|| Record: 003 - 000 - 000 || Match: vs. Val Venis-Mystery Box Ladder Match || Roleplay #: 008

' In Memory '

[[ Static. ]]

[[ Fade up the SGW logo. ]]

[[ Sobbing takes away the silence of the scene immediately. This isn't your ordinary sobbing, it seems forced and unreal. The scene fades from darkness and into a small chapel. Inside the chapel is two sets of pews, with an open aisle down the middle leading to a set of large, wooden doors in the back of the chapel. Filling the seats of the chapel on the left side is Christian, Trish, and Tomko on one row. Cornette, Stacy, and Torrie vacate a row in front of them. On the other side sits Jeff Jarrett, SGW title in tow. Beside him is Melina, Snitsky, and the Harris Brothers. Russo is seated behind them, and he is sound asleep. Every one in the pews are sobbing, rubbing their eyes with tissues, blowing their noses..The mood is full of sorrow. ]]

[[ A large casket takes our attention in the front of the chapel. The one thing though, that sets this casket off from caskets we're accustomed to, is that it's purple. BRIGHT PURPLE! On top of the casket is a bouquet of purple flowers, and a picture of Val Venis in a frame. The picture is of Val's early days as the porn star. His long hair is covered by a purple helmet, shining like new money. He's popping out from a bush to insinuate a sexual innuendo. Anyway, Edge looks down at the casket, shaking his head. He seems distraught. ]]

[[ The camera pans back to Christian's row. He looks over to Trish and speaks in a full toned voice. ]]

Christian: Did you see that ridiculous picture of Val?

[[ She nudges him, telling him to be quiet. He looks like he didn't do a single thing. ]]

Christian: Hello, Earth to Trish...This is Val Venis' funeral, NOBODY CARES!

Trish Stratus: True..And yeah, what a HORRIBLE picture! I guess it's a better way to remember Val than the way he's going out Sunday night.

Christian: Well...If I knew that picture was how I was going to be remembered, I may be singing a different tune.

Tyson Tomko: ...Horrible pic.

[[ Christian nods, slapping Tomko on the right shoulder. ]]

Christian: Even Tomko knows it sucks!

Trish Stratus: So what's this big surprise you said you had on the way here?

Christian: It's not a 'what,' it's a 'he.' And HE is going to do the guest eulogy!

[[ Trish cocks an eyebrow, she doesn't like the sound of this. ]]

Trish Stratus: Bill Murray's doing the eulogy, isn't he?

[[ Christian looks stunned. ]]

Christian: WHAT?! NO! Absolutely not, Trish!

Trish Stratus: Dan Akroyd..

Christian: ...

Trish Stratus: DAN AKROYD?!

Christian: Of course not...That'd...That'd be so..Dumb!

[[ Camera cuts over to Jarrett and his crew. ]]

Jeff Jarrett: Now look, I know Val Venis ain't nothin' but a black eye on this industry and my company, but you guys need to show what's left of 'em some respect today. Okay?

Melina: Yeah right, Jeff. Val Venis DESERVES what he's getting at Six String Supremacy. I feel no pity for him. And a Val Venis memorial service is the LAST place I want to be seen at!

Jeff Jarrett: He's an SGDubya employee.

Melina: So was Shane McMahon, and you crushed him in a garbage truck.

Jeff Jarrett: Good point.

[[ In the entrance now comes George Clooney and Tom Cruise. What in God's name are they doing here?! They shake hands with Edge. Christian and Trish walk up to greet them. ]]

Edge: Glad you guys could come.

George Clooney: No problem, Edge. Anything for Trish.

Trish Stratus: Huh?

[[ Cruise spots Trish beside him and notices she's fine. ]]

Tom Cruise: Christian called and said we needed to be here because Trish was hurt.

George Clooney: Yeah, she was pregnant or something..

[[ Everyone looks at Christian. ]]

Christian: Yeah, because I knew you guys wouldn't come if I said it was for that moron Val Venis!

Tom Cruise: You're right.

[[ Cruise looks frustrated as Clooney rubs his forehead. ]]

George Clooney: This is for Val?

Edge: What's left of him anyway. He faces me tomorrow night in a ladder match, and well, we all know how that's going to go.

Tom Cruise: Man, I don't want to be here for Val Venis. Christian, I know we supported you during the Christian National Convention and your victory over Flair, but this is going beyond the call of duty.

Christian: Just act like you're sad. Edge will let you two do Stacy and Torrie.

[[ Clooney looks intruiged. ]]

George Clooney: Oh yeah?

Edge: Yep.

George Clooney: If I produce tears, can I cream in Torrie's face?

Edge: Sure. I do it all the time.

George Clooney: Deal.

[[ Entering now is Vanilla Ice, who has not been seen since Tomko and security escourted him out at the Christian National Convention in SGWx after having sex with Trish Stratus. He walks in, Trish smiles. Cornette sees Vanilla Ice and SNAPS! ]]

James E. Cornette: Aw naw! Tattoo boy, you'd best get the hell outta' here right now!

[[ Vanilla Ice looks confused. ]]

James E. Cornette: Don't act like you ain't forgot!

Vanilla Ice: What's wrong, dude?

James E. Cornette: Don't "dude" me you cocksuckin' piece of shit! You get the fuck outta' here right damn now! You ain't FUCKIN' Trish Stratus again! Absolutely the hell not!

Vanilla Ice: Naw man, I ain't here for her.

James E. Cornette: Damn right you're not.

[[ Cornette motions for the Harris Brothers, giving Vanilla Ice no time to reply to anything. ]]

James E. Cornette: SECURITY!

[[ Ice looks afraid for his life as the Harris Brothers, Snitsky, and Tomko come and escourt him out. You hear Ron Harris say. ]]

Ron Harris: Boy, you done fucked up.

Don Harris: It's hammer time, bitch!

[[ As he's being drug out.. ]]

Vanilla Ice: That ain't me! That's MC Hammer!

Don Harris: I don't give a shit!

[[ Everyone shakes their heads, as they know Vanilla Ice is going to go record a rap album with Jesus. Russo has awaken for the happenings leans over and whispers to Jarrett. ]]

Vince Russo: Well, at least he's in the right place if he's gonna' die.

Jeff Jarrett: Yep.

[[ Jarrett nods. Clooney, Cruise, and everyone else take a seat. Edge rubs his hands together, standing in front of the ugly casket. He clears his throat, and the conversations among all the people in attendance settle. He begins. ]]

Edge: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the memorial service for the career of Val Venis. Since Val's career never truly blossomed, I guess you could call the cause of death an ABORTION!

[[ Everyone gathers in unison. ]]

Everyone: ABORTION!

[[ Jarrett lacks behind, whispering to himself. ]]

Jeff Jarrett: Abortion..

Edge: Now, I've never been in charge of a memorial service, so to break the ice, I'll say a random comment.

[[ A smile comes to the face of Edge. ]]

Edge: How about this STUPID picture, huh? Silly Val, wins are for winners.

[[ Clooney looks to Cruise and comments. ]]

George Clooney: I noticed that horrible picture, but never said anything.

Tom Cruise: Me too. It's the worst picture I've ever seen!

[[ Cut back to Edge as he settles the people down again. ]]

Edge: Val Venis could have prevented this from happening. He could have minded his own business, let Stacy have crazy, illegal, torrid sex with whoever she damn well pleased. But no, that hero factor kicked in for him. He wanted to try to steal the spotlight from me, rather than continue living in the shadows of people like me and Christian...And, as you can see..

[[ Edge pats the casket. ]]

Edge: Val Venis is going to pay the price.

[[ Camera cuts to everyone sitting in the pews, and in unison. ]]

Everyone: PAY THE PRICE!

[[ Jarrett slacks behind people. He mumbles to himself, shaking his head in sorrow. ]]

Jeff Jarrett: Pay the price...Pay the price.

Edge: Val Venis was always a good lackey for us. He made us feel superior in each and every way. When we had a bad match, Val Venis had an even WORSE one. When needed a laugh, you watched him wrestle. When you had insomnia, you watched him cut a promo. When you wanted sex..

[[ Edge winks at Stacy. ]]

Edge: You take his woman.

[[ Everyone looks at Stacy, she smiles and winks back at Edge. ]]

Edge: And when you want to send a message...You KILL HIS BEST FRIEND!

[[ The Harris Brothers roll in another casket. This one is full of dents and dings. Everyone looks curious. Edge smiles and runs his hand down the dented top of the casket. You can hear a man screaming in there. ]]

Edge: Like I have previously done. I gave Eric Bischoff the first legitimate CURB-STOMPING in history. And tomorrow night, when judgment day comes upon the career of Val Venis, I'll glady and easily do another!

[[ Edge turns the casket over, the near dead Eric Bischoff falls out. He's tied up and laying in the fetal position. Everyone in the place gasps and Russo stands up and points. ]]

Vince Russo: HOLY SHIT!

[[ Edge leans down, cupping his hear at Bischoff. ]]

Edge: What's that, Bischoff? You think Val's still going to beat me? That's a bold statement coming from a man with no jaw or teeth.

[[ Edge yeilds a smirk as he rubs his hair out of his eyes. ]]

Edge: As bold as Val Venis saying I used imposters in the Self-Destruction dvd. The Rated R Superstar used REAL people, baby! EVERYONE was lining up to criticize the history of Val Venis, and to send me their best wishes in the match. The only imposter around here is Val himself! He's a shell of his former self, back in his old body, trying to do things he's done not in three years..Like WIN A DAMN MATCH! BUT HE'S NOT GOING TO DO IT! TOMORROW NIGHT IS THE END OF THE LINE FOR VAL VENIS! THE END OF THE LINE!...Just like it is for you...

[[ Bischoff mumbles some more, Edge smiles and STOMPS BISCHOFF IN THE FACE! ]]

Edge: I'll be sure to have Ron and Don here continue to help you change your mind. See ya' buddy!

[[ Edge pats the lid and the Harris Brothers roll Bischoff in the caket out of the chapel to go introduce him to Jesus. You can hear him mumble, begging for help. The people in the chapel seem distraught. This is a new side of Edge, a man who knows he's in for a legitimate fight, but a man who knows what he has to do to win. And winning is all he knows. ]]

Edge: Tomorrow night, you will all witness Val Venis trying to portray Rambo. He'll try to be a one man killing machine out for vengeance. But a man must know his limits. You've got to be smart, and not get yourself into a no-win situation like he has. This cakset here is the final resting place for the career of Val Venis, once I rake the remains off my boot.

[[ Everyone raises their arms in the air and in unison again. ]]

Everyone: HIS BOOT!

[[ You now hear the screams of two men outside the church. Everyone, including you, cringe as you can hear fists and boots hitting flesh, which brings girl-like cries from the men. Torrie embraces George Clooney. He smiles and brings her in tight. ]]

Torrie Wilson: I told myself it was Val Venis, that I wouldn't cry, but I couldn't help it.

[[ He smiles and brings her in closer. ]]

George Clooney: It's fine, Torrie. Let it out.

Torrie Wilson: Thank you, Mr. Clooney.

George Clooney: George...Call me George.

Torrie Wilson: Thanks..George.

[[ Clooney gives the fist pump and smiles. We now cut to a view of Cornette and Stacy, who are sitting beside Torrie. ]]

James E. Cornette: Wait a second..Torrie was Sanders' manager right?

Stacy Keibler: Yeah.

James E. Cornette: Now she's with Edge?

Stacy Keibler: Yep.

James E. Cornette: She's married to Kidman...Wouldn't he be mad Edge is fuckin' her?

[[ Stacy shrugs. ]]

Stacy Keibler: Who cares about Billy Kidman?

James E. Cornette: Got me there, toots.

[[ Back to Edge. ]]

Edge: And, as you can tell by the sounds of imminent death, being on the wrong side of the war against the only Rated R Superstar in SGW history isn't the place you want to be! Things are only getting worse and worse for Venis as the time goes on. I mean, it's not like I want to be known as the man who destroyed Val Venis, and left his career in shambles..It's not like I was going out of my way to sabotage his career. Hell, he did that himself!

[[ Everyone in the chapel nods. ]]

Edge: All I'm going to do at Supremacy, is solve a problem that's been a thorn in the side of the wrestling business for way, way too long! He can assemble himself a new cast of people to try to take the place of his old. He can change his attitude, his mental mindset, he could even go into the ring and learn new moves...But none of that's going to make a difference tomorrow night in the ladder match! None of it!

[[ Edge walks to the front of the casket belonging to Val. Edge wipes a tear from his right eye and speaks again. ]]

Edge: And now, we will have a moment of silence as Val Venis' theme song plays.

[[ Some sobs come from the chapel, other than that, the place is reletively quiet. Clooney is producing tears and looks at Edge, Edge gives him the thumbs up back, knowing he came through with his end of the deal. Tomko stands up with a boom box and presses play. Suddenly, the room is overtaken by the addicting song that is "Headstrong" by Trapt. Everyone who was bowing their heads in silence look up and around, totally confused. ]]

Stacy Keibler: This is Val's theme?

[[ After four years, she's just now learning the song. ]]

Stacy Keibler: This is ridiculous!

[[ Trish leans over to Christian, who's laughing. ]]

Trish Stratus: This isn't his theme song.

Christian: Haha, I know. It was like, pick a song that best describes Val Venis.

Trish Stratus: And "Headstrong" does?

Christian: Well, it does beat "Whoomp! There it is," doesn't it?

Trish Stratus: Fair enough.

[[ We cut over to Russo and that crew. Russo is singing along to the song. ]]

Vince Russo: Back off and I'll take ya' on! Headstrong to take on anyone! I -

Melina: Enough.

Vince Russo: What? This is a catchy song! 'Da best damn thing Venis eva' brought to wrestlin'!

Jeff Jarrett: No.

[[ The song finally ends and some more sobs break out. We now see Edge. He lets out a sigh and takes a deep breath. He's just trying to stay strong. ]]

Edge: That Val Venis. Such a headstrong individual. Such a shame that was his downfall.

[[ Everyone looks so down and out. Edge tries continuing on. ]]

Edge: And now, to continue this service..At this time, Christian and Tyson Tomko will present a song in honor of Val.

[[ Christian and Tomko get up, Tomko brings his boom box from earlier. They go to the front, in front of Val's casket. Trish puts his face in her hands. ]]

Trish Stratus: This is going to be a disaster.

[[ Christian clears his throat and Tomko readies himself. ]]

Christian: Val, you were always there to make me feel good about myself. Making me look WAYYY better than I really am.

[[ He points to the Heavens. ]]

Christian: This song is for you, buddy!

[[ Tomko presses play and a soft beat begins to play. Christian grabs a microphone, the lights go out, and a spotlight softly shines on Christian. ]]

Christian: I'm Captain Charisma, and I'm dedicating this song, "Dust in the Wind," to Val Venis.

[[ And at that point, Trish immediately knows she's right. ]]

Trish Stratus: Yep, disaster.

Christian: I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone. All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind..

[[ You are immediately reminded of Old School at Blue's funeral. Trish is in disbelief. ]]

Trish Stratus: Oh..my...God.

[[ Christian continues pouring his heart out in song. He's singing incredibly bad. So bad, the people are cringing like they're imagining what's happening to Bischoff and Vanilla Ice right now. ]]

Christian: Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea. All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see. Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind

Vince Russo: Mother fuck can he can't sing!

[[ Jarrett and crew nods in agreement. ]]

Vince Russo: For such an awesome wrestler, he sure as hell can't sing worth a shit! It's like a Val Venis match, or Val Venis period..SUCKS!

[[ Back to Christian, who is almost finished. ]]

Christian: Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky It slips away, all your money won't another minute buy.. Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind....

[[ Christian starts to break down. He collapses on the cakset. ]]

Christian: YOU'RE MY BOY, VAL!

[[ Tomko lays the boom box down and, even he wipes a tear away. ]]

Tyson Tomko: ..Mmmhmm.

Christian: WHY DID YOU HAVE TO START A FIGHT WITH EDGE?!

[[ Christian isn't sad for Venis, he's sad because he's lost a lackey. ]]

Christian: WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE STUPID PEOPLE DOING STUPID THINGS?!

[[ Tomko grabs Christian and drags him away. The chapel is just beside themselves. He goes and sits down back beside Trish, she rubs his back, consoling him. Tomko shakes his head in disbelief. ]]

Trish Stratus: Way to stay strong.

Christian: Why is Val so stupid?

Trish Stratus: Don't worry Christian, we'll find you a new lackey. I promise.

Christian: I don't know. I just don't know. I have no job, and tomorrow night, I won't have someone to elevate me. Some legend Val Venis is. Legend...Legend my ass, Trish. Legend my ass!

[[ We cut back to Edge at the front. ]]

Edge: Thank you, Christian. That was very nice.

[[ Edge adjusts his tie and continues. ]]

Edge: And now, to deliver one of two very special eulogies, he is a man Christian contacted and he glady accepted the invitation to help us celebrate the career of Val Venis. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado...DAN AKROYD!

[[ Dan Akroyd? Everyone applauds as Akroyd enters to zero response and shakes hands with Edge. ]]

Dan Akroyd: G'afternoon everyone. I was contacted by Christian to talk about Val Venis's career, and to be honest, I don't follow wrestling, but the way he summed Val up, talking about nothing major is what I do best.

[[ He continues and Trish looks at Christian, seemingly angry. ]]

Trish Stratus: I thought you said it wasn't Akroyd?

[[ A smirk comes across Christian's face. ]]

Christian: To quote Eddie Guerrero, when I said it wasn't Dan Akroyd..I LIIIIEDDD!

Trish Stratus: ....

Christian: You got lucky that Billy Murray couldn't make it.

[[ We go back to Akroyd, who is rambling. ]]

Dan Akroyd: And so yeah, I hear Val Venis did a lot of dumb stuff in his days in wrestling. That Edge is going to beat him like he stole something.

Everyone: LIKE HE STOLE SOMETHING!

[[ Akroyd looks around, confused. ]]

Dan Akroyd: Love the echo, guys. Anyway, what can be said about Val Venis that hasn't already been said?

[[ He has nothing interesting to say. Russo stands up. ]]

Vince Russo: BORING! BORING!

[[ Melina nudges Russo and makes him sit down. Akroyd is miserably shaken. ]]

Dan Akryod: I'll be honest, I really don't know what else to say about Val, expect that tomorrow night his life ends forever thanks to Edge.

[[ Edge shrugs like "what can you do?" Edge snaps his fingers and in the room enters the Harris Brothers. ]]

Edge: Like in Ghostbusters, Dan..Who you gonna' call?

Don Harris: Call us the Boring Busters.

[[ Ron Harris cracks his knuckles. ]]

Ron Harris: Yep.

[[ They grab Akroyd on either side, and he is drug out of the chapel to go prepare to write movies for Jesus. Edge takes the floor back. ]]

Edge: Next time, I suggest we get people who KNOW the person who's deceased.

[[ Tomko looks over to Christian. ]]

Tyson Tomko: ..Yep.

Christian: I thought he'd be entertaining.

Trish Stratus: Way to go, you killed Dan Akroyd.

Christian: I didn't kill him.

Trish Stratus: It's like you brought a blind kid in with you to play dodgeball.

[[ Christian throws his hands up in the air in submission. ]]

Christian: Hey, what can you do? Hit or miss.

Trish Stratus: How much did he charge to die?

Christian: Twenty.

[[ Trish shakes her head as we go back to Edge. ]]

Edge: Now, for another eulogy, here is a close friend of mine, Mr. John Travolta!

[[ Travolta walks in with a huge smile on his face. He shakes hands with Edge and takes the people's attention. ]]

John Travolta: How's everyone doing? Christian, Trish, lookin' good since the last time I saw you guys.

[[ Christian waves back at Travolta. ]]

John Travolta: Now, let's get down to business. Val Venis was one of those fluke superstars. Right place, right time. He was always playing second fiddle to superstars like Jeff Jarrett, Christian, and Edge. He was even the weakest superstar in every stable he was ever apart of. I remember in nEw when he smoked marijuana with Rob Van Dam before a match. What a goofy guy huh?

Everyone: GOOFY!

John Travolta: Edge contacted me, told me the circumstances surrounding this match. Stacy, you made a wise decision.

[[ He casts a smile at Stacy. ]]

John Travolta: Edge has told me some of his stories, and man, I can only imagine. This guy sounds like a pure freak!

[[ He chuckles as Stacy nods. Cornette nods too. ]]

James E. Cornette: He's damn crazy!

[[ Cornette would know. Travolta continues. ]]

John Travolta: I've known Edge and Christian a few years. Great guys. Awesome wrestlers too. And when either one of them say they're going to do something, they get the job done right the first time. Val Venis on the other hand hasn't done anything spectacular since 2002. Val Venis is like a broken record. He rides in the same limo, the same private jet, and talks the same match talk every week. Another thing Val Venis does is stretch the truth beyond imagination.

[[ He continues. ]]

John Travolta: He says this week not only will he beat Edge, that he is going to destroy his career. Make him pay the price for what he's done to him. Honestly, you got to sit back and ask yourself one question.

[[ He extends his hands out to either side. ]]

John Travolta: Has he been toking it up with RVD again?

Everyone: STONERS!

John Travolta: And now, a day before the ending of Val Venis, the night before he is shut up forever, and the world is rid of a worthless individual..You must first off, thank Edge for what he's fixing to do, and secondly...You must remember Val Venis for what his' contributed to this business.

[[ He speaks softly. ]]

John Travolta: He's made people look good. He's made us laugh with his monster trucks and his antics. But most importantly, he's made you, you the good wrestlers in this busines...He's made your win records a whole lot more bigger. And that, that is how I will remember Val Venis when he's laying motionless on the ground in a pool of blood tomorrow night. I will remember Val Venis for always getting the job done.

[[ He smiles. ]]

John Travolta: Amen.

Everyone: AMEN!

[[ He gets a nice round of applause as he walks back to where Christian is, shakes his hand, and has a seat. ]]

Edge: Very nicely put, Mr. Travolta.

[[ He nods and Edge continues. ]]

Edge: Now, to conclude this ceremony. Val Venis was always the guy we laughed at, never took seriously. That's how he would want to be remembered. Not as the man who made the worst mistake of his life by showing up to face me. Everyone's careers wind down sometime, but usually, they slowly end. Val's on the other hand, well, it's going to hit a brick wall and engulf in flames. But it's not my fault, right Snitsky?

[[ Snitsky shakes his head 'no' and points at Edge. ]]

Gene Snitsky: IT'S NOT...HIS...FAULT!!

Edge: Exactly. Val will learn the ultimate rule. "Be careful what you ask for, because you may very well get it." He wants a war, he wants to have a shot at the Rated R Superstar. He wants to try to shoot for the moon, and maybe, just maybe get lucky. He's getting what he wants, and a little bit more! I'm giving him his chance to seek revenge. I'm allowing him to step on my level and into my ballpark. But when that bell rings, it'll be a different story. I'll slam the book closed on Val Venis' career! I'll climb that ladder, and I'll remove whatever's in it!

[[ Edge holds his right hand up, simulating grabbing the contents from the ladder. ]]

Edge: For Val's sake, it better be a new gimmick, because I'll RUIN VAL VENIS!

Everyone: RUIN!

Edge: All Val had to do was just mind his own business. Let what's done be done, but no..He has to try to make the triumphant return the week after brutually attacking his mentor and attack me. The people haven't forgot that Val Venis tries being the big shot, and fails miserably. This situation is no different than any of the rest in the past, except for one thing.

[[ Edge runs his hand down the casket top and shows a sadistic grin. ]]

Edge: Except for the fact that Val Venis's career will be BURIED BY ME! People in the past have claimed to be going to make superstars end up here in the funeral home, but none have ever gone through with the deed. I, I will. I have that hatred for Val Venis in my heart, and I have the abilties to DO IT! He's the underdog for a reason, that's because I am the superior human specimen. He's in a situation with no exit. No exit that is, except to DIE! He'll enjoy letting that main event spotlight shine on him...Then the blood with start to pour down his face! Then I'll kick his lifeless body from the main event scene right down to the midcard where it belongs! There's no use in Val Venis hogging MY spotlight because I had sex with his ex-girlfriend.

Stacy Keibler: Technically, we never were dating. Don't associate my name to the title of 'girlfriend.'

Edge: My apology...But nonetheless, the fact still remains. Tomorrow night, February 5, 2006, Val Venis wrestles in his final Solid Gold Wrestling match. In it, he was given a chance to estract revenge on the one man who has taunted him his entire life. Who he's thrived in every way to be like, but has fallen short each and every time..In it, Val Venis met his match, and his maker. In it...Val Venis was ENDED!

[[ Everyone raises their fists in their air. ]]

Everyone: ENDED!

Edge: FOR GOOD!

Everyone: FOR GOOD!

[[ The audience is getting into the mockery. Ocassionally someone wipes a tear or blows their nose. Edge removes his purple flower from his coat jacket and lays it on top of the casket. He shakes his head, like he can't believe he's responsible for all of this happening. ]]

Edge: Val Venis has had every chance in the world to bow out and save his career and his life. It's just not going to be worth stepping into the ring with me, in my domain, the ladder match, and taking me on. He could take the easy road and just not bother. It's not worth sacrificing you very well being. I am the Rated R Superstar..I am the greatest wrestler walking God's green Earth right now!

Christian: HEY!

Edge: You know what I mean.

[[ Christian nods and gives the thumbs up. ]]

Edge: Val Venis is in for a rude awakening, this here behind me, this is his fate. His career will end at the hands of me tomorrow night. Plain and simple, no ifs, ands, of buts about it. There's only two things he can do about it..Nothing, and like it! Tomorrow night, Val Venis will be cemented into wrestling history as the man who made the biggest mistake of his life, when he could have easily walked away. He brought it upon himself..He went OVER THE EDGE!

Everyone: THE EDGE!

Edge: Now, let us conclude this service with one last passing by of the casket. After everyone has paid their respects, Val will be loaded up into the hearse for his burial at sea.

[[ Edge steps backward, allowing room for all the guests to approach Val's purple casket and pay their last respects. Jarrett and his crew go up first, Jarrett removes a tear from his eye, consoled by Melina. Next is Tom Cruise and John Travolta. Stacy, Torrie, and Cornette follow. Cornette shakes his head, looking down at the casket. ]]

James E. Cornette: Goofy bastard. It's always the goofy bastards dyin'! ALWAYS!

[[ He moves on as Christian and Trish, followed by Tomko step up now. ]]

Christian: Thought you could beat Edge just like you thought you were better than me.

Trish Stratus: What else can be said?

Tyson Tomko: ...Idiot.

[[ The move on and the room clears. The pallbearers come in and roll the ugly casket out the door everyone goes out of. Waiting to transport the casket is a large purple MONSTER TRUCK HEARSE! The license plate reads "D END4U." Cornette reads that off and looks over at Russo. ]]

James E. Cornette: ...The end for you! I get it! That's hilarious.

Vince Russo: I thought it up myself.

James E. Cornette: Hilarious, I meant ridiculous.

[[ As they load the casket up and the monsterous diesel engine starts revving up, Edge looks over at Jarrett. ]]

Edge: A purple monster truck hearse, just like he would have wanted.

Jeff Jarrett: Yep, you did well Edge. You did well.

[[ He pats Edge on the smile as the monster truck revs up and drives away. The horn sounds, which, somehow, is a mock Venis voice saying "HELLOOO JESUSSS! HEH HEH HEH!" Totally the most over the top horn of all time. The people shake their heads, bursting in tears as we catch a final glimpse of the monster truck hearse pulling away. ]]

[[ Goodbye winning, hello Jesus. ]]

[[ Fade. ]]

Casting Val's Casket To Sea

[[ We open now at a port. We're on a dock and just under our feet about a foot down is the water. The crystal clear water waves back and forth, looking like you draw it in school, nice and blue. The group is all gathered, anticipating the ending of Val Venis. A raft is tied up at the end of the dock. Everyone is talking amongst themselves in small groups. All of a sudden, the small chit chat is broken as "HELLOOO JESUSSS!" is heard and the incredibly stupid monster truck comes into view. ]]

[[ Everyone turns their attention to the monster truck as it pulls in. The casket is unloaded and rolled to the edge of the dock. It is rolled off onto the makeshift raft that has been prepared. Tomko, Snitsky, and the Harris Brothers hold bows and arrows in their hands. This can't be good. Edge stands in front of the cakset for the final word. ]]

Edge: And as I will leave Val Venis in a pool of his own blood to drown tomorrow night, we leave his broken, destroyed, dead career on this raft so it can float into new territories, setting the example for what happens when you try to tone down the Rated R Superstar.

[[ Edge looks over to the four big men, who have now lit their arrows on fire! He cuts the rope on the raft and it starts sailing down the sea. ]]

Edge: Hit the casket, setting it ablaze.

Tyson Tomko: ...Yep.

Trish Stratus: Wouldn't it have been easier to light it before it was released.

[[ Christian shakes his head at Trish. ]]

Christian: Sure, if you wanted to do it the stupid way.

[[ The big men aim and fire the flaming arrows. All four of them miss their targets. They try again, and again, the same result comes. ]]

Edge: C'mon, dammit! Light it!

[[ They try one more time, same result. Christian reveals a GRENADE! Immediately, everyone in sight is shocked and afraid by this. He's not the safest person in the world to be trusted with such a devistating device. ]]

Trish Stratus: Where in the HELL did you get a grenade?

[[ Christian shrugs. ]]

Christian: Beats me.

Trish Stratus: You have got to be kidding me. This whole thing has turned into a joke.

Christian: I know.

[[ He pulls the pin and hurls it at the raft. ]]

Christian: BOMBS AWAY!

[[ It sails in the air and lands directly onto the raft, blowing it and the purple casket into a million tiny pieces! Forget setting it on fire, it is completely destroyed beyond recognition. Everyone covers their heads to escape the falling debris. What a sight! Everyone looks back at Christian like "what the hell did you do?" ]]

Vince Russo: THAT WAS AWESOME! FUCKIN' AWESOME!

James E. Cornette: Where in God's name did you get a damn grenade?!

Christian: Saving it for a rainy day.

James E. Cornette: Rainy day? When the hell's that? The next stinkin' World War?!

[[ Edge tries rallying the troops back into settling down. ]]

Edge: Ok, ok..I guess you can consider what's done is done. Val Venis' casket is just like his chances of winning when the match was booked is..Up in flames. Nonexistent...So, anyway..

[[ Edge looks around. ]]

Edge: Who wants to eat something?

Stacy Keibler: Can we get hammered now?

Edge: Sure.

[[ Stacy looks relieved. ]]

Stacy Keibler: Good, all this insanity has worn me out.

Edge: You ain't seen nothin' yet, babe.

[[ He smiles and winks confidently at Stacy. The group, still amazed by Christian's stunt, heads to their cars. ]]

[[ Fade. ]]

After Funeral Reception

[[ We are now inside of a nice banquet hall like room. Everyone is inside recovering from the recent actions of the day. The same group from earlier vacates the room, some eating, other just standing around conversing with one another on random subjects. Tom Cruise and Edge are shaking hands, talking. ]]

Tom Cruise: Well Edge, thanks for sending the invitation. Though Christian tricked me into coming, it didtake me back to my Mission Impossible days with the crazy explosions and everything.

Edge: Yeah, sorry about that. But hey, should have saw it coming with Val Venis involved.

[[ Cruise chuckles. ]]

Tom Cruise: Yeah. If that's the case, I can't wait to see the fireworks tomorrow night then.

Edge: Oh, it's going to be explosive.

[[ Cut over to the other side of the room to Christian, Trish, and John Travolta. ]]

Trish Stratus: It was a great speech, John.

John Travolta: Thanks. It's Val Venis, I had more ammo, but you know, no need to beat a dead horse.

Christian: A literally dead horse.

John Travolta: What I'm wondering, is why you just randomly had a grenade in your pocket? That was crazy!

Christian: Well, I really don't have a good answer.

John Travolta: That could have blew up in your pocket or something.

[[ Christian looks taken aback. ]]

Christian: Say what?

John Travolta: Yeah, sometimes they get sensetive. I've seen lots of cases of grenades blowing up before they're supposed to.

Christian: But, if that grenade had blown my crotch off, what would I be doing about no pants dances?

[[ Trish looks at Christian. ]]

Trish Stratus: The same thing you're doing WITH a crotch, no dancing.

John Travolta: Well, that's my cue to leave. Nice seeing you guys again.

Christian: Yeah...See you, John.

[[ He walks off, Christian looks to Trish. ]]

Christian: Harsh, Trish. Harsh.

[[ She smiles at Christian and we cut back over to Edge. Jarrett, Russo, Melina, and Snitsky all surround Edge. ]]

Jeff Jarrett: Hell of a night, Edge, hell of a night. Tomorrow night at Supremacy is only gonna' get better! Carrie Underwood, movie premiers, and the death of Val Venis. Sounds to me like the ultimate pay-per-view. The buyrates are gonna' be through the roof!

Edge: Of course. So, Jeff, tell me, between you and I, what's in the box?

Jeff Jarrett: I just can't tell you, Edge. Knowin' you though, I'd better throw in a box of magnums.

Edge: Fine with me. Just as long as it's not something ridiculous like the Gimmick title, or the EXTREME title. Won't be that much fun killing Val Venis and winning a title like that.

Jeff Jarrett: Trust me, Edge. You take care of Val Venis, and get him out of our hair forever, and the reward in that box will be worth your trouble. Trust me.

Edge: Consider it done. Val did it to his ownself, I'll just cross the T's and dot the I's on his career. A ladder match made me think you really wasn't giving Val much of a chance.

Melina: Well, being booked against someone like you shows the impression of not having a chance.

Jeff Jarrett: The ladder match, to be honest, was just for shits and giggles, Edge. Pure entertainment.

Edge: Excellent. Tomorrow night, I'll debut my newest Rated R presentation. And in it, there won't be a focus on sex...They'll be a focus on DEATH!

[[ Edge shakes Jarrett's hand. George Clooney comes out of a closet, his hair and suit a mess. Following him is Torrie Wilson, who brings the straps back up on her dress and then adjusts her skirt. ]]

Torrie Wilson: Wow.

George Clooney: Yeah, you were worth crying over Val Venis.

Torrie Wilson: Who?

[[ Clooney puts his index finger of his right hand against Torrie's lips. ]]

George Clooney: Don't speak. You may spoil the moment.

[[ Clooney puts his arm around her and smiles. Edge points at Clooney from across the room. ]]

George Clooney: YOU THE MAN, EDGE!

Vince Russo: What does a man hafta' do to fuck one of your bitches, Edge?

[[ Edge smiles. ]]

Edge: Russo, you got a chance to have sex with Candice Michelle tomorrow night. What are you complaining about?

[[ A lightbulb comes on in Russo's mind. ]]

Vince Russo: YOU'RE FUCKIN' RIGHT!

[[ Edge smiles and pats Russo on the back. He walks off from them and meets up with Stacy. They kiss. Edge holds her tight, looking her in the eyes. ]]

Stacy Keibler: This time tomorrow, all our problems will be solved.

Edge: Yep. That limousine riding, helicopter flying, match losing, no talented piece of garbage has met his match. This is going to be the ultimate icing on the cake of the career of Val Venis.

Stacy Keibler: Career, you mean JOKE!

Edge: Val Venis' rise to stardom has been nothing but one big accident, the same reason he was even put on this planet to begin with! I've broken the heart of his baby sister, humiliated him and everything he's done in his career, made it seem meaningless, taken the one girl he wanted to MARRY, and then I literally CRUSHED the face of his best friend..

[[ He brings Stacy ever closer. ]]

Edge: And the abuse, the mockery, it all comes to and end tomorrow night in the ladder match. I've done everything possible to Val, but to ruin him in the ring. I've beat him once in tag team action, and this time, it's my time to do it alone! Val Venis will regret the day, Stacy, he thought it was a bright idea to come back, step into my world, and try to take me out! A couple of lousy sneak attacks doesn't compare to what I've done to him the past two weeks, and what will happen to him tomorrow night! JUST DOESN'T COMPARE!

Stacy Keibler: Nope. Not at all. I know Val, I know what he's capable of. He can't take on my Rated R Superstar.

Edge: He can assemble all the new casts he want to in his promos, say what he wants, make all the threats in the world. But when it's all said and done, only one man can stand victorious in the middle of the ring, and it sure as hell won't be Val Venis! And when he's nothing but a forgotton memory after tomorrow night, Stacy...You and I will have crazy, twisted, torrid sex EVERY DAMN NIGHT! And that right there is something...You can...BANK ON!

[[ Edge and Stacy kiss passionately. They really get into it. Edge pulls away and licks the side of Stacy's face. ]]

Stacy Keibler: Silly Val. It's going to be great to see him finished once and for all tomorrow night.

Edge: Val Venis, you're in for the worst night of your entire life! Tomorrow night, Six-String Supremacy...In the ladder match...Val Venis, you stupid son of a bitch, once and for all, I will back up my claims, I will get the job done, I will get you out of my hair for good! Val Venis...You've made the worst decision of your life, and for that...

I WILL END YOU!

[[ Edge laughs after he sarcastically mocked Val Venis' end quote. He kisses Stacy. He's confident in knowing that tomorrow night at Supremacy, Val Venis will pay the ultimate price for messing with he and Stacy's personal live. All Val has done is tried making a name for himself, and he's going to fail miserably. The scene slowly fades to black. ]]

[[ It's game over tomorrow night, Brett Albers. Game over. ]]

[[ Static. ]]

[[ Fade out. ]]

|| Scott Smith - GOAT - Greatest of All Time ||