. get dressed, all that. You have fifteen minutes.

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
[We open one eye, sighing.] Fine..

Getting up, we dig in our bag for a fresh outfit and go into the bathroom to change and put on our makeup. As the door shuts, Stevie sits on the bed, looking at the television, which is playing Rain's most recent promo.

PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST || Dr. Stevie
Why's this on?

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
I was watching it after we got in. I took a shower and changed to relax while she was babbling with Eve, then sat down to watch it, listening for whatever she said about me.

PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST || Dr. Stevie
What'd she say? Anything worth noting?

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
Iono. I fell asleep about halfway in. She takes too fuckin long to get to her point. She's gotta learn to sum it up for the people who either don't care or don't have the capacity to pay attention for long periods of time. Unfortunately for her, I come under both headings.

He laughs as we come out of the bathroom, dressed in a black lolita style outfit with red laces up the front of the bodice, black combat style boots, red leather choker, and red makeup accenting our eyes. Our lips are painted blood red and our hair is limp and wet, obviously from the shower earlier. Crossing our arms in front of our waist, we look at him and try to ignore the fact that we think he looks hotter than the fires of hell. His hair is tied back neatly into a ponytail, and he's dressed in all black with the only bit of color noticeable in his outfit being the white lettering on his official psychiatrist's shirt. When he moves just right, we can see the tattoos on his right shoulder.. and that makes us want to explore further to see if there are any more.

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
So you said we had to go somewhere?

PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST || Dr. Stevie
[Nods, standing] Interview on UPW's new weekend show, Overkill. JB hosts it. It's gonna be taped at the arena, so we need to leave.

The scene fades out as we leave the room with him and it fades back in as we walk into the room that's being used for the taping. Fake walls are set up to simulate a background and a semi-circular table is in front of it with one stool on one end and one stool in the middle. JB is currently sitting on the one in the middle, reading over the questions he has written down for us to answer. Looking up, he grins at us, looking as dorky as ever.

PROFESSIONAL IDIOT || "JB" Jeremy Borash
Hey, guys. Come sit down. We'll start in a minute.

We go over to the table, Stevie taking the stool while we stand beside him. He crosses one leg over the other, wrapping his arms around the one on top and lacing his fingers together. Our hand finds it's way to his shoulder as we stand closer to him, marking our territory in a way.

PROFESSIONAL IDIOT || "JB" Jeremy Borash
Okay, so are you two ready to go? We only have a couple of hours before the pay-per-view starts, and this is going to show before it during that preview time.

We both nod and the crew starts counting down from five. Once he hits 'one', the camera starts recording and JB does his thing.

PROFESSIONAL IDIOT || "JB" Jeremy Borash
Welcome to the first ever edition of UPW's Overkill. I'm your host, "JB" Jeremy Borash, and sitting beside me are clearly two of the most unique induviduals you'll ever find here in the company. Of course I'm talking about Dr. Stevie and Daffney. [The camera pans over to show them.] Now Daffney, you didn't have too good of a start here in UPW, but you've clearly made your spot here known over these last few weeks, mostly with your recent win over Torrie and Stacy Keibler. What I, as well as I'm sure the fans, want to know is what you're going to do with this belt situation.

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
Iiii'm sorry, JB.. but what belt situation? I haven't heard of one.

PROFESSIONAL IDIOT || "JB" Jeremy Borash
Well the one regarding you, Alexis, and Maryse, of course. You and Alexis are in the Women's Tag Team Tournament, fighting for the right to become the first ever UPW Women's Tag Team Champions, but you yourself are against Maryse tonight for the Starlet's Championship. What if you win in both situations and become both half of the Women's Tag Team titles and the Starlet's Champion?

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
[We shrug.] I'll just keep em both. I see no problem or situation, JB. I'll just be a double champion and be done with it. Just like any guy who's up for a single's title like World and is up for the Tag Team titles would. Now stop being stupid and ask a better question.

PROFESSIONAL IDIOT || "JB" Jeremy Borash
Alright, well back to Alexis, then. Have you spoken to her since X-Fire? How is she? Is she healing well since the attack by the Beautiful People?

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
What are you, President of her fan club or something? No, I haven't spoken to her, but from what I've been hearing, she's having personal issues. Iono what they concern, but if she can use that pain for fuel, then she'd better. As far as her healing process goes, she saved my ass after Maryse attacked me, so I assume she's fine. If you want any more updates, try asking her. I'm sure she'd give em to ya.

PROFESSIONAL IDIOT || "JB" Jeremy Borash
Well I know you spoke of Sable, Madison, and Maryse earlier, but what of Rain and Melina, the other two women in this match? Do you have anything to say about them? You can start with Rain, if you like.

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
...Who the hell is Rain?

PROFESSIONAL IDIOT || "JB" Jeremy Borash
She was known as Felony when she arrived here a few weeks ago. She was dating Jeff Hardy, and is now seeing Tyler Black. She has just recruited James Storm.. I'm sure you'll remember him.. as her bodyguard.

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
Oh, HER! Okay, I gotcha. Go ahead.

PROFESSIONAL IDIOT || "JB" Jeremy Borash
Do you have anything to say about what she said concerning you? She pretty much said that she and you are kindred spirits since you're both of the hardcore variety, but she'll still have to defeat you in the match if she wants to win, and it seems like she really does.

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
JB, can I say how glad I am that you told me all that? Cause I was watching her promo earlier, and I actually fell asleep before she did anything worth talking about. I mean first she's yapping with Eve.. that's when I went to take a shower.. then she was with that dude Tyler.. I think I was brushing my teeth then.. then she yapped with James Storm.. I'd actually settled down enough to see that part, but by the time she got to talking about me or the match, I was so tired, I'd gone to sleep. The girl is worth knowing to me since we're a lot alike, but I wish she'd get shortwinded or something. She talks far too much for me to pay attention long enough to hear all of it. Anyhow, yeah, like I said, we may be kindred spirits or whatever, but this isn't about making friends. This is about getting the Starlet's Championship away from Maryse, and I intend to do that.. even over her lifeless and battered body.

PROFESSIONAL IDIOT || "JB" Jeremy Borash
Okay, how about Melina? Former girlfriend of John Morrison, former girlfriend of Dave Batista, former WWE Divas and Women's champion, former Tough Enough competitor, appeared on Celebrity Fit Club.. she was even cited by Bret Hart to be the best wrestler in the world in many ways.

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
She's got a lot of former's, doesn't she? I really don't care what Bret Hart has to say. He probably said it to get her attention so he could be her next boyfriend.. something she doesn't have a lot of taste in.. aside from Morrison, who's currently with one of the Beautiful Bimbos. Doesn't say much for him, does it? From one ugly chick to the next. Seems to be a pattern with him. Just the same, Melina, no matter what she's been or who she's been with, will not win this. I can pretty much gaurantee it. She doesn't belong in this match, no matter what management says. She hasn't done anything to impress me, and to me, that matters. Get my attention and then we'll talk. Til then, you're just as useless as the rest of these blow up dolls.

PROFESSIONAL IDIOT || "JB" Jeremy Borash
Alright.. well that's all the time we have for this edition. I thank you, Daffney, and you, Dr. Stevie, for joining me, and I wish you the best of luck in your match tonight. [He turns to the camera.] Fans, that's it for this episode, but stick around for UPW's Hard Justice, starting in just thirty minutes.

As the cameras shut off, we and Dr. Stevie leave the crew and JB to do whatever they need to to straighten up the room. As we head for the locker rooms to get prepared for our match, we look up at Dr. Stevie.

PROFESSIONAL PSYCHO || Daffney
Stevie, there's something we have to talk about.

Before anyone can find out what it is, the scene fades out, leaving the fans to wonder just what it is they need to discuss.