SGW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION - SGW GIMMICK CHAMPION - SGW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPION - SGW HALL OF FAMER
Roleplay Number: #011 ][ Record: Wins: 007 Losses: 000 Draws: 000 ][ Match: vs. Chris Benoit (SGW Title Match-Taz Memorial Show)
SGW Achievements:
' The Shot Heard 'Round the World '
Your Solid Gold Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion
[[ Static. ]]
[[ I fear no one. Especially deaf faggots with no parents. ]]
[[ The following is a shoot, bitches. ]]
[[ Fade up the SGW logo. ]]
[[ The scene fades up in the parking lot after Shock has gone off the air. What a night it was, as Taz finally bit the bullet. We see the SGW World Champion, Christian, Trish, Tomko, and Cornette following behind everyone else come into view. The camera follows them as they are pretty emotionless. Christian's seemingly angry, and rightfully so. Maria is trying to stop the Captain from running the show, just as Jeff Jarrett did. ]]
Trish Stratus: What a night.
James E. Cornette: What a night, indeed! I never thought I'd live to see the day I witnessed not one, but TWO damn people die legitimately on television! The Maria Era is already better than the Jarrett, Anderson, and McMahon eras COMBINED!
[[ Tomko actually has something to say. ]]
Tyson Tomko: ...I won.
James E. Cornette: Hell yeah! Tomko wasn't even fuckin' scheduled to wrestle and he won a damn match!
[[ Tomko strokes his goatee and nods. The group continues walking, Christian remaining speachless. Trish notices something wrong with him and stops him by grabbing onto his arm. ]]
Trish Stratus: What's wrong?
Christian: Nothing.
[[ She knows better. ]]
Trish Stratus: Babe, it's Maria. She can't tie her own shoes or think!
Christian: That's the problem, Trish. She's not thinking! BRET HART! BRET HART! Trish, Bret Hart coming back into the company is the WORST idea EVER!
Tyson Tomko: ...Alf.
[[ Christian nods, knowing Tomko made a valid point. ]]
Christian: That's true, big man.
Trish Stratus: So what's the big deal? Bret Hart? You beat him in the last Solid Gold of the Arn Anderson era. Back when you were trying to make a name for yourself in this business. Back when you were legend killing all the legends before Randy Orton even got into this business. Why are you so worried about Bret Hart?
Christian: Screw Taz, and screw Bret Hart.
[[ Christian slaps his chest and continues. ]]
Christian: It's like this, Trish. Tonight, we had the first legitimate wrestling death on television since Owen Hart headbutted the ring post. Taz is DEAD! Alf got ripped in half, that makes two things that died under Maria's watch..Now..Now she's brought in Bret Hart..Jesus Trish, when will it end? How many people have to die before everyone wakes up and realizes Maria is the worst thing to ever happen to Solid Gold?!
[[ He gives her no time to reply. ]]
Christian: I'm offended to think that you're even considering the fact that I'm worried about Bret Hart. Bret Hart, he can kiss the champ's ass! I'm Captain Charisma, the true SGW legend. I never..NEVER want to hear anyone speak Bret Hart's name again. Ok?
Trish Stratus: Fine.
James E. Cornette: No problem! Bret Hart's one move away from landin' in a wheelchair! You'll be the man to do it to 'em!
[[ Tomko nods. Christian looks assured and satisfied he got the problem of Bret Hart out of the way. ]]
Christian: Now I'll not only be known as the greatest wrestling alive today, I'll be known as the man who legitimately killed Bret Hart if that cripple steps in my way! I don't care if he's the first ever SGW World Champion. I don't care if he's SGW royalty. I'm the man of the hour! I'm the focal point of this company! ME! I'm the double champ! I'm the SGW World champion! Bret Hart can referee whatever he wants, it won't matter. I'll defend my belt against ANYONE! I'm the greatest SGW Champion ever.
James E. Cornette: Damn right!
Christian: I don't need four reigns like Scott Steiner, because my one reign will go on forever! Chris Benoit wants my title, too bad. You can't always get what you want, unless you're me! If you think the opposite, then just ask Taz! He wanted my SGW World title, and now he's busy playing hop-scotch with the other dead wrestlers like Crash Holly and Jim Duggan.
Trish Stratus: Jim Duggan's not dead.
[[ Christian sports an "do I look like I care?" face. ]]
Christian: Whatever.
Trish Stratus: Speaking of...How about all these "paper champion" comments? The harsh criticism is coming out of no where all of a sudden. I thought everyone was on the Coalition bandwagon?
Christian: Paper champion? Paper champion? Am I hearing this right? Who is someone like Matt Emerson to call me a paper champion? he's just mad that I'm the SGW World Champion, the champion of a title he could NEVER win on his own. I'd rather be known as a paper champion, than like him, and be known as the man who NEVER WON IT! You can hate me if you want, call me whatever names and catchy titles you want to call me..That only makes me more determined. It only makes me better. It's so much easier to hide behind a fake name and throw rocks from a far distance than it is than to look me in the eyes and say what you think. I don't care about my critics, I'm used to it. It comes with being the top dog in a company. Let them say what they want about me, but the fact still remains..
[[ He holds the title in the air after it's removed from his shoulder. ]]
Christian: I AM THE SGW WORLD
HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, whether they like it or not. I don't blame
the critics. It's a whole lot easier to talk crap than it is to
step into the ring with the Captain and back it up and take the
title off me. Everyone hopped on the bandwagon, everyone said I
was the man, I was the best. They realized the greatness when
they saw it. I win the World title, and now everyone's my enemy.
Fine by me, I'm not in a damn popularity
contest. I'm in the wrestling business.
[[ Christian looks irritated. You know he's not messing around. ]]
Christian: Wrestling is what I do, and it's what I do best. I'm not in it to make friends, to be the People's Champion. This title belt around my waist lets EVERYONE from the lowcard to Muhammad Hassan knows that when it boils down to it..I'M THE MAN! I'm the best and the most hated man in this business simply because everyone knows that they can't get the belt off me. The World title WILL NOT LEAVE MY POSSESSION UNTIL I WANT IT TO! The talking only makes me better, makes me more dangerous than I already am. So go ahead, call me a paper champion..Say I'm afraid to face someone. Threaten me and this company. Say I didn't earn it, and that I have favortism..I'm not here to make people love me, I'm here to have fun and to dominate each and every person who steps in my way..Looks like it's a mission accomplished. There's no favortism involved in this situation, I'm the best and I've proven it time after time after time. It's so obvious that even Stevie Wonder can see it! So keep drinking the Haterade and I'll keep being the greatest SGW World Champion EVER!
[[ Christian points over to the wreckage that still remains from tonight when Taz died. He then slaps his title belt on his left shoulder. ]]
Christian: Taz died in vein,
all he wanted was to win the World title...but he couldn't even
win a damn match! But since I've been given the ball, and the
controversy is swarming..I may as well run with it and GIVE
legitimate reasons to hate me..So here's how we're starting...On
Shock, I'm going to beat Chris Benoit, probably cleanly, and
retain my SGW World title. After that, he'll probably NEVER see
the daylight that is the main
event ever again.
[[ Pause. ]]
Christian: Why?
[[ He smirks and slaps his chest. ]]
Christian: BECAUSE...I...CAN!
James E. Cornette: God damn right, Christian! The critics can kiss your ass! You're the man runnin' the damn show! You made your way up from the bottom, you fought against the political bullshit of Arn Anderson to make yourself into the man you are today! Didn't a FUCKIN' person help you! If anything, the alledged people who's "favoring" ya' are the ones who were punishin' ya' back years ago!
Trish Stratus: Let them talk. Talk's cheap. It's easy to talk and not back it up when it matters the most.
Christian: But it's not stopping with Benoit. Oh no..I'm going to put him in a wheelchair with his hero the Dynamite Kid, crush his hopes of being World Champion..Crush the hopes and dreams of my critics who want the belt off me..I'm going to show the entire world why I am the best. I do a lot of talking, but I BACK IT UP WHEN IT COUNTS!..
[[ His rant continues. ]]
Christian: Next week, whoever I face, they'll put me over as well. Then at Heartbreaker, I'll defend my title, I'll retain..Even with Bret Hart as the referee. I'lldefend my title against WHOEVER Maria decides is worthy, and I'll reign til the end of time, and there's NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO ABOUT IT! Then, when I'm done as champ, I'll tell Maria I'm finished, she'll give the title to the next contender..She can even do something as dumb as giving it to Val Venis and it still be better than Taz being on the title history as a champion.
James E. Cornette: Fuck Taz, fuck the haters. You're the champion for a reason, dammit! You're the man! There's not a man alive who'd put his life in jeopardy to step into the ring with you to try to take that title off your hands! It can't be done! You're the champion until you see fit! Everyone knows that! Hell, Chris Benoit knows it! He knows he ain't winnin'! He knows he's only gonna' be worth givin' you a run for your money to make you look good! This week is for Taz!
[[ You can feel the hostility. ]]
Christian: My haters can run their mouths, try to bring me and the company down. Let them. I'll still be doing my usual routine of dominating the roster and being the greatest DOUBLE CHAMPION of all time in the process. No one's changing my attitude or my winning streak. No one's compromising my company! I'll remove any obstacle that gets in the way, no questions asked. I will not let someone who tries to compromise the very well being of the fed try to muscle his way against me..If you're wanting to death sentence that bad, you got to at least EARN IT, baby!
[[ With confidence, he points to the belt and speaks to Cornette and Trish. ]]
Christian: I'll defend this title against ANYONE...ANYTIME!
James E. Cornette: AND RETAIN! AIN'T NOBODY BEATIN' CHRISTIAN!
[[ Tomko can finally voice his opinion. ]]
Tyson Tomko: ...Nope.
Christian: Taz can kiss my ass along with Benoit! I'm the champ, baby! I'm Captain Charisma!
[[ Tomko nods and Trish smiles. The hate filled rant comes to a hault when we hear screams from Jim Cornette. He's walked away from the group, who knows what for. Probably not worth asking. We just hear that annoying voice of his cursing at the top of his lungs. ]]
James E. Cornette: HOLY FUCKIN' SHIT!
[[ Cornette only combines those profanities when he sees people, namely Edge and Stacy, having sex. Christian and Trish stop their conversation and look at Cornette. They rush to where he's at, except Tomko, who takes his sweet time. Cornette is staring straight ahead, smoke slowly drifts up and we see the expressions of everyone's faces turn from joy to disgust. Trish covers her mouth with her right hand, almost puking. ]]
James E. Cornette: TAZ IS STILL BURNING IN THE FUCKIN' CAR!
Trish Stratus: What?!
Christian: Did Maria...Not call and ambulance?
Trish Stratus: Guess not.
James E. Cornette: HE'S BURNIN' ALIVE LIKE HIS SOUL IS IN HELL! HOLY SHIT! HE'S ON FIRE!
[[ Christian reluctantly speaks, trying to piece everything together. Cornette is ignored. ]]
Christian: But...Alf got one?
[[ Christian looks confused and horrified at the same time. ]]
Trish Stratus: Well, it is Taz. Weigh the options. Man on fire less than stuffed animal ripped in half, obviously.
Christian: Jesus Christ.
[[ The camera turns its attention from the four to the wreckage. And there it still is, the accident scene from earlier. The fire isn't as big as it once was, because a few random road agents are back there at the scene, spraying a fire extinguisher on the flames. The smouldering vehicles are still in their exact spots, the eighteen-wheeler is destroyed in the front, the rental car Bob Orton Jr. drove is totaled and charred. ]]
James E. Cornette: I SEE HIS FUCKIN' ARM!
[[ Sure enough Cornette is right. The trunk is half open, and there lies Taz's arm sticking out of the trunk. It's burned badly. You wouldn't be able to identify anything if you didn't know who was in it to begin with. It's only got four fingers left, as the pinky finger is burned completely off and probably laying on the ground.. Christian squints and curls his lips at the sight. ]]
Tyson Tomko: ..Disgusting.
Trish Stratus: What a way to go.
James E. Cornette: I'M GONNA' FUCKIN' PUKE! THIS IS RE GOD DAMN DICULOUS!
[[ Cornette takes one more look at the burned body of the former SGW legend, Taz and runs behind another parked car and pukes. You cana hear the puke hitting the concrete and everyone looks like they're fixing to follow behind him and hurl as well. Unbelievable! Maria didn't call an ambulance to rescue Taz! His life could have been saved! ]]
Christian: Well, I guess it's time to say goodbye...You finally found a way to steal the show.
[[ Christian adjusts his jacket and arrogantly walks over to the damage site. He slaps away the smoke out of his face and lifts the lid on the destroyed trunk. He moves back from the sight, covering his eyes. He mans up and looks back down at the barbeque sandwich known as Taz. ]]
Christian: Look at you now, Taz. You didn't make that comeback you wanted, that consisted of setting SGW on fire..Did you? Heh, looks like you're the one that got burned.
[[ Taz's charred remains lay in the trunk. Christian holds the SGW title in Taz's face. ]]
Christian: THIS! THIS IS ALL YOU WANTED! YOU DIED FOR THIS TITLE!...You come after me, Taz, and you pay the price. Randy Orton killed your legend, and you're out of my hair for good! Ya' know, Taz..I'd say something funny to burn you..
[[ He smiles cockily. ]]
Christian: But Randy Orton beat me to it!
[[ He holds the title high. ]]
Christian: It should have ended differently, Taz. You could have been the champ..Until I realized the idea was you being the champion..Then I said HELL NO! You're not WORTH THIS TITLE! CHRIS BENOIT IS GETTING YOUR PUNISHMENT THIS WEEK ON SHOCK, TAZ! HE'S PAYING THE PRICE FOR YOUR STUPIDITY!
[[ This is important to Christian. He's practically cramming the belt into Taz's dead face. ]]
Christian: Now you're burned and crispy like a burnt hamburger at a cookout.. Now you're paying the ultimate price for your stunts. I hope your happy, Taz. Because I know I AM! I'm going to reign as champion forever..And each week, day, hour, minute, and second that ticks by..Is just a reminder to me...A reminder that I'm holding the SGW World title LONGER THAN YOU EVER WILL! BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAD!
[[ He smiles. Christian's a crazed man. A new side of him than his norm. ]]
Christian: Taz man, you should have got your facts right..You see, I'm not a "paper champion."
[[ Christian slaps the dead corpse of Taz. ]]
Christian: I'm Captain Charisma.
[[ Pause. ]]
Christian: ...Bitch.
[[ Christian grabs the trunk of the rental car and slams it back down ontop of Taz's remains. He slaps his chest three times and returns to his entourage looking satisfied with his actions. ]]
Trish Stratus: Feel better?
[[ He nods. The mood changes. ]]
Christian: Yeah. Now watch everyone else try to copy me. They'll try to upstage Captain Charisma by following in his footsteps..But when it all comes down to it...I'm the SGW WORLD CHAMPION!!
Trish Stratus: Yeah, Val Venis is going to steal your idea.
Christian: Probably.
Tyson Tomko: ...Idiot.
James E. Cornette: You outta' like, blow the son of a bitch up!
Christian: Calm down, I'm not Val Venis.
James E. Cornette: I could tell. Besides the fact you're with us, you have the SGDubya World title. God knows Val Venis is in the same boat with Taz, the Sandman, and this week, Chris Benoit...The U.S.S. Won't Win the Fuckin' World title!
[[ Tomko cocks an eyebrow. ]]
Christian: That's a long name for a boat.
[[ Christian looks at the other three and speaks, changing the subject out of no where. ]]
Christian: Who's hungry?
[[ They leave the wreckage to go get something to eat. ]]
[[ Fade. ]]
[[ The sound of a cork being popped out of a champagne bottle is heard. ]]
[[ The scene opens up inside of a restaurant. In the center of the place, at a large, round table sits our four heroes. The place is full as usual, everyone in the room is wearing their best attire, except, obviously, Tomko. It's dimly lit to set the mood. The camera zooms in on Christian and his crew at the center table, the four raise their glasses in the air, clinging them together. They hold them there as Christian speaks. ]]
Christian: To success..
[[ We go to the right, to Trish. ]]
Trish Stratus: Success..
[[ To Cornette. ]]
James E. Cornette: Success..
[[ Tomko is already drinking his drink. Everyone looks at him, he stops drinking and looks at everyone else. ]]
Tyson Tomko: ...Thirsty.
Christian: This marks three weeks as SGW Champion, and I want to thank each and every one of you for your contributions. We all knew it was only a matter of time before Captain Charisma got his just desserts in Solid Gold, and I couldn't have done it without you...Cornette, thanks for being the man behind some great ideas.
[[ He nods his head with a smile. ]]
James E. Cornette: No prob, champ!
Christian: Tomko, thanks for solving all my problems and always having my back. You're like a taller, skinnier Buddha, with a cool goatee.
Tyson Tomko: ..Yep.
[[ Christian turns to Trish, she is expecting a big compliment. She sips her wine from her glass as Christian looks for the right words. ]]
Christian: Trish, babe, you have a lot of sex with random partners...But all in all, you helped me achieve the one goal I've set out to achieve my entire life. Thanks to you and your low standards and even lower appreciation of yourself as a whole, I'm the SGW World Champion...Not to mention because I'm the greatest wrestler on the face of the Earth, and in Solid Gold history..But you're unusual plans consisting of you getting freaky with people helped quicken the achieving of the goal.
Trish Stratus: Well, when you put it like that.
Christian: I promise you all right now, I will hold onto this belt forever! I'll be the only man who needed one title reign to make a name for himself. My one reign right now already makes me better than Taz. Hell, winning two matches in a row makes me better than Taz!
[[ Christian smiles. Like it's really a big deal being better than a dead man. ]]
James E. Cornette: Hell Christian, bein' able to BREATHE AIR makes you better than Taz!
Christian: Touché.
Trish Stratus: Your winning streak right now dates back from 2001! That makes you on a TWENTY-SEVEN match win streak! Fixing to be twenty-eight after you take care of Benoit this week.
[[ Cornette looks stunned. ]]
James E. Cornette: Twenty-eight matches is more than some win their entire damn careers!
Christian: Damn right. Benoit wants my SGW title, too bad. I'm sure Benoit wants lots of things besides that.
[[ He pauses. ]]
Christian: Like a wife who isn't a ho like Woman is, a fair shake in this business, his front tooth, and the ability to go through airport security without all the metal and screws in his neck setting the metal detector off like a slot machine that just hit the jackpot! That idiot goes by "toothless agression" right now when he's only missing one tooth...After Saturday night, I'll give him a reason to go by "toothless agression," and to drink all his food through a straw.
James E. Cornette: Why?
Christian: Because I'm going to knocks his teeth right down his stinkin' throat! I'm the SGW Champion, and I don't plan on losing this title any time soon! Especially to someone like Chris Benoit! His claim to fame is being the Television Champion back when the title changed hands every damn week, like THAT's supposed to intimidate me! I've beaten him once, and I'm going to do it again Saturday night. Period.
[[ Boom..The waitress walks up to the table. She's a younger girl, maybe fresh out of college or still in it. She's very attractive, and Cornette lets us know this by the fact he does nothing but stare at her like she's fixing to disappear if he doesn't keep an eye on her. She gives him a friendly smile, but you know she's freaked out. ]]
Waitress: Hello guys, how is everyone tonight?
Trish Stratus: We're fine, thanks.
Waitress: Good, good..So, what can I get you tonight to eat?
[[ Christian whispers to Trish. ]]
Christian: Follow my lead.
Trish Stratus: Ok?
[[ Christian looks up at the waitress, smiles and orders. ]]
Christian: After tonight's events, in memory of Taz..I'm going to go with the CHARLBROILED steak..Like Taz, well done.
Trish Stratus: I'll have the...ROASTED chicken.
[[ Tomko thinks it over and comes up with one of his own. Christian and Trish have huge, goofy smiles on their faces. ]]
Tyson Tomko: ...Rice..crispies.
Christian: Ha ha! Good one!
[[ The waitress writes everything down, not knowing the true meaning behind everything. Snickers come from all the Coalition members at the table, except Cornette. He's lost in all this. ]]
James E. Cornette: I'll have the tuna fish.
[[ Cornette receives stares at his order. The waitress walks off with their orders and Cornette looks at everyone. ]]
James E. Cornette: What? What? I like tuna! You guys were orderin' all this burned bullshit, laughin', and I don't know what the hell's going on, but I wanted tuna, and dammit, I ordered tuna! How was everything you ordered in memory of Taz?
Christian: Well...
[[ Cornette cuts him off, he slaps himself on the head. ]]
James E. Cornette: I see now.
[[ Disappointed. ]]
James E. Cornette: Dammit. I'm sorry.
Christian: Don't worry about it. Everything's fine, Cornette. Taz is out of out hair forever! But, as usual, when one problem leaves, two more pop back up. Now I got Bret Hart waiting to screw me over at Heartbreaker, and Chris Benoit's ready to give me all he has for my title this week. I'm as worried about Bret Hart as I am about Chris Benoit this week! We have a fallen comrade, and all Benoit is worried about is becoming the World Champion! Earth to Benoit, the World title never changes hands on free television! How can he expect to win the belt this week? He should know better!
Trish Stratus: Yeah. Memorial shows are when are the friends of the dead person win in honor of he or she. You're winning for Taz.
Christian: Yeah right. I'm a paper champion obviously.
[[ He looks offended. ]]
Christian: When I win...I win for ME! It's all about me! I'm the champ! ME! Chris Benoit's career is going to end up like the career..and life of Taz's if he's not careful on Shock. I'm the World Champion for a reason, because I am the BEST Solid Gold Wrestling has to offer! He's been in this company before, he knows the routine by now. I don't lose..At all. So Benoit trying to be the first man in five years to buck the system..Well, that's not a goal, that's a suicide mission. I've drove him crazy..The very thought of me has him wrecking crap and getting thrown in jail. He destroyed the Hall of Fame, which was already destroyed if you ask me by letting Taz back in!
Trish Stratus: I agree.
Christian: Let Benoit get all focused on me. I hope it drives him crazy. He's going to give me everything he's got, he says he's going to become the SGW Champion...Wrong answer there, Benoit! The only thing Benoit's going to do on Shock in his first and LAST World title match, is get his world rocked, and get left laying on his back looking at the lights of the arena. He focuses himself on being a Canadian hero, and I'm going to leave him at Shock looking like a Canadian JOKE!
James E. Cornette: The Rabid Wolverine. Why the hell's he so angry all the damn time for? What the hell's shoved up his ass?
Trish Stratus: He's probably mad because he never wins.
James E. Cornette: Or he could really have somethin' shoved up his ass!
[[ She agrees, reluctantly. ]]
Trish Stratus: Well..Yeah...That...That could be a possibility.
Tyson Tomko: ...No.
Christian: And another reason he's mad, he knows that with me as the SGW Champion, he'll never get his moment in the spotlight. I mean, if I knew I was facing me in the co-main event of the Taz Memorial Show, not only would I be pissed I was having to do something in memory of Taz..I'd be pissed I was going to lose! I mean, Taz dying wasn't a big shock to anyone because I thought he was already dead! So to me, this is no big deal. I'm not going to get sidetracked by the Taz hooplah, I'm going to be focused on reataining my title by any means necessary.
[[ Christian shakes his head, chuckling a little. ]]
Christian: I'm not losing my title to some angry Canadian who's entrance theme has stupid lyrics. Even Val Venis' theme has remotely decent lyrics.
Trish Stratus: No they're not.
Christian: Whatever. I got to thinking about what Benoit's theme should sound like, and I think I'm as awesome at writing theme lyrics as I am at wrestling.
James E. Cornette: Let's hear it, champ.
[[ Christian clears his throat and looks to Tomko. ]]
Christian: Tomko, give me a beat.
[[ Not going to happen. ]]
Tyson Tomko: ..No.
Christian: Fair enough.
[[ Christian hums the theme of Benoit's and then starts obnoxiously singing his newly written lyrics to the beat. ]]
Christian: MY NAME IS CHRIS BENOIT AND I'M REALLY MAD!!..MY NAME IS CHRIS BENOIT AND I'M ANGRY!..I'M SO MAD I COULD SPIT NAILS!..I'M SO MAD I CAN'T SEE! HE WANTS THE SGW WORLD TITLE FROM ME, BUT ONE PROBLEM...HE CAN'T BEAT ME!!!...And well, the rest is still in the works, but that's what I have so far.
[[ Cornette gives it a standing ovation. Trish is speechless. ]]
James E. Cornette: BRILLIANT! THAT'S JUST LIKE 'EM! PERFECT LYRICS!
Trish Stratus: Not only is Benoit going to be angry after Shock on Saturday, he'll be totally embarrassed at the beatdown you lay down on him. You're going to beat Chris Benoit worse than anyone you've ever beaten in your career! World title matches are your best, you never lose!
Christian: That's right, Trish. This is my third World title, and I've never been beaten for one EVER! I've defending them all over the world, from Tennessee to Australia, to Canada, and back in New York! I've defended my World titles and retained them each and every time. I do the same thing day in and day out in that ring, and that's win. Winning matches and keeping titles is all I know how to do! On Shock, it'll be no different! I could be facing six people in a handicapped match and I'd still win! When it comes to the World title being on the line, I don't mess around!
[[ Christian is oozing confidence. ]]
Trish Stratus: Speaking of messing around..The way you took charge tonight, was amazing.
[[ She's got that look in her eyes. Christian smiles, he knows what's coming. ]]
Christian: Well Trish, I mean, Maria's incapable of running the show her own, so why not be the World Champion and SGW legend that I am, and step in and help save the company that I love?
Trish Stratus: I'm glad you did. I like it when you're running the show.
[[ He smiles and she leans in on him. ]]
Christian: I know, I know.
Trish Stratus: You know, you get criticized for being rewarded too much..But it looks like you're getting another reward soon.
Christian: Taz is dead...What's left? Oh, snap!
Trish Stratus: That's right.
Christian: VAL VENIS IS DYING TONIGHT!
[[ Fist pump. ]]
Christian: BOO YAH!
Trish Stratus: No, I meant we were going to hook up.
Christian: Right.
[[ Christian hops up and excuses himself. ]]
Christian: Bathroom break.
[[ Christian sprints towards the bathroom and the cameras follow. Trish and the crew is left at the table, wondering what's going on. ]]
[[ We cut to inside the bathroom, which is just as, if not more fancy and elegant than the dining area. Christian looks around and makes sure no one else is occupying the area. He walks to the wall, and beside the hand dryer he sees a large box with slots to place quarters. There's four options for you to place your quarters..Wait a second, this is a condom dispenser! Why is this in a fancy restaurant rest room?! This is only reserved for nasty gas stations! Christian's digging in his pocket desperately for change. ]]
Christian: C'mon...C'mon...
[[ He pulls out a pocket full of change. He quickly counts and realizes he's a quarter short. ]]
Christian: DAMMIT!...What would Edge do?
[[ He looks up to the sky, as if waiting for diving intervention. We cut from our current scene to a cloud bubble and a bright light shining over Edge. A soft tune plays as Edge is looking down at Christian. The amazing special effects Kevin Dunn can do! ]]
Edge: Don't use a condom. Condoms are for sissies!
Christian: ...
Edge: Just pull instead of push!
Christian: But..
Edge: Got to go.
[[ Edge "ascends" back into "heaven" and we're back at normalcy. That was useless and meaningless. ]]
Christian: Well..Tomko can help.
[[ He pulls out his cell phone and begins dialing a number. He's going to his problem solver for help. ]]
[[ We switch back to the dinner table and Tomko hears his phone ring. He picks it up and answers, but with a grunt, not a typical "hello." Trish and Cornette look at one another, confused. ]]
Trish Stratus: Did you know he has a cell phone?
James E. Cornette: Well yeah. Doesn't everyone?
Trish Stratus: But he...doesn't talk!
James E. Cornette: Sure he does.
Trish Stratus: Weird.
James E. Cornette: Just don't look at the pictures he has on it...
[[ She looks intrigued. ]]
James E. Cornette: Or the videos.
[[ He pauses. ]]
James E. Cornette: Unless you want to see Stacy naked...And getting nailed.
Tyson Tomko: ..Problem.
[[ Tomko gets up and walks away towards the rest room area where Christian's at. Cornette and Trish continue talking as the scene cuts. ]]
[[ At the bathroom, Tomko enters and spots Christian standing in an urinal spot. Christian notices Tomko and turns around and walks over to him, looking relieved he finally made it. ]]
Christian: Where have you been? I've been pretending to be going number one forever! People were starting to wonder if I had a kidney problem.
Tyson Tomko: ..Long walk.
Christian: Give me a quarter.
Tyson Tomko: ...No.
Christian: C'mon! I need it for something.
[[ Tomko points to the condom machine. Christian frowns. ]]
Christian: You know me too well, Tomko. You know me too well.
[[ Tomko shakes his head, reaches into his pocket and hands Christian a quarter. Christian hugs Tomko, who snarls. He's wanting nothing to do with this love thing Christian's displaying. ]]
[[ We cut back to Trish and Cornette. ]]
James E. Cornette: I feel sorry for Benoit. He's takin' this title match more serious than anything he ever has in his life, and that only means when Christian kicks his ass from one corner to the other, his spirits are gonna' be crushed! He's so damn angry and psycho, I don't think he's fit to be in the ring! He comes near me and I'll break my tennis racket over his head..And maybe that'll rebreak his fused neck!
Trish Stratus: This is the first legitimate World title defense in SGW in years, Christian's going to take care of everything.
James E. Cornette: No doubt in my mind that Wolverine's gonna' get tamed!
Trish Stratus: The winning streak continues on next week and past Heartbreaker as does the title reign. There's no stopping Christian, especially on the Taz Memorial Show. If anyone deserves to have the honor of holding the one title Taz never could, especially on the show honoring Taz...It's Christian.
James E. Cornette: Damn right.
[[ Christian and Tomko reappear into the scene back from the rest room. ]]
Trish Stratus: Everything ok?
Christian: I could be more ready.
James E. Cornette: What a crazy week this is gonna' be!
Christian: On Shock, I'm ready. I'm ready to prove all the doubters, all the critics, and Chris Benoit wrong. They're all questioning my abilities, all calling me a coward and a paper champion...Let them. But when the smoke settles on Shock this Saturday night...They'll know I'm more than just a guy who talks a lot of smack. They'll know..Benoit first hand...That I am the BEST DAMN SGW WORLD CHAMPION, EVER!
[[ He serious, but cracks a half smile. ]]
Christian: And I'm doing it in honor of Taz...Because that's..
HOW...I...ROLL!
[[ He slaps his chest three times and picks up his glass. He looks at everyone, holding it high in the air. ]]
Christian: To the memory of Taz..
Trish Stratus: Good riddence.
[[ To Cornette. ]]
James E. Cornette: Death couldn't have happened to a better man!
[[ Tomko. ]]
Tyson Tomko: ..Who cares.
[[ The four cling their glasses together and drink. The scene fades. ]]
[[ Static. ]]
[[ Fade out. ]]
Scott Smith || xxscottxsmithxx