[[ Fade up the SGW logo. ]]

[[ The scene opens up on a bright, warm, sunny day. We're in the wonderful state of Florida. It's so hot you start sweating just by being outside without doing anything. We're in a parking lot. Our of a parked SUV exits Tomko from the driver's seat, Cornette out of the passenger's, and Christian, Trish, Stacy, and Edge out of the back. ]]

Christian: Ah, the beach.

[[ Christian brings his Tag title onto his shoulder and his Gimmick title is around his waist. Edge is carrying his title as well. Besides the titles, the attire the crew is sporting takes the attention. Cornette is wearing a one piece, red and white stripped swim suit. It's like the ring gear Rhino wears. He has the white goo on his nose and clip on sunglass lenses attached to his glasses. Tomko is wearing his black tank top and black shorts. He's got a duck floatee around his waist. ]]

James E. Cornette: Boy, goddamn Tomko, you sure do look cute!

Tyson Tomko: .....

[[ Trish steps in. ]]

Trish Stratus: Wipe the stupid gunk off your nose, get a real swim suit...And then come say people look cute.

[[ Cornette's speechless. ]]

James E. Cornette: You said it didn't look stupid yesterday.

Trish Stratus: April Fools.

James E. Cornette: Why I outta'...

Trish Stratus: Shoot on me? Go ahead and shoot on me, Cornette..It's all you got. You're good for two things, horribly matching clothes and shooting from the hip! God...It's like I'm stuck with Vince Russo all over again!

Tyson Tomko: ..Boom.

[[ Cornette grits his teeth and just stares at Trish, who is wearing a black bikini, very revealing. She is wearing a small skirt for now. Edge and Christian are wearing typical board shorts, sunglasses, and no sleeved shirts to accent their title belts. Stacy is wearing a flowered bikini, no skirt for her, everything's out there for viewing. ]]

Christian: Alright, enough insults. We're at the beach. It's spring break, it's time to party and bask in our success. Cornette, you can shoot later, but for now, I'm ready to enjoy the sun and get my mind off that idiot Maria.

Edge: Forget her, bro. Next week at World Warrior Maria gets the boot courtesy of us and the now three-thousand signatures we have. I can't believe we scored five-hundred more last night after the show went off the air.

Christian: Yeah I know, Edge. We were lucky to get Davey Boy Smith to sign.

[[ Edge nods. ]]

Edge: Without question. He was a little stiff at first, but he finally let loose.

Trish Stratus: Took him a while to let loose of his values and sign?

[[ Edge and Christian shake their heads 'no.' ]]

Christian: Nope.

Edge: It took a while to finally get the pen out of his hand.

Christian: Yeah. Ever tried getting something out of a dead man's hand? It's like making lemonade out of apples. It's like Val Venis cutting a good promo...It's like...Like...Shawn Michaels and Sid beating us in a match!

Edge: It's pretty hard.

[[ Stacy moves herself under Edge's left arm and puts her arms around his waist. ]]

Stacy Keibler: I can only hope it's hard, Edge.

Edge: Not that...It's hard to beat Edge and Christian.

Stacy Keibler: I know, because you never get off and my arm gets tired. I don't have a clue about Christian though, we may have to try it out one day.

Christian: Alright!

[[ Trish stares at Christian. ]]

Trish Stratus: Alright?...More like probably not.

[[ Christian goes along with it though he's disappointed. ]]

Christian: You didn't let me finish..I was going to say, "Alright, cut that crap out."

Trish Stratus: No you weren't.

Edge: ...In a match, Stacy. Hard to beat us in a match.

Stacy Keibler: Oh.

[[ Stacy smiles. You just can't hate her. ]]

James E. Cornette: I know we're here to relax and all that, but I ain't gonna' do shit til I get this off my chest.

Christian: Who's the unlucky victim?

James E. Cornette: That goddamn piece of shit Limp or whatever they call him! That shit in APDubya, I heard about it! Tom Cruise popped up in his promo and he bashed Solid Gold and shit.

Edge: But...Val Venis brutually destroyed Tom Cruise in fifteen seconds and left him for dead.

James E. Cornette: It ain't never fuckin' stopped that company before has it? But that fuck spent his career suckin' Christian's dick and now he rolls back up, nobody gives two flyin' shits about 'em, and to try to show some sort of loyalty in hopes of gettin' a push, he goes and takes shots at Solid Gold and that Scott Smith character like some sort of a illiterate moron.

[[ Christian steps foward, looking curious. ]]

Christian: That Scott Smith guy? The one that Cruise has the balls the size of?

James E. Cornette: Yeah, the internet geek kid with the pimples...But I've seen 'em before, he ain't got pimples! He ain't a geek! He's got huge balls, right Trish.

Trish Stratus: Shut up, Cornette.

Christian: Hell of a guy..You ought to meet his cousin, he'll give you a title for doing nothing.

James E. Cornette: Really?

[[ Christian nods. Edge agrees with Christian as well. ]]

Christian: How do you think me and Edge are Tag Champions? Title wins don't just grow on trees.

James E. Cornette: Well I'll be damned. But still, what a stupid ass that kid is. What's he tryin' to prove? Usin' Tom Cruise in a promo for credibility, draggin' people's names into it to give it a boost? Hello, I just fuckin' did that last week, dammit! Once again, APDubya shitkickers stealin' shit from Solid Gold! What the hell else is new!?

[[ Cornette shrugs looking for an answer. ]]

James E. Cornette: Nothin's new! They're copyin' our shit again! How many god damn times is somethin' from APDubya gonna' pop up that originated in Solid Gold? When the hell are they goin' to start doin' their own shit? What's next, they gonna' put the World title on a jobber like we did?

[[ Cornette pauses and remembers. ]]

James E. Cornette: GOD DAMMIT! THEY DID! Fuck those pieces of shit! Fuck 'em to hell!

Christian: Cornette, let them copy us. Let whoever say whatever they want about me and the company..But while we're dominating the wrestling world, Edge and I defending our Tag titles, they'll be sitting back and watching a real wrestling company and a set of real wrestlers do what they do best...An that's win. Shawn Michaels and Sid are our opponents this week? What is this? Wipe out the Kliq month?

[[ Edge answers as Christian shrugs. ]]

Edge: Must be. But be it the Kliq or the team with the cock at the end of their promos, it doesn't matter who it is. Because when you step into the ring with the greatest tag team in the history of wrestling, in the history of Solid Gold...You don't have much of a chance..In fact, you have no chance at all.

Christian: Shawn Michaels spent his career holding people back, only allowing them to elevate when he saw fit and if it helped him..Well, now while he's thumping the Bible, Edge and I have taken his spot. We're the glass ceiling of wrestling now. You don't make it until WE say so...We're the SGW Tag Team champions now and forever until we get tired of holding the belts.

Edge: Yep.

Christian: Or I decide I want the SGW title back. I'll just find the guy I know and get the title handed to me, no need for a match or anything of that nature. Like this week, we're already going to win and the match hasn't even happened yet.

Edge: Tell the guy you know I want to be the one who pins Sid this week.

Christian: Works for me.

James E. Cornette: And tell that guy I wanna' punch that AJ Styles bitch right in the goddamn nose!

Tyson Tomko: ...Hmm.

[[ Cornette shows a clinched fist. ]]

Christian: Whoa now, I can't be cashing in all my favors. I got to do one every now and then so the favortism thing dies down. Remember guys, the guy I know is favoring me and Edge, putting us over all those guys to boost our egos. Just remind me to drop the check in the mail after this is done so we'll secure another five more wins.

Edge: Alright.

[[ The conversation on favortism slowly dies down as the crew continues their walk to the beach. ]]

[[ On the beach now we see Christian, Cornette, and Trish lounging in the bright sun in beach chairs. The three look totally relaxed and lost in the peace and quiet. Christian is on his back, holding his Tag title on his chest so the sun reflects off it and onto him, as Trish is laying on her chest, tanning her back. Cornette is fast asleep with the goo still on his nose. ]]

Christian: You know what, Trish?

[[ Lying motionless, she responds. ]]

Trish Stratus: What?

Christian: After I was stripped of the World title, I thought my life was over with. When Val Venis won it, I contemplated taking my own life.

Trish Stratus: I remember.

Christian: Well, now that Edge is back in the picture, and we have these tag titles and all these records and stuff..And we're totally dominating people like Kevin Nash, Ken Kennedy, and this week Shawn Michaels and Sid..And well..Believe this or not..

[[ Christian grabs his Tag title and kisses it. He brings it away from his mouth and lays it down. ]]

Christian: I'm satisfied with where I'm at, Trish. I've got everything I've ever wanted...I've won every title I ever wanted, beaten everyone...I'm content sitting back and watching Val Venis drive SGW into the ground. Because now that I've established myself as being more than just a hypejob like most other wrestlers in this business, I can finally go back to basics and dominate the tag division like Edge and I did to make our name without all the pressure.

Trish Stratus: No tag team pressure? If you lose to Chavo and Maria next week, you don't get any title shots EVER again!

[[ Christian blows it off, he's not worried. ]]

Christian: Pff, Trish, no more of this Chavo Guerrero talk. This isn't 2002 anymore, Chavo Guerrero isn't a big deal. This is 2006, Captain Charisma's the man now!

[[ He slaps his chest. ]]

Christian: But back to what I was saying, if teams like Shawn Michaels and Sid is all we have to worry about, then kept sending them our way. I'm more than content sitting back, letting the fans destroy Val Venis for being a joke World Champion, letting them realize the mistake they made for heckling me when I was the champ..And dominating the tag team division of Solid Gold.

Trish Stratus: I'm kind of getting tired of watching you and Edge beat hopeless opponents. It's getting boring. Where's the competition at?

Christian: With the damn dinosaurs, Trish..Competition for Edge and I is EXTINCT!

[[ Christian smirks and removes his sunglasses. ]]

Christian: That's obvious by the fact that all Jillian has left to send our way after we humiliated Ken Kennedy and the Big Show is HBK and Sid...They're not exactly the Dream Team. They're more like the gap filler opponents. What a way to debut in Solid Gold though...Losing to Val Venis is bad enough, that's the end of their careers there...But then having to get upstaged even worse by the greatest tag team to ever step into the ring the very next week...

[[ Christian shakes his head slowly with a grim look on his face. ]]

Christian: Who the hell did they piss off to get this punishment?

Trish Stratus: No idea.

Christian: As much as I hate to do it, they'll get their beatdown just like everyone else has on Shock. If they even think for one second they're going to come close to taking our Tag titles away, well, then they're as stupid as Maria! Edge and I are like MC Hammer, Trish...You can't touch us!

[[ Trish leans her hand out and pokes Christian on the chest. ]]

Christian: Dammit..Just tan, Trish.

[[ Trish smiles and turns around, now laying on her back. Christian closes his eyes, but is instantly awoken by Cornette's loud yelling. He's yelling at someone while he's asleep. He's frantically moving his right hand, which is in a slapping motion, side to side as he yells. ]]

James E. Cornette: SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! YOU WANNA' FUCKIN' FIGHT ME!? SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! MEET ME IN THE PARKIN' LOT! SLAP! SLAP!

[[ The noise brings Trish to open her eyes to look at what's going on. Cornette is still at it. ]]

Trish Stratus: What in the hell is he doing?

Christian: I have no idea.

James E. Cornette: I KNOW YOU DON'T WANNA' FIGHT JIM CORNETTE! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!

[[ Cornette continues slapping and Christian looks like a lightbulb went off over his head. ]]

Christian: I know what this is now.

James E. Cornette: SLAP! SLAP! NOW NEXT TIME, RUN FROM THE GOD DAMN BOOGEYMAN!

[[ With that, Cornette passes right back out. ]]

Christian: His re-enactment of the time he slapped the kid in OVW for laughing at the Boogeyman.

Trish Stratus: The one that got him fired, and made him a hot head ever since?

Christian: Yep.

[[ Trish shakes her head. ]]

Trish Stratus: Idiot.

[[ Christian shakes Cornette and he wakes up looking like he's ready to fight. ]]

James E. Cornette: FUCK THE KEMP BITCH!

[[ He looks around. ]]

James E. Cornette: Oh...Oh...Whew...I got worried for a minute. Didn't know where the hell I was.

Trish Stratus: Nice, anger free nap?

James E. Cornette: This was a good nap. Nothin' says success and another easy week for the Coalition like sittin' on the beach enjoying spring break!

Christian: Got that right.

James E. Cornette: Fuck that long haired bitch, Michaels. Fuck that leg breakin' bastard, Sid. They ain't touchin' the Tag titles...The only way they will is if I hit one of 'em in the damn face with one while the ref's out!

[[ Cornette puts both hands behind his head, in a total state of relaxion. ]]

James E. Cornette: But we got it made, guys. Got it made. Here we are, on the beaches of Florida durin' spring break while Sid is askin' Nash for tips on walkin' across the mat and not blowin' out your knee...And HBK is sittin' at home, changin' diapers and prayin' to the Lord he doesn't get his ass kicked so damn bad on Saturday!....The gang's all here in Florida not givin' a shit because we don't have to!

Christian: It's great to be the best.

James E. Cornette: Where's Tomko?

Trish Stratus: He's increasing our public relations with the kids by playing with them in the water.

[[ The camera pans across the beach and onto Tomko. Tomko, still with the floatee and now a straw hat on, is standing in the middle of the water with his arms crossed, looking like he doesn't want to be there at all. Little kids are running all around him in the water that comes up to his knees. There's even kids climbing on him. We can read his lips. ]]

Tyson Tomko: ...Kill me.

[[ We flash back to Christian, Trish, and Cornette in the chairs. ]]

James E. Cornette: That's an awesome hat he's wearin'.

Trish Stratus: Have any of you seen Edge and Stacy?

Christian: Trish, you not know the routine by now? When we don't know where they're at, they're instantly found doing the nasty in some crazy location.

[[ Cornette pops up. ]]

James E. Cornette: GODDAMN! YOU'RE RIGHT!

Trish Stratus: That's true. (Trish looks into camera) So yeah, go ahead and go find them. We'll be here.

[[ The cameraman takes good directions and the scene fades with Cornette springin' up from his seat runnin' to go find Edge and Stacy. ]]

[[ We're now in an empty part of the beach. We see the sand, the water, and a lifeguard tower. The only thing we hear is the sound of the waves crashing hard into the shore. Cornette comes into view, looking around for Edge and Stacy. ]]

James E. Cornette: Where are they?

[[ Cornette scratches his head and walks off camera. No time after he walks away, we hear a woman's scream of "NOT MY EYE!" coming from the lifeguard tower. With that, we know where Edge and Stacy are. Cornette runs back into view freaking out. ]]

James E. Cornette: SHIT! I FOUND 'EM!

[[ Cornette storms up the lifeguard tower. He gets up about four steps before a lifeguard stops him from the bottom of the tower. ]]

Lifeguard: Excuse me, can I help you with something?

James E. Cornette: I got business to attend to..The hell are you?

[[ We get a glimpse of the lifeguard, DAVID HASSLEHOFF! Time stands still as a soft music plays in the background. Hasslehoff slowly runs his hand through his hair. Cornette looks at him in amazement...Time goes back to normal and he speaks. ]]

David Hasslehoff: I'm David Hasslehoff..

James E. Cornette: The guy that was at Jarrett's movie premier in February?

David Hasslehoff: Yeah, that's me. And since Jeff shortened me on my payout, I had to get this lifeguard's job to pay for my divorce...Why are you going up to my post?

[[ You can hear Stacy scream 'YES! YES! YES!' and you can tell Cornette is just fixing to explode. ]]

David Hasslehoff: Oh, you were going to go sneak on Edge and Stacy. Better not, Edge paid me twenty bucks to make sure you and Tomko came no where near them while they're doing their thing.

[[ Stacy's moans become louder. You yourself are starting to go crazy by them. ]]

David Hasslehoff: Wow..Edge is laying it to her, I tell ya' what.

James E. Cornette: I'll give you five to let me go up there.

David Hasslehoff: Alright. I keep making money like this, I won't have to bother being in an APW superstar's promo like Cruise did.

[[ With that, Cornette walks up to Hasslehoff and PUNCHES HIM! He goes down and Cornette shakes off his fist. ]]

James E. Cornette: I said I'd give you five...I meant five fingers!

David Hasslehoff: I only felt four.

[[ Cornette looks down at the fallen Baywatch star and pokes him in the eye with his thumb. ]]

James E. Cornette: There...All five. Now go be in an APDubya promo you piece a' shit!

[[ Cornette smirks at Hasslehoff and runs up the steps as the scene fades. ]]

[[ We're back at the chairs with Christian and the crew. Tomko has now walked up to Trish and Christian. ]]

Trish Stratus: You have fun, Tomko?

Tyson Tomko: ..No.

Christian: You looked like you did, big man.

[[ Tomko shakes his head. ]]

Trish Stratus: Well, you looked like you had fun, I know the kids did too. You did a great job, Tomko. If only we can get Cornette to be a little bit more friendlier.

Christian: That'll be the day.

Trish Stratus: I wonder if he's found Edge and Stacy yet?

Christian: Who knows?

[[ Christian turns from looking at Trish. ]]

Christian: Hey Tomko, want to go get something to drink?

[[ No reply. ]]

Christian: Tomko? Where'd he go?

[[ Tomko is no where to be found. ]]

Trish Stratus: I know where he's at...He's with his running buddy Cornette.

Christian: Ya' know, you'd think they'd hang around us if they wanted to see some action.

[[ Trish looks confused. ]]

Trish Stratus: What action?

Christian: We're gotten jiggy with it a lot.

Trish Stratus: Twice.

Christian: Three times.

Trish Stratus: No...Twice.

[[ The scene fades. ]]

[[ We cut to where we see Edge, Stacy, Cornette, and Tomko walking along the beach. ]]

Edge: Guys, seriously..For the past two months all you two have done is snuck in and watched us do our thing. You'd think after all the times you seen it, you'd kinda' stop.

[[ No response. ]]

Edge: Surely the new's worn off by now.

Tyson Tomko: ..No.

Edge: Well...I wouldn't be that mad if you hadn't of punched Hasslehoff out.

James E. Cornette: See if this changes your mind.

[[ Cornette hands Edge a twenty dollar bill. Edge smiles and puts it in his pocket. ]]

Edge: Nevermind then.

Stacy Keibler: This is great. Spring break in Florida...We needed a few days off.

Edge: Stacy, we've been back for less than a month after taking off an entire month.

Stacy Keibler: Oh well. Still needed a break.

[[ The four continue walking down the beach back to where Christian and Trish are located. ]]

Edge: I'm loving this comeback of mine. I walk in, save Christian from killing himself after Venis wins the World title, we went the Tag titles next week. Now we're beating Michaels and Sid this week, kicking Maria out of office next week along with dominating a "legend" in this business in Chavo Guerrero...Life's pretty good.

Stacy Keibler: So is the sex.

[[ Edge brings her close and they passionately kiss. Cornette and Tomko stop in their tracks and stare. Finally, about the time you wonder if they have any oxygen left, they stop kissing. Edge licks the side of Stacy's face. ]]

James E. Cornette: I got to say...

[[ Cornette shakes his head. ]]

James E. Cornette: That was fuckin' fantastic!

Tyson Tomko: ..Yep.

Edge: It's just another one of those perks of being the Rated R Superstar!

[[ They continue walking and come up on a large group of people, mainly guys. They're all standing around this large stage in the middle of the sand. The group walks over to it and one the stage is a ton of extremely hot women in bikini bottoms and white, very tight, t-shirts. The man on stage is walking around with a microphone in his hand. ]]

Host: WHO IN DAYTONA BEACH WANTS TO SEE A WET T-SHIRT CONTEST?!?!?!

[[ The crowd pops big time. Cornette shakes his head looking in deep thought. He looks over to Edge. ]]

Edge: Awesome, a wet t-shirt contest! It's great to be the champ!

James E. Cornette: Wet t-shirt contest?...

Stacy Keibler: Yeah Jim. The girls stand and get blasted with cold water from a water gun!

James E. Cornette: But cold water's gonna' make their tits...HOLY SHIT!

[[ Cornette starts pushing his way through the crowd. You can hear him yell profanities such as "GET THE FUCK OUTTA' MY WAY!" and "MOVE THE HELL ON!" Tomko marches right behind Cornette, leaving Edge and Stacy to pick up the rear and follow. ]]

Host: Alright ya'll, here are the ladies!...Now...SOMEBODY BRING OUT THE WATER GUNS!!!

[[ Huge crowd pop on that note. "Get Low" by Lil' Jon plays and the girls are dancin' around being blasted with cold streams of water. Edge and Stacy look on, Tomko's eyes are the size of watermelons..Cornette is fightin' his way on the stage. He finally makes it on the stage and just stares at the first blonde he can find. The music stops and the girls stop dancing. The host walks up to him. ]]

Host: Hold up my man, hold up..What are you doin' up here on this stage?

James E. Cornette: I wanna' see some tits!

Host: This is a wet t-shirt contest. The strip club's down the road, brother.

James E. Cornette: I ain't your god damned brother!

Host: Hold up, playa'. Before you try to buck up, you'd better get rid of that big ass boner!

[[ Cornette stops and looks confused. The people start laughing. ]]

James E. Cornette: What?

Host: You got an erection the size of Cuba!

James E. Cornette: Oh my..

[[ Cornette looks down and sure enough he does. He doubles over. ]]

James E. Cornette: STOP FUCKIN' LOOKIN'! IT'S JUST THE DESIGN ON THE SWIM TRUNKS!

[[ More laughter. ]]

Edge: Poor guy.

Tyson Tomko: ..Owned.

James E. Cornette: DON'T MIND ME! I'M JUST TAKIN' CARE OF A SITUATION!

[[ Cornette starts walking around the stage to more laughters...After a few seconds he walks back over to the host. ]]

James E. Cornette: You're a stupid piece of shit!

Host: Hey, at least my dick don't get hard at the very sight of a girl...And when it does get hard, I at least have a girl to use it on, playa'.

James E. Cornette: Fuck no you didn't.

[[ Cornette stands straight up, balls his fist up and PUNCHES THE HOST! CORNETTE'S PUNCHED TWO PEOPLE IN THE SAME DAY! Security dives on the stage and form tackles Cornette! They're dragging him away and the Host gets up, blood trickling down his face from his nose. ]]

James E. Cornette: LET THE HELL GO OF ME!

[[ Cornette is drug away and Edge looks at Stacy and Tomko. ]]

Edge: Think we ought to go get him?

[[ The girls start dancing on the stage again to distract everyone from what just happened. ]]

Tyson Tomko: ..No.

[[ The scene fades. ]]

[[ Back at the beach chairs by the water, we see Christian and Trish cuddled beside one another. ]]

Christian: That was great.

Trish Stratus: Yep.

Christian: ...Three times now.

Trish Stratus: Yeah, yeah. It's only because we're at the beach.

Christian: Who cares? I didn't ask for an excuse.

[[ Edge, Stacy, and Tomko walk up to Christian and Trish. ]]

Christian: Hey guys.

Edge: What a day, huh?

Stacy Keibler: Most definitely.

Christian: You guys have fun?

Edge: Of course. Just getting my mind clear for Saturday. Got to be ready to dismantle HBK and Sid, keep the Tag titles.

[[ Edge pats his Tag title and smiles. ]]

Christian: Say, where's Cornette?

[[ Trish and Christian stand up and gather their things. Edge slaps Christian on the back. ]]

Edge: About that...You see, Cornette's kind of not here.

Tyson Tomko: ..Jail.

Trish Stratus: He's the one that punched Hasslehoff isn't he? I heard someone did.

Edge: He punched Hasslehoff yes..Stole twenty dollars from him as well. But I think him punching the host of the wet t-shirt contest in the nose is what got him in jail.

[[ Trish and Christian stop walking. ]]

Trish Stratus: He punched TWO people?

Christian: WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!?

Edge: Yeah, it got out of hand. Cornette pitched a tent, got made fun of and he snapped all over that guy.

[[ Trish shakes her head in disbelief. ]]

Stacy Keibler: It was like a train wreck...You knew you shouldn't watch, but you couldn't turn away.

Tyson Tomko: ..Yep.

[[ The crew is back to walking, leaving the beach area. ]]

Edge: But anyway, HBK and Sid sure as going to get their ass kicked on Shock, huh bro?

Christian: Yep. The greatest tag team in SGW history isn't going to mess around, especially the week before we kick Maria out of SGW forever...That'd be insane.

Edge: Yep.

Christian: Shock is going to be a massacre. A straight massacre of HBK and Sid. It's all we know how to do-win matches and defend titles...That's just..

HOW...WE...ROLL!

[[ Christian slaps his chest three times. ]]

Edge: Us remaining Tag Team Champions during Maria's last week on the job...You can BANK ON THAT!

[[ The scene fades. ]]

[[ Static. ]]

[[ Fade out. ]]