The Rated R
Superstar Highly
Overrated: |
[[ Static. ]] [[ Fade up the SGW logo. ]] [[ The scene opens up in SGW Headquarters. We see Edge, Trish Stratus, and Tyson Tomko sitting in the waiting room outside of the production area of the building. Edge looks irritated, constantly checking his watch to look at the time. His ACW World Heavyweight title rests comfortably on his left shoulder. Trish rests in his lap, looking bored. Tomko is standing behind them with his arms crossed. ]] Edge: This is BULLSHIT! I'm the damn champion! I should be escourted right back to the production area to do my damn promo work and get the hell out of here! Trish Stratus: It won't take too long. Edge: I don't care. I don't even know why I'm sitting here having to wait just to cut a promo on Shawn Michaels. I don't see the point, Trish. Shawn Michaels is possibly the worst talker in the history of this business. He's hanging around with Eric Young, thinking that's going to win him some matches, thinking having that retard will help him beat me..BUT IT WON'T! IT WON'T HELP HIM DO ANYTHING! [[ Tomko agrees. ]] Tyson Tomko: ..Nope. Edge: And then after I do that, I have to film another vignette for Wrestlebrawl..Another match I'm going to walk right into and dominate. I don't see the point at all. I don't even have to outtalk these people to prove that I'm going to win. I'd rather do it in the ring and prove it by kicking their damn heads off their shoulders! Trish Stratus: And you will. Edge: Damn right I will! [[ She points to the title. ]] Trish Stratus: ACW World champion. Edge: I'm the damn champion! [[ They kiss. ]] Trish Stratus: So don't sweat it, babe. You're just going through the usual routine you've been going on ever since day one in Solid Gold. Same ol' thing, just a different week. No matter who the opponent is. Tyson Tomko: ..Yep. [[ Trish suddenly turns concerned, deep in thought. ]] Trish Stratus: Hey..Edge. Edge: What? Trish Stratus: The other night when Chyna stopped by..Had I not closed the door..Would you have? [[ Edge shrugs, showing no shame. ]] Edge: I'd done what I had to of. Trish Stratus: ..... Tyson Tomko: ..Damn. [[ Edge is notably irritated. ]] Edge: Obviously I'm kidding. Jesus Christ, I have standards! This unit doesn't go into caves it can't get itself out of! Hell, with Chyna, she'd want to put her flashlight in MY cave! Hell no I wouldn't have nailed Chyna! You people make me sick! Trish Stratus: Alright, alright. Sorry. She's nothing to think about now, neither is HBK. All you need to be concentrated on is twenty more days. [[ A calm comes over the Rated R Superstar as he thinks twenty days from now, winning the SGW World title from Lance Storm. ]] Edge: Twenty more days..That's all I have to waste. Twenty days until I finally achieve my destiny. Until my career is complete. And until then, I'm going to prove to all my critics that I am truly deserving of being the number one contender. They've always tried holding me back, always tried denying me of my destiny. NO MORE! Rhyno, Chris Kanyon, Val Venis, all of them have felt my wrath. All of them can vouch for me, saying that the Rated R Superstar truly is the greatest SGW superstar walking the face of this stinkin' Earth! [[ Edge looks outraged. ]] Edge: After Stroke Saturday Night, the Has Been Kid, will be the forty-fifth straight person to be able to vouch for my awesomeness! What's left of Shawn Michaels, the beaten, battered, broken shell of the former great, will barely be able to speak..But he comes up with the ability to say his true thoughts about me..."Edge..Is..The man!" Nobody's derailing the Edge train en route to Wrestlebrawl! NOBODY! Trish Stratus: It'd be impossible. Edge: And another thing, who is this Johnny Nitro guy to drag my name, my undefeated streak, my awesomeness through the mud in his promos? Huh? Who is this guy, seriously? Trish Stratus: No idea. Edge: Me either. But he sucks. He needs to win consecutive matches before he runs his trap about me. I'm the ACW World champion! I beat Christian, the only man to do so! And him, what's he done? Who's he beaten worth a damn? Trish Stratus: Nobody. Edge: Exactly. He's just another jobber wanting to try to make a name for himself by associating his piece of crap with the Rated R Superstar! He has that ugly bitch suck his dick in his promos, he leaves condoms in her hair like an idiot..What a pussy. Condoms? [[ Edge is appalled by the condoms reference. ]] Edge: Condoms are for pussies. The only people who use condoms are first time virgin geeks who want to have that on just in case they forget to pull their junk out in time! Screw Johnny Nitro! Look at him, Trish. He's begging for a match with me. He wants to face me so bad so maybe, just maybe he can get lucky and look like a challenge against me like HBK wants to do. Screw him! Nitro sucks! Tyson Tomko: ..Yep. Edge: When Johnny Nitro actually does something in SGW besides putting people over in the ring, maybe he can come step up on my level for one night, and let me pad that win streak of mine. So go ahead, Nitro, you no talent piece of garbage! Keep running your mouth about me, focus your attention on me all you want, but when it's costing you matches, and I'm running people down week after week, winning World titles..Hell WINNING GOD DAMN MATCHES! Then you need to wake up and realize you're an IDIOT! AN IDIOT WHO JOBS! WHO LOSES EVERY DAMN MATCH! [[ This is pissing Edge off big time. ]] Edge: I'm not a stepping stone for jobbers, Trish. I'm not a career launching platform. I'm a career KILLER! Ask Chavo Guerrero, Christian, and Val Venis! Three World Champions, three careers DEAD! Screw Johnny Nitro. Let him continue trying to take shots at me in his promos. That's fine. I'll be winning matches and having sex with a hot girl with huge tits and a vagina I make wet! Not some ugly tranny with a New York accent thicker than Vince Russo's. [[ He shakes his head. ]] Edge: Idiot. [[ Finally, after what seems to have been an eternity of waiting, a production assistant comes from the production area and looks at Edge, holding a clipboard. ]] Production Assistant: Um, Edge, sir, you're next. Edge: About time. [[ Edge makes Trish get off his lap, he stands up and starts walking to the door. The assistant extends his hand for a handshake. Edge looks down at it, then back up at him. ]] Edge: Screw you. [[ The hand is lowered, Edge chuckles confidently. ]] Production Assistant: Fair enough. Edge: I'm the Rated R Superstar! I'm the next SGW Champion! I'm not in a popularity contest. I don't need new friends! I HATE dumb little geeks like you who wanted to be in the wrestling business, but a cushy little production job is as close as they're ever going to get! And now, when someone like myself enters your presence, you piss your pants like a little bitch. [[ The assistant looks down at his crotch and then back up. ]] Production Assistant: I'm not really pissing my pants. [[ Edge cocks an eyebrow, not pleased with this hostility, Trish goes off camera. ]] Edge: Oh, that so? Production Assistant: I meet wrestlers all the time. Edge: Well, I bet you're about to piss your pants in my presence. [[ Trish comes back on camera with a glass of water. She splashes the water out of the cup onto the crotch of the assistant. Edge starts laughing as the assistant looks pissed, but knows he can't do nothing about it. ]] Edge: Choke on that, you asshole! Trish Stratus: Stupid geek! [[ Edge pie-faces the assistant backwards, he hits the wall and slumps down to the ground. Edge slaps his ACW title on his shoulder, satisfied with what he did. ]] Edge: Idiot. [[ Edge grabs the open door and swings it open some more. ]] Edge: C'mon..We got to get this over with. [[ They walk through the door, and they're immediately welcomed in by the head of SGW production and a camera man. There's a background set up, the camera's adjusted just right, just waiting for Edge. ]] Producer: Edge, great to see you. [[ Edge snaps at him immediately, eliminating the happy smile from the producer's face. ]] Edge: Shut up! [[ Edge has Trish by the hand, looking around for where to go. The producer takes a step back. ]] Edge: Let's do this..I'm ready to talk. I want to go home. Producer: Right..Over here.. Edge: Move, asshole. I have a promo to cut! Skedaddle! [[ Edge pushes the producer out of the way and walks over to the area. He looks at the cameraman. ]] Edge: Hey you, you ready to do this? This camera turned on, powered up? Cameraman: Yes, sir. [[ Trish and Tomko come into the picture. Edge brings Trish close to him. He looks smug, confident, ready to speak his mind like always. ]] Edge: Alright, I'm going to start. Make sure you get a good shot of her tits...Alright? Cameraman: No problem. Edge: Can you manage that much? You intelligent enough to get the job done and make me look like a million bucks? Cameraman: I can try.. Edge: NO YOU CAN'T! BECAUSE I ALREADY LOOK LIKE A MILLION DOLLARS! [[ Edge wiggles his tounge all around as he puts his hands in a stance resembling a bunny rabbit. ]] Edge: Right Trish? Tell this virgin geek. Trish Stratus: Exactly right, babe. Edge: See? You're garbage, you fat, disgusting, loser! I bet you live with your parents! I bet Trish Stratus is your computer's background wallpaper! Your Google search history is nothing but the keywords of "Trish Stratus nude!" And "nude" is more than likely SPELT WRONG! Tyson Tomko: ..Yep. Edge: So yeah, right now, I'm going to go over here and say my piece, you're going to film it..And when it's done, I'm going to look like the dominant superstar I indeed am..And you're going to still be a loser. Sorry. [[ Edge, Trish, and Tomko make their way over to the interview area. The scene fades before Edge starts. ]] [[
We fade up now to Edge's promo from the view of the
camera. Edge and Trish fill up the camera, even Trish's tits. Everything
is going to the way Edge wants. He looks pissed ]] Edge: Shawn Michaels, Stroke cannot come fast enough. I'm sick and tired of listening to you run your mouth, trying to put yourself above me...Trying to make you look better than me, when we both know, when the fans know, that you are anything but. [[ Trish takes the ACW World title from Edge. ]] Edge: I really don't think it's necessary for someone like me to even be standing here, being forced to conduct an interview, running you and your legacy in the mud..Because well, I think you're doing a damn good job of it yourself! Look at you, HBK, you came in Solid Gold, MY HOUSE, and you hung with Chyna. Chyna, the woman who's truly a man that came to my doorstep last night.. [[ Edge smirks. ]] Edge: And he..Ahem, she..Let the entire world know that Shawn Michaels wasn't good enough. What happened, Shawn? Why'd you kick her to the turn? You not want to play receiver? You're PATHETIC! YOU'RE PATHETIC SHAWN MICHAELS! Chyna came to me, begging me to make her satisfied like I did Stacy Keibler, like Kristal, Torrie Wilson, and like the lovely.. [[ Trish turns to Edge, rubbing his chest. Edge bounces his eyebrows up and down. ]] Edge: ..Trish Stratus. [[ They kiss passionately for a few seconds. ]] Edge: But no! I refuse to take your garbage! I don't take damaged goods! Especially when she's toting a bigger package than I am, probably! And that's saying a lot, HBK..Because if you've seen any of my previous promos..I'm carrying a HUGE cock! Trish Stratus: Without question. Edge: I don't have to say anything else about you, you've done more damage to yourself than I could do. Look at you, running around, trying to be the degenerate you were ten years ago. Trying to recapture lightning in the bottle that you used to have..You want to try to walk over people, use them as stepping stones like you used to. Well, newsflash HBK, IT'S NOT HAPPENING THIS WEEK! YOU WANT TO BE THE MAIN EVENT, BUT YOU CAN'T! NOT WHILE I'M AROUND! NO WAY! I'M THE MAN! [[ Edge points to himself, his eyes are wild, he's intense. ]] Edge: Ten years ago, Shawn Michaels wouldn't lay down for anybody..But in 2006, the roles are reversed. THE RATED R SUPERSTAR LAYS DOWN FOR NOBODY! Enjoy being regulated to job duty, Michaels. You're just a man desperate to recapture the greatness he once had by trying to take down the big bull in SGW, and you're going to FAIL MISERABLY! [[
He licks his
teeth, breathing heavily.
]] Edge: You honestly think you can beat me? If so Michaels, it's true. You truly are the biggest idiot in the world. The man who, on Stroke, will pay the ultimate sacrifice in the ring..When you risk leaving Stroke in a wheelchair or in a hearse! When the smoke clears and the dust settles on our match, Michaels..You'll look like an idiot. You'll be a bloody grease spot on the ring mat! You are nothing but the feces from Shame eating too much STUPIDITY! Trish Stratus: Got that right, baby! HBK's going to be HBDead! [[ Edge nods frantically. He licks his lips at Trish, then turns back to the camera and continues his onslaught on the Heartbreak Kid. ]] Edge: AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT! NOTHING! BECAUSE I'M THE RATED R SUPERSTAR! THE ACW WORLD CHAMPION! I'M THE FUTURE SOLID GOLD WRESTLING WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! [[ Edge is so concentrated on his words, he doesn't notice that spit comes from his mouth as he speaks. He's foaming at the mouth, wishing Stroke was right now. ]] Edge: The highlight of your SGW career so far was pinning Randy Orton. Who cares? Been there, done that, Shawn. You got to come up with something better than that if you're trying to intimidate me! I'm the man who holds pinfalls over countless former SGW World champions and Hall of Famers! I retired Chavo Guerrero, Jr.! I am the only man in SGW to hold a pinfall over Christian! [[ Pause. ]] Edge: Randy Orton DIED IN MY HANDS! Go beat someone else worth a crap, win six titles in Solid Gold like I have, get yourself into the Hall of Fame, and then TRY TO TALK TO ME! [[ Close zoom in on Edge's face, Trish nods beside him. ]] Edge: YOU'RE NOT SHIT IN MY EYES, MICHAELS! [[ Edge is turning red with anger, having to pause to catch his breath. ]] Edge: You aren't a challenge. You aren't a threat to my winning streak. You're nothing more than a warm-up for Wrestlebrawl 2 for me. I'm going to treat you no differently than I have any of my opponents in the past. You're not worth my time..My effort, Michaels. Saturday night on Stroke will be just another week for me. No big deal. Telling you what's going to happen..Because you already know. You just need to shut your mouth, Michaels before it's too late! On Stroke, I'm going to kick your teeth down your stinkin' throat! [[ Edge is shaking with anger. ]] Edge: Your only SGW achievement right now is beating someone who inducted himself in the Hall of Fame and then, GOT KICKED OUT! RANDY ORTON'S A FRAUD! Me, I earned my Hall of Fame spot, Michaels..Come try to beat me. Come try to add a real achievement to your accolades. But don't try too hard..Because it won't..Be..Worth it! Trish Stratus: It's going to be academic for Edge on Stroke, Michaels! Edge: Yep..Because it's plain and simple Michaels. I'M BETTER THAN YOU! I AM THE
[[ Edge smiles and pauses. ]] Edge: And you'll find out the hard way on Stroke! [[ Edge and Trish make out passionately for a few seconds. Edge takes his ACW title and kisses it in the center plate. He looks around. ]] Edge: There, I'm done. Happy? [[ Edge grabs Trish by the hand, beginning to walk off the interview set. ]] Cameraman: Thanks, Edge. That's it. Edge: Screw you! I'm done! [[ They walk off the set and head towards the exit. Edge stops and looks around at everyone in the room. ]] Edge: THE CHAMP IS GOING HOME..TO HAVE SEX! [[ Edge and Trish kiss again. The two head out of the door with Tomko right behind them. The scene fades. ]] [[ Static. ]] [[ Fade out. ]]
Scott Smith || xxscottxsmithxx |
