Welcomed to Main Event:

- Triple H
- Stevie Richards
- Blue Meanie
- Vampiro
- Val Venis(2)
- Amy Love
- Rob Van Dam
- Chris Benoit(2)
- Dean Malenko
- Kevin Nash(2)
- Steve Austin
- Shawn Michaels(2)
- Ken Kennedy/ Big Show
- Chavo Guerrero Jr?
- Maria?

' No More Happy Endings '

[[ Static. ]]

[[ Fade up the SGW logo. ]]

[[ "Just Close Your Eyes" hits in the background softly as we see a black screen. Edge and Christian appearing wearing gray t-shirts that read in black writing, "LEGENDS." Their SGW Tag Team titles rest on their right and left shoulders respectively. Edge is wearing sunglasses, but Christian's not. Christian makes up for the lack of sunglasses by wearing his Gimmick title around his waist. ]]

Christian: In just a matter of hours, on the day we celebrate as Easter..The day of life, Chavo Guerrero, Jr., a proclaimed SGW "legend" will witness his career suffer a horrific death at the hands of two legitimate SGW legends.

Edge: He's done nothing his entire career but thrive off situations. He was always the guy they gave the ball to when they had no one else..He's what Randy Orton and Ken Kennedy are today to this business!

Christian: And that's why, tonight at World Warrior, the joke he called a career is coming to an end..Same goes for Maria. Those two are going to do whatever they can to survive and keep their jobs, but they're not going to.

[[ Edge agrees. ]]

Edge: Because that's not how it works when you go up against Edge and Christian. No matter how big you go, we go bigger. No matter how hard you try, we try harder...No matter what you do or say, we are always going to be there to one-up everybody!

Christian: Yeah, and because it's a career match..Everybody knows how they end. Chavo's not going to win, because that defeats the purpose of booking a career match.

Edge: It's true.

Christian: Chavo is one of the most decorated SGW superstars in history. Two World, United States, Intercontinental title reigns, and a Television title reign. Seven title wins by him, one of only five people in SGW HISTORY to win seven titles. That's what he's banking on? Well, you want to know who else has won seven titles in Solid Gold?

[[ Christian points to himself with both thumbs. ]]

Christian: Me.

Edge: And I've won six, and had I not been screwed against Lance Storm for the Gimmick title all those years ago, I'd have seven title reigns as well. So Chavo, trying to make yourself look better than us by saying you've done more, isn't going to cut it!

Christian: So what you need to do is just accept the fact that tonight at World Warrior, you career comes to an end for good. There's no shame in having your career ended at the hands of Edge and Christian. Just ask Ric Flair. He was undefeated until he stepped up against me in SGWx, and I beat him and he's not been the same man SINCE!

Edge: It could be worse, you could be getting kicked out of SGW after losing to Val Venis.

Christian: Or Michael Shane...Remember him?

Edge: The guy who never spoke in complete sentences?...Or even complete English?

Christian: Yeah, him.

[[ Edge shivers. ]]

Edge: I'd kill myself.

Christian: Well, that's more or less what Chavo's done to his career. He's put his historic career on the line against us, and as soon as he did it, he pulled the plug on his career...He took the gun in its mouth and he pulled the damn trigger! Because when you put your career on the line against the two undisputed greatest wrestlers in history...You lose!

Edge: After we beat you, Chavo, we'll be the only men in SGW history to hold pinfall victories over the only two Grand Slam Champions in Solid Gold history. You'll become the eighth legend in the SGW Hall of Fame that we've beaten. Forget Randy Orton, we're the original legend killers...Even as legends ourselves, there's always room to eliminate another to prove our dominance!

[[ Christian flashes a confident smirk as he pats his Tag title. ]]

Christian: So ladies and gentlemen, enjoy the following presentation we've put together. Occasionally, you'll see shining moments of Chavo to where he's beaten the odds...Then right after it, you'll witness him have his stuff totally owned by better wrestlers, just like what's going to go down this pay-per-view.

Edge: We're getting Chavo a going away present. See, we feel bad for having to be the two men who force him into the retirement he should have stayed in all those years ago!

Christian: Enjoy the promo, kids.

Edge: I've deemed it rated "G."

[[ Edge chuckles and fronts an evil, sinister look on his face. ]]

Edge: It's rated G, because the word it stands for is what Chavo Guerrero and Maria are going to be later on tonight.

[[ Pause. ]]

Edge: GONE!

[[ Jim Cornette comes out of no where with his tennis racket looking pissed. He looks ready to shoot. ]]

James E. Cornette: CHAVO GUERRERO!

[[ He pauses. ]]

James E. Cornette: YOU TRIED CONVINCIN' US NOT TO DO A BIG OL' LONG PROMO TO TRY TO MAKE IT CLOSE! WELL CHAVO, YOU IDIOT, YOU MORON, YOU IGNORANT SHIT!...THIS IS WRESTLIN'! THIS IS THE GREATEST TAG TEAM IN THE HISTORY OF THIS GODDAMN SPORT, YOU EVEN SAID IT YOURSELF! THEY'RE THE BEST!

[[ He curls his lip and squints with anger. ]]

James E. Cornette: WHEN YOU'RE DEALIN' WITH THE BEST, YOU AIN'T GONNA GET ANY PITY! THIS IS YOUR LAST FUCKIN' MATCH EVER, AND IF YOU AIN'T GONNA GIVE A SHIT AND TRY YOUR DAMNDEST, THEN WE AIN'T SHOWIN' YOU NO GOD DAMN MERCY! YOU'RE A LEGEND IN THIS BUSINESS, AND YOU WANT MERCY!? YOU WANNA' MAKE IT CLOSE?! FUCK THAT! WE'RE IN IT TO WIN! AND WINNIN' IS WHAT WE'RE GONNA' DO!

[[ He waves his racket around. ]]

James E. Cornette: YOU WANT MERCY?! TAKE YOUR ASS TO CHURCH, GIVE YOUR SOUL TO GOD, BECAUSE YOUR FUCKIN' ASS BELONGS TO EDGE AND CHRISTIAN!

[[ Pause. ]]

James E. Cornette: You spic, horse talkin' to shit! You think Edge and Christian are afraid of you? Afraid you're pullin' the upset win? HELL NO! You ain't winnin' shit but a first-class ticket to the unemployment line, you faggot! You think just because Edge and Christian are PUTTIN' FORTH EFFORT, that it'll be us fuckin' you over? FUCK NO! It's called the best BEIN' THE BEST, CHAVO!

[[ He shakes his head. ]]

James E. Cornette: Paranoid...Chavo, this isn't paranoia...This is us KICKIN' YOUR WORTHLESS ASS!

[[ Cornette walks off and EnC look to each other. ]]

Edge: Poor Chavo.

[[ Christian nods. ]]

Christian: Idiot.

[[ Edge and Christian flash their Tag titles as the scene fades. ]]

[[ December 9, 2001. ]]

[[ The scene opens up in flashback mode. It's another edition of SGW Shock, and we're catching the show during the main event of the night. A World title match is going on, and the champion Chris Benoit is making easy work of his opponent, Chavo Guerrero Jr. Jim Ross calls the action from ringside along with Paul Heyman. ]]

Jim Ross: Chavo Guerrero, Jr. is doing his all to survive this match. Winning isn't even in his vocabulary anymore, the only word he's trying to live up to is the word "survival!"

[[ Chavo gets nailed with three straight German suplexes. ]]

Paul Heyman: We are witnessing the end of the greatest underdog story of all time! He's the Little Engine that COULDN'T!

Jim Ross: Chavo will go down as one of the most courageous people in Solid Gold history! His courage and pride can never be doubted!

Paul Heyman: Look at Chris Benoit! What a champion he is! He is a phenomenal athlete! He is..

[[ JR cuts him off as Chavo rolls Benoit after while Benoit is taunting with the cut throat motion. ]]

Jim Ross: HE IS ROLLED UP! ONE!

Paul Heyman: NO!

Jim Ross: TWO!

Paul Heyman: NO!

Jim Ross: THREE! CHAVO GUERRERO HAS DONE IT! BY GAWD, CHAVO IS THE SGW WORLD CHAMPION! DREAMS COME TRUE! DREAMS COME TRUE! BY GAWD! BY GAWD, CHAVO GUERRERO DID IT!

Paul Heyman: BULLSHIT! THIS IS BULLSHIT!

[[ The fans pop big time as Nick Patrick hands Chavo the SGW title. Chavo only looks at it as tears of joy stream down his face. He collapses to his knees in the middle of the ring and grips the title belt. ]]

Jim Ross: THE GLASS CEILING IS BROKEN! THE GLASS CEILING OF SGW IS NO MORE!

[[ Chavo kisses the SGW World title. ]]

Jim Ross: WHAT A HAPPY ENDING FOR THIS MAN! CHAVO GUERRERO IS THE SGW WORLD CHAMPION!

[[ A "CHAVO" chant starts as he holds the belt high. The scene turns dark. "The next week" flashes across the screen and we see Scott Steiner in the ring during an edition of Shock holding a microphone. ]]

Scott Steiner: And tonight, Big Poppa Pump is back! I'm gonna' take back what's mine, that SGDubya' World title!

[[ Boos. ]]

Scott Steiner: Chavo's on cloud nine right now, but here in a few minutes, Chavo Guerrero's gonna' be on his knees, suckin' my dick like the dick suckin' bitch he is! And when he's done suckin, I'm gonna' take his World title and become a four time SGDubya World Champion! Because pieces of shit like Chavo don't become World champion unless people like me aren't around!

[[ He paces around the ring. ]]

Scott Steiner: And now I'm back, and now...I'm gonna' take back that fuckin' title! HOLLER IF YOU HEAR ME!

[[ Chavo comes out and the match starts. We cut to the end, which is about three minutes later, Chavo is locked in the Steiner Recliner and he's passed out. The bell rings and Scott Steiner is handed the World title. He flexes and looks into the camera. You can read his lips saying "Fuck the happy endin'! Chavo Guerrero is shit! Holler!" The scene fades as we get JR's thoughts. ]]

Jim Ross: Well, Chavo Guerrero...He can't win 'em all! Every dream comes to an end!

Paul Heyman: GOD BLESS SCOTT STEINER! BIG POPPA PUMP IS A FOUR-TIME! FOUR TIME! SGW WORLD CHAMPION! THE CAREER OF CHAVO GUERRERO JUNIOR HAS ENDED!

[[ Just like it will again this Sunday. ]]

[[ Current time. New York City, New York. ]]

[[ On the busy streets of New York City, among a large group of people clustering the walk paths in both directions, trying to get to their destinations, we spot the Coalition right in the middle of the pack. They're walking with the look of having no where in particular of going, just enjoying the view and getting a nice walk in to clear their heads of the upcoming title defense. ]]

James E. Cornette: So yeah, in the slammer, they took us to this amazing thing.

[[ Cornette, as always, is yaking a mile a minute. He's deep into his story, Edge and Christian listen on, everyone else is ignoring him. ]]

James E. Cornette: They took us out back and asked if we wanted to watch this blonde chick get fucked. And hell, I'm always down to watch some sex.

[[ He glances at Stacy's ass in front of him and smiles. ]]

James E. Cornette: So I was getting myself ready to watch this chick get nailed, right? And what they fuckin' forgot to mention was who..Should I said "what" this bitch was gonna' get fucked by!

[[ And with that we cue up the flashback mode. ]]

[[ We're back a few days ago behind the jail. A large group of inmates form a large circle around this blonde girl. The inmates are talking amongst themselves about what could possibly be going on. We spot Cornette and Mike Awesome beside one another as the only two we can make out. ]]

James E. Cornette: Awesome, are you ready to see that bitch fucked?

Mike Awesome: FUCK YEAH! THAT BITCH NEEDS A FUCKIN' DICK IN HER FUCKIN' PUSSY!

[[ Cornette smiles and chuckles to himself at Awesome's antics. A horse is led in by a guard and the blonde starts petting the horse. ]]

James E. Cornette: The fuck? I want to watch this chick get nailed, not be at a damn pettin' zoo!

[[ The prisoner beside Cornette looks over and speaks. ]]

Prisoner: Man, she's havin' sex with that horse!

Mike Awesome: ....

James E. Cornette: ....

[[ Speechless. ]]

Prisoner: It's gonna' be off the chain!

[[ Cornette scratches his head. ]]

James E. Cornette: I wonder how this is gonna' work out? I ain't never seen a girl get nailed by a horse!

[[ The girl goes down and starts blowing the horse. We cut from this disgusting display and to Awesome and Cornette's expressions, which are that of total disgusted shock. ]]

James E. Cornette: HOLY SHIT!

Mike Awesome: FUCK YEAH! SHE'S ON HER FUCKIN' KNEES FUCKIN' SUCKIN' THAT HORSE'S DICK!

[[ Fade...Quickly fade. ]]

[[ EnC look at Cornette totally worried about what else is coming from this odd story as we come back from the flashback mode. ]]

James E. Cornette: A HORSE! A GODDAMN HORSE! WITH A FUCKIN' HORSE DICK!

[[ Cornette stops in the middle of the street and extends his hands far apart, showing the length of the horse's unit. Edge raises an eyebrow and Christian has a soured look on his face. ]]

Edge: Whatever, Corny.

Christian: That's so wrong.

James E. Cornette: NO SHIT! I thought they were jokin'..I mean, hell, you ain't gonna' let a horse stick it in ya', right?

Christian: Of course not.

James E. Cornette: Dammit, this bitch did! It was seriously a HORSE FUCKIN' THIS CHICK!

[[ Cornette throws his arms in the air. ]]

James E. Cornette: I mean, shit guys, that horse was FUCKIN' THAT BITCH HARD! I felt bad for the girl!

[[ He thinks it over. ]]

James E. Cornette: He was really fuckin' that shit! I felt bad for the horse too.

[[ Cornette shakes it off, like it was a war story he doesn't want to remember. ]]

James E. Cornette: Jail's some crazy shit!

Christian: What a mock scenario from the Fourty Year Old Virgin.

Edge: That's disgusting...Just....I have nothing to say that could explain my thoughts on that.

Christian: Not a damn thing.

[[ The group tries shaking that story off. Edge puts his arm around Stacy. ]]

Stacy Keibler: Easy Edge, don't hit me, you woman beater!

Trish Stratus: Yeah, and now I know why you won't have sex with me, Christian, because you're doing Edge.

[[ Christian looks at Trish. ]]

Christian: The reason I won't have sex with you, is because you won't open your legs. Moses couldn't even part those legs for me, Trish. And besides, incest isn't cool!

Edge: Not even close. Stupid Chavo Guerrero.

[[ The group crosses a crosswalk and they continue talking. ]]

Edge: And what's Chavo doing trying to call me out as a woman beating rapist? I don't have to rape women, the women try to rape me! And I don't beat women, I'm not Stone Cold or Ric Flair! The only thing I beat up..

[[ Edge stares into Stacy's eyes. ]]

Edge: Is what's between their belly button and their thighs.

Stacy Keibler: The pootanny.

Edge: Exactly right. I don't have to force myself on women, hell, I've never done anything with anyone who lives Paris...Thought I have been IN Paris..If you get my drift.

Christian: Haha! I get your drift!

[[ Christian just laughs as Edge knows Christian doesn't get it. ]]

Edge: I banged Paris Hilton.

Christian: Oh...That's hot.

[[ Stacy's stunned. ]]

Stacy Keibler: When did this happen?

[[ Edge presses his index finger against her lips. ]]

Edge: Stop asking so many questions.

Stacy Keibler: Ok.

[[ The two kiss passionately. Edge licks his teeth after he finishes. The scene cuts. ]]

[[ We open up in a bedroom where Edge is just nailing Stacy on the bed. Stacy is wearing a bra, so this isn't another sex tape. Edge is just banging Stacy with all he's got in him. ]]

Stacy Keibler: EDGE! STOP DOING ME! YOU'RE RAPING ME!

Edge: God damn right I am, Stacy!

[[ Edge grips Stacy across the throat! ]]

Stacy Keibler: I CAN'T BREATHE!

[[ Edge slaps Stacy across the fucking face! ]]

Edge: SILENCE!

[[ Edge continues fucking Stacy viciously. ]]

Edge: You're gonna' learn to like it, baby!

[[ Edge pulls out and Stacy knows what's coming as the scene fades. ]]

Stacy Keibler: NOT IN MY EYE!

Edge: Too late Stacy, it's...COMING!

[[ You can hear Edge laughing as the scene fades. ]]

[[ We cut back to the current time. ]]

Stacy Keibler: Edge, you could never rape the willing!

Edge: I know. But that's Chavo for you. He's the type of man who's going to try to get an advantage on someone using a bunch of facts he has no idea about!

Christian: Yeah, he knows his career is ending Sunday, and there's not a damn thing he can do about but try every way possible to go out firing. He's doing every last second idea he's got left in the tank. He knows come World Warrior, for him and Maria, it's everything or nothing against us..And when the match is over...He'll have NOTHING!

[[ You can feel the confidence overcome EnC. They know Chavo's a nonfactor to their thirty-two match win streak. ]]

Edge: Chavo Guerrero, leave it up to him to cut a promo that's full of lies and stupid jokes that weren't even funny in 2001. He tracked down that girl that I've never even met. And Jesus, what a horrible promo that was. Chavo Guerrero was never known as the master of the stick, but for the love of God, if that's all he's got working for him...He couldn't out-talk a mute person!

[[ Tomko speaks up for the first time in a long time. He shakes his head. ]]

Tyson Tomko: ..Nope.

Christian: The people are freaking out over that promo he did. They're leaving the Edge and Christian bandwagon just days after we were the unanimous pick to win this match..And now, everyone's rooting for the underdog. They want to see Chavo Guerrero pull out another happy ending to end his storybook SGW career.

[[ Christian looks pissed off. ]]

Christian: He can do all the talking, all the fan rallying he wants to do..But come World Warrior, when he's looking for that final happy ending to make all his dreams come true..He'll be struck with a horrific reality. He'll find out as soon as the bell rings that Edge and Christian will not assist to his dream coming true..We'll be his WORST NIGHTMARE!

Edge: It's absolutely pathetic that just because he can go on a long winded spill about a bunch of garbage he can't back up and WON'T back up come Sunday night, and then everyone can bow down and worship him. But that's fine, let those ignorant people cheer for who they want..It'll make us kicking him out of SGW forever even more sweeter! And the best part of getting rid of Maria and Chavo this week, is when all those fans who started doubting us come crawling back to our feet, worshipping and bowing down to the greatest tag team in history!

[[ Cornette is just busting to say something, you can tell. He's so anxious to open his trap. ]]

James E. Cornette: Chavo Guerrero is an ignorant asshole! He's got a damn girl as a partner, his career is on the line, this is his last match ever, and the best shit this idiot can come up with is tryin' to say Edge rapes and beats women, and you two are gay together! What a stupid Mexican SPIC! That El Paso bastard needs to go flip tacos at Taco Bell, and go the fuck back home!

[[ Edge nudges Cornette. ]]

Edge: We're in the middle of New York, easy what you say.

James E. Cornette: Edge, seriously, after you see a horse drill a blonde, you lose all desire to continue breathin' air.

Trish Stratus: He does have a point.

James E. Cornette: He's always been the big shot in SGDubya just because he won a bunch of fuckin' titles. Bein' a Hall of Famer, a grand slammer, and all that shit don't mean nothin'! Those achievements don't mean a thing when he's forced to carry himself and Maria to a victory over the best tag team in Solid Gold! He said you two didn't do anything to earn the reputation of bein' so great! He said he was great because he beat Mike Awesome, The Rock, and all those other faggots you two beat durin' the same era he did!

Christian: He also said Edge and Stacy's been together for years.

Stacy Keibler: Chavo, is he a retard or something?

[[ Edge nods. ]]

Edge: He thinks he can beat us and keep his job, right?

Stacy Keibler: Yeah.

Edge: Question answered?

Stacy Keibler: Yep.

Trish Stratus: Now let me ask a question.

[[ Christian adjusts his Tag title onto his left shoulder and puts his right arm around Trish. ]]

Christian: Yes, we can..And yes, as many times as you want. No problem.

[[ Trish totally bypasses Christian and gets to the point. ]]

Trish Stratus: Anyway...I was just wondering what we're here for?

[[ Tomko looks sad. ]]

Tyson Tomko: ..Diss.

Edge: Trish, we're here to do the right thing for Chavo. We're getting him a going away present that shows what we think about our beloved "legend." And it'll also be a gift that'll keep him busy as he's sitting at home watching court television, like all the unemployed people do.

Christian: We're not only saviors of SGW, we're also men with hearts of gold...Solid gold.

[[ EnC look into the camera and they both wink and flash cheesy grins. ]]

James E. Cornette: Are we 'bout at the store? I'm ready to stop walkin'!

[[ Christian looks around at the buildings. He stops in front of one and smiles. ]]

Christian: Here we are.

Edge: Finally, we found it.

[[ The sign above the door reads "Luscious Lou's." Cornette's eyes go wide. ]]

Trish Stratus: A sex shop?

James E. Cornette: FAN FUCKIN' TASTIC!

Christian: We're going to get Chavo a perfect gift to help him continue the way he's being treated now when he and Maria are sitting at an apartment, watching us on SGW television, wishing they were still there..Watching us go back to the main event, watching me regain MY SGW World title!

Edge: And it'll help Chavo know what we really think of him, his promos, and his chances of beating us Sunday night.

[[ Trish rolls her eyes, knowing better. ]]

Trish Stratus: This should be interesting.

James E. Cornette: Interestin'? This is gonna' be AWESOME!

Christian: Without question.

[[ Edge pushes the door open and leads the way inside. The scene fades. ]]

[[ January 6, 2002. ]]

[[ The Six-Pack Challenge. Mike Awesome, Chavo, Scott Steiner, Chris Benoit, Bret Hart, and Goldberg all in the ring battling for the SGW World title in perhaps one of the craziest matches in SGW's entire history, easily up to this point in time. All six men are fighting with everything they have to become the SGW champion. ]]

Jim Ross: What a match we're witnessing tonight on SGW Shock. Six-Pack Challenge ordered by Shane McMahon for Scott Steiner's SGW World title.

Paul Heyman: I do NOT agree with this match whatsoever!

Jim Ross: Oh Paul, would you shut up?!

Paul Heyman: This isn't a fair match for someone awesome like Scott Steiner! He's a four-time SGW World Champion, JR! He's above wrestling in six-pack challenges!

Jim Ross: This has been a spectacular match so far, consisting of five SGW Hall of Famers and a true up and comer in Chris Benoit, a former SGW World Champion himself.

Paul Heyman: Yeah, let's not forget Chavo and his fluke World title win. Thanks to Scott Steiner, we only had to endure one show of him being champion!

[[ The Rock comes in and clears the ring. ROCK BOTTOM ON SCOTT STEINER! ]]

Jim Ross: ROCK BOTTOM ON THE CHAMPION! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM!

Paul Heyman: WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING?!

Jim Ross: CHAVO COVERS! THE RING IS EMPTY! ONE...TWO...THREE!

Paul Heyman: JESUS CHRIST! NOT AGAIN! NOT AGAIN, DAMMIT!

[[ Chavo is awarded the SGW World title for the second time to a loud pop. Immediately after this visual, we switch to the next week's Shock. We see Chavo and Pepe doing a backstage interview. ]]

Michael Cole: Chavo, last week you captured the SGW World title for the second time, but tonight you face two tough challengers in Johnny the Bull and Paul Wight.

Chavo Guerrero Jr: Well Michael, it sure sounds like a hard challenge, but it's nothing I can't overcome if I put my mind to it, right Pepe?!

Pepe: ....

Chavo Guerrero Jr: I've faced tons of challenges in my career, but now that I'm the SGW champion, I'm living my dream..AGAIN!

[[ Money Incorporated enters the scene and Johnny the Bull stares Chavo down. ]]

Johnny the Bull: Last time you won a World title, you lost it the next week..Tonight Chavo, it's gonna' be deja vu.

Val Venis: Yeah! You're ended tonight, Chavo!

Pepe: ...

Chavo Guerrero Jr: Yeah, Val! Just like Pepe said! Go back to curtain jerking! This is main eventer talk!

[[ Val grits his teeth. The scene fades and then re-opens back during the match that night. ]]

[[ We cut right to the end, Stacy Keibler grabs Chavo's leg and Money Inc. beats down Paul Wight on the outside. While Chavo's arguing with Stacy Keibler, Johnny the Bull hits the Big Sleep on Chavo! ]]

Paul Heyman: YES! YES!

Jim Ross: THIS IS WRONG!

[[ Johnny the Bull and the rest of Money Inc. celebrate in the ring. Val Venis goes to kick Chavo out of the ring, but Chavo gets up and punches Val to the canvas and leaves on his own. ]]

Paul Heyman: CONSIDER THE ATTEMPT AT A HAPPY ENDING DEAD! CHAVO CAN'T RETAIN A TITLE TO SAVE HIS DAMN LIFE!

[[ If he only knew then about Val Venis. Fade. ]]

[[ Current time. Late night, cemetery. ]]

[[ It's a foggy night at this cemetery. No idea where we are, all we know is that it's dark and a little nippy in terms of weather conditions. This cemetery is full of, obviously, tombstones representing those who have gone on to better things in the afterlife. But one tombstone out of every one of these stands out. It's got a flame lit on top of the stone, shining bright. ]]

James E. Cornette: Let's get the hell outta' here!

[[ The Coalition enter the scene, breaking through the small layer of fog. Cornette is left behind because he's skeptical of going any farther. Noticing that's he's being left, he quickly rushes to the group. ]]

James E. Cornette: Why couldn't we have done this durin' the day?

Christian: Because it doesn't have the same effect.

James E. Cornette: But it's less damn creepy!

Stacy Keibler: Aw Cornette, quit being a baby.

James E. Cornette: Hey slut, fuck you! I'm afraid of this kind of shit at night! You don't see me makin' fun of you!

[[ Edge, the leader of the pack stops and looks at the confrontation going on. ]]

Edge: Dammit, look..None of us want to be here, but this is Chavo's last SGW match, and he's getting the proper sendoff.

Christian: Yeah, we're not facing Val Venis, we can't just slack off. We got to make his last match the worst beatdown of his life!

[[ Everyone looks around at the graves, anxiously trying to find the one certain one they're looking for. ]]

Trish Stratus: We need to hurry up and find his grave.

James E. Cornette: Goddamn right!

Edge: It's got to be here.

[[ They continue walking, not fidning anything. They walk past this large cross stone statue in the middle of the cemetery. Edge and Christian stop and admire it. Christian smirks at it. ]]

Christian: I got an idea.

Edge: Me too.

James E. Cornette: Alright Lucy and Ethel, if it don't involve findin' Eddie Guerrero's grave, then I ain't interested!

Trish Stratus: Way to spoil the ending of this promo, Cornette.

[[ Cornette looks at Trish stunned. ]]

James E. Cornette: Trish, if you didn't know by Edge and Christian facin' Chavo, talkin' about killin' people and careers and shits...That us bein' here DIDN'T result in us seein' Eddie's tombstone, then you're a god damn fool!

Stacy Keibler: Or you think you're going to fool Edge and Christian and then beat them.

James E. Cornette: Same difference.

Christian: Look, you guys go ahead and find the grave. Edge and I have something to talk about for a minute.

Trish Stratus: Fine.

[[ Trish, Stacy, Cornette, and Tomko go to walk off, but Christian stops them. ]]

Christian: Tomko, guys..Hold up.

Trish Stratus: What?

Christian: Tomko, you stay. Cornette can watch over the girls.

[[ This makes Cornette jump in the air out of shock. ]]

James E. Cornette: The hell I can!

Trish Stratus: Christian, you know good and well if anything happens to us, it'll end up being us defending Jim!

James E. Cornette: She's right, Christian. I'm not even gonna' try to cover it up! I see anything come after us, I'm fuckin' hidin' behind Stacy!

Stacy Keibler: No you're not.

James E. Cornette: Fine, I'll just-

Trish Stratus: No.

[[ Cornette crosses his arms, looking pissed at the girls. ]]

James E. Cornette: See? I'm as meaningless as a Chavo Guerrero promo! As worthless as a Val Venis title reign!

[[ Edge nods his head. ]]

Edge: They're right, bro.

[[ Christian remains silent for a few more seconds, thinking it over. ]]

Christian: That's just a risk we're going to have to take. Tomko, you stay.

[[ Tomko doesn't seem too thrilled. ]]

Tyson Tomko: ..Damn.

[[ Cornette, Stacy, and Trish continue walking as Tomko stands with Edge and Christian. The scene fades. ]]

[[ We fade up as we see the girls and Cornette still walking through the cemetery. Cornette is in the back of the pack, gripped tightly to Trish's arm. ]]

Trish Stratus: Seriously Jim, let go.

James E. Cornette: I'd love to, really I would, but I'm too scared to move.

[[ Trish breaks Cornette's grip and rubs her arm. ]]

Stacy Keibler: Surely this stupid thing is here somewhere.

James E. Cornette: I'm just wonderin' what the hell Edge and Christian were doin' back there at the cross?

Trish Stratus: There's no telling.

[[ Cornette stops and looks around. Now he notices Stacy and Trish, his protection, has left him. He runs after them, tripping over a tombstone that has a small flame on top of it. No one checks and sees if Cornette is okay, they just notice the stone. ]]

James E. Cornette: DAMMIT! I'M HURT! I'M HURT!

Trish Stratus: I guess this is it.

[[ Stacy and Trish bend down and look at it. Cornette is rolling around holding his knee. ]]

James E. Cornette: I'M BLEEDING!

Stacy Keibler: Yep, this is it.

[[ The stone with the flame on top in a small candle reads "Eduardo Gory Guerrero." Trish and Stacy look at it and remian silent, almost as if they're remembering some great moments Eddie left us with. Cornette breaks the emotional moment by his constant screaming about his knee. ]]

James E. Cornette: I'M DYIN' OVER HERE!

Stacy Keibler: Well, our mission is accomplished.

Trish Stratus: Yep.

[[ The scene fades as Cornette is still yelling in pain. ]]

[[ We quickly cut back to the large cement cross that stands out twelve feet in the air, just towering over Edge and Christian. They look grimly into the camera. A small patch of fog circles around their knees. You can see their breath as they speak. ]]

Christian: Thousands of years ago, Jesus Christ came to this world as the savior of the entire world. Sunday, the world celebrates his ultimate sacrifice. Chavo, it's funny that World Warrior falls on Easter Sunday, because Sunday night, you will be making a sacrifice yourself.

Edge: You've always been there to help those who are bullied around, because you've spent your entire career before you were anoited a "legend" being bullied around by bigger and better superstars. You were always everybody's little buddy in SGW. You used to be something special in this business. And now, now look at you Chavo...You're on your way out of SGW for good!

Christian: All because you were trying to be a hero. And now you're sacrificing your accolade-filled career for what? Maria? Seriously Chavo, you could have at least tried to save a career ending match for a cause that's worthwhile. Instead of going down in SGW as a legendary figure...You're going to go down in the record books as a martyr for the Maria Era.

[[ Christian shakes his head. ]]

Christian: At least when Jesus sacrificed himself, it was for a cause worth a damn!

Edge: This permanent retirement we're going to send you into Chavo, is about three years too late. You should already be at the retirement home with the rest of those "almighty" legends you still boast about beating. You have to constantly bring up your past accolades and the people who beat years ago, because that's all you've got left to brag about! You're not doing a thing to try to further your career, do any cementing or anything..You're just a man who doesn't know when you just give it up.

[[ Edge rubs his hands together and delivers. ]]

Edge: But that's where we step in. You won't have to worry about finally deciding when the right time for you to hang your boots up for good will be, because Sunday at World Warrior, we're going to do it for you! The five-time SGW Tag Team Champions!

[[ Edge and Christian flash arrogant grins and Christian chuckles a little to himself. ]]

Christian: You only come back to SGW when it looks like you can do something to help you. You came in just to challenge Orton and win the Television title to pad your stats. You came in for World Warrior to try to win another United States title, but Chris Masters helped you take care of ending that wish...And look at you, you're saying you're wanting to do this, helping Maria, for SGW? Chavo, you don't give a crap about Solid Gold!

[[ You can hear the fury in Christian's tone. ]]

Christian: Because if there's two people in SGW that know how you really are, you're looking at them. You put up the good front in front of the camera, all happy go lucky hanging with the stick horse...But we know you're a selfish, arrogant man. It's always about you and how you can do something to make you look better. You thought all along you could just walk in and help Maria, not for SGW...But for yourself! All you're focused on is ending Edge and I's thirty-two match winning streak dating back from December 2001! You say it's about helping Maria and ending our reign of terror over SGW, but it has nothing to do with SGW!

Tyson Tomko: ..Nope.

Edge: You're just trying to give yourself one last big achievement to brag about, but reality check Chavo..Ask Val Venis, Chris Benoit, Steve Austin, Ken Kennedy, and the rest of the SGW roster we've taken out. They thought they were going to be the ones to end our winning streak, and they didn't come close! And you, you of all people think you're going to be the one to do it? It just goes to show that you're truly as insane in real life as you are in front of the camera!

Christian: Chavo, newsflash...We're not losing to a part-time wrestler.

[[ Tomko shakes his head. ]]

Tyson Tomko: ..Nope.

Edge: It would be sweet if you won your last match, saved Maria's job, and had the fans cheer and give you a great sendoff as you stand on the top turnbuckle waving to them. It would be another one of those moments wrestling fans would remember forever..But Chavo, you're not getting one of those happy endings. The happy endings are gone. This is no fairy tale, Chavo! You're making the ultimate sacrifice on Easter Sunday, and just like Jesus did...YOU ARE GOING TO DIE, CHAVO GUERRERO!

[[ Edge snarls and licks his teeth. ]]

Christian: Sometimes, making a sacrifice pays off. But this one, Chavo..It's not going to pay off.

Edge: For you anyway. For us, it's just going to make things a little bit better getting rid of you AND Maria both on the same night!

Christian: I just hope when you're stuck to watching us on television each week with SGW being ran by a new owner...That it was worth risking your job. Because Chavo, no matter who would have been in your spot, Maria would have lost her job. But you, you just had to come in and stick your nose in business that didn't matter to you, and in the end, you're going to be guilty by association.

Edge: Heh..Looks like on Sunday night, you'll end up being..LABUS'D!

Tyson Tomko: ..Hmm.

[[ Tomko cocks and eyebrow as Christian looks to Edge. ]]

Christian: Never use that again.

[[ Fade. ]]

[[ Back at the grave of Eddie Guerrero. ]]

[[ Trish, Stacy, and Cornette are standing on either side of the stone, admiring the flame burning. Edge and Christian enter the scene, followed by Tomko. Cornette rubs his hand across his forhead. ]]

James E. Cornette: About goddamn time!

Edge: We had to take care of some business, send a messgae, ya' know?

[[ Christian walks right up to the grave and looks at it and then to the camera. ]]

Christian: Chavo, you're dedicating your match to your Uncle Eddie, huh?

[[ Christian points to the stone. ]]

Christian: Not even Eddie wants to see you succeed Chavo! You can get on your hands and knees every night before you go to sleep, and you can pray that God and Eddie sends some divine intervention to World Warrior, and that still wouldn't be enough! Chavo, no matter what you do, when it comes to facing us, not even God coming down into the ring could save yours and Maria's careers tomorrow night.

Edge: So go ahead, dedicate the match to your Uncle's memory. Do it for Eddie, Chavo! But just like always, you'll let the Guerrero family down! No divine intervention, no help from Eddie, nothing can help you! Because Chavo, like the Dudley Boyz used to say...If God wanted to be the greatest wrestlers of all damn time...Then he'd Edge and Christian!

[[ Christian looks at the flame burning. ]]

Christian: Chavo, you've made a lot of mistakes this week and in the previous weeks leading up to this pay-per-view. And tomorrow night at World Warrior, it's going to be time to pay for your mistakes. This will be the first time you face Edge and Christian, and the last time you face Edge and Christian! You're going to be just like your favorite Uncle....He went out with a damn toothbrush in his mouth!...And tomorrow night...You're going out with TWO BOOTS IN YOUR ASS!

James E. Cornette: Damn right! Chavo Guerrero, Jr.! You ain't a legend, you stupid asshole! You're gonna' step into the ring and face the greatest wrestlers, the greatest tag team in the HISTORY of this business! The most decorated superstars in wrestling! You've got damn Maria as a partner! You ain't gotta' chance! You may be like Jesus makin' a damn sacrifice on Easter...

[[ Cornette pauses and then slams it home. ]]

James E. Cornette: But goddamn Chavo, you ain't actually Jesus! You ain't gonna' make water into wine! You ain't gonna' work any fuckin' miracles! The only miracle that's gonna' occur tomorrow night is if you're able to walk on your own two right, right out of that damn ring and right the fuck out of the buldin' and Solid Gold forever!

[[ Edge looks into the camera. ]]

Edge: Unlike you, when we say we're going to do something, we go through with it! There is no false advertising with Edge and Christian! So not only are we going to back up every damn word we've said in the past week against you and Maria tomorrow night, Chavo...We actually did get you a going away present.

Stacy Keibler: It's an awesome present!

[[ Trish looks to Stacy. ]]

Trish Stratus: You'd think that.

[[ Tomko reaches from behind the tombstone of Eddie and reveals a large box. Christian and Edge take it and start unwrapping it. Edge takes the top of the box off and looks inside smiling. ]]

Edge: Chavo, your entire career you were always passed over for someone else better. You didn't get your chance to leave the midcard until the Rocks, the Steiners, until all the REAL legends were already gone and forgotten. You're not a legitimate legend, you're like Val Venis...You were in the right place at the right time. All you have left to brag about is your titles and who you beat...Well Chavo, all those people you beat...WE DID TOO!

[[ Christian reaches inside the box, but doesn't reveal the gift. ]]

Christian: You've been screwed over your entire career in Solid Gold, Chavo. You're screwed tomorrow night at World Warrior when Edge and I end your abortion you call a career! And now, thanks to us, in retirement...You won't have to stop being screwed! That's why, out of the bottom of our hearts, Chavo...We got you a fantastic going away present.

[[ Christian pulls his hand out and reveals a huge green vibrator! Laughs are heard all around as Christian turns it on and it starts vibrating in his hand. He turns it off and we wait for everyone to stop laughing. ]]

James E. Cornette: That's right, Chavo! Thanks to us, you can take this fuckin' dildo and stick it up your ass! With this dildo, you can GO FUCK YOURSELF!

[[ Boom. ]]

James E. Cornette: No seriously, GO FUCK YOURSELF CHAVO! YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT! YOU NO TALENT JOBBER! YOU'RE NOT A GOD DAMN LEGEND! YOU'RE A GOD DAMN IDIOT! AN IDIOT! LIKE MARIA! AND ON SUNDAY NIGHT, YOU'RE GONNA' BE DEAD LIKE YOU'RE UNCLE EDDIE!

Trish Stratus: Alright..Alright..

[[ Edge walks over and puts his hand over Eddie's flame, warming his hand. ]]

Edge: Chavo Guerrero, you're the last remaining legend on our list that we've not defeated. That all changes tomorrow night. With a win over you, we go down in history as the legitimate greatest superstars in SGW history...With a win tomorrow night, we go down in SGW history as SAVIORS! AS HEROES!...As the men who single-handed ended the reign of terror that was, "Maria, Interim Owner of Solid Gold Wrestling!"

Christian: Only twenty-four hours Chavo, only twenty-four hours until you hit the unemployment line...Or you go try to get a job for APW..Actually, APW is a better fit for you, because you're actually on the talent level of the wrestlers there. But Chavo, don't think of it as us kicking you out of Solid Gold..Think of it as us doing you a favor, and helping you realize that your time is up. We're helping you do something you should have done already by now.

[[ The camera zooms in, getting a little closer on their faces. ]]

Edge: Don't worry Chavo, this sort of thing happens to everyone who steps against us..You just got to realize that you can't beat Edge and Christian. Putting your career on the line against us isn't a wise move. That's why, on Sunday night, we're putting your miserable career out of its misery!...And that's something...You can...

BANK ON!

[[ Christian strokes his chin and slaps his belt. ]]

Christian: You want that happy ending to go out on. You want to win the Tag titles, the one title you've never won in your career...You want to save Maria's job...But you don't always get what you want. So yeah, I hope you enjoy your retirement. You really deserved it. So yeah, thanks Chavo for being the goof who decided to volunteer to help Maria out. Without you, we'd probably have to try a little harder.

[[ Edge cracks a smile and he and Christian look at each other and shake their heads. ]]

Edge and Christian: Nah.

Christian: It's been a hell of a ride for you Chavo, but in the end, all things come to an end. Yours is just going to be a more disappointed and horrific ending that everyone else's. But you got to remember Chavo, we're just too powerful for someone like you, a shell of his former self, to overcome in the end...It's nothing personal, it's just...

HOW...WE...ROLL!!

[[ Christian slaps his chest three times as Edge blows out the flame on the candle sitting on top of Eddie's tombstone. A small streak of smoke floats up ]]

Edge: We'll put your flame out, Chavo.

James E. Cornette: TAKE THIS DILDO AND GO FUCK YOURSELF!

[[ Edge and Christian remove their tag titles from their shoulders and hold them high into the air as the scene fades to black. ]]

[[ Static. ]]

[[ Fade out. ]]

[[ A few weeks ago on Shock. ]]

" Two Men's Goal to Rid SGW of Maria "

[[ Maria, Jillian, and Chavo are backstage. ]]

Chavo Guerrero: Don't worry, Maria. I'll help you against Edge and Christian.

Maria: Thanks, Chavo~! :)

" At World Warrior, It'll All Be on the Line! "

[[ Cue up Edge clutching Jillian Hall tightly. ]]

Edge: It's time to give me what I want, Jillian!

Jillian Hall: Fine, fine! You got it! Just don't hurt me!

" Two Careers on the Line! "

Jillian Hall: At World Warrior, if Maria and Chavo lose, then Chavo is gone from SGW FOREVER!

Edge: Thanks, that's all I wanted.

[[ Cue up Maria looking sad talking to Chavo. ]]

Maria: But Chavo, I'm going to cost you your career! :(

Chavo Guerrero: Don't worry, Maria! We can do it! I'm great against the odds!

" A Battle to Break the Glass Ceiling in SGW! "

Chavo Guerrero: I've broke the ceiling once, and I'll do it again! ODELAY!

" Chavo Guerrero Jr's Last Stand in SGW. One More Time, He Tries Defying the Odds. He Tries Going Out With One Last Happy Ending. "

Joey Styles: WHAT HAS CHAVO DONE?! HE'S PUT HIS CAREER ON THE LINE AGAINST THE GREATEST TAG TEAM IN SOLID GOLD HISTORY!

Don Callis: Can Chavo Guerrero defy the odds one last time?

" The Storybook Endings, the Happy Endings Don't Exist Against Edge and Christian. "

Joey Styles: WE'LL FIND OUT AT WORLD WARRIOR! EDGE AND CHRISTIAN VERSUS MARIA AND CHAVO GUERRERO, JR.! TAG TITLES, MARIA'S OWNERSHIP, AND CHAVO'S LEGENDARY CAREER ON THE LINE! WILL WE WITNESS ANOTHER HAPPY ENDING FOR CHAVO GUERRERO!?

" At World Warrior, It'll Be the End of an Era. "

[[ The scene fades as the World Warrior logo flashes across the screen. Matt G, you've had a great ride, but you're facing the man. The man who lays down for nobody, last career match or not. ]]

[[ Static. ]]

[[ Fade out. ]]

Scott Smith || xxscottxsmithxx