The Rated R
Superstar Highly
Overrated: |
[[ Static. ]] [[ Fade up the SGW logo. ]] [[ July 15, 2006. Immediately following Stroke. ]] [[ The scene opens up in the hallway leading from the tunnel that goes to the ring and the locker rooms. The production crew and road agents are scattered throughout the hallway, gathering stuff up to get ready to leave the arena since Stroke it off the air. It's fairly silent in the hallway until we hear the celebratory yells echoing throughout the place. ]] " I PINNED THE CHAMPION! I PINNED LANCE STORM! " [[ The cry echoes for a few seconds and starts up again. ]] " IT WAS JUST A PREVIEW! I'M THE DAMN CHAMPION! ME! I'M THE CHAMPION! " [[ The yells get louder and closer to where we are. We need no guesses to who the yells belong to. Edge comes into the picture, holding the ACW World Heavyweight title in his right hand, and a bottle of champagne in his left. Trish Stratus and Tyson Tomko follow him, looking equally as excited. Edge stops and pours some of the champagne into his mouth, spewing it out of his mouth Triple H style. ]] Edge: THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING! ONCE PINING LANCE STORM ISN'T ENOUGH! Trish Stratus: You're going to do it one more time in two weeks! [[ Tomko nods in total agreement. ]] Tyson Tomko: ..Yep. Edge: I AM THE RATED R SUPERSTAR! I SHOCK THE WORLD EACH AND EVERY WEEK! I DO THINGS EVERYONE ELSE ONLY CAN WISH THEY COULD DO! Trish Stratus: You tell 'em, babe! [[ Edge and Trish begin making out furiously as Tomko and stage hands look on. They stop and Edge takes another drink of the champagne and then shakes it up and spews it everywhere like he's just won the Super Bowl. He raises his arms in the air in victory again as Trish rubs her hand down his chest. ]] Edge: Tonight, Trish, Tomko..We're going out, and we're celebrating my dramatic recreation of Wrestlebrawl 2's true main event. I gave the fans tonight a sneak peek.. A spoiler, if you will..Of what's going to happen at Wrestlebrawl 2, as I take what's mine from that goofball, that no personality, no talent, hack! I proved tonight that I'm the smartest wrestler in Solid Gold! I'M THE SMARTEST! ME! I'M SMARTER THAN MATT STRIKER AND HE'S A TEACHER! Trish Stratus: Two weeks baby, two weeks. Edge: C'mon, let's get our bags and get the hell out of here. We've got a lot of celebrating to do. [[ Tomko nods and heads down the hall to their locker room to get the bags. Edge brings Trish closer, flicking his tongue at her like he's a snake. They lock eyes the entire time. ]] Edge: Tonight Trish, it's going to be the roughest, craziest, most ferocious sex of your LIFE! Trish Stratus: Good. Edge: I'm going to leave you laying like I left Lance Storm.. PASSED OUT ON YOUR BACK! HA HA! [[ Edge laughs at his own joke, Trish smiles. They come closer and start making out again passionately. They stop and Edge looks at the stage hands and everyone looking. ]] Edge: Hey you! What do you do here? Stage Hand: Uh.. I.. Uh.. Edge: Uh.. You.. Uh.. Are about to get your ass kicked if you don't.. Uh.. SPEAK! [[ Edge finishes mocking the guy and continues staring, waiting for an answer. ]] Stage Hand: I.. I.. Do catering. Edge: Fantastic. Were you watching me and my girlfriend make out? [[ He shakes his head quickly. Edge seems angry. ]] Edge: Why the hell not? This is the hottest woman in Solid Gold today! She doesn't care to do things in front of an audience.. In fact, it makes it better! Trish Stratus: Yep. Edge: Are you gay? Stage Hand: No. Edge: Good. Then you too can respect how hot this chick is I have. But since you weren't watching us make out, go ahead, touch her tit. She loves having them touched. Go ahead, it's my treat.. A sign of goodwill. Stage Hand: Are you sure? Edge: Sure man, go ahead. [[ Trish smiles as the stage hand slowly reaches out his hand. He's skeptical, but keeps getting closer. Finally, Edge grabs the guys hand and yanks it right at Trish's breasts, touching them. Trish's eyes go wide, she jumps back, furious. The stage hand knows he's fucked up. ]] Trish Stratus: SECURITY! SECURITY! I'VE BEEN SEXUALLY ASSAULTED! SECURITY! Stage Hand: WHAT? NO! NO! Edge: YOU IDIOT! YOU GOD DAMN IDIOT! I CAN'T GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO TOUCH HER TITS! YOU'RE GONNA' BE FIRED! FIRED! [[ Security comes in, sweeping the man away. Edge and Trish get a good laugh out of that. ]] Trish Stratus: So, why'd you get him fired and possibly sent to jail? Edge: Because Trish.. I'm the damn champion. I do whatever I want, whenever I want! [[ He slaps the ACW World title. ]] Edge: And the grilled chicken tonight sucked. [[ They kiss again as the scene fades. ]] [[ July 16, 2006. ]] [[ We're now inside of the home of Edge again. Our usual resting spot. Edge is relaxing on the couch, the ACW World title on his chest, clutched with both hands tightly. He's watching television as Trish comes into the scene, then, like any other man, he turns his attention to her. ]] Trish Stratus: Edge, babe, I just got the card listing for Stroke this week. Edge: Who do I face this week? Johnny Nitro? Trish Stratus: Nope, he faces Steve Austin. [[ Edge makes his first reference to the camera all day, looking right into it. ]] Edge: Hear that, Nitro? You're not my opponent this week, so don't talk crap about me in your promos. Talk about beating Steve Austin.. [[ Edge rolls his eyes. ]] Edge: Idiot. Trish Stratus: Anyway, you and Tomko are facing the newest tag team in SGW. Edge: Doesn't matter to me what team it is. I single-handedly KILLED tag team wrestling in Solid Gold! Let me guess, Trish. It's either Paul London and Spanky or the Basham Brothers isn't it? [[ Trish shakes her head smiling. Edge seems confused. ]] Trish Stratus: You and Tomko are set to face the Island Boys. [[ He's speechless. ]] Edge: .... [[ Edge continues looking at Trish, expecting her to say she was kidding. ]] Edge: No, seriously, Trish. It's the Basham's isn't it? Trish Stratus: No, it's the Island Boys. Edge: Usually when I ask this, it's me being a prick, but this time it's me being serious. Who the HELL are the Island Boys? Trish Stratus: Three Minute Warning. Edge: But.. The Three Minute Warning gimmick was so much easier to portray wasn't it? Wouldn't them doing promos, saying Tomko and I had three minutes to live and such be more effective than them being the Headshrinkers version two? Trish Stratus: You'd think so. [[ Edge looks around for Tomko, then just yells for him. ]] Edge: Hey Tomko, come in here! [[ Tomko walks into the room with shaving cream on his face, except of course his goatee. ]] Edge: You and I have a match this week. Tyson Tomko: ..Cool. Edge: Against the Island Boys. [[ Tomko cocks his eyebrow, not following. ]] Tyson Tomko: ..Hmm? Trish Stratus: Three Minute Warning. [[ He nods his head, acknowledging he knows who they are now. ]] Edge: I am the next SGW World Heavyweight champion! I'm not a tag team wrestler anymore! Five times I was the Tag Team Champion in Solid Gold! Been there, done that in terms of tag team wrestling. I'm a singles competitor now. And I'm going to make myself the greatest singles wrestler ever next week at Wrestlebrawl! Screw the Island Boys! Screw Three Minute Warning! Umaga! Rosey! Jamal! Whoever! Screw them! They're meaningless to me! Trish Stratus: Well yeah, obviously it doesn't matter who they are or what they call themselves, they're still going to run smack dab into a brick wall I like to call my two favorite men in the world. Some debut in Solid Gold they're going to have this week. Tyson Tomko: ..Yep. [[ Edge props his feet up on the table in front of the couch he was sitting on. ]] Edge: Now we can just sit back and try to think of a promo idea to do for the week. Trish Stratus: Hmm.. [[ The Jeopardy theme plays in the background as the three rub their chins in deep thought. After about ten seconds, Trish comes wide awake with an idea. ]] Trish Stratus: I got the perfect idea.. They're the Island Boys, right? [[ Edge and Tomko nod. ]] Trish Stratus: Let's go to an island. Tyson Tomko: ..Lame. Edge: Wow Trish, what a clichéd idea. And next week, why don't we go to the damn Dungeon and talk about Lance Storm why don't we! That outta' do the trick! Tyson Tomko: ..Bad idea. Trish Stratus: Fine. Whatever. You think of something for us to do then. Edge: I will! I'll think of a genius idea! [[ Trish turns around and walks off camera. Tomko goes back to finish shaving. Edge ponders the situation. ]] Edge: The Island Boys.. Idiots. Who booked this crap? I've got a World title match to prepare for. I should be in main events fighting singles wrestlers, not in tag matches against newbie idiots. What in God's name do I have to say about the Island Boys besides the obvious of them dying in the ring on Stroke at the hands of me and my own personal Problem Solver, Tomko? [[ Edge rubs his chin. A few seconds later, he starts tapping his temple, laughing. ]] Edge: I've just been hit with a damn good idea. I truly am the smartest man in Solid Gold Wrestling period! [[ Edge hops up off the couch, carrying his ACW title with him, and walks off to the back of the house as the scene fades. What kind of idea does he have in store? ]] [[ July 17, 2006. ]] [[ We fade up inside of a white Lincoln rental car with Edge driving for once. Trish is riding shotgun and Tomko rests comfortably in the back. Edge is zooming through traffic, heavy metal music blasting on the radio. He thumps the steering wheel with his fingers to the beat, like he's playing the drums. ]] Edge: So, I got to thinking about what to do promo-wise against the Island Boys. Trish Stratus: Oh, so you finally came up with an idea huh? Edge: When you're the damn champion, Trish, coming up with ideas is what you're supposed to do. [[ Edge turns his attention back to the road. ]] Trish Stratus: So what's the idea. Edge: First, let me ask this.. Tomko, Trish, do you have bathing suits and sun block in the bags I told you two to pack? [[ Tomko nods, Trish seems reluctant. ]] Trish Stratus: Well yeah, why? Edge: Because after that stupid idea you came up with, I came up with an even better one! Trish Stratus: Let's hear it then. [[ Edge swerves in front of a car. The car he cut off honks and Edge looks to Trish. ]] Edge: Hold the wheel. [[ Trish grabs the wheel and Edge turns his body out of the window and gives the driver the bird. ]] Edge: SCREW YOU, ASSHOLE! I'M THE DAMN CHAMPION! I'M THE RATED R SUPERSTAR! I DO WHATEVER I WANT! [[ After that, Edge slides back into the car and takes the wheel over. ]] Edge: Now, where was I? Trish Stratus: Your idea. Edge: Right. Anyway, since we face the Island Boys, well guys.. We're fixing to get on a plane in about an hour. [[ He cracks a smile. ]] Edge: And we're going to a random island somewhere. Tyson Tomko: ..Great idea. Edge: It is, isn't it Tomko? Trish Stratus: GREAT IDEA?! [[ She.. is.. mad. ]] Edge: Yeah, I know it is. Trish Stratus: But that's the same idea I came up with yesterday that you two said was a stupid idea. Edge: No it's not. Trish Stratus: Going to a random island to do a promo on the Island Boys was my idea. Edge: Whoa, whoa, whoa.. [[ He pushes up his sunglasses, turns to Trish, and continues. ]] Edge: Who said anything about doing promos at the island? I plan on going to the island to relax in the sun for a couple days. Get my mind off everything. Tyson Tomko: ..Ditto. Edge: The second the Island Boys joined Solid Gold they were screwed. We all know savages can't wrestle. There's no spot in wrestling for overweight Samoans. Rikishi broke the mold on that one and ruined Samoa for everybody else. We don't need to cut promos on them to let them know they're screwed facing us. They can just look at me and Tomko's records and know that much. Tyson Tomko: ..Undefeated. Edge: And so am I. See Trish, you worry too much. The Island Boys are going to lose. They're not tough. Tough tag teams put the "Z" instead of the "S" at the end of "Boy." Everybody knows that. The Dudley Boyz, the Hardy Boyz.. [[ He keeps thinking. ]] Edge: That's all I have right now, but screw 'em! They suck! We're not going to lose our first damn match the week before the biggest pay-per-view of all time! Trish Stratus: This is ridiculous. Edge: No, no.. This is why I am the Rated R Superstar! [[ Edge guns the rental car and passes a few more cars on the busy interstate highway. ]] Edge: Now we have a plane to catch. Trish Stratus: What island are we even going to? Edge: Beats me. [[ Trish is shocked and Edge seems nonchalant. ]] Edge: Who cares? All islands are the same. Water, beach, sun. It's not rocket science. Trish Stratus: The smart thing to do is go to the Samoan Islands. Edge: Well, people pass up the smart ideas all the time, Trish. SGW management did so by passing on leaving the belt on Tom Cruise. And we saw the two title reigns directly after that. So I'm going to pass on going to Samoa and getting head hunted. We're going to go to a real island. [[ Edge chuckles and shakes his head. ]] Edge: The hell we'd do in Samoa anyway? Go fishing with the savages on rafts? Please. I'm a main eventer. SGW Hall of Famer. Future SGW World Heavyweight Champion, Trish. I don't plan on dying before Wrestlebrawl. I must achieve my destiny next week, and I can't do that if my face is being digested by an anaconda snake in the middle of a Samoan jungle! Tyson Tomko: ..Nope. Trish Stratus: Well, this ought to be interesting then. [[ The scene slowly fades as Trish crosses her arms, sulking. ]] [[ The scene opens up inside of the busy airport. There's people of every shape, color, size, and creed all around in this place. It's hard to find your way around or spot anyone in particular. We barely manage to pick out Edge, Trish, and Tomko as they make their way through the airport, each dragging their own luggage behind them. Edge looks arrogant, smacking his gum, holding his luggage with one hand and Trish's hand with the other. His ACW title rests on his shoulder. He looks around and then speaks. ]] Edge: This is going to be a great idea. Trish Stratus: I bet. Edge: The Island Boys, pff, seriously. I take this as more of a slap in the face than anything. People like them don't step into the ring with people of my caliber, hell, even the caliber of Tomko. Tyson Tomko: ..Nope. Edge: I mean, this isn't a "well, maybe Edge will lose this week" situation by no means! Those people can keep dreaming, holding tightly to those aspirations, because I'm not a representative of Make-A-Wish! I'm not Disney World! I don't make dreams come true! [[ He smirks, looking at Trish's huge amount of cleavage. ]] Edge: Unless of course, they're your dreams. [[ He gives her a peck and they continue walking. ]] Edge: This little trip of ours is going to be great. Mainly because we're not paying for a damn bit of it. Trish Stratus: How'd you manage that? Edge: Well, remember last week when AJ Styles was a member of the Solid Gold roster, and he had both of my old dumpsters in Torrie and Stacy? Trish Stratus: Yeah, what about them? Edge: They both begged me to give them what the Bible-thumper wouldn't..So I told them not without paying a price. So, they brought me AJ Styles' wallet, and his first and only paycheck from Jeff Jarrett. I made them give me the money before we did anything. Trish Stratus: So, you just took the money and didn't nail them, right? [[ Edge replies very casually. ]] Edge: Oh, no, I nailed both of them. [[ He shrugs. ]] Edge: Nothing major to me. Sometimes flashbacks are fun. [[ They get to the line to have their tickets checked. They're at the end of the line obviously, just getting to it. A middle eastern kid, maybe thirteen years old, walks past them, then stops. ]] Mason Imran: Change? 'Chu gotsum spare change? Edge: You want some money? Mason Imran: Yes! Yes! [[ Edge tosses a golden coin into the kid's hand. He looks it over. ]] Edge: Tomko, give this man here something. Tyson Tomko: ..Alright. [[ BIG BOOT! Tomko levels the crazy little kid with a huge boot. The kid goes down, Edge laughs at the destruction. The people all around applaud, because well, that's one less terrorist they have to worry about. They continue on in line like nothing happened. ]] Edge: Good job, Tomko. Tyson Tomko: ...Fighting terrorism. Trish Stratus: Are you not getting your money back? Edge: Nah. I gave him a car wash token anyway. So it doesn't matter. [[ Finally, the line disappears and it's their turn. They're greeted by the attendant. ]] Attendant: Welcome to American Airlines. Where are you headed today? Edge: We're going on a little vacation. Attendant: That sounds great. Let me see your tickets. [[ The three give her their tickets. She does the necessary work to them to verify the status and all that jazz. She hands them back with a smile. ]] Attendant: Enjoy your trip! Going to the islands is a great idea! Edge: Thanks. It was my idea. Trish Stratus: It sure was. [[ Trish storms off with the two following her. Edge looks back to Tomko. ]] Edge: This is going to be a great trip. Tyson Tomko: ..Yep. [[ And with that, the scene fades. ]] [[ Thirty minutes later. ]] [[ We now open up on the airplane that's in mid-flight about thirty minutes later. Edge, Trish, and Tomko are all seated by one another on the flight. Tomko has a blindfold on, Trish is reading a magazine, and Edge is sitting in his chair, seemingly in deep thought. He turns to Trish, interrupting the magazine reading. ]] Edge: Seriously, the Island Boys? Trish Stratus: Yep. Edge: It makes no sense. They don't even need to bother showing up on Stroke. I'm just going through the motions right now to waste time until Wrestlebrawl. I've steam-rolled my way into the main event of the biggest pay-per-view of all time, and there's nothing stopping me now! No brothers, porn stars, Legend Killers, nothing! And especially not any Samoans! No damn way! [[ Edge slaps the ACW title he somehow managed to get on the plane. ]] Trish Stratus: How'd you manage to get that on the plane anyway? Edge: Because I'm the damn champion! [[ He laughs. ]] Edge: And besides, when you're the man who's the first to beat Christian, kill Randy Orton, and to pin Lance Storm..You can do this kind of stuff! This is the perks you get of being the BEST! The Island Boys are going to find out the lows of having to face the best. They're going to feel first-hand the reason why newbies who are booked against me, let alone me and Tomko, don't LAST MORE THAN A WEEK! [[ A man turns around in his seat and stares at Edge. Edge looks irritated and comments. ]] Edge: DON'T SAY A WORD! SCREW YOU! I'M THE CHAMP! [[ He turns around in his seat, making Edge feel confident. ]] Edge: See, stuff like that is why I am the man.. And on Stroke, in my first tag team match since I bashed Christian's head into jelly.. The Island Boys will get one hell of a beating from Tyson Tomko, and me, the future SGW World Heavyweight Champion, the..
Trish Stratus: The island is going to be great! [[ The scene fades as we catch one last glimpse of the passengers aboard the airplane. "To Be Continued" flashes across the screen. ]] [[ Static. ]] [[ Fade out. ]]
Scott Smith || xxscottxsmithxx |
