[[ Fade up the SGW logo. ]]

[[ The scene opens up as we see Jim Cornette and Tyson Tomko standing in front of a multi-colored backdrop. It's nothing lavish, it's just colors that blend in to give a nice, calm setting for a promo. Tomko is standing beside Cornette, wearing his usual black tanktop and black pants. His arms are crossed, and he only moves to blink and breath. Cornette is standing out with his black sport jacket, yellow shirt, red tie, and gray pants. To say his fashion sense is unique is an understatement. You can tell he's pissed off and he's about to rant. ]]

James E. Cornette: You know what makes me mad?

[[ Cornette wastes no time to begin ranting and raving. He's sporting an incredibly angry look and you can hear the anger in his voice. ]]

James E. Cornette: What pisses me off is still, no matter what is said and done, the people are still doubtin' Solid Gold. They think it's pre-set, it's borin', it's the same thing week in and week out...But it ain't even close! APDubya can have all the snazzy looks, the dumbass roster, they can have all that bullshit...And if you're one of the ones that flocked to 'em and left SGDubya high and dry, then do yourself a favor and go fuck yourself! 'Cause when APDubya is fuckin' closed because it's shit, don't bother come crawlin' back, beggin' for a spot in the company that's still open!

[[ Cornette pauses for a minute second and continues. ]]

James E. Cornette: So go ahead, enjoy your stay in APDubya, Chyna, Steiner, and everyone else..I hope while you two are bein' jobbed to a fuckin' dead wrestler, you look at Solid Gold, and you see the greatness that's in it, you see the potential of the wrestlers...You see....You see the fire and the hunger that the guys like Randy Orton has...You see the veterans like Bret Hart, Christian, Edge, and Venis doin' everything to uphold the honor and tradition that SGDubya represents...And when you immediately regret leavin' Solid Gold 'cause your asses got jobbed to a piece of shit like Chris Jericho or a fuckin' rotten dead piece of shit like Curt Hennig, and you want back in Solid Gold...

[[ He smirks before he continues. ]]

James E. Cornette: Why you can just go fuck yourselves and take a walk in front of a movin' car! We don't fuckin' want you! Enjoy being a bitch in APDubya...If that company was worth a shit, League O'Champions wouldn't have closed it down twice in a month!

[[ Cornette puts up both hands. ]]

James E. Cornette: Whoa, whoa, whoa...I'd better stop...That was APDubya X Ricky Steamboat closed twice in a month. The x makes everything different of course..Which reminds me...Hell, Dean Mason stole that from Solid Gold Wrestling! I guess SGDubya sucks the big dick after all, I mean..We're so dumb and don't do anything new, that's why that X got stole from us..But in SGDubyaX, the X represented a new beginning...Like Steamboat said time and time again in LoC...That X in APDubya X only stood for one thing...

[[ Cornette cracks a smirk. ]]

James E. Cornette: XTINCT! And now, go ahead APDubya! Fuck with Solid Gold! Try to be the big hot shot company you wanna'be! Steal our names, steal our jobbers...We don't give a shit! I don't give a shit! Because I wipe my ass with APDubya magazine! APDubya ain't never done anything worth a god damn!

[[ Cornette continues ranting. ]]

James E. Cornette: If it was so good, it'd produced somethin' worth a god damn besides that thing they call results..It looks like a damn abortion if you ask me, that's just my opinion, and it should be everyone else's because I know what the fuck I'm talkin' about!

[[ Cornette adjusts his glasses and continues. ]]

James E. Cornette: Now, I may have made it sound like takin' Steiner and Chyna was a big deal, but it ain't..Take that fuckin' bitch Chyna! Take her and let her stick her dick up your ass! We don't need that chick, because SGDubya's women division is like half the god damn members of your roster...THEY'RE FUCKIN' DEAD!

[[ Before Cornette can even take a full breath of air he's back at it. ]]

James E. Cornette: Now sure, SGDubya has its flaws. I mean hell, we got a shitty World Champion. Val Venis didn't do a thing to earn the title, except lose in straight weeks to Christian and Muhammad Hassan...Hassan's a man I'll hit in a second..But Val Venis is my subject right now...Val Venis has always been the biggest two-face prick in this business. He puts on a good front, but when it comes down to it, he talks a lot of shit he can't back up and a lot of shit he'd deny to your face.

Tyson Tomko: ..Yep.

James E. Cornette: He's the most overrated bastard in this business. Look at 'em, runnin' around, remindin' everyone he's the champion...Hell, it's a good thing he is, because people are still askin' Christian on the streets who he's defendin' his title against next because they still think he's the champion, and he damn well should be the champion! Tom Cruise winnin' the title was fine, because he still gave that title more credibility than Val Venis ever will!

[[ Cornette's face is turning a dark red, his voice is cracking from the anger and the yelling. ]]

James E. Cornette: But still, the fact remains Christian's gonna' get that World title back around his waist soon enough...I may not like Val Venis, or agree with him representin' this company as champion...He calls himself "Your SGDubya Champion," but he ain't MY god damn champion! Christian, the undefeated legend is MY champion!...I may not like 'em, but Val Venis is better than anything All-Pro Wrestlin' would produce as World Champion...It's damn true, but one for one reason.

[[ Cornette holds up his index finger on his left hand and continues. ]]

James E. Cornette: Because even though our World Champion is shit on the mic, shit in the ring, and shit as a human bein'...At least he's fuckin' breathin' oxygen through his lungs unlike Mr. Perfect, a former APDubya, and probably fixin' to be, APDubya Champion! How the fuck does that happen? How does a dead man wrestle? Fuck that! He's dead! Am I the only one that went to that bastard's funeral? I know I'm not! He's dead! He can't walk let alone wrestle!!

[[ Tomko shakes his head. ]]

Tyson Tomko: ..Nope.

James E. Cornette: So fine, go ahead and write Solid Gold off as dead. That's fine. But if you want a company full of no bullshit, with the history to back it up...Then you're lookin' at the real deal company in this business! And if you're readin' this, and you ain't in Solid Gold, and this is pissing you off...Well, that's just too damn bad! Fuck you! I don't give a shit! This is the truth whether you like it or not! So come the fuck on, spam our boards, talk shit about Christian! Talk shit about our roster! Do whatever you want to do to make yourself feel better, but the fact still remains, at the end of the day, Solid Gold Wrestlin' is the better company, be it a four man roster or a fifty man roster!

[[ Cornette loosens his tie and goes right back to work. ]]

James E. Cornette: But once again, Solid Gold ain't perfect. We had a bunch of people on the roster who were doin' great and then suddenly decided they were bored of the product...Tired of goin' through the motions...Like Muhammad Hassan. He's a different case than the regular no-shower...This man was the United States champion. He was easily the number two man in Solid Gold...Now look at 'em..He ain't SHIT! He was bitchin' and moanin' 'bout not gettin' his World title shot...Not doin' this, not doin' that...But I've got a message for Muhammad Hassan...

[[ Cornette looks into the camera, snarling. ]]

James E. Cornette: You think you're so great?! You think you are the man? Well, I look at you, and all I see was a man who did everything possible to try to be just like Christian..I admit, you won your matches, but you could never steal the spotlight. You have that sort of reputation. You're the man who quits if he doesn't get his way, when it seems like you may lose, you quit...I know for a fact you fuckin' asked for Heartbreaker off a few weeks ago so you didn't have to defend your title so you'd break the record for the longest reign! You are nothin' but a ball suckin' piece of SHIT!

[[ Cornette is still all up in the camera. ]]

James E. Cornette: You may have the record for longest U.S. title reign, but onle thing about your legacy will always be there to cover that achievement up...And that's two damn words....PETER GAINSVILLE! So Hassan, so do some more LSD, trip on some acid...Go fuck yourself and die! And when you're done trippin' and you realize the mistake you made...Don't come beggin' back into Solid Gold! Like Taz, we don't fuckin' want you, which is why we killed his ass! So Hassan, I hope you enjoy your permanent retirement, baby! We'll be fine without ya'! Wherever you go, whatever you do, please forget to write!....Hell, it's better you left now than when you finally won the SGDubya World title..I don't think we got that many charity cases left in us after givin' Venis the belt and Randy Orton a title shot!

Tyson Tomko: ..Nope.

James E. Cornette: I bet Hassan's sittin' back somewhere gettin' on his phone, about to call me up..He knows he's gettin' everything he deserves. He's getting the truth thrown in his face and he can't handle it! He'll be callin' me after this, cursin' at me, sayin' I hurt his feelings, but I don't care! I can hear him now..."C'mon, eh! You know Peter Gainsville is somethin' you don't mention to me! Eh! Eh!" Why the fuck he's speakin' like a damn Canadian, I don't know! But I know that's what he's doin'! Because Muhammad Hassan is one of those who can dish it but can't take shit!

[[ Cornette removes his necktie and continues. ]]

James E. Cornette: And I bet you're wonderin' where's Christian? Where's Edge? Trish? They're off celebratin' Edge and Christian breakin' a longstanding Solid Gold record. A record they EARNED! They weren't handed shit! They earned everything achieved in this business! They fought hard times in early SGDubya, fought against management not wanting them to touch the Dudleyz' records, not wantin' them to do certain things...So if you're thinkin' this run is the Edge and Christian dick suckin' run, you're wrong...It's Edge and Christian finally gettin' everything they deserve! You people don't know! It's easy to look at see that they win all the time, but no one knows the circumstances....Winnin' ain't a big deal...Especially when you're the best in this business barnone!

[[ Cornette now rips off his sports jacket, this is getting crazy now. Cornette is ranting with full emotion, stepping on toes and not caring if he does or not. ]]

James E. Cornette: This week, Christian goes up against Kevin Nash. He's so confident in winnin', he ain't even gonna' bother talkin' shit. Kevin Nash is fucked six ways from Sunday! He's a man that was pushed by the DubyaDubyaF brass to the moon, but ended up bein' the lowest drawin' DubyaDubyaF Champion EVER! EVER! EVEN THE BIG SHOW DREW MORE THAN KEVIN NASH!...Then in DubyaCDubya, he came in, tryin' to act all cool with his butt buddy Scott Hall, and Hollywood Hogan...They changed their names, formed the New World Order, had pierced ears, wore cool clothes, flashes gang signs like a bunch of homos....They were a bunch of fourty to fifty year old fossils trying to act eighteen damn years old all over again!

[[ Cornette continues after wiping his forehead. ]]

James E. Cornette: Kevin Nash has the mobility of an eighty year old man, and six moves in his moveset. He can't and won't have what it takes to run with the REAL SGDubya World Heavyweight Champion, Christian, on Shock this week! No way in hell is it gonna' happen! In fact, Kevin Nash ain't worth anymore of my time is he, Tomko?

Tyson Tomko: ...Nope.

James E. Cornette: So in conclusion, Val Venis, enjoy your time as champion, but you'd better be watchin' your back...You'd better hope you don't make it past Orton at World Warrior, because if you do, the REAL champ's gonna' be wantin' his title back, and I'd hate for you to lose your third straight match to the greatest tag team in the history of Solid Gold Wrestlin'!

[[ Cornette adjusts his glasses. ]]

James E. Cornette: I'm James E. Cornette, the views expressed in this shoot interview are those of no one else's but my own. They should be though, because everything I said in this interview was right and is one-hundred percent true...From APDubya suckin' dick to Val Venis bein' a joke...Christian is gonna' wipe out Kevin Nash...So yeah, if you don't like what was said, too damn bad...Suck my dick, kiss Christian's ass, and go fuck yourself...

[[ Cornette flashes a cheesy grin. ]]

James E. Cornette: I'm Jim Cornette, have a nice day.

[[ Fade. ]]

[[ Static. ]]