... C A P T A I N - C H A R I S M A ...

' Celebration '

[[ Static. ]]

[[ Fade up the SGW logo. ]]

[[ Cue up the scene inside of a hotel. We're on the third floor and it's late at night right after Shock ended. What a night it was, as Christian tied Edge's record for most tag titles. This calls for a celebration of course. We see Tomko and Cornette walking down the hall. Tomko is carrying a bucket of ice. ]]

James E. Cornette: What a hell of a night tonight was. I tell you what, Tomko, Jarrett is a sneaky one hustlin' Christian like he did! But who cares? Christian tied a record and broke a record tonight! The man's a machine!

Tyson Tomko: ...Yep.

James E. Cornette: And now, Jarrett booked Christian and Trish against Vampiro? What kind of match is that?

Tyson Tomko: ..Handicapped.

James E. Cornette: I know what kind of match it is, Tomko! It was a rhetorical question meaning what was Jeff thinkin'? I mean, Trish Stratus by herself could beat Vampiro in the ring. Adding Christian to it is just askin' for Vampiro to die in the ring! And the week before a ppv, I doubt Jarrett's wantin' anyone to die!

[[ Before Tomko can say anything, Cornette fires right back. ]]

James E. Cornette: Well hell, we've seen people dyin' like crazy so far! What am I thinkin'! Arn Anderson died, Shane McMahon, Batista, Rena Mero, Val Venis..

Tyson Tomko: ..Flair.

James E. Cornette: FLAIR! Flair's died and come back to life more times than damn Jesus!

[[ Cornette and Tomko walk down the hall and see a rubberband on Edge's room's door handle. Cornette stops, a smile comes across his face. ]]

James E. Cornette: I bet Edge and Stacy are fuckin'! Let's go see what's goin' on like last week.

Tyson Tomko: ...No. Ice melting.

[[ Tomko clutches his ice bucket tightly, just wanting to go back to his room. Moans start coming from Edge's room now, an eyebrow is cocked on Tomko's face. Cornette grabs his heart with both hands like it's about to jump out of his chest. ]]

James E. Cornette: HOLY SHIT!

[[ Instead of minding their business, they stand there. Tomko doesn't seem too worried about his ice. ]]

James E. Cornette: Just imagine what's goin' on in there, Tomko! Edge is fuckin' that long-legged bitch big time! Let's go in, call it an accident, catch a peak and leave.

[[ Tomko wants to, but remains strong to his ice. ]]

Tyson Tomko: ..No.

[[ Stacy moans again. Cornette looks so anxious. ]]

James E. Cornette: C'mon, dammit!

[[ Tomko shakes his head. ]]

Tyson Tomko: ...No.

[[ Stacy then says "MY EYE! YOU SHOT IT IN MY EYE AGAIN!" and Tomko doesn't know how to fucking respond. ]]

Tyson Tomko: ..Let's go.

[[ They walk into the door and you hear Cornette scream "OH MY FUCKIN' LORD!" Just literally seconds later, Edge's door opens again, Tomko backs out, dragging Cornette, who has passed out. Edge is shaking his head as he holds the door open. ]]

Edge: Keep him out. Seriously, a man can die doing that.

Tyson Tomko: ...Yeah.

Edge: It's been a long night. You two stay out.

Tyson Tomko: ...Accident.

[[ Edge shakes his head, knowing better. ]]

Edge: No it wasn't.

[[ Tomko slings Cornette up on his left shoulder and starts to walk off. ]]

Edge: Idiots.

[[ Tomko comes back, Edge looks like he got caught calling Tomko an idiot. He stares at Edge for a second. Tomko reaches down and grabs his ice bucket to Edge's relief. ]]

Tyson Tomko: ...Ice.

[[ Tomko and Cornette walk off as Edge's door slams shut again. ]]

[[ And we now fade up in Christian's room where Trish is relaxing. Christian is pacing around the room, amped up about the night. Trish is trying to watch television, and catches what's on every time Christian gets out from in front of it. ]]

Christian: At first, I was pissed at Jeff for giving away my Tag title like it's Christmas, but then again, I remembered, it's the tag titles. This isn't 2001. Captain Charisma doesn't roll with the stinkin' Tag titles, especially in SGW! Been there done that!

Trish Stratus: Yep.

Christian: I'm only down with winning World titles, which is what I'm going to do here in Solid Gold, especially with Batista gone. Ouch, what a loss huh?

[[ Still not paying attention, Trish replies. ]]

Trish Stratus: Yep.

Christian: So I'm saying, let Kennedy and Show have 'em! I set a record and tied a record tonight on Shock. What else can I ask for?

[[ Trish seems to have snapped out of her ignoring Christian. ]]

Trish Stratus: Records? What?

Christian: Well yeah, of course, Trish. I tied Edge's record for most reigns by a single person in SGW history, and added to the longest reign in SGW history with the shortest reign in SGW history. I mean, I've got the records in a deathgrip! I'll kill Vampiro this week, and continue on with my quest for the SGW title.

[[ Trish looks at Christian funny. ]]

Christian: Vampiro doesn't have a chance. I'm going to beat him like he stole something. Well, look at the weirdo, he probably did steal something from the Seven Eleven or God knows what.

Trish Stratus: Whoa, whoa, whoa...Back up.

[[ Christian shrugs and backs up a few steps, hitting the television. ]]

Trish Stratus: No, not literally. Back up to what you said before...YOU were going to beat Vampiro with ease?

[[ He nods and rolls his eyes. ]]

Christian: Well...Duh! Greatest superstar in the world here!

Trish Stratus: You meant to say 'WE' were going to take care of Vampiro. It's a handicapped match.

Christian: Well Trish, all matches consisting of me makes my opponents handicapped. Their careers end up like the Dynamite Kid when I get done with 'em.

Trish Stratus: In a wheelchair?

[[ Christian shakes his head and then delivers the snap. ]]

Christian: Dead.

[[ Christian, happy with his line, slaps his chest. A puzzled Trish replies. ]]

Trish Stratus: Hey..He's...He's not dead.

Christian: Same thing.

[[ Trish can only shake that off and move on. ]]

Trish Stratus: But anyway, on Shock, I'm going to prove to the people that I am a legitimate wrestler, and not just a pretty face. I'm going to be the one that ends the match and pins Vampiro.

Christian: Oh yeah? Says who?

[[ Trish confidently points to herself. ]]

Trish Stratus: Me.

Christian: Being the King of tag team wrestling, it's only fitting we settle this dispute the real way.

Trish Stratus: Which is?

[[ Christian stretches and lays his left hand palm up, and his right on top of it in a fist. ]]

Christian: Rock, paper, scissors...Baby.

Trish Stratus: You're kidding me?

Christian: Let's do this. C'mon!

[[ Trish shrugs, giving into Christian's demand. ]]

Trish Stratus: Fine.

[[ They look each other in the eyes, this is going to be big. Christian rolls up his sleeves, ready for war. This is everything. Who will be the one who gets the honors of pinning Vampiro for the three-count? They count to three and both say "rock, paper, scissors, shoot!" Christian throws paper and Trish throws scissors. Christian looks pissed as Trish cocks a smile. ]]

Christian: DAMMIT!

Trish Stratus: Don't worry, Christian.

[[ Christian flops down on the bed looking beat. ]]

Trish Stratus: At least it's Vampiro getting pinned and not you.

Christian: Yeah, if I got beat by a girl..I'd...

[[ Trish stares him down, realizing he's about to mess up, he stops talking. ]]

Trish Stratus: You'd what?

Christian: Wish it was you?

[[ Christian smiles, trying to make sure she's not mad. ]]

[[ Cornette is still passed out as Tomko is carrying him down the hall shaking his head in disbelief. Cornette wakes up and starts freaking out again. ]]

James E. Cornette: What happened, Tomko, what the hell happened?

[[ Tomko shakes his head and lowers Cornette down to the ground. ]]

James E. Cornette: Passed out again...Didn't I?

Tyson Tomko: ...Yep.

[[ Cornette punches the wall. ]]

James E. Cornette: Good God!

[[ He's so disappointed in himself he could spit nails. ]]

James E. Cornette: I hate myself.

[[ Fade out. ]]

[[ In the room now, Stacy has cleaned up after doing the love handshake with Edge. She looks worn out, and rightfully so. You saw what Edge did to the poor girl last time. Edge sits in a chair, brooding..Get it? Brooding..Edge? Man I kill myself. ]]

Edge: That Val Venis.

Stacy Keibler: What?

[[ Stacy rubs the back of her new man as Edge shakes his head. ]]

Edge: Running in and jumping me like that..I mean seriously, why did he scream he was back?

Stacy Keibler: Because he was back?

[[ Edge looks up. ]]

Edge: ...That was the second show..He was there last week.

Stacy Keibler: He was, wasn't he?

Edge: Yeah, he was...What an idiot. He shows up with Arn last week, kills him, trying to be all big and bad. While he's killing Arn Anderson and ruining his piano playing career, I was busy continuing the ruining of his career.

Stacy Keibler: He did that when he did those promos about Adam and Eve.

Edge: No Stacy.

[[ Edge shakes his head. ]]

Edge: Val Venis has sucked long before that.

[[ Edge looks Stacy in the eyes. ]]

Edge: So Big Val Venis is back, eh? Since he never exactly went anywhere to begin with...

[[ Edge looks like he's in deep thought. ]]

Edge: I have something planned for Shock this week if he tries anything else.

[[ Edge looks very stern. ]]

Edge: Someone's going to get...ENDED.

Stacy Keibler: I've heard that before.

Edge: But unlike the other times...It's going to go down.

[[ Boom! Edge is a bad mother. ]]

[[ Cut back to Christian storming around the room as Trish files her fingernails. ]]

Christian: Trish, c'mon, be real about this.

Trish Stratus: What?

Christian: I'm the most decorated wrestler in the world today! I won the Tag titles last night! I'm the future World champion!

Trish Stratus: Your point?

Christian: I don't want to brag, but I'm a big deal! People know me!

[[ Trish is in disbelief at Christian's desire to get the pinfall over Vampiro. ]]

Christian: You're going to make me kick Vampiro's ass all around the ring the entire match...Blind tag me in, hit him with your finishers, and then you're going to pin him.

Trish Stratus: So?

Christian: Trish, seriously...I want to pin Vampiro.

Trish Stratus: We got to win first.

Christian: Yeah...Vampiro's going to beat us like Jericho's ever going to get a title shot.

[[ Trish smirks. ]]

Trish Stratus: The way he pissed Jarrett off, he's never getting a shot. Not even at the Television title.

Christian: I know, what a loser.

[[ Poor Jericho. Trish lays her fingernail file down and slaps Christian on the arm. ]]

Trish Stratus: Fine..Fine..

Christian: What?

Trish Stratus: If it means that much to you..

Christian: Yeah?

Trish Stratus: I guess...

[[ She lets out a sigh. ]]

Trish Stratus: You can pin Vampiro.

Christian: Really?!

[[ Trish slams the door shut. ]]

Trish Stratus: No. I won it fair and square.

Christian: DAMMIT!

[[ Christian slams his fist on the bed in anger. Trish smiles, knowing it's eating him up. ]]

[[ Cut back to outside Edge's room. We see a cleaning lady standing outside of it just exiting a room. She hears moans and other odd noises coming from Edge's room. Like Tomko and Cornette, she can't help but listen. ]]

Cleaning Lady: What in the?

[[ "FUCK ME EDGE! FUCK ME!" is heard loudly from the room. The woman's eyes are the size of watermelons. ]]

Cleaning Lady: You got be kidding me.

[[ You now hear loud sighs of relief. Stacy yells "NO! NOT ON MY FACE AGAIN!" and then Edge laughing. ]]

Cleaning Lady: Bunch of freaks..I ain't cleanin' that!

[[ She shakes her head and walks off. Poor Stacy taking facials. ]]

[[ After that unnecessary scene, we cut back to Trish and Christian. Cornette and Tomko are just now walking through the door. Tomko takes his bucket and walks over to the mini-fridge in the room. ]]

Christian: What have you two been up to?

James E. Cornette: Gettin' ice. It was a hell of a walk.

Christian: So what was Edge doing?

[[ Cornette knows he's caught. ]]

James E. Cornette: ....Fuckin' Stacy.

Christian: I knew it.

[[ Tomko grunts as he looks at his cup he just poured drink in. He looks at his cup then at his bucket of ice. ]]

Trish Stratus: What's wrong?

Tyson Tomko: ...Melted.

[[ Tomko stares at Cornette. ]]

James E. Cornette: What? What? YOU LOOKED TOO YOU TALL BASTARD!

Christian: Stop watching Edge and Stacy have sex...Seriously.

[[ Tomko drinks his drink, dumping the water that was the ice into the sink. Cornette sits down on a chair and shakes his head. Christian can't believe he's got these people with him. But he knows they're his ticket to success. ]]

Trish Stratus: I get to pin Vampiro on Shock..Christian LOST to me in rock, paper, scissors.

Christian: I didn't want to beat him anyway.

[[ Christian crosses his arms, sulking. Trish smiles knowing it's eating him alive. ]]

James E. Cornette: Aw don't worry 'bout it Christian. Hell, Vampiro sucks like damn Stacy Keibler.

Christian: I know, I know. It's kind of not fair for him to be in the match, but you know what? It happens. It's the same situation be it Vampiro or Mike Sanders. I'm just in my own little world in Solid Gold. Vampiro may be Canadian, but screw a bunch'a Canadians.

Tyson Tomko: ....Hmm?

Christian: What? I live in Tampa, Florida. Screw snow, I like the beach...Anyway, Vampiro looks hungry for success in SGW..Too bad he's not biting my neck and getting my blood. Vampiro has as much of a chance at winning this match as Val Venis does of being taken seriously with those lines he delivered on Shock. "SGW's proudest son?" Heh, more like "GAYEST son!"

James E. Cornette: Fuck Val Venis...And Flair and Batista!

Christian: And Vampiro!

Trish Stratus: There's nothing left to say about Vampiro. He's just a joke, and joke's don't make it in Solid Gold. On Shock, it'll be the first and last time Vampiro is seen in one piece. Because I'm going to handle Vampiro!

Christian: Yeah.

Trish Stratus: Think I'm lying?

[[ Christian looks around, looking for a way out. ]]

Trish Stratus: Because pay close attention to the match then. Be on the lookout for Vampiro's face, because I'm going to Chic Kick it off..Because that's how I roll.

Christian: What's up with everyone stealing my line? That's my line, dammit! MINE!

[[ The scene fades because well, it's Vampiro. ]]

[[ Static. ]]

[[ Fade out. ]]

|| Proof I'm Better Than You: Official E-Fed Hall of Famer(Class of 2002; Top Vote Getter); SGW Tag Team Champion(5; SGW Record); Undisputed SGW Tag Team Champion; Longest SGW Tag Title Reign in History(Sixty-Seven Days); Shortest SGW Tag Team Title Reign in History(10 Minutes); SGW Gimmick Champion; SGW Pick Your Title Shot Winner 2001 and 2002; SGW Top Match(3); SGW Hall of Fame; SGWx Tournament Finalist; PWO Tag Team Champion(2); ACW World Champion(2; Never Lost); ACW Tag Team Champion(2; Never Lost); ACW Top Matches(5); ACW Hall of Fame; nEw World Champion(Never Lost); nEw Television Champ(2; Unrecognized); nEw #1 Draft Pick; nEw Hall of Fame; UCW World Champion; UCW Hall of Fame; sPw Co-World Champion; sPw Rumble Winner; DWR Hell on Earth Winner; AWE IC Tournament Winner; AWE Intercontinental Champion; AWE Top Match; RW Tag team Champion(2); PWR United States Champion; PWR Tag Team Champion(Never Lost); PWR Top Match; CWF World Champion; CWF Hardcore Champion; CWF Hall of Fame; WWA Intercontinental Champion; WWA Hardcore Champion; CWO Intercontinental Champion; CWO Tag Team Champion(Last Ever); CWO Hardcore Champion; CWO Top Match; WWF:Zone Intercontinental Champion; NMW World Champion; LoC Owner; #1 Fed Owner For 7 Weeks; Forced PWR and APW to Close TWICE in 7 Weeks Because of Pure Awesomeness; LoC Gimmick Champion; PWR World Champion(Sid got to count his);Countless RP'er and Quote of the Week; Tag Team of the Week, and Top 10 Rankings. ||