SGW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION - SGW GIMMICK CHAMPION - SGW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPION - SGW HALL OF FAMER
Roleplay Number: #014 ][ Record: Wins: 008 Losses: 000 Draws: 000 ][ Match: Total Elimination
SGW Achievements:
' No Laughing Matter '
Your Solid Gold Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion
[[ Static. ]]
[[ Here's to twenty-nine straight wins. ]]
[[ Hop on my shoulders and I'll carry us to victory. ]]
[[ Fade up the SGW logo. ]]
[[ Sweat. ]]
[[ The scene opens up inside of a large Gold's Gym. The smell of sweat fills your nostrils upon entry. You see huge men working on their physiques, and also you see normal sized people starting their road to fitness. Occasionally you'll hear a grunt from someone trying to lift an amount of weight that's out of their range. We walk around the gym and stop at the bench press stations where Tyson Tomko is doing a large set. Cornette's spotting him, Trish is on the treadmill beside the bench press, and Christian is laying on one of the benches asleep. We know he's asleep because he's snoring like nobody's business. Tomko is pouring sweat, showing a tough workout. Cornette's yelling in his ear. ]]
James E. Cornette: C'MON TOMKO, TWO MORE!
[[ One down. ]]
James E. Cornette: LAST ONE, BIG MAN! LAST ONE!
[[ Tomko presses the bar with the weights on them one last time and sets the bar back up on the holder. He lets out a big breath of air and Cornette applaus his effort. Tomko sits up on the bench and wipes sweat off his forehead. ]]
James E. Cornette: Damn good job, Tomko! Damn good!
[[ Cornette slaps Tomko on the back and immediately takes his hand off and looks at his sweat covered hand. Cornette looks like he's about to puke. ]]
James E. Cornette: GOD DAMN, TOMKO! YOU'RE SWEATIN' MORE THAN A BLACK MAN AT A KKK MEETIN'!
[[ He hadn't so much got that out of his mouth, wiped his hand off until a cast of black, bulked up men stare at Cornette from all around the room. He knows he's in trouble. ]]
Black Man: What did you say?
Black Man Two: He be talkin' that shit. That's what he said.
Black Man: Oh hell no he didn't!
Black Man Two: God damn right he did!
James E. Cornette: Shit.
[[ Tomko shakes his head. ]]
Tyson Tomko: ..Idiot.
[[ Cornette runs out of the camera view screaming "DON'T HIT ME!" repeatedly. He continues running right out of the gym. Trish sees him run off and gets off the treadmill. She walks over to where Tomko is and hands him a towel. ]]
Trish Stratus: Where did he go?
[[ Before Tomko can answer. ]]
Trish Stratus: Wait, let me guess...He used the KKK meeting joke didn't he?
[[ Tomko nods. ]]
Tyson Tomko: ..Yep.
Trish Stratus: Leave it to Jim to say something stupid.
[[ Another nod from Tomko. ]]
Trish Stratus: You get a good workout in?
[[ Nod. ]]
Trish Stratus: Good. So on Shock, you're taking care of business right?
Tyson Tomko: ..Not getting eliminated.
[[ Trish smiles. ]]
Trish Stratus: That's what I like to hear, Tomko. That's the spirit.
Tyson Tomko: ..Truth.
[[ Tomko continues toweling off and Trish walks over and stands above Christian. Christian's having a good dream, because the smile on his face goes from one ear to the other. He's talking in his sleep. ]]
Christian: Yeah Stacy...Rub her boob..Yeah...Do it for the champ.
[[ Trish isn't happy. ]]
Christian: Oh Stacy's fallen and got a boo-boo...Trish you'd better kiss it and make it better.
[[ He smiles and wiggles a little. ]]
Christian: Oh yeah, oh yeah...That's nice...
[[ Now we know what type of dream he's having. Trish has her arms crossed and is stomping her right foot. ]]
Trish Stratus: If he's thinking about what I'm thinking he is..
[[ With anger. ]]
Trish Stratus: He's not making it to Shock.
[[ Tomko's now standing beside Trish, cupping his ear so he's not to miss the next part of Christian's X-rated dream. ]]
Christian: It's good to be the champ...It's good..
Trish Stratus: It's not going to be for much longer.
[[ Christian snaps out of his dream, opens his eyes and the first thing he sees is Trish, and she is NOT happy by no means. ]]
Christian: Uh-oh.
[[ He's like a deer in headlights. ]]
Christian: It's not what it seems..
[[ Christian knows his life is in jeopardy so he closes his eyes and pretends to be asleep. He begins making horrible snoring noises. ]]
Trish Stratus: Wake up...NOW!
Christian: I'm asleep.
Trish Stratus: I said...WAKE..UP..NOW!
Christian: ZZZZZZ!
Trish Stratus: Christian, you're just making a bunch of Z sounds. That's not how you sound when you sleep. That's only on cartoons.
[[ He's still "asleep." ]]
Christian: ZZZZZ!
Trish Stratus: GET UP!
[[ Christian rolls into the fetal position for protection. ]]
Christian: DON'T KILL ME!
[[ Trish pinches Christian's arm and he pops up. He's looking around the gym, probably for the closest exit. ]]
Christian: I can explain.
Trish Stratus: Go for it.
[[ He thinks it over and realizes he's beat. He flat out tells her. ]]
Christian: I got nothing.
Trish Stratus: No excuse at all?
[[ Shakes his head. ]]
Christian: Nope.
[[ Nothing. ]]
Christian: If it means anything, you were really good.
[[ She shoots it down. ]]
Trish Stratus: It doesn't.
Christian: No? Oh, okay...Tomko, why wasn't you here to help me?
[[ You can tell Tomko doesn't want in this middle of this. ]]
Tyson Tomko: ..Working out.
[[ Tomko flexes his right arm, and Christian looks approvingly. ]]
Christian: I can tell. Your tattoos are becoming larger.
Trish Stratus: Speaking of working out, why aren't you doing anything?
Christian: Because I don't have to, Trish. Seriously, look at my opponents. I really don't think I have to do much of anything to get prepared to face five jokes.
[[ Christian relaxes on the bench. ]]
Christian: My opponents have been working hard this week..Steve Austin's been hanging around Eugene, drinking beer, running his mouth about stuff he's not going to do in the ring tomorrow night. Eugene's a stinkin' retard, and even he knows that I'm the man. Austin just needs to go drink another beer and punch his girlfriend.
[[ He finishes. ]]
Christian: Or I'll finish off what Owen Hart started when he broke Austin's neck. Steve Austin doesn't belong in my side of the card. He should be back down in the bottom. His days of drawing the big money and setting the wrestling word on fire have come and gone. This is my time, my time!
Trish Stratus: Steve Austin needs to have a winning record before he comes thinking he's going to eliminate you. I'd not even show up and just let my partners take care of everything.
Christian: That's a great idea, Trish...
[[ Blank stare at Trish. ]]
Christian: If I wanted to lose.
Trish Stratus: You've got Kennedy, Show, and Storm. There's nothing to worry about. The amount of suck they do is less than the amount of suck of your opponents. So it evens out.
Christian: One thing I've noticed about Storm's promos was...You can hear what Storm's thinking sometimes.
[[ Tomko raises his eyebrow and Trish looks confused. ]]
Tyson Tomko: ....
Trish Stratus: Are you ok?
Christian: No, seriously you can.
Trish Stratus: Whatever. All I hear in Storm's promos is Mike Awesome running around dropping f-bombs like they're hot out of the oven.
Tyson Tomko: ..Cool mullet.
[[ Christian nods. ]]
Christian: Can't argue with that.
Trish Stratus: What about Kevin Nash and Shawn Michaels? Nash had this little list of comparisons to you and your teammates, and he tried saying the goatee and no hair was fashionable.
Tyson Tomko: ..I don't have hair?
[[ Tomko rubs his bald head and grunts. ]]
Christian: No prob, Tomko. Nash can't say much about himself. I'd rather be bald with a kick ass goatee like that, than be old and gray headed with the nickname of the damn "Silver Fox!" What I've noticed about our opponents, is that they're nothing but five has-beens in this business. Just a bunch of old times..Kevin Nash is the most injury prone man alive. He's going to eat his words on Shock when me and Tomko make him tear his quad again.
Trish Stratus: He'll probably do that just entering the ring.
Christian: That is a possibility. And Michaels, screw HBK, he needs to consider himself lucky he's in the main event. And it's only because he's facing me. The most flamboyant and charistmatic superstar in the wrestling world today title doesn't belong to HBK anymore, oh no, it belongs to the man who can back up the claim...ME! He and Nash need to enjoy their one week relationship with the main event scene, because as soon as Shock goes off the air tomorrow night..
[[ Christian gives the throat-slashing motion. ]]
Christian: It's over!
Tyson Tomko: ..Boom.
Christian: Let them talk, let Dumb n Dumber call us gay, but I don't see them slamming Torrie Wilson every night like I am you, babe.
Trish Stratus: Someone forgot to let me in on that fact.
Christian: Anyway, the true gay people are Benoit and Malenko. If HBK and Nash aren't careful, the only tag team action they'll see, is one of them getting tag teamed by Benoit and Malenko.
[[ Tomko curls his lip. ]]
Tyson Tomko: ..Disgusting.
Trish Stratus: This is probably the most lopsided match I have ever seen in my life. The SGW World and Gimmick champion, the Tag champions, and the next Television champion against five guys who'll never amount to anything in Solid Gold.
Christian: Don't get the fact that two of them are gay.
Trish Stratus: That only makes it worse.
Christian: Sure is quiet in here..I've NEVER been able to talk about Benoit without Cornette chimming in with something funny..
[[ Christian looks around. ]]
Christian: Where'd Cornette go?
Trish Stratus: That idiot..
Christian: Used his KKK comparison joke and got chased out by a large group of black men, didn't he?
Tyson Tomko: ..Yep.
[[ Christian acts not so surprised but kindly disappointed. ]]
Christian: Maybe he's still alive.
[[ Trish shrugs. ]]
Trish Stratus: Who knows?
Christian: Nobody go check on him?
Trish Stratus: And get beat down too? Yeah right...I'm not interesting in having fourteen inches crammed into me.
Tyson Tomko: ...No way.
Christian: Well...That is a good point.
[[ Everyone agrees Cornette's life isn't worth dying for. ]]
Christian: I still don't get why Benoit is talking smack for? He proved last week he couldn't beat me in the ring for the World title, and now, he thinks just because he's got his best buddy and two washed up, injury prone goofballs as teammates it's going to help his case any? Please. This match is an insult to me and my career. I should be main eventing against people worthwhile, not teaming and facing complete and total jokes.
[[ Jim Cornette pops out of no where, which is totally ironic that they were just talking about him and thought he was probably dead and being raped. His necktie is wrapped around his head, his clothes ripped and dirty. He looks like hell and is gasping for breath. ]]
James E. Cornette: Those faggots Benoit and Malenko just need to go back to packin' fudge and not even bother! Tomko and Christian's gonna' go on an eliminatin' crime-spree on Shock! It ain't even gonna' be close!
Trish Stratus: Cornette, what in the world happened?
James E. Cornette: What do you mean?
Christian: You look pretty banged up.
James E. Cornette: Really?
Christian: Your necktie is on your head like a bandana. I've only seen you do that once, and then we made you stop drinking and put your pants back on.
[[ Cornette's face becomes a little red. ]]
Christian: That was a crazy night.
[[ Cornette looks down at his clothes. ]]
James E. Cornette: GODDAMN! I don't know! All I know is I went a runnin', I was runnin' faster than someone who found out they had to face Christian in a match! I was runnin' and them bastards caught me! Last thing I remembered was one of 'em tried to Benoit me.
Christian: Benoit you?
James E. Cornette: He tried stickin' his cock in my ass!
[[ Everyone's shocked. ]]
Christian: Jesus Christ.
[[ Cornette's ranting and raving a mile a minute. ]]
James E. Cornette: No goddamn joke! I fought that bastard off, and next thing I know, I'm back in here right now.
[[ Everyone's in shock, Tomko sums it up. ]]
Tyson Tomko: ..Wow.
Christian: So..Does your...Ass hurt?
[[ Cornette rubs it with both hands. ]]
James E. Cornette: Nah, I don't think I got plugged in.
Trish Stratus: Well, that's always a plus.
James E. Cornette: Yeah, but look at me! I look like those five pieces of shit Christian and Tomko's gonna' slaughter tomorrow night!
Christian: Nah, you look a little better.
James E. Cornette: So Champ, have you done your workout?
[[ Christian laughs. ]]
Christian: Very funny.
James E. Cornette: Why the hell not?
Christian: Cornette, if you faced the opponents me and Tomko have to, would you work out? Would you worry about the match?
[[ Cornette shakes his head no. ]]
James E. Cornette: I'd just worry 'bout gettin' fucked in the ass.
Christian: Well, besides the last part, exactly. Carrying a team to a victory over a group of jobbers like the ones we're up against is nothing compared to the wars I've fought in the past. This is nothing compared to winning four SGW tag titles, winning the World title, beating Ric Flair and snapping his undefeated streak...This is a cake-walk for me. I'm Captain Charisma, the best damn wrestler in the business today! All I got to do is go through the motions and it's an easy win.
Trish Stratus: If you combine the wins of his and Tomko's opponents, they're not even CLOSE to the number of wins Christian's got so far in Solid Gold. None of them even have winning records. Tomko has a better record than all of them.
Tyson Tomko: ..Undefeated.
Christian: Yeah, Tomko killed RVD a few weeks back.
[[ Tomko nods. ]]
Christian: Like Snoop Dogg said back in the day, tomorrow night ain't gonna' be nothing but a g-thang, baby!
[[ He slaps his chest. ]]
Trish Stratus: The hell's a "g-thang?"
Christian: I don't know. But tomorrow night is nothing but a g-thing.
Trish Stratus: If you say so.
Christian: It's Steve Austin leading the team. Steve Austin, he's drunk all the time. He doesn't know what he's saying. If the man was sober, he'd realize that saying he was going to beat me and hanging around a retard like Eugene wasn't the best idea possible for him to do. He'll eat his words and my fist tomorrow night on Shock..He's the first of those 'one-time only' main eventers.
James E. Cornette: And screw Benoit and Malenko. You already tamed the "Rabid Wolverine" once last week, and like he and his butt-fuckin' buddy are gonna' do anything worth a damn this week! They ain't nothin' but a bunch of spot-fillin' jobbers! Let them two talk, they ain't in it for the wrestlin', they in it to feel all up on one another and their opponents!
[[ Cornette shows no mercy when it comes to Benoit and Malenko. ]]
Christian: Then Kevin Nash...He needs to go back to Hollywood, because he's entered my house, and he's trying to play ball in my league, and I'm fixing to throw him out on his ass. Tomko, I'll let you handle Nash.
Tyson Tomko: ..Nuts.
Christian: And last but not least, the Has Been Kid...Shawn Michaels had his day back in the 90's..This is the Era of Charisma. This is my time. I'm the man in this business now. I'm the measuring stick of greatness. You want to be the best, you beat me...But that's something that just doesn't happen..Especially not this week. Tomorrow night is going to be business as usual..Me and Tomko enter the ring, and take care of business. Enough said.
[[ Christian props himself against a treadmill. ]]
Christian: I'm the best thing to ever happen to this business. I'm the franchise player of Solid Gold Wrestling. I call the shots. And tomorrow night on Shock, it'll be a ten man war, and when the smoke settles, five men are going to remain, and it'll be all five members of our team. Because Maria's put us against five men who can't overcome the greatness that's the SGW World Champion...Hell, they're five men who can't even win a match!
James E. Cornette: Goddamn right!
Trish Stratus: You and Tomko will cruise to the win and right into Heartbreaker without a problem.
Christian: So let them talk, me and Tomko will be the ones letting our actions speak for us in the ring when we're kicking people back to the midcard where they belong..Twenty-nine straight wins for me, and two straight for Tomko..
Tyson Tomko: ..Yep.
Christian: Why? It's simple...Because that's..
HOW...WE...ROLL!!
Tyson Tomko: ..Boo-yah.
[[ The scene fades. ]]
[[ Static. ]]
[[ Fade out. ]]
Scott Smith || xxscottxsmithxx