... C A P T A I N - C H A R I S M A ...

' Making the Game '

[[ Static. ]]

[[ Fade up the SGW logo. ]]

[[ The scene opens inside of Christian's Tampa home. We're inside of the living room. Tomko and Cornette are watching Seinfeld on Christian's large television set, Trish is reading a magazine in one of Christian's recliners, and the man himself is sitting at a desk in the back of the large, well-lit room, on his laptop computer. Everything seems reletively calm, well, as calm as a bald man with a long goatee and tattoos sitting on a couch with a man who wears five different colors of clothes watching television. Christian picks up a lamp and starts bashing it on the ground! He stops and looks around ate everyone, his face red as a beet. ]]

Christian: I just checked the dirt sheets..Seems as though Triple H is the overall favorite in this match. You guys got to read this crap, it's just incredible. Triple H predicted over ME! ME! Who the hell is doing the predictions? Rob Van Dam? Has to, because to predict Hunter to beat me...You'd have to be high as a kite or something!

[[ Trish looks down at the broken lamp. ]]

Trish Stratus: Isn't that the one I got you for Christmas?

Christian: Uh..

[[ Christian looks around, slaps his forehead ala Homer Simpson and slowly rakes the broken remains under the couch in front of him. He then looks back up, huge smile on his face. ]]

Christian: I don't know what you're talking about, babe. What lamp?

Trish Stratus: Anyway, what are the people saying?

[[ Christian sits back down at the computer desk and reloads the page. The page pops up and is titled "Reader Predictions for Shock." Christian in surrounded by Trish and Cornette at the computer. Tomko continues to stay seated on the white leather couch. ]]

Christian: Tomko, come check this injustice out.

Tyson Tomko: ...Kramer.

[[ They shrug off Tomko being there to see and preceed to look. After a few moments of silence, the house is full of laughter. Cornette is laughing so hard he could shoot milk from his nose at any second. The laughs coming from the three readers aren't just you're ordinary laughs, they're such obnoxious laughs, that you'd think they read the most funny joke ever. Because well, they are. ]]

Christian: See? See what I was talking about? It's people like that who are the reason Triple H's ego is bigger than his nose. He could be in a falls count anywhere match with Jesus Christ and still get predicted to win for Christ's sake!

James E. Cornette: Aw Christian, don't worry about those stupid predictions. I mean, anyone who says Triple H is unbeatable is just a plain idiot.

Christian: Whoa, not just unbeatable...DOUBLE unbeatable.

Trish Stratus: Double unbeatable..Sounds like you're screwed.

Christian: You would know.

James E. Cornette: That's not even a god damn phrase. How can you be double unbeatable?

[[ Christian shrugs, with no reasonable explanation. ]]

Christian: It's exactly my point. Not only am I taking on a moron in the ring in Triple H, I got all this worshipers saying stupid crap like him being "double unbeatable." I mean seriously, Triple H has been doing the same old dog and pony show forever. He's as fresh as molded bread, but yet, everyone thinks Triple H rules. I go away for a little bit, and people think they can just step up and take my place as the best wrestling alive do they?

James E. Cornette: Flair tried it, and it didn't work out for him.

Christian: And this week, it's not going to work out for Flair's first protege either. If anyone wants to question my abilities and my status as the best damn wrestler in this business, then I'll glady beat them and prove their theories likewise. I'm confident in myself. I know I'm the best. That's why, as cliche as it is..Come Shock..Game...over. I'll make Triple H regret the day he left ZWF or whatever the hell it was and tried coming into my world.

James E. Cornette: ZWF, what a stupid name for a company. What the hell did it stand for? Zebra's Walking Freely? Hell, that makes no damn sense. Zany Wrestlers Fuckin'? Whatever it is, it makes no damn sense. Whoever said he was "double unbeatable" has to be the same idiot who gave ZWF it's name.

Christian: Probably.

[[ Trish maneuvers herself on Christian's lap and places her left arm over his shoulder. ]]

Trish Stratus: Don't sweat it. You know you're going to win. Triple H is like a broken record. Let the people think he's going to be the one winning, it'll just make the victory you'll get over him a lot more sweeter. All these new era people don't understand the past. They don't fully realize who paved the way first. You are a pioneer in this business, you're still on top of your game, if not better. Triple H is nothing but a man with steroid-provided muscles, a dumb beard, sledgehammers, and three catchphrases.

James E. Cornette: He sounds like a damn plumber.

Christian: A plumber? I don't know if that description fits him or not.

Trish Stratus: Fine, you got me...Two catchphrases. And don't forget a move-set so limited it makes Hulk Hogan look like Chris Benoit.

[[ Christian gets out of the chair and goes pacing around. Trish and Cornette look more on the computer. Christian is pacing around in circles, you can tell he's in deep thought about something. He stops dead in his tracks, you can see the lightbulb over his head. No seriously, you can. God bless Kevin Dunn and the producers of the promos. Anyway, Christian's face looks like a 16 year old just seeing his first naked girl. ]]

Christian: I've got it. Cornette, Trish..I'm going to make myself into 'The Game.'

Trish Stratus: Why would you want to do something ridiculous like that for?

Christian: It can't be that hard. I make myself into the Game, then I'm totally one-up on Sir Nose A Lot for Shock. And besides, it's always good to go into the mind of your opponents.

Trish Stratus: Whatever. I guess it gives us something to do this afternoon.

Christian: Tomko, turn off the tv my man, we're going on another adventure.

[[ Tomko remains glued to the television set, watching George and Jerry have a conversation. The laughter is heard from the tv, and Tomko doesn't crack a smile or anything. ]]

Tyson Tomko: ...Funny.

[[ With that, the scene slowly fades. ]]

**THIRTY MINUTES LATER**

Hardware Store

[[[[ We fade back up inside of the local hardware store. It's your typical hardware store except for the fact you notice four people who instantly don't belong there. The four are walking around looking like they're on a mission, mainly Christian, who is now sporting a horrible, very noticeable, fake handlebar beard. ]]

Trish Stratus: I still can't believe you're wearing that stupid beard.

[[ Christian looks around while pressing it back onto his upper lip. He speaks in a Triple H mock voice, which sounds nothing at all like him. ]]

Christian: Trish, I'm going all out. I'm making myself into the Game all the way. We're doing everything Hunter does, dressing like him, talking like him, looking like him, everything...Now, be a trooper and help me find the sledgehammers.

Trish Stratus: You can act like Hunter all you want, but Christian...

Christian: Triple C.

[[ Trish rolls her eyes and speaks. ]]

Trish Stratus: Whatever...Stop using that voice.

Christian: It sounds just like him.

Trish Stratus: No it doesn't.

Christian: Tomko, I sound like Trips right?

[[ Tomko, not wanting to burst his friend's bubble, knows he has to be honest. ]]

Tyson Tomko: .....

[[ Christian stomps his right foot against the ground and goes back to his normal voice. ]]

Christian: DAMMIT!...Fine..Fine.

[[ Christian approaches a worker of the hardware store. He's a teenager, probably there because his parents is forcing him into a job to pay for his gas money or something. The worker seems confused at Christian's odd facial hair. ]]

Worker: Can I help you?

Christian: I need a sledgehammer.

Worker: Oh...kay.

[[ The guy leads Christian in the direction of the sledgehammers. Christian looks over the selection and picks one. He looks it over, looking very sadistic, like Triple H. ]]

Christian: Thanks. Now, consider your push killed.

Worker: Huh?

Christian: You just hit your head on the glass ceiling. You've gone as high as I'm going to let you.

[[ The guy is confused as hell. Trish steps in between them. ]]

Trish Stratus: Overlook him, he's stupid.

Christian: Am not.

[[ Christian smirks at Trish and makes his way to the check-out area with his sledgehammer. The girl waiting on him just stares at him, most likely because he looks like a complete idiot. Christian knows she's totally hitting on him. ]]

Cashier: Nice sledgehammer.

Christian: Thanks. You got a couple of nice socket wrenches yourself.

[[ You can feel the pimp juice flowing. ]]

Cashier: I was meaning your sledgehammer. Nothing more.

[[ Christian looks shattered, but tries to remain cool. ]]

Christian: Oh...yeah...of course.

[[ She rings up the sledgehammer and Christian pays. He takes his merchandise, his head lowered, and walks out of the hardware store noticeably crushed. ]]

James E. Cornette: You ok, 'Game?'

Christian: If I didn't have on this stupid moustache, that chick was so mine.

James E. Cornette: Yeah, so far you're right. Being like Triple H ain't nothin' to be braggin' about.

[[ Christian looks at the sledgehammer. ]]

Christian: I mean, look...A sledgehammer, he has to use a sledgehammer as an equalizer. To even the odds from what? What's so cool about having a sledgehammer?

Trish Stratus: You're asking us? You're the moron that bought it...And the one wearing that moustache thing. Christian, you're going to beat him easily in the ring on Shock, you don't need to keep this up.

[[ Seemingly, time stops. The camera zooms in on Christian, looking as serious as one man could look in his situation. He replies softly, like it's straight out of a super-hero movie. ]]

Christian: Yes...yes I do.

[[ And with that the scene fades. ]]

**15 MINUTES LATER**

The Gym

[[ Cue up inside of a fitness center. Inside is obviously weight-lifting equipment and muscle-bound people working hard to obtain the perfect body. One smell ovetakes the entire room. It's so strong that it's the only thing you can think about. ]]

[[ The ugly chick in the left corner of the screen finishes her bench-press, stands up, legs close together, and the smell disappears and all you smell now is sweat. Into the picture comes our four heroes. Christian, still adoring the horrid moustache is wearing an orange cut-off shirt with Taz's logo on it. ]]

James E. Cornette: This place smells like ass or rotten pussy! Jesus H. Christ!

Trish Stratus: I know. Ugh, just disgusting!

James E. Cornette: Trish, for the love of God, close your legs.

Trish Stratus: ....What did you say?

[[ Christian knows trouble is coming so he darts in front of his two managers, breaking up the possible fight. He shakes his head, and in his Triple H mock-voice, speaks. ]]

Christian: Cut it out, both of you. I'm here to lift weights, be like the Game.

Trish Stratus: Seriously, Christian.

Christian: Triple C.

Trish Stratus: No..Christian.

Christian: What?

Trish Stratus: Kill the voice, babe. It's worse than a Triple H promo.

[[ Christian looks taken aback and disappointed. ]]

Christian: That bad?

[[ Everyone nods, even Tomko. ]]

Christian: Dammit, Hunter sucks. It should be him trying to be like me.

James E. Cornette: No kiddin', champ! Hell, seems like it's what he's tryin' to do anyway! I mean, think about it. He's in the Hall of Fame, which you got in first. World Champion, legend to everyone all around. He's trying to live your life! He even stole your stable name, the Standard!

Christian: What? Why? That name was horrible.

James E. Cornette: It was Hunter and Flair, the champion and the second-rate lackey, just like the original with you and Venis!

Christian: Shh! People can't know I teamed with Venis. What a moron, he stole my name? If that's not screaming 'I want to be like Christian!'...Nothing will..Nothing!

Trish Stratus: Maybe he was wanting to be like Val.

[[ Christian rolls his eyes and chuckles. ]]

Christian: Yeah, and maybe Triple H will beat me on Shock.

[[ Pause, and with a sacastic smirk on his face, he quickly spits out]]

Christian: ...NOT!

[[ Christian slaps his chest three times and lays down at a bench and prepares to do a bench press. ]]

Christian: Tomko, spot me.

[[ Tomko moves to the back and is prepared to spot. ]]

Christian: Ok..whew...here we go...I AM THE GAME!

[[ Christian picks the bar full of weights off the props and it instantly speeds down towards his chest. Tomko saves it at the last second and brings it up. Christian pops up off the bench, stretching and breaving hevily. ]]

Christian: YEAH! WOOO!

[[ Christian goes to his gear bag, drinks some water, and spews it everywhere like Triple H. Trish wipes water off her and shakes her head. ]]

Trish Stratus: He's imitating Hunter very well. He's just about as annoying.

James E. Cornette: I've never seen a parody get this out of hand.

Trish Stratus: What's he going to do when it comes down to recreating Shock? Christian doesn't lose, he won't be able to lay down on his back for three seconds.

James E. Cornette: Hell, imagine him fuckin' Jarrett's daughter! She can't be fourteen damn years old!

[[ Cornette pauses and stares at Trish. ]]

James E. Cornette: FOURTEEN! HE'LL GO TO JAIL NO MATTER WHERE WE'RE AT!

[[ Christian approaches them carrying a large needle. ]]

Christian: Cornette, stick this in my ass cheek.

James E. Cornette: WHAT THE HELL FOR?!?!

Christian: It's steroids.

James E. Cornette: HELL NO! I don't care if it's a dildo, I ain't stickin' anything in anyone's ass!

Christian: Good answer, Cornette. Because I hate needles.

Tyson Tomko: .....

[[ Tomko sums up what everyone else is thinking. This is just getting crazy. ]]

Christian: I would ask you to stick a boot up my ass, but I don't want to be like Triple H after I get done with him at Shock...It'll be grotesque. He'll be leaving Shock with three shoes. Two on her feet, and one in his ass!

Trish Stratus: Didn't Cena say that in LoC once?

Christian: Sue me, it's catchy...And the truth. I'm the Captain, I can steal cool lines if I want to!

[[ Christian wipes his face off with a towel, Trish notices his odd shirt. ]]

Trish Stratus: Taz?

Christian: After me flipping his stretcher over last time in SGWx, I thought I at least owed it to him to buy one of these stupid shirts.

James E. Cornette: You didn't pay a dime for it, did you?

Christian: Nope...No need in bringing back the past. Like Triple H's chances in the ring on Sunday, Taz is dead.

[[ Zing. ]]

Christian: So, c'mon, let's go. Last stage of Triple H to be coming up.

[[ With that, the scene fades as they exit the gym after a hard workout and Christian almost taking steroids. What a promo. I feel sorry for Triple H..And Taz. ]]

**HOUR AND A HALF LATER**

Christian's House

[[ Inside Christian's house, everyone looks exhausted from a day of running around the city to various places. We're in thr basement of Christian's home where he has a wrestling ring set-up. He's inside the ring, along with Tomko. They look like they're fixing to begin a wrestling match. ]]

Christian: Oh, Corny, thanks for keeping me out of jail by not letting me jack up Jarrett's daughter.

James E. Cornette: No problem. That girl didn't even have tits yet!

Christian: But, I guess I can overlook that part and still be like Hunter. Because now, what you're going to see in this ring, is going to be exactly how Hunter's going to be on Shock.

[[ Tomko stretches and Christian looks pumped. He re-adjusts his moustache and looks ready. ]]

Christian: Here's Hunter on Shock.

[[ Tomko approaches Christian, pokes him in the chest, and Christian tries falls down and immediately pops up. Christian looks confused to why he popped up so quick. Tomko tries it again, and this time Christian only stagger backs, like when Hulk Hogan used to face the giants in the late 80s. Everyone looks confused. ]]

Trish Stratus: I told you Christian couldn't be on his back for more than two seconds. It's just not possible.

[[ Christian stops the match and takes off the fake moustache. He leans against the ropes, looking down on Cornette and Trish. ]]

Christian: I just remember, no matter who I end up mocking, when it comes down to it in the end...I'm still Christian. Mr. Unbeatable. It's impossible for me to put myself in a situation to where I'll get pinned. So I don't guess I can successfully mock Hunter afterall. Because on Shock, he'll be the one laying down looking at the bright lights on the ceiling.

[[ Christian almost looks disappointed. ]]

Christian: Triple H can do all the talking he wants to about the the diamond in this business, being the best. He's wanting badly to step to the top of SGW. But on Shock, he'll have one obstacle in his way of reaching the top here, that he just can't get out of the way. Oh no, because he'll have his foot caught in the train tracks...And the steaming train is coming. And at Shock Sunday night...I'm going to RUN HIM OVER!

James E. Cornette: You proved today there's not a bit of good that comes from bein' Triple H! That ridiculous moustache, sledgehammers, liftin' weights. Every time you did somethin' no one did anything but make fun of you today.

Christian: That chick shot me down at the hardware store, then the dude at the hardware store thought I was crazy. If I didn't have that moustache on, me and her would have totally got it on. Same for Jarrett's daughter...if he was older.

Trish Stratus: Of course.

[[ Christian slides through the bottom rope to the outside and stands near Cornette. ]]

Christian: I understand now why Triple H has been constantly trying to do everything I do. Because being Triple H sucks!

Trish Stratus: Especially come Shock.

Christian: Yeah, because in our match, our previous accomplishments, who we are, what we've done, and how we act outside the ring...All that's getting thrown out the window. It won't matter a bit. All that matters is who's the best when the smoke clears and the dust settles on the first edition of Shock. And when everyone's wondering who the best truly is between Triple H and Captain Charisma..Well..(Slaps Chest) They need to look no further. Because Hunter took the easy way to the top in this business. Me...I paved my own path, which Hunter is now following.

[[ Christian points to the ring as he continues speaking. ]]

Christian: Watching Triple H in the ring is a lot like watching Ric Flair. That's what everyone says about Triple H and his wrestling style. Well, they've hit the nail right on the head with that comparison.

Tyson Tomko: .... ... ....

Christian: Exactly! Because on Shock, Triple H is going to resemble Ric Flair when he faced me last time in SGW...ON HIS BACK!

[[ Christian slaps his problem solver on the back. ]]

Christian: Give me some skin on that one, T-Squared!

[[ He reaches up high for a high-five. Tomko shakes his head. ]]

Tyson Tomko: ...No.

Christian: Fair enough.

Trish Stratus: This is your house, Christian.

Christian: Well, duh.

Trish Stratus: No, SGW. Solid Gold Wrestling belongs to you. You're a legend in this company.

Christian: Oh, SGW...Yeah, I got you now.

Trish Stratus: Anyway...On Shock, you're going to welcome Triple H into your house, and for one match, one night, he's going to be on your level. That is, until the bell is sounded. When the match starts he'll know you're superior than he is and that he's no where near ready to mess with you.

[[ She rubs Christian's chest and continues. ]]

Trish Stratus: This is your time to climb to the top of the company where you brought the tag division back to life, and prove yourself in the singles ranks. You did it last time, finals of the World title tournament. But this time, Christian...There's no stopping you. No stopping until you get that SGW World title that you DESERVE. It doesn't matter who steps into your way fo achieving it, because if they get in your way, you'll just step over them, like a stepping stone....Starting with Triple H when you play the Game on Shock.

[[ She grabs Christian and looks into his eyes. ]]

Trish Stratus: And when you play the Game, Christian...It's game OVER for Triple H.

Christian: Well of course. Triple H is going to get sent packing down to the midcard where he belongs. Because Captain Charisma is a man who ruins careers. I'm a main eventer. I've earned my spot in this business, I'm the man. And there's not a single person, not even the almighty backstage politic playing Triple H is going to stop me in my quest to get that one World title that evaded me. It's not even worth him showing up on Sunday night, because 2006 is the year of the Captain!

[[ He has an arrogant smirk on his face. ]]

Christian: On Shock, Triple H will be nothing but another win to my column, as I prove once and for all that I am the undisputed greatest wrestler in the history of this business. I'll play the Game, and I'll win. Because...THAT'S

HOW...I...ROLL!!

[[ Three slow chest slaps follow as the gang looks very confident. And they should be. Because tomorrow night, Sunday Night Shock returns, and Triple H goes down. Because Christian lays down for absolutely nobody. ]]

[[ Welcome to my world Triple H. ]]

[[ Double unbeatable. Whatever. ]]

[[ The scene fades. ]]

[[ Static. ]]

|| Proof I'm Better Than You: Official E-Fed Hall of Famer(Class of 2002; Top Vote Getter); SGW Tag Team Champion(4; SGW Record); Undisputed SGW Tag Team Champion; Longest SGW Tag Title Reign in History(Sixty-Seven Days); SGW Gimmick Champion; SGW Pick Your Title Shot Winner 2001 and 2002; SGW Top Match(3); SGW Hall of Fame; SGWx Tournament Finalist; PWO Tag Team Champion(2); ACW World Champion(2; Never Lost); ACW Tag Team Champion(2; Never Lost); ACW Top Matches(5); ACW Hall of Fame; nEw World Champion(Never Lost); nEw Television Champ(2; Unrecognized); nEw #1 Draft Pick; nEw Hall of Fame; UCW World Champion; UCW Hall of Fame; sPw Co-World Champion; sPw Rumble Winner; DWR Hell on Earth Winner; AWE IC Tournament Winner; AWE Intercontinental Champion; AWE Top Match; RW Tag team Champion(2); PWR United States Champion; PWR Tag Team Champion(Never Lost); PWR Top Match; CWF World Champion; CWF Hardcore Champion; CWF Hall of Fame; WWA Intercontinental Champion; WWA Hardcore Champion; CWO Intercontinental Champion; CWO Tag Team Champion(Last Ever); CWO Hardcore Champion; CWO Top Match; WWF:Zone Intercontinental Champion; NMW World Champion; LoC Owner; #1 Fed Owner For 7 Weeks; Forced PWR and APW to Close TWICE in 7 Weeks Because of Pure Awesomeness; LoC Gimmick Champion; PWR World Champion(Sid got to count his); E-Fedding Doesn't Happen Unless I Say So; Countless RP'er and Quote of the Week; Tag Team of the Week, and Top 10 Rankings. ||