[[ Fade up the SGW logo. ]]

[[ The scene opens up on an airplane. The plane is on its way to Moscow, Russia, the site of the next Saturday Shock. The group is all asleep, relaxing after an eventful week that almost led us to see Christian kill himself over the fact that Val Venis, his long time nemesis 'won' his SGW World title. ]]

[[ Everyone is resting comfortably on the plane, it's nighttime. The plane is full, some people are sleeping, some are reading or eating a snack. We go to first class and see our heroes. Cornette is looking at a Playboy, and two empty seats on that row are vacated. On the other side is Tomko beside the window asleep with a mask over his eyes, Trish who is resting, and Christian. Christian is wide awake looking to be in deep thought. He's got an ink pen in his right hand and a pad in his lap with scribble all over it. He writes and speaks in a semi-whisper. ]]

Christian: Chapter fifty-seven, "After I Lost the Belt."

[[ He looks at the paper and continues writing. Christian sighs. ]]

Christian: So Tom Cruise pins Teddy Long as I pin Val Venis, my arch-rival. Tom was awarded the belt and my life has been in shambles ever since. It's gone even as far as me considering suicide as a way out. But things have finally turned themselves around, and now, Edge and I are just a few days of this writing away from making history. We will defeat the Big Show and Ken Kennedy for the SGW Tag Team titles and break the record he and I currently hold along with the Dudley Boyz for most reigns. So it's going to be a very interesting next couple of days.

[[ He overlooks his writing and Trish opens her eyes and looks over at Christian's work. ]]

Trish Stratus: Working on the autobiography again?

Christian: Yep, a new chapter..Signifying a new chapter in my career.

[[ Trish stretches and comes more alert. ]]

Trish Stratus: Yep, definitely. Shock Saturday night is going to be great. Kennedy and Show won't even be ready for you and Edge. People think of you two are a bunch of soda drinking, surfer talking guys with no talent...

Christian: They do?

Trish Stratus: Used to. But now they know Edge and Christian are nothing short of the deadliest duo in wrestling, and on Saturday night, you two will be known as the greatest tag team in Solid Gold HISTORY!

Christian: Got that right.

Trish Stratus: The Dudley Boyz? The who? Forgotten memories...Kennedy and Show's lengthy reign? Forgotten the second they get beat. It's all about Edge and Christian in the tag division of SGW, just like it used to be.

[[ Trish shifts over, looking straight ahead at Christian. ]]

Trish Stratus: Christian....I really am glad you didn't kill yourself over the whole Val Venis thing.

Christian: Me too. I was close, no lie..But then Edge talked to me, told me he was back and ready to reclaim the Tag belts..That and the more I got to thinking about it, the better me losing the belt sounded.

[[ Trish is baffled. ]]

Trish Stratus: How is that possible?

Christian: Well Trish, we all know Captain Charisma is set to be the World Champion again some day, right?

Trish Stratus: Well, of course.

Christian: Exactly...When that happens, I'll be Christian, five-time SGW Tag Team champion, Hall of Famer, Gimmick champion, and TWO-TIME SGW World champ. Being a two-time champ easily outweighs the one and done garbage.

[[ Trish cracks a smile. ]]

Trish Stratus: Great idea.

Christian: But Trish, in all seriousness, I just hope we make it to Shock this week. Val Venis as the World Champion hasn't exactly set the wrestling world on fire quite like my title win did, or even Cruise's for that matter. I'm not even worried about the World title right now, it's tainted. The six year history of SGW was flushed down the crapper last week, and I want nothing to do with that belt. It's already bad enough Edge and I are having to restore order in the tag division to the belts we made valuable again.

[[ He pauses. ]]

Christian: Suppose it's just a never ending saga for us..Leave it to Edge and Christian to continue making water out of wine I guess.

[[ Christian is gaining a little bit of confidence. ]]

Christian: This week is going to be like old times. Maybe this time Jarrett won't pop in and make himself my partner just to give himself another reign..And since Dave Batista's not around, I won't have to give up my title. I wouldn't ever give up a title, especially to Kennedy had I known this is how his reign was going to end. He and Show are only champions because of me and Jarrett winning them in the first place..Another chairty donation. But the charity stops on Shock, right Tomko?

[[ Tomko, who is asleep in the seat beside Trish remains silent for a few seconds. Christian awaits a reply. ]]

Tyson Tomko: ..Yep.

[[ Christian smiles and Tomko goes back to sleep. ]]

Christian: Stupid Kennedy, he wants to insult me and Edge? Please, we haven't lost a match since 2001. Kennedy was flipping burgers and Show was just being fat during that time. Edge and I have been dominating ever since..Unlike Kennedy, we don't lose...And also unlike Kennedy, we don't lose to girls. Because womens wrestling is trash!

Trish Stratus: Ahem?

Christian: Sorry.

[[ We hear a passenger giving the flight attendant a hard time, complete with loud yelling. The camera pans over to see Cornette almost out of his chair, being restrained by his seat buckle giving the woman down the road. ]]

James E. Cornette: WHAT DO YOU FUCKIN' MEAN I CAN'T HAVE ANYMORE PEANUTS, TOOTS?! ALL I WANT IS A BAG OF NUTS!

Flight Attendant: I'm sorry, sir, we're out.

James E. Cornette: OUT!? OUT!? AIRPLANES ARE GOOD FOR THREE THINGS! BLOWIN' UP AND WRECKIN', NEVER BEIN' ON TIME...AND GOD DAMN BAGS OF PEANUTS!!!

Flight Attendant: Sir, please calm down, you're bothering the other passengers.

[[ Cornette is just wigging out all over the woman. ]]

James E. Cornette: I DON'T CARE ABOUT THESE PASSENGERS! I'M JIM CORNETTE, AND I WANT A GOD DAMN BAG OF PEANUTS! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, JUST GIVE ME A BAG OF NUTS!!!

Flight Attendant: Sir, please..Just calm down.

James E. Cornette: I AM CALM! AND I'M ALSO HUNGRY!

Flight Attendant: What about a banana or another item of fruit?

James E. Cornette: That'd sound nice.

[[ He's calming down. ]]

James E. Cornette: IF I WANTED TO CRAM IT UP MY GOD DAMNED ASS LIKE A DILDO!!

[[ The flight attendant has had enough and walks away from him. Cornette flips her the bird and sits back down in his seat fuming. We switch over to Christian and Trish again. ]]

Christian: I'm so glad he didn't threaten to blow the plane up like he did last time.

Trish Stratus: Me too.

Christian: That was just a disaster.

[[ Christian looks around. ]]

Christian: Where's Edge at Stacy?

Trish Stratus: I haven't seen them.

[[ About perfect timing, as soon as they get done mentioning Edge and Stacy you heard a super loud, "NOT MY FACE!" scream coming from the back of the plane where the bathroom is at. We immediately know where Edge and Stacy are, thanks to Edge's track record with facials. ]]

Christian: Nevermind. I think I have an idea.

[[ Cornette turns and looks back at the bathroom all excited. ]]

James E. Cornette: JUMPIN' JESUS CHRIST!!!

[[ More moans awaken Tomko. He removes his mask over his eyes, which are now the size of watermelons. ]]

Tyson Tomko: ..Sex?

[[ The screams and moans get louder and everyone sitting down asleep takes notice. Finally the door opens and Stacy walks out looking like she was caught in a windstorm. She's limping and trying to fix her hair. Edge follows her out soon after looking unphased, zipping up his pants with a satisfied look on his face. They got back to their seats with tons of attention. Trish shakes her head at them. ]]

Trish Stratus: Nice of you two to finally join us.

Stacy Keibler: Yeah, Edge said I should join this elite club. And the initiation was in the bathroom.

[[ Trish rolls her eyes as Stacy tries fixing herself. ]]

Trish Stratus: The Mile High Club?

Edge: Yep.

[[ Edge is very proud of himself. ]]

Edge: This now makes twenty-nine random spots we've got it on.

Christian: Holy crap.

Edge: It's been a great run..Bathrooms, hotel rooms, bedrooms, backseats of cars, limos, school buses, a corn field, the grocery store, at the YMCA..

Stacy Keibler: The liquor store, the Waffle House..

Edge: That time at the gas station at the full-service pump...Get it, full service?

Christian: Yeah..

Trish Stratus: We get it.

[[ Cornette butts in. ]]

James E. Cornette: I forgot..Remind me.

[[ Cornette is ignored totally. ]]

Edge: I can't wait to get to Russia. Because in only a few short days, finally we'll be winning the SGW Tag Team titles. Our destiny of going down as the greatest tag team in Solid Gold, and the team with the most title reigns in history will be achived..Trying to step in our way and denying us of our destiny isn't a wise choice.

Christian: Nope.

Trish Stratus: Kennedy and Show don't have a chance.

Christian: Russia's going to be a blast. Hanging with commies and training in horribly cold temperatures just like Rocky Balboa.

Edge: And don't forgot leaving Russia winners.

[[ Christian smirks. ]]

Christian: I can't wait, being a double champion again is going to rule all! My left shoulder was getting lonely without a title belt. And 'SGW Gimmick Champion' doesn't have a nice ring to it..Maybe if I was Doink.

Edge: Doink was garbage.

Christian: Yeah he was. The only good thing to come from this Gimmick title, is me being the second ever person to win the Gimmick and World title. Boom! Breaking records every day of the week! We're SGW legends, and come Shock, another record's getting broke. I love this, breaking all these records and boasting about it is pretty cool, huh?

Edge: Very cool.

Christian: I'm just glad we're getting new opponents. I was getting tired of beating Chris Benoit and Val Venis every week.

Edge: Same here.

Christian: But Kennedy and Show aren't much better. Kennedy lost to Chyna last week.

[[ Edge's eyes go wide. ]]

Edge: WHAT?!

Christian: Yep. Big time job.

Edge: Women can't wrestle! Women are only good for three things: Dancing on poles, having babies, and sucking cock.

[[ Trish stares right at Edge. Edge smiles and looks back at her. ]]

Edge: Lots and lots of cock.

Trish Stratus: Whatever.

Edge: Why are we even bothering for? We're flying to Russia to wrestle a five-hundred pound goof, and a loud mouth who lost to a chick for the tag titles?

[[ Christian nods. Edge is dumbfounded. ]]

Edge: Screw this, just have Jillian mail us the belts. Let's get this plane stopped and not even bother...Cornette.

James E. Cornette: Yeah?

Edge: Remember last time we were on a plane and you threatened to blow it up?

James E. Cornette: Damn right, they wouldn't give me another mini bottle of Crown Royal.

Edge: Tell'em you've got a bomb. That way they'll land the plane and we'll not have to go to Russia.

James E. Cornette: But I'd go to jail, hell..I could even get shot!

Edge: I'll let you have Stacy for fifteen minutes.

[[ Cornette smiles. ]]

James E. Cornette: I'll only need fifteen seconds...You got a deal.

[[ Trish and Christian both prevent Cornette from saying a word, because for Stacy, he'd do it and not think twice. After that situation is delt with, Christian speaks up. ]]

Christian: It won't be that bad in Russia. I mean, winning the tag titles together for the thirteenth time together is going to be awesome. Thirteen times as a team, and sixteen reigns for me, and fifteen for you. We're tag team gods, Edge. We've won more tag titles than some people win belts in their entire lives!

[[ Impressive resume of title wins. ]]

Christian: Saturday night is going to be worth freezing in Russia and carrying two jokes to a five-star classic. Cementing ourselves as the greatest team to ever step into the ring is what I'm all about. It'll make everyone forget Val Venis is the World Champion, because all eyes will be focuses on us...Like it should be.

Edge: Got that right.

Trish Stratus: Did you guys watch Kennedy and Show's promo?

[[ Edge and Christian shake their heads at the same time. ]]

Edge: Nope.

Christian: Yeah right, Trish.

Edge: I'm not even worried about what those two have to say, because as far as I'm concerned, after Shock this Saturday night, Kennedy and Show are going to be like half the roster in Solid Gold...And just not even matter.

[[ After Edge hammers that home, we hear the pilot come over the PA system. ]]

Pilot: Ladies and gentlemen, we will be arriving at our destination in about ten minutes. I repeat, we will be arriving in Moscow, Russia in ten minutes..Thank you.

James E. Cornette: Thank God.

Christian: Good...I can't wait, because I have us a special surprise scheduled once we get there.

[[ Trish doesn't look happy about this comment. ]]

Trish Stratus: Spectacular.

Christian: Trust me on this one..It's totally worth it. It's going to be a blast.

Trish Stratus: I bet.

[[ The scene fades as we're left wondering what Christian's surprise is. ]]

[[ The next day, lunch time. ]]

[[ Moscow, Russia. ]]

[[ We're on the dock of a river. It's about ten below zero. It's so cold if you pissed outside, your piss would freeze upon exit of your penis. We see Christian, Trish, Tomko, Cornette, Edge, and Stacy all standing in one big huddle, in super thick jackets and toboggins. Tomko has ice at the end of his goatee, and you can obviously see the breath coming from each person when they breath. Everyone looks at Christian, expecting an explanation. ]]

Edge: It's so stinking cold.

Stacy Keibler: I can't feel my face.

Tyson Tomko: ..Cold.

James E. Cornette: Christian, you got some god damn 'plainin' to do! Why in god's name am I drug here in ten below fuckin' weather!? This better be good!!!

Christian: Gesh, calm down guys. I got us a boat trip.

[[ Christian smiles, well, smiles the best he can with the conditions. He receives silence in return until Trish more or less speaks for everyone else. ]]

Trish Stratus: You're an idiot.

Christian: What? How was I supposed to know it gets this cold in Russia?

[[ Trish looks like she could put her fist through Christian's face. ]]

Trish Stratus: That's a good question Christian, but I think I have a reply for you.

[[ Cornette cuts Trish off. ]]

James E. Cornette: Let me handle this one.

[[ Trish steps back and Cornette looks Christian in the face. ]]

James E. Cornette: WATCH ROCKY FOUR YOU FUCKIN' MORON! ROCKY BALBOA TRAINED IN THE FUCKIN' SNOW!!....IN THE MOTHER FUCKIN' SNOW!

[[ He takes a breath. ]]

James E. Cornette: THE FUCKIN' SNOW!

Christian: You done?

James E. Cornette: Damn no!

[[ Cornette continues. ]]

James E. Cornette: IT'S TEN BELOW AND YOU WANT TO GO ON A BOAT RIDE! FUCK THAT!

[[ Cornette pauses. ]]

James E. Cornette: Alright...Alright now I am.

[[ Christian shrugs the best he can with his jacket on. ]]

Christian: What do you want me to say then? I goofed up. Let's just go on the boat ride and talk crap about Kennedy and Show. I was wanting to do it to prove a point.

Edge: What point is that?

Christian: Well, we were going to get on the ship, take control of it, and then do a lot of promo work and compare that to how we've taken control of Solid Gold's ship, and became the captains.

[[ Blank stares is Christian's reply. ]]

Christian: It was really a great idea at the time, swear to God.

Tyson Tomko: ..No.

Christian: Dammit...Well, I paid for an hour ship rental, so we're going whether you guys like it or not..Just like me and Edge are taking Kennedy and Show's Tag titles whether they like it or not tomorrow night.

[[ Christian grabs Trish by the wrist and leads her towards the ship and everyone else reluctantly follows. The scene fades. ]]

[[ We fade back up on the ship Christian rented out, and to say the least, it's not very good. It's a rinky dinky fishing boat. Everyone is sitting on the boat, pissed off. Christian is stirring it, seemingly enjoying himself even though the weather is less than stellar. ]]

Christian: Ah, the captain of the USS SGW.

Trish Stratus: Don't tell me that's the ship's name.

[[ Christian nods and looks at his watch. ]]

Christian: For the next fourty-five minutes it is. I don't mess around with my comparisons to use for trash talking on a match. I go all out.

James E. Cornette: How did you pay for this?

[[ Christian reveals a credit card. ]]

Christian: Muhammad Hassan's credit card.

[[ This draws laughter from most of the group, except Trish. ]]

Trish Stratus: I don't even want to know.

Edge: Tomorrow night is going to be awesome. Half the SGW roster is gone, let them go. That just makes it even easier for you and I, little bro, to get back on top of the Solid Gold mountain right where we belong...And it starts...It starts tomorrow night as we solidify ourselves as the greatest tag team in this company's history by eliminating the best tag team that's been in Solid Gold in years, in Ken Kennedy and the Big Show.

Christian: Double gold again..Double gold rules.

Edge: So does beating a tall goof and a guy who lost to a chick last week...Thirteen tag titles together, that's a record that will never be touched by any other tag team in wrestling history.

[[ Christian looks back and speaks. ]]

Christian: Nope, but that's just how the cookie crumbles, the ball bounces and...

HOW...WE...ROLL!!

[[ Christian slaps his chest three times. ]]

Edge: I can't wait, Shock is fixing to become officially R-RATED!

James E. Cornette: Goddamn right it is!

Christian: It's good to be the Captain...

Tyson Tomko: ...Yep.

Edge: But even better being the BEST!

[[ And with that, Edge and Christian and the Coalition members continue sailing out into the frozen waters of Russia. The scene fades to black as we catch one last glimpse of the crappy little sail boat they occupy. ]]

[[ Static. ]]

[[ Fade out. ]]