January 1, 2008

We see Shannon Skanes making his way into the building when a cinder block almost drops on him. Hanging from a rope, it spins and we see the words, "I'm back." We then go to the opening credits while "Coming Undone" by Korn plays and we see images of Tommy Purr, Hoshi, Frank Merritt, Vigilante, and Jack Spade before we head to ringside where Henry Lesher and Ricky Simms are ready to call the action.

Flava Tryouts

Shengee stands on stage, in complete early 90s Vanilla Ice garb. He looks proud as he takes the microphone and looks out to the crowd.

Shengee Shmelky - Yo yo yo, I gives you Flava 2008!

 From the back, we see Ingee Shmelky and Sarah Darling step out onto the stage. The crowd has a mixed reaction of cheering and laughter. It is hard to tell which is happening more.

Shengee Shmelky - People are always asking me, saying 'Yo Shengee, what happened to da Flava? I tell them that da Flava is alive and well yo! Flava is all about bein' da best in da world yo. We are gonna show the hip hop world what real talent is yo. Hit it!

Instead of hearing Flava's new track, we hear the Batman theme and we see Adam West stepping out onto the stage where he gets a tremendous pop from the crowd. He shakes his head and takes the microphone from Shengee's hands.

Adam West - Look, Shengee, this is a losing option. I know we all want to show the world how overrated Justin Timberlake is in a world where Christian Bale can become Batman. I mean, clearly you need a real man in the role. What was with that terrible dragon movie he did and why does a man who look suspiciously like Rated R warrant a spot as Batman anyway?

Shengee Shmelky - Yo Adam, I hear you. I really do. I just know now is my time to shine.

Adam West - No, I have asked to have this postponed until Battle of the Warriors. You see, your hatred of Christian Bale clouds all that you do.

Shengee Shmelky - Yo, I don't be hatin' on Bale yo.

Adam West - Look, you're a boy band? What's with that thing with the breasts? Shengee, you need to think this over.

Shengee Shmelky - Darling said that's a birth defect yo. He know this is a boy band yo.

Adam West - Please reconsider this, Shengee. Look, even Frank Merritt stayed away this time. Think about it.

Adam walks off and the crowd boos as we are denied a performance by Flava.

Ricky Simms - Adam shut this down. I guess we'll hear them sing at Battle of the Warriors then.

Henry Lesher - Thank God Dante is back. I see three cinder block targets for him.

Backstage we see Myst with Crystal Braun.

Crystal Braun - It is our understanding that you will be entering this year's tournament.

Myst - No, I won't be entering the tournament. I will be winning the tournament.

Crystal Braun - What prompted this?

Myst - I see no better way to challenge people like Dante and Vigilante. Besides, I get to celebrate the exit of Rated R from this company in style.

Crystal Braun - Your thoughts on him officially quitting the company two weeks ago?

Myst - How do I feel about losing an employee who once tried to kill me? I feel pretty good about that, actually.

Crystal Braun - But he was a headliner, a moneymaker in a company still missing the likes of Gerard Angelo, Parker Davis and Maybon.

Myst - *shrugs* We have real star power here, no need for any of them right now. Once I win this tournament, people will see why I am still the best in the business.

CWA Dodgeball

We look to an area cleared next to the stage where Mrs. Robinson, Jack Spade and Hoshi Yakamoto stand ready to do battle in a triangle shaped Dodgeball court. The nearby referee, Casey Braun, blows a whistle and the three stand at the ready and wait for the first person to make their move.

Henry Lesher - This is stupid.

Ricky Simms - The fans seem to enjoy it.

Henry Lesher - They had a tailgate party before tonight's event. Most of them were eating paste. The fans are idiots.

Hoshi draws her hands back, her eyes fixed on Mrs. Robinson. Hoshi is then completely caught off guard when Jack Spade hits her with his Dodgeball. Mrs. Robinson then takes a throw at Jack, but he ducks it while a protesting Hoshi is taken off the floor. She has a few unkind words towards Jack Spade. He just smiles and retrieves one of the balls while Mrs. Robinson does the same. He then exchanges some trash talk with Robinson while the fans cheer Jack Spade on, actually starting a chant for him.

Ricky Simms - Jack Spade has really developed into a fan favorite.

Henry Lesher - Like I said, these people eat paste.

Robinson lets fly with a throw at Spade, but he does a shoulder roll away from it and then he launches his shot at Mrs. Robinson. He hits her in the knees and knocks her backward while the referee blows the whistle and Jack Spade is declared the quick winner this week. He then turns and heads for the exit where he is greeted with a clothesline to the floor from Frank Merritt. Frank stands over Jack and smiles, then tells the camera that no one should ever let their guard down when he's around.

Ricky Simms - That was kind of a cowardly attack by Frank Merritt there.

Henry Lesher - He is the monster of the CWA. Monsters lurk in closets and Jack just opened the closet door.

Ricky Simms - Jack Spade gets the win, but that's of little comfort now.

Henry Lesher - Frank only enters matches worth his while.

Backstage we see Vigilante looking at himself in the mirror and smiling when Ray Dees enters the picture.

Ray Dees - Vig, may I have a minute of your time?

Vigilante - Well, I was spending time with myself, but I guess I can give you a moment.

Ray Dees - Well, you're not in action tonight so we are wondering why you're here.

Vigilante - Raymond, I am a star. Being a star means being here whether I am set to appear inside the ring or not. Besides, did you see what Frank just did to Jack Spade? Tonight is more than a fun night. It is a night to set the ground work for Battle of the Warriors and our fatal four way.

Ray Dees - That has been confirmed?

Vigilante - If it isn't confirmed, I will make it become confirmed. The CWA will not have a choice. This is simply how it has to be.

Vigilante then exits the locker room and we return to the ring for our next match.

Diva Match

"Misery Business" by Paramore plays as Kira Yakamoto comes out onto the stage, pulling Bombshell by the hair behind her. Kira then picks Bombshell up and body slams her on the ramp. Kira then pulls her by the hair the rest of the way to the present-filled ring and then rolls her under the bottom rope before rolling herself in where referee Mark Davis then calls for the bell.

Ricky Simms - Each of these presents is a weapon.

Henry Lesher - I am hoping for a suicide pill.

Kira opens the first present and pulls out brass knuckles. A dazed Bombshell gets to her feet and takes a punch to the throat from Kira that sends her down to the mat. Kira then goes for the quick pin. 1...2... kick out by Bombshell to a mixed reaction from the crowd. Kira then stands Bombshell up, whips her off the ropes and misses with a wild punch with the brass knuckles as Bombshell ducks it, kicks Kira in the gut and then gives her a gut wrench suplex to the mat. Bombshell then straddles Kira and rains down punches to the face on her while the referee warns that this could lead to a disqualification. Bombshell then grabs one of the presents inside the ring and opens it to reveal a whip.

Ricky Simms - Oh this is going to get ugly.

Henry Lesher - It's a diva match. They're all ugly. Why would a referee threaten to DQ someone in a weapons match? I mean, are there rules to a weapons match?

Bombshell stands Kira up, whips her off the ropes and then clotheslines her to the mat. She then whips her across the chest. Kira rolls over, grabbing her chest in pain as Bombshell then proceeds to whip her three times across the back while the fans count the strikes. Kira rolls herself out of the ring to escape this brutal punishment. Bombshell shakes her head as she rolls out of the ring to the floor and then wraps the whip around Kira's throat, choking her with it. The referee starts counting both wrestlers out. Kira manages to elbow Bombshell in the ribs three times while being choked, then gives Bombshell a snap mare to the mat and a knee to the back while still gasping for air. Kira then grabs the whip from Bombshell and chokes her with it for a moment before whipping her shoulder first into the steel corner post. She then rolls Bombshell into the ring before rolling herself into the ring.

Ricky Simms - Back and forth action in this brutal match up tonight.

Henry Lesher - Well, at least Hoshi's relatives are tougher than her.

Kira then goes for the pin on Bombshell. 1...2.... Bombshell gets a foot on the bottom rope to keep the match going. Kira then grabs another present and opens the box to find thumb tacks inside. Kira then spreads the thumb tacks in the middle of the ring while the crowd cheers what they know is coming. Kira looks to the crowd and nods, turns back to Bombshell and takes a low blow from Bombshell follows with a DDT onto the thumb tacks. Bombshell then goes for the pin. 1...2...3! Bombshell wins the match over a very game Kira Yakamoto.

Ricky Simms - Kira earned some respect in that one.

Henry Lesher - I think those tacks went into her brain, so I imagine she lost IQ points. It evens out, Rick.

Bombshell rolls herself out to the floor while the referee checks on a bloodied Kira Yakamoto. Bombshell then makes her way up the ramp with a smile on her face while we look backstage where Shannon Skanes is with Crystal Braun.

Crystal Braun - I understand you have an announcement about Battle of the Warriors.

Shannon Skanes - Yes, in two weeks we will see four men fighting for the CWA title. Tommy Purr will defend against Vigilante, Frank Merritt and Jack Spade. Since this match is such a huge match and will require more than the usual manpower, I have recruited a referee for that match.

Crystal Braun - Who could be up to that challenge?

Shannon Skanes - That is what I asked myself. I went over it with my wife and we agreed that the only man for the job was none other than former CWA champion... Moose.

We hear a loud cheer from the crowd watching on the big screen.

Crystal Braun - Can he call this match fairly?

Shannon Skanes - If he can't, no man can. He built his career on being the hero when no one else wanted the job. He will do so again at Battle of the Warriors.

Shannon then walks off as we head to the ring for the main event.

TLC Match

"Southtown" by POD plays as 6Pac Dudley makes his way onto the stage where the crowd greets him with a loud ovation. He stops for a moment only to be blind sided by Tommy Purr who drills him across the back with a chair. Tommy then drops the chair on the stage, puts the boots to 6Pac and then places him in a headlock before giving him a bulldog face first onto the chair. Tommy then stands over 6Pac and looks around at the crowd. Tommy then grabs 6Pac and stands him up and then gives him a side Russian leg sweep to the steel stage. Tommy then gets to his feet only to take a big boot to the chest from a charging Frank Merritt who then gives Tommy a vicious knee to the chin on the way down.

Ricky Simms - Frank and Tommy making a big impression here in this one early.

Henry Lesher - I am so glad to see real wrestling now after all that garbage to start the night.

Frank Merritt makes his way down the ramp and grabs a table from ringside. He slides it under the bottom rope into the ring before rolling himself into the ring. He sets the table up and then rolls himself out of the ring and grabs another table. On the stage, 6Pac gets to his feet and comes face to face with Tommy. 6Pac gives Tommy a head butt and then gives him a spine buster to the steel. 6Pac then gets to his feet and starts down the ramp towards the ring where Frank Merritt has now set two tables on top of one another inside the ring.

Ricky Simms - This is going to be violent.

Henry Lesher - I love your genius insights. I really do.

6Pac rolls himself into the ring where Frank Merritt greets him with boots to the ribs. 6Pac then pulls the feet out from under Frank and starts giving him elbows to the jaw. 6Pac then rolls Frank out of the ring before rolling himself out as well. 6Pac then slams Frank's head into the guard railing before picking up a chair. He then slams the chair over the head of Frank Merritt, splitting him wide open. 6Pac then drills Frank across the back with the chair before tossing the twisted piece of metal aside. 6Pac then grabs a table at ringside and starts setting it up while we see Tommy making his way down the ramp. 6Pac sets the table up and then grabs Frank Merritt and sets him on top of it. 6Pac then climbs onto the apron and then makes his way to the top rope. He leaps off and right into the arms of Tommy Purr who then gives him a slam right onto Frank and through the table. Tommy Purr then grabs a nearby ladder and he looks to the cheering crowd before he starts to climb it.

Ricky Simms - Tommy is crazy here. The guy has to defend his title in two weeks. This is a needless risk.

Henry Lesher - True heroes take needless risks to entertain heroes like me.

Tommy perches himself on top of the ladder as Frank Merritt gets to his feet. Tommy then dives for a flying cross body, but now he is caught in mid air and Frank gives him a spinning power slam to the floor. All three men then lie on the floor for a few moments while nearby fans cheer. Frank uses the apron to pull himself to his feet. He then rolls himself into the ring and uses the tables he has set up there to get to his feet again. 6Pac rolls himself into the ring and takes a few boots from Frank Merritt. Merritt then pulls 6Pac to the corner buckle and places him on the top. Frank gives him a series of body shots and then makes his way to the top rope as well. He sets for a superplex, but has some difficulty in getting 6Pac off the top rope as the Canadian hero holds on for dear life.

Ricky Simms - 6Pac is doing all he can to avoid going through those two tables.

Tommy Purr then enters the ring and climbs the ropes behind Frank Merritt. Tommy then gives a surprised Frank Merritt a German suplex right through the two tables before both men fall in a heap inside the ring. 6Pac starts getting his bearings on the top rope and allows himself to smile. He then stands on the top rope and lands a 450 splash onto Tommy Purr before going for the pin. 1...2... Bombshell pulls 6Pac from the ring and then gives him a chair shot to the head.

Ricky Simms - What the hell is she doing out here?

Henry Lesher - It looks like she is getting to know her ex a little better. What says I love you better than a chair shot? That's more unique than any greeting card.

Bombshell then rolls 6Pac into the ring where Tommy Purr then delivers a Tommyknocker on 6Pac before going for the pin. 1...2...3! Tommy Purr wins the match with a heavy assist from Bombshell! Bombshell raises her arms at ringside, but only for a moment as she takes a chair shot to the back of the head from Kira Yakamoto. Security starts streaming out to separate people as the fighting continues. Having heard the bell, Frank starts getting to his feet and he looks like he's quite put out.

Ricky Simms - People might want to get away from Frank when he realizes what has happened here.

Henry Lesher - Tommy Purr is the true hero of the CWA.

Ricky Simms - Oh, give me a break.

As security tries to break things up, we slowly pan up to the rafters and we see Dante cradling a cinder block under his right arm with a smile on his face.

Ricky Simms - Dante is here! Dante is in the building!

Henry Lesher - This night just keeps getting better! Thank all that's evil and dreaded in this world for Dante!

We fade to black on a shot of the carnage inside the ring from Dante's eagle eye view, wondering who he will target when he makes his move in the near future.