SGW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION - SGW GIMMICK CHAMPION - SGW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPION - SGW HALL OF FAMER
Roleplay Number: #012 ][ Record: Wins: 007 Losses: 000 Draws: 000 ][ Match: vs. Chris Benoit
SGW Achievements:
' Owned '
Your Solid Gold Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion
[[ Static. ]]
[[ Fade up the SGW logo. ]]
[[ The Paper Champion in the house. ]]
[[ We open inside of the home of Christian in Tampa, Florida. Christian and Trish share a couch and Tomko sits in a recliner watching television. Jim Cornette is no where to be found oddly enough. Christian's SGW World title is laying on the coffee table in front of the black leather couch he's sitting on. It's shining like new money. Christian is looking at his watch every few seconds. ]]
Christian: He's late.
Trish Stratus: It's an internet wrestling reporter, what do you expect? He's probably not going to get here until his mom finishes pressing his clothes.
[[ Chuckles. ]]
Christian: In the beginning, I wasn't interested in being interviewed for this wrestling newsletter, but after everything's that's surfaced this week, I think it'll be good publicity for me...And another way for me to humilate the legacy of Taz.
Trish Stratus: Shock is going to be another amazing night I know. You'll defend you'll be the first SGW World Champion since Johnny the Bull to successfully defend the title in your first defense against that loser Chris Benoit..Then at the end of the night, we celebrate the death of Taz.
Christian: I'm going to have to get some tissues. I may cry a little.
[[ She's surprised. ]]
Trish Stratus: Tears?
Christian: Of joy of course. Pff, cry for Taz. Please, Trish. I've been out to end Taz for years, Randy Orton just got lucky and beat me to it. Shock is going to be a great night for us as a whole. I can't wait to get in the ring and defend this title. Chris Benoit is talking a lot of smack, and I'm fixing to make him choke on his words. I'm not lying when I say I'm keeping this title forever.
Trish Stratus: And when you get done beating Benoit, crushing his title hopes, he won't be alone. At least he has Dean to console him.
[[ Christian chuckles. ]]
Christian: I know. His last interview had me wondering...
Trish Stratus: Wondering what? When Dean was going to whip it out and Benoit go to work on his-
Christian: Yeah, we got the same idea working. This isn't an Edge promo, mine stay to a PG-13 rating.
Trish Stratus: I don't know what their problems are.
Tyson Tomko: ..They're gay.
[[ Christian nods and points to Tomko. ]]
Christian: I'm with ya', Tomko. His last promo reminded me of Rocky and Apollo Creed, running on the damn beach. Not only is Benoit going to leave Shock with my foot up his ass, when he gets back to the hotel, he'll probably have something else put up there. That explains why he's always so angry. See? Everything explains itself afterall.
Trish Stratus: Makes sense.
Christian: And that's why I'm going to do SGW a favor and keep this belt on Shock. Just like Arn Anderson never let a deaf, midget get the SGW title, I'm not going to let an angry, gay man win the title. And people call me a cancer to the business, more like a hero! No gays are winning my title, that's why Taz and Val Venis have never had a World title reign.
Trish Stratus: Let alone the fact that they suck.
Christian: That too.
Trish Stratus: Benoit said you hate Taz because you could never beat him. What an idiot, you NEVER EVEN FACED HIM!
Christian: No kidding. I hate Taz because every time I achieved something he didn't, all he did was whine and complain. He was JEALOUS OF ME! Chris Benoit has his facts ALL screwed up it sounds like. He's giving dumb reasons why I hate Taz, he's in love with Dean Malenko, and he thinks he's going to beat me and become the next SGW World Heavyweight Champion...This guy has total problems.
Trish Stratus: Benoit just makes me depressed. I was kind of expecting you to have a run for your money in this match, not ANOTHER easy win! It's like, Benoit doesn't even have to show up, because the outcome's the same either way...Except if he does show up, he'll just get humiliated.
[[ Knock, knock, knock. ]]
Christian: Tomko, get the door.
[[ He stares at the television. ]]
Tyson Tomko: ...No.
[[ Christian shakes his head and gets up and opens the door. He stares at the man standing on the other side of the door, surveying him. ]]
Christian: I don't need a new World Atlas.
[[ He's confused. ]]
Dave Meltzer: No, I'm not here to sell you anything.
Christian: I'm the only God I worship.
Dave Meltzer: I'm not here to invite you to church either.
Christian: Don't tell me you're going to try to sell me Girl Scout brownies.
Dave Meltzer: No, no. I'm Dave Meltzer from the Wrestling Observer newsletter. I'm here for our interview.
[[ Christian looks relieved. ]]
Christian: Thank God, come on in. About time you got here.
Dave Meltzer: I'd been here sooner, but the directions Tyson gave me weren't very detailed.
[[ Tomko shrugs, not caring. ]]
Tyson Tomko: ...Oh well.
[[ Meltzer takes a seat in another recliner and Christian returns to his seat on the couch. Meltzer pulls out a tape recorder and prepares himself by looking over a notebook page of questions and topics to discuss. ]]
Dave Meltzer: Let's start this interview off with discussing the honor it is to be the SGW World Heavyweight Champion.
Christian: Well Dan..
Dave Meltzer: It's Dave.
[[ Christian shakes it off. ]]
Christian: Whatever.
[[ He continues. ]]
Christian: In all honesty, being the SGW World Champion is an honor. It's the one title I set out to win back in 2001 when Edge and I entered Solid Gold. We dominated the tag ranks, did everything we could do there. Sure, I won two ACW World titles, got inducted into countless Halls of Fame, but nothing compares to knowing you're the SGW Champion. It's got the history to back up its prestige. It's one of, if not the oldest active World titles in wrestling history. You got the Scott Steiners, Goldbergs, Chavo Guerrero, Jrs...All those names with all that talent has to mean something...And for my name to finally be added to that list, it only makes me feel honored.
[[ He seems humble so far, surely this has to change. ]]
Christian: I could retire tomorrow and know my career will go down as the most successful of anyone's in wrestling history. I've done EVERYTHING there is to do in this business that means anything. Of course though, I won't be retiring tomorrow, no way..I wouldn't want Chris Benoit to smuge the history with his name being beside that title.
Dave Meltzer: We'll get to Chris in a minute, but next, Trish...Tell me what it's like to have led now two men to the SGW title.
Trish Stratus: It's not so much what I did, I mean...The competitors have to be talented enough to win the title and to get themselves into the position to win. I just do the little things to assure the mission is accomplished. Jeff Jarrett and Christian will go down as the two best individual wrestlers, not only in Solid Gold, but in the entire history of this business. I like to think I had a little to do with it.
Christian: She's earned her keep, that's for sure.
[[ Everyone chuckles. ]]
Dave Meltzer: Let's switch gears a little and discuss the happenings this week on Shock. We will witness the first "Memorial" service for a superstar in SGW history. Wrestling deats occur too much as of late, but this one wasn't self-inflicted. Randy Orton KILLED Taz...That leads to my first question, how did Randy Orton not get arrested?
[[ Silence. ]]
Trish Stratus: Um..
Christian: That is a good question..I really don't know. I don't guess murder is a big deal nowdays. If murdering careers was a crime, I'd be on death row.
Trish Stratus: Taz deserved it, so who cares?
Christian: Yeah, without a doubt. He was a worthless two-face. Like, true story..This one time he delivered a pizza after he got fired from SGW, and he tried convincing me that Pizza Hut was running a special deal on the "Pacman Pizza." Then he'd harrass me on instant messenger. He threatened to come to Tennessee and T-Bone Suplex me through a Toyota.
Dave Meltzer: ...
[[ Christian's eyes get wide. ]]
Christian: I mean, seriously..He could have come to Tennessee if he wanted, but I wouldn't have been there. Just goes to show he's an idiot...A DEAD idiot at that! He'd tell me, Hassan, Jarrett, and Val Venis we were all the best...Come to find out, he was telling everyone the same thing! No alterations or anything! Taz spent his time sucking up to all of us so we'd carry him around. But the best story about Taz is..
[[ He chuckles to himself before telling it. ]]
Christian: This one night he cornered me and Hassan and told us we'd better do some squats because we were too fat.
[[ Trish looks to Christian. ]]
Trish Stratus: Really?
Christian: Yeah..SQUATS! Squats build up your legs, they don't make you lose weight. Taz is wacko. He deserved crashing into that eighteen-wheeler. And being burnt to a crisp..And this total humiliation that will be called a "memorial service."
[[ He pauses. ]]
Christian: It's work if you want to..And I will.
[[ Another pause. ]]
Christian: Mainly because I want dibs on the memorial buffet.
[[ He shrugs. ]]
Christian: I'm not going to even lie about it. I have a weakness for small tuna fish sandwiches.
Dave Meltzer: So you feel no sympathy for Taz's family since he's dead?
Trish Stratus: He's got no living family members. And if he did, they wouldn't be sad...They'd be celebrating the death of that walking condom ad just as we are this week.
Dave Meltzer: This is the biggest tragedy to happen to wrestling since Owen Hart.
Christian: Yeah, and Saturday will be the biggest joke since Val Venis's last promo.
Dave Meltzer: I don't know who you hate worse, Taz or Venis.
Christian: Don't make me pick. It's like picking a favorite child.
[[ Meltzer has no idea what to think of all of this. ]]
Christian: It's funny, the last thing Taz ever said to me was.."You as the SGW Champion is nothing but taking a crap on the last 10 years of my life." Well, he'll think taking a crap on his life when he gets done playing putt-putt golf with Abe Lincoln to look down from Heaven and watch the Memorial Show. It's going to be ugly.
Trish Stratus: Uglier than Val Venis' sister!
[[ Christian objects. ]]
Christian: Val's sister is hot...Man..
[[ He shakes his head. ]]
Christian: The things I'd do to her are even illegal in Alabama.
[[ Trish stares at Christian. ]]
Trish Stratus: ...
Dave Meltzer: .Changing the subject....What does the returns of Bret Hart and Scott Steiner mean to you?
Christian: They're nothing more than two legends I've beaten trying to comeback and steal my spotlight as World Champion. Ever since I've won this title, everyone's wanted to try to sabotage my reign. Be it, beat me, criticize me, or try to steal my thunder..Well, the fact is..
[[ He slaps the title. ]]
Christian: It's not going to happen.
Dave Meltzer: Heartbreaker is the infamous SGW pay-per-view where Bret Hart "screwed" Taz out of the SGW title. Are you afraid of a Heartbreaker Screwjob II?
[[ He shakes his head. ]]
Christian: No way. Because if Bret Hart does anything to mess with my reign, I'll kick his other foot in the grave. I'll finish him off like that bike wreck should have back a few years ago..So no, I'm not worried about Heartbreaker. It'll be just another match for me.
[[ He continues with a cocky smile. ]]
Christian: Steiner and Hart can comeback and get all the hooplah they want, but when we're having memorial services for them like we are for Taz, it won't be anything to celebrate.
[[ Jim Cornette comes out of no where, storming into the room. He looks like he's been throwing up for the past five minutes. ]]
James E. Cornette: CHRISTIAN! I outta' kick your ass for makin' me watch that damn Benoit promo!!
[[ He comes closer and Meltzer is confused. Cornette is ranting. ]]
James E. Cornette: Besides the fact Chris Benoit just made his own bed by talkin' a lot of shit he ain't gonna' back up in the ring on Shock...I felt like I was watching damn Brokeback Mountain! Benoit and Malenko are as gay as a two-dollar bill!
Dave Meltzer: What did the promo consist of?
James E. Cornette: Hell, you're a wrestlin' news guy, put this on your website as breakin' news....BENOIT FUCKS MALENKO IN THE ASS!
[[ Cornette throws his arms in the air. ]]
James E. Cornette: Part of their diologue goes like this.."I'm going out tonight." Benoit asks who with, and Malenko stares at him like he's gonna' plant a wet one on Benoit and says "You!" If that ain't two men about to play giver and receiver, I don't know! I was sittin' there watchin' it thinkin' two things..
[[ He pauses, this should be interesting. ]]
James E. Cornette: I was thinkin', "Benoit's gonna' get his ass kicked on Shock," and then my second thought was "I wonder which one of 'em is gonna' be the one to take it in the fuckin' ass?!" I was seriously expecting Malenko to whip out his dick and Benoit go to the Candy Shop if you catch my drift! That man ain't a future World Champion, he's a future member of a boy band!
[[ He pauses to catch his breath. ]]
James E. Cornette: Or the Val Venis Fan Club! I mean, shit!
Dave Meltzer: Well, I'll have a new news addition to add then.
[[ Cornette takes a seat to rest after ranting so hard. ]]
Dave Meltzer: Christian, since we're on the subject of Benoit..You have your first title defense against him this week on Shock, how are you feeling?
Christian: I'm going to win, no doubt in my mind. He's done a lot of talking this week, but he's not made me think he's got a chance. He's just saying the right things to sound good. There's a difference between talking a good game and backing it up when it counts. Me, they say I'm cocky, that I'm arrogant...But when it comes down to it, I back up EVERYTHING I say and do. I put my money where my mouth is and I get the job done.
[[ Full of confidence. ]]
Christian: On Shock, Chris Benoit won't get the job done he wants...He'll get the JOB done everyone knows he's going to do against me. The last time I lost was the last time Val Venis was taken seriously.
Trish Stratus: I don't even remember when that was.
Christian: So for Chris Benoit to think he's going to be the one to change that fact, he's dead wrong. I've been in wars. I've fought Ric Flair, snapped his undefeated streak. I was the first man to cleanly beat Jeff Jarrett in the middle of the ring without a screwjob attached to it. I'm a three-time World Champion, and a eight-time Tag Team Champion..I know what I'm doing in this business, and that's win...All the time.
Dave Meltzer: SGW is known to be the home of upset wins. Namely Chavo Guerrero Jr winning the World title for the first time.
Christian: Which he also lost the next week. Flukes happen. Blind squirrels even find nuts sometimes..But this isn't one of those moments. Saturday on Shock WILL be academic. The Captain will walk into the ring, proudly displaying the SGW World title, the belt that let's EVERYONE know who the best in the business truly is..And Dan...I'll defend that title without a problem. I'm Captain Charisma, I'm one of the elite. I'm the standard of this business...And on Shock, I'll also be known as "STILL SGW World Champion!"
[[ Christian's pumped and confident for Shock. ]]
Dave Meltzer: Do you think you're focus on Taz's death will be a distraction to your match?
Christian: Is Waffle House ever closed?
Dave Meltzer: I don't think so.
Christian: Alright then...No, nothing will distract me. Nothing will help Benoit out. I'm the World Champion for a reason. All those other companies out there can put their World titles on whoever they want to, and call him legitimate..But when you want to see the best, when you want to see a REAL World Champion..You turn the dial on Shock and you watch Captain Charisma prove to the entire world why he's the man. I take care of business no matter what.
James E. Cornette: Benoit's talkin' a big game! He was in the ring with Malenko gettin' ready! Anything he did he screamed in pain over! Malenko was hurtin' 'em big time, and he's retired! Christian's gonna' KILL Benoit! Kill 'em I said!
[[ Christian motions to Cornette that that's enough. ]]
Christian: Yeah, it's nice seeing Benoit trying to get in the ring to learn some moves. He's known as one of the best pure wrestlers in the business. You can know all the moves in the world, but it doesn't mean you're going to win. It takes more than a nice moveset to be a World Champion. It takes charisma, it takes the right look, it takes...ABILITY. Benoit has none of the requirements, and on Shock, I'm going to reveal him as the fraud he is. He can boast about being a Television champion..Maybe if he's lucky, he can win that belt again.
[[ He slaps his chest. ]]
Christian: Because when I'm done with him, I'm ousting him from the midcard back to curtain jerking where he belongs! Oh yeah, I got that kind of power!
Dave Meltzer: Any fear of being overconfident?
Christian: None. I know I'm good, so does everyone else. Chris Benoit will be the first to admit he's over his head in this match. He's swimming in the deep end of the pool, and he doesn't have his floaters. I'm going to go ahead and count Benoit as another win in my win column, and tally up my current winning streak to twenty-eight. Not because I'm overconfident, but because losing isn't an option.
Dave Meltzer: You're undefeated in World title defenses at five wins and no losses. Very impressive.
Christian: That's why I'm the best. Because when it comes down to it, I prove myself. I don't talk a lot because I like to hear myself.
[[ He waves his hands. ]]
Christian: Well...Maybe a little bit.
Dave Meltzer: What does the future in SGW hold for Captain Charisma?
[[ He rubs his chin and thinks it over. ]]
Christian: The longest SGW World title reign in history, the longest Gimmick title reign in history, and the longest winning streak in history. I won't lose the title until I see fit. That's not a claim, it's a GUARANTEE...So is me beating Chris Benoit this Sunday on Shock.
Trish Stratus: The Christian Coalition will continue to dominant Solid Gold for the duriation of its life.
[[ Christian slaps his chest. ]]
Christian: Because that's...
HOW...I...ROLL!
[[ Dave Meltzer stands up and shakes hands with the champ and everyone else afterwards. ]]
[[ The scene fades. ]]
[[ Static. ]]
[[ Fade. ]]
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