. . . 1 0 0 % S T R A T U S F A C T I O N . . .

|| Record: 005 - 000 - 000 || Match: vs. Amy Love || Roleplay #: 010

SGW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION - SGW GIMMICK CHAMPION - SGW TAG TEAM CHAMPION - SGW HALL OF FAMER

[[ Good things come to those who wait. ]]

[[ And wait was exactly what Christian did. For what was almost five years, Christian waited for his chance to become SGW World Champion. Dominant in every company he's been in, winning World titles, being inducted into the Wrestling Hall of Fame, they were all amazing feats, but it was what he longed for. It wasn't his main goal. In SGW, Christian was always known as the tag team wrestler, the little brother of the man who held the record for the most tag titles. Now, Christian has tied that record, and propelled himself into the record books in SGW. Not just anyone holds the SGW title. You earn it. And Christian awaited his opportunity, and unleashed a masterpiece plan to get him exactly what he wanted. ]]

[[ Usually it's Jeff Jarrett behind the swerves, but this time, Christian beat him to it. ]]

[[ So how does the man who has now achieved every achievement he's ever desired in this business celebrate? By taking the night off obviously. Trish Stratus steps into the ring against the only remaining diva on SGW's active roster. And well, to be honest, I feel sorry for her. Trish is determined to show she's just as talented inside the ring as she is outside. He led her man to the SGW title, and now it's her time to shine in Solid Gold. ]]

[[ Static. ]]

[[ Fade up the SGW logo. ]]

[[ YOUR CHAMP IS HERE. ]]

[[ Fuck Matt Emerson. Fuck Chris Shady. ]]

[[ We open up inside of a car. Tyson Tomko is driving, Jim Cornette rests comfortably in the passenger's seat. The back is vacated by the World Heavyweight Champion and the lovely Trish Stratus. Trish is sitting with Christian's right arm around her shoulders. She's pressed tightly against his chest. Christian has his title belts laying beside him on his left. He has a look of satisfaction on his face, and why not? He's got everything in the world he could ever desire. Trish on the other hand looks bothered by something. She has a deep thought look on her face, and she doesn't speak. ]]

[[ Cornette is mouthing off a mile a minute as always. This time it's about the previous night's dinner with the celebrities. ]]

James E. Cornette: That restaurant was fun except for the fact Rob Schneider got in. I punched that goofy bastard right in the face! Right in his cocksucker!

Christian: Yeah, you did punch him stiffly in the mouth. No doubt about that.

James E. Cornette: Damn right I did, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat! That moron wasn't funny last night, just like he wasn't funny when he was sayin' the same damn thing in the Waterboy! That man hasn't made a good movie his entire life! Rob Schneider deserves to die! Fuckin' die the worst death of anyone!

Christian: Why do you hate Rob Schneider so much?

[[ Cornette searches for a reason. ]]

James E. Cornette: I just don't like him. He sucked in the Waterboy, the Animal, that Deuce Bigelow movie..

Tyson Tomko: ...Big Daddy.

[[ Cornette nods and looks back at Christian. ]]

James E. Cornette: The bastard couldn't even read in Big Daddy!

Christian: I'm sure he can in real life.

James E. Cornette: I don't give a hell if he jacks off in a bathroom with Boy George! He's like women's wrestling, Christian! He's garbage!

Tyson Tomko: ..Uh oh.

[[ Tomko is right. That comment snaps Trish out of her commatose state. She eyeballs Cornette, who is doing everything in his power to try to not look at Trish. His face is turning a dark red as he tries to remain cool like he didn't say anything. Trish leans closer to Cornette, cupping her ear with his right hand. ]]

Trish Stratus: What was that?

James E. Cornette: I just said Rob Schneider was garbage.

Trish Stratus: Yes, but you also compared him to women's wrestling.

[[ He rapidly shakes his head. ]]

James E. Cornette: No ma'am I didn't! If anything, the women's match Saturday on Shock will be entertainin'. I mean, hell Trish, you'll do everything but kill that stupid girl!!

Trish Stratus: I just heard you say women's wrestling was like Rob Schneider. That's not really a fair comparison.

[[ He's caught. ]]

James E. Cornette: ...

Trish Stratus: Because he's on a totally different level than I am, Cornette! Excuse me, that, for once, I'm doing something worthwhile for myself. Excuse me for wanting to go out to that ring and show the people what I have to offer.

James E. Cornette: When you think about it, I think the people already know what you're bringin' to the table.

Trish Stratus: I apologize that I won't be wrestling for the pure cause of ripping another woman's clothes off down to her bra and panties, and that I'll actually be wrestling for a three-count, Jim. I have something to prove. All I've heard since Christian won the title is that we don't deserve our spots. That we haven't done anything to merit the success we have. And you know what?

[[ She gives no time for a response from anyone. ]]

Trish Stratus: That's going to change. Christian has the longest active SGW winning streak dating back to December 2002. He's the first double champion since Johnny the Bull. He's not the World Champion because he played the politics game like all the other superstars.

Christian: Oh hell no I didn't!

[[ He shakes his head repeatedly. ]]

Trish Stratus: And I'm sick and tired of hearing that I don't have a place in this business. If it wasn't for people like me, Christian wouldn't be your World Champion...Someone like Val Venis would be your World Champion. So yes, I'll accept a "thank you" for doing everyone in here a favor.

Christian: When you put it like that, kinda' makes it seem like I didn't do much of anything.

[[ Christian shows a half frown and Trish continues on her tear. ]]

Trish Stratus: On Shock, the entire world is going to open their eyes and realize who Trish Stratus really is. I'm going to steamroll right over Amy love and send her packing right out of Solid Gold Wrestling for good! Then, when everyone sees that I'm more than just a mastermind and a pretty face, the entire world will realize that we are truly the most dominant faction in wrestling history!

Christian: I just hope you kill Amy Love because she's possibly the ugliest girl I've seen since Nicole Bass.

James E. Cornette: Wait a second, Nicole Bass wasn't a woman was he?

[[ Everyone nods, Cornette looks puzzled. ]]

James E. Cornette: GOD DAMN! That...That..Hell, it ain't a woman! Nicole Bass is more of a damn man than I am!

Trish Stratus: But anyway, Shock is going to be a great night. What's left of the Jarrett Administration is going to have to sit back and watch as we have the Christian Celebration all night long...Starting off with me taking Amy Love out of SGW like last week's trash. It's going to be a spectacular tonight. I just can't wait.

Christian: How about everyone freaking out about me being Champion? Not my fault I thought of the plan.

Trish Stratus: Ahem.

Christian: Uh, it's not my fault I'm the one that made the pin. Anyone could have done the same thing...If they were smart enough. But I guess it's way more easier to sit back, watch me dominate, and complain about it than it is to do something about it. I'll face anyone, anywhere, any time they want if they think I'm not the greatest SGW World Champion of all time.

[[ Christian continues on his rant. He points at Tomko. ]]

Christian: Anyone could have gone through with the idea. Even Tomko. He could be holding the SGW title, not to give me a break so I don't wear myself out toting it around, but because he was the champ...That is, if he pinned Jeff Jarrett. Imagine Tomko as the World Champ.

[[ We're at a red light luckily, because that comment causes Tomko to turn around curious. He points at himself. ]]

Tyson Tomko: ..Me?

Christian: Yes you, my bald problem solver. You could have been the first man ever to cleanly pin Jeff Jarrett without a screwjob finish. You could be the current SGW Champion.

[[ With a cocky smirk, Christian shows the belt. ]]

Christian: But you didn't...

[[ He slaps his chest three times. ]]

Christian: I did!

Trish Stratus: Ah, nothing like a plan working perfectly and getting everyone in on it.

James E. Cornette: Ol' Edge beatin' Val and intentionally trashin' the Gimmick title. That was the easy part thanks to that goofy bastard Snitsky tellin' Tomko what was in the box to begin with.

Trish Stratus: Speaking of, what did you have to do to have Snitsky tell?

[[ Tomko nods. ]]

Tyson Tomko: ...No comment.

[[ Everyone cringes with thought of that what happened. ]]

Christian: You showed him your feet, didn't you?

[[ He thinks back and looks disguted. ]]

Tyson Tomko: ...Don't ask.

Christian: Well, thanks for taking a bullet, big man.

James E. Cornette: Speakin' of Edge, anyone talked to him since Sunday?

[[ Everyone shakes their heads 'no.' ]]

James E. Cornette: Neither one of 'em can say they can be satisfied with that match. That shit was a brawl! That was a legitimate street fight if I've ever seen one! It just shows what kind of idiot Val Venis is though for slamming the box on Edge's head! What would we have done if Val Venis won?

Christian: We wouldn't haave haved to worried about that. Because if Val would have won, the world would have ended.

Trish Stratus: Yeah, we'd be buying jackets, because then Hell would have just officially frozen over.

Christian: Val Venis winning, what were you thinking?

Trish Stratus: That's like asking what if Amy Love beats me on Shock this week? That's just one of those things you just don't have to even worry thinking about. There's no "what if?" to anything pertaining to Val Venis or Amy Love beating ANYONE like us. We don't lose, it's not in our vocabulary...Especially to people like that.

James E. Cornette: I wonder what's Edge is doing right now? Is he even still alive?

[[ Christian shrugs. ]]

Christian: Well, ever since Edge went through with his end of the plan, and I got the belts..I've not really thought of much else but how cool it is being the first man to capture the SGW World, Tag, and Gimmick titles in SGW history.

James E. Cornette: I bet he's havin' sex. Like, crazy marathon sex for hours. Like Sting, the singer.

Tyson Tomko: ...Impressive?

Christian: Ok, I lied.

[[ He throws his hands in the air, submitting to his guilt. ]]

Christian: I've also thought about something else.

Trish Stratus: Good.

Christian: I've been thinking about how..how good..

Trish Stratus: Well, thanks, you weren't bad yourself.

Christian: How good the title looks around my waist.

Trish Stratus: .....What?

[[ Christian pulls out his cell phone and dials a number into the phone. ]]

Christian: I'll see what he's up to.

[[ He waits as it rings. ]]

Edge: Hello?

Christian: Hey bro, what's up?

Edge: Just uh...Taking care of some business.

Christian: Feeling better after getting the box slammed on your head?

Edge: Yeah..Stacy's taking care of the head part right now.

[[ Christian covers the phone and looks to the group. ]]

Christian: He says Stacy's giving his head some medicine.

Trish Stratus: What? Mouth to mouth?

Christian: That's weird...I'll see.

[[ He goes back to the phone. ]]

Christian: So, is she giving your head mouth to mouth?

[[ Dial tone. ]]

Christian: He must have passed out or something.

James E. Cornette: Yep, they're fixin' to fuck. That Stacy, what a bicycle she is, always givin' Edge a ride.

Christian: Oh yeah, speaking of bikes, I talked to Lance Armstrong last night before you two went out for a walk. He asked me a weird question.

Trish Stratus: What?

Christian: He asked if you had a big trunk to put his bike in?

[[ Everyone looks at Trish except Christian. ]]

Christian: I told him we stole Val's limo and the trunk wasn't very big. But if he wanted, he could try to put his bike in it, or we could put it up top or something if he needed a ride. Pff, thinking it was your trunk. Lance Armstrong, he's lucky he survived cancer and lost a testicle, or I'd kicked him in the nuts for wanting to bum a ride like that.

Trish Stratus: Yeah well, don't worry about Lance Armstrong. We've seen the last of him, just like we've seen the last of Amy Love and a legitimate women's division in Solid Gold. Tomorrow night on Shock, Amy Love's going to be in for a rude awakening as I school her in the art of what it's like being the most dominant diva ever.

[[ She finishes. ]]

Trish Stratus: If there was even a SGW Women's title, tomorrow night, I'd be winning it. Because Amy Love is fixing to be one-hundred percent STRATUSFIED!

[[ She smirks cockily. ]]

Trish Stratus: Guaranteed.

[[ The scene fades. ]]

[[ Static. ]]

[[ Fade out. ]]

I'M BETTER THAN YOU AND I KNOW IT

Scott Smith