... C A P T A I N - C H A R I S M A ...

' Wasting Time '

[[ Static. ]]

[[ Fade up the SGW logo. ]]

[[ Scene opens up right where our last one left off. We're inside the hotel room of Christian after Shock has taken place. Cornette has left the room, most likely to try to catch Edge and Stacy having sex like always. Tomko is reclining in a chair as Christian and Trish are laying on the bed. Christian is on his back, arms crossed, pouting over losing the rock, paper, scissors war to Trish. If you remember, whoever won got to pin Vampiro, and well, Trish won. ]]

Trish Stratus: You're still mad over the rock, paper, scissors thing, aren't you?

Christian: No.

Trish Stratus: Really?

[[ Christian nods quickly, but you can tell he is. ]]

Trish Stratus: Don't lie to me.

Christian: Fine, you want the truth? Yes, Trish...Yes I am mad over you beating me in rock, paper, scissors.

[[ She looks pleased after getting the truth out of him. She rolls over, giving him a smile. ]]

Trish Stratus: Tell you what...We'll go again, and if you beat me, you can pin Vampiro.

Christian: Deal...But you're so going to lose...Like Vampiro. Because lightning doesn't strike twice, doll.

Trish Stratus: Oh whatever, I could beat you with my eyes closed.

Christian: Yeah right.

[[ Trish rolls her eyes. ]]

Trish Stratus: That so?

Christian: Damn right it is!

Trish Stratus: Fine, fine, fine..If you beat me, I'll do you one better than letting you in Vampiro.

[[ Christian looks intriged. ]]

Christian: I'm listening?

Trish Stratus: I'm so confident that I can beat you, that if you win, we'll have sex right now!

[[ Another sex tape promo? Buckle up kids. ]]

[[ Tomko cocks and eyebrow, you can tell he's interested now. ]]

Christian: Sex? You and me...If..WHEN I win?

Trish Stratus: Yep.

Christian: Like...Like crazy torrid sex Edge and Stacy has?

[[ She nods. ]]

Christian: Oh, snap! Let's do it!

[[ They both get up and face one another. Tomko even comes in to witness this one. They ready, hold their right fist in the palm of their left hand..Count of three comes, they say "Rock, paper, scissors..SHOOT!" Here comes the decision..Christian flashes scissors and Trish throws paper...CHRISTIAN WON! Tomko's eye light up and Christian shakes his head in disbelief. Trish looks stunned. ]]

[[ Mike Adkins, if for some reason you're reading this, hit the back button now. 'Cause here comes more sex. ]]

Christian: So...What's your favorite position? Doggie style, missionary?

Trish Stratus: You didn't win.

Christian: Yeah I did! I always win! And now we're fixing to have sex!

Trish Stratus: Nah-uh.

Christian: What? You said it yourself.

Trish Stratus: Nope.

Christian: You're like a Michael Shane promo...You make no sense!

[[ Christian is obviously disappointed. ]]

Christian: You got to sleep sometime...Don't make me rape you.

[[ Trish stares at Christian, even Tomko looks worried. ]]

Christian: Kidding.

[[ Trish sighs. ]]

Christian: No, really I'm not.

Tyson Tomko: ...Hmm.

[[ Trish gets under the covers and rolls over. ]]

Trish Stratus: Sorry Christian. I'm not like that.

Christian: You had sex with hundres of guys in SGWx! Even Vanilla Ice! VANILLA ICE!

Trish Stratus: I'm not a whore. You want a whore, go find Stacy.

Christian: Maybe I will.

[[ A knock is heard at the door. Tomko goes and gets it. ]]

Trish Stratus: Because I had sex with Corino's Camp doesn't mean anything. It was to get you a World title.

Christian: Something I'm missing.

[[ She rolls over, facing Christian. ]]

Trish Stratus: I do things for a purpose. Stacy does it because her brain's been rotted by Val Venis for the past four years, and all she knows is what Venis knows. All Venis knows is being on his back for long periods of time..Hence why Stacy is always on her back, laying on a bed.

Christian: Or in a storage closet.

Trish Stratus: Backseat of a car.

Christian: Bathroom of a Dairy Queen.

Trish Stratus: What?

[[ Christian nods. ]]

Christian: Stacy said she wanted a Blizzard...She forgot to tell Edge what a Blizzard was..He thought it was -

Trish Stratus: I know...I know.

[[ Stacy appears in the room wiping her face off. Silly Edge, at it again. Trish and Christian look at one another, knowing Stacy heard everything they said about her. ]]

Stacy Keibler: Hey guys, sorry to bother you. I was just getting a towel.

Christian: That's fine..Trish was just fixing to go to a pants party.

Trish Stratus: No she wasn't.

[[ Stacy laughs as Christian looks dejected. ]]

Stacy Keibler: Well, you two kids have fun. I'll see you when we all get backstage at Shock. Good luck against Vampiro.

Christian: No luck needed, Stacy. Vampiro sucks. Canadian Vampire, there's no such thing. I'll drive a nail through the heart of his career on Shock.

Trish Stratus: Then I'll cover him for the three count.

Christian: I won fair and square, dammit!

[[ Stacy knows it's time to go and she waves and leaves to go back for more torture from Edge. ]]

Christian: Poor Stacy.

Tyson Tomko: ...Yep.

Christian: Trish...Seriously...I won fair and square. We got to knock knees!

Trish Stratus: Not with Tomko in here. I'm not an actress in porn.

[[ Christian looks to his problem solver, needing him more than ever. The desperation is obvious in his eyes. ]]

Christian: Take a hike.

Tyson Tomko: ...No.

Christian: YOU'RE MY PROBLEM SOLVER!

[[ Christian is devistated. Can't blame Tomko, man's got to watch you know. ]]

Christian: I have two problems right now..The lack of SGW World title reigns and climbing Mt. Stratus..Now make like a tree and leave big man!

Tyson Tomko: ..No.

Christian: I hate you.

[[ Trish is almost disgusted by this whole ordeal. ]]

Trish Stratus: I guess the greatest wrestler in the world deserves to get to know his partner.

Christian: Damn right he does.

Trish Stratus: Looks like it means a lot to you.

Christian: Sure does.

Trish Stratus: Let's make a deal.

[[ Christian is licking his lips. ]]

Christian: I promise not to shoot in your face.

Trish Stratus: Huh?

Christian: Nothing, keep going.

Trish Stratus: As I was saying..We'll do the La Cucaracha under one condition.

[[ He's all ears. ]]

Trish Stratus: I'll pin Vampiro.

Tyson Tomko: ..Do it.

[[ Christian looks in deep thought. It's not even something that should be considered. ]]

Christian: Well..

[[ The scene fades before Christian gives an answer. ]]

[[ We switch gears and we now see James E. Cornette on the same hall as Edge's room. He looks to be on a secret mission, most likely to catch Edge and Stacy doing the boot scootin' boogey. There's the same door, rubberband and all. The rubberband is the international symbol for 'do not disturb' for all you little kids out there. ]]

James E. Cornette: Wonder what's going on in there..Surely to God they can't be doin' it again!

[[ Cornette puts his ear to the door, smile on his face. ]]

James E. Cornette: This many times HAS to be god damn illegal...Or unhealthy! A man could have a heart attack! Hell, lose it if ya' don't use it I suppose...That's what they always say.

[[ A random woman walks by the hall, staring. He looks at her. ]]

James E. Cornette: What? It's true!

[[ She shakes her head and continues walking. He presses his ear back to the door. ]]

James E. Cornette: Oh Stacy...

[[ He looks like he's going to have a heart attack until another woman is seen standing over him. She's wearing a tiny spaghetti strapped shirt. Her clevage is showing, and the bottom of her breasts is right above Cornette's head. He notices someone behind him and leans up. His head bumps the large melons and he spins around. ]]

James E. Cornette: WHAT THE...

[[ TORRIE WILSON! Mike Sanders' manager is standing right above Cornette, who is now on the ground. ]]

Torrie Wilson: Excuse me, Mister..

James E. Cornette: You have huge tits!..I mean, I'm J..J...Jim.

Torrie Wilson: Hi Jim, I'm Torrie Wilson.

[[ She smiles, but Cornette is staring at her massive boobs. ]]

James E. Cornette: I know.

Torrie Wilson: This Edge's room?

James E. Cornette: Yeah...why?

Torrie Wilson: He invited me over. Wanted to discuss business.

[[ Edge, what a man. He's taking on everyone's managers. ]]

James E. Cornette: Oh..Lucky man. Very few women talk business with Edge. But when they do..Boy howdy they don't forget! He leaves his callin' card all over their damn face like it's a god damn runnin' joke!

Torrie Wilson: Heh, I've heard. Well, nice chatting with you.

[[ She smiles a friendly smile at Cornette and walks into the room. Cornette pops up and dusts himself off. ]]

James E. Cornette: That Edge, what a son of a bitch. Fixin' to fuck that big tittied bitch of Sanders'..

[[ He starts to walk off but stops dead in his tracks. ]]

James E. Cornette: Wait a second...If Torrie went in..That means..

[[ He looks like he just witnessed a small child being ran over by a train. ]]

James E. Cornette: ...He's gonna' fuck Torrie...AND STACY BOTH!

[[ He turns around and heads back for the door. ]]

James E. Cornette: HOLY FUCKIN' SHIT! THAT BASTARD'S FUCKIN' 'EM BOTH!

[[ His attention is back on the door as the scene fades. Torrie Wilson is with Edge now, how crazy. Poor Mike Sanders. ]]

[[ Now it's decision time. What did Christian choose? Hopefully he made the right choice so you can all read about Trish getting naked and getting hammered like a nail going into a piece of wood. ]]

[[ We flash back to our previous scene in the hotel room. Tomko is asleep in the chair, arms crossed. Trish is watching television in bed. Christian is curled up in a ball, wrapped in a sheet, sound asleep like a baby. Trish looks at him, shaking her head. ]]

Trish Stratus: Poor Vampiro.

[[ She rubs Christian's arm. ]]

Trish Stratus: Well..You got to first-base tonight..Too bad you wasn't ready.

[[ He's still out. ]]

Trish Stratus: We beat Vampiro, and maybe we can try it again.

[[ She's smiling a smile that lets us know she's totally kidding. Like she gained a victory over the legend. ]]

Trish Stratus: I feel bad for Vampiro. Because on Shock, he won't know what hit him. He's just going to be another notch in the ol' belt. And after that, it's on to Six-String Supremacy, and then the World title!

Christian: But then after Shock we're gonna' get freaky! I heard you say it!

[[ Christian pops up. ]]

Christian: I'll be ready next time.

Trish Stratus: I just said that because you was asleep.

Christian: Oh, I know. But I can't wait..This Sunday, the winning streak continues, Vampiro's going to become a stain in the ring mat..And after that...Captain Charisma is climbing Mt. Stratus!

[[ Trish shakes her head at Christian, who is smiling like a weasel. ]]

Christian: Man...I rule.

[[ Christian puts his arms behind his head, looking like a king. ]]

[[ Sucks to be Vampiro. No showing was the best idea ever. ]]

[[ Static. ]]

[[ Fade out. ]]

|| Proof I'm Better Than You: Official E-Fed Hall of Famer(Class of 2002; Top Vote Getter); SGW Tag Team Champion(5; SGW Record); Undisputed SGW Tag Team Champion; Longest SGW Tag Title Reign in History(Sixty-Seven Days); Shortest SGW Tag Team Title Reign in History(10 Minutes); SGW Gimmick Champion; SGW Pick Your Title Shot Winner 2001 and 2002; SGW Top Match(3); SGW Hall of Fame; SGWx Tournament Finalist; PWO Tag Team Champion(2); ACW World Champion(2; Never Lost); ACW Tag Team Champion(2; Never Lost); ACW Top Matches(5); ACW Hall of Fame; nEw World Champion(Never Lost); nEw Television Champ(2; Unrecognized); nEw #1 Draft Pick; nEw Hall of Fame; UCW World Champion; UCW Hall of Fame; sPw Co-World Champion; sPw Rumble Winner; DWR Hell on Earth Winner; AWE IC Tournament Winner; AWE Intercontinental Champion; AWE Top Match; RW Tag team Champion(2); PWR United States Champion; PWR Tag Team Champion(Never Lost); PWR Top Match; CWF World Champion; CWF Hardcore Champion; CWF Hall of Fame; WWA Intercontinental Champion; WWA Hardcore Champion; CWO Intercontinental Champion; CWO Tag Team Champion(Last Ever); CWO Hardcore Champion; CWO Top Match; WWF:Zone Intercontinental Champion; NMW World Champion; LoC Owner; #1 Fed Owner For 7 Weeks; Forced PWR and APW to Close TWICE in 7 Weeks Because of Pure Awesomeness; LoC Gimmick Champion; PWR World Champion(Sid got to count his);Countless RP'er and Quote of the Week; Tag Team of the Week, and Top 10 Rankings. ||