Welcomed to Main Event:

- Triple H
- Stevie Richards
- Blue Meanie
- Vampiro
- Val Venis(2)
- Amy Love
- Rob Van Dam
- Chris Benoit(2)
- Dean Malenko
- Kevin Nash(2)
- Steve Austin
- Shawn Michaels(2)
- Ken Kennedy/ Big Show
- Chavo Guerrero Jr
- Maria

' One-Uppance '

[[ Static. ]]

[[ Fade up the SGW logo. ]]

[[ Tokyo, Japan. Immediately after World Warrior. ]]

[[ The scene opens up in the parking garage behind the arena in Tokyo where World Warrior just finished up. We see Edge and Christian walking hand in hand with their respective women, Stacy on Edge's left, Trish on Christian's right. Their Tag titles rest on the opposite shoulders as they are all smiles. Jim Cornette and Tyson Tomko follow up in the back, rolling the gear bags behind them, trying to keep up. You can feel the excitment in the air, as finally Edge and Christian got rid of Maria. ]]

Christian: Best pay-per-view ever.

[[ Edge strokes his chin and replies. ]]

Edge: Definitely. We did exactly what we set out to do..Like always.

Christian: Yep, mission accomplished.

Edge: I got to say, right now, I feel like one hell of a man.

Stacy Keibler: It's because you are, babe.

Edge: I don't know about you, Christian, but the feeling I feel right now is impossible to explain.

[[ A huge smile comes across Christian's face. He stops dead in his tracks. ]]

Christian: I think I got you covered, bro.

Trish Stratus: I know what's coming.

[[ Trish sighs as Christian puts his arm around her. ]]

Christian: WELL...GONNA' FIND MY BABY, GONNA' HOLD HER TIGHT..GONNA' GRAB SOME AFTERNOON DELIGHT..

[[ Christian squeezes Trish tight. ]]

Trish Stratus: I knew it.

Christian: MY MOTTO'S ALWAYS BEEN WHEN IT'S RIGHT IT'S RIGHT, WHY WAIT UNTIL THE MIDDLE OF THE COLD, DARK NIGHT?!

[[ Christian goes to continue but Trish puts her hand over his mouth. ]]

Edge: Good decision.

Trish Stratus: We don't sing anymore, Christian.

Christian: Well, excuse me for being happy Solid Gold lost three worthless people tonight. Excuse me for being happy this is the first pay-per-view that someone or something hasn't died!

James E. Cornette: Well, Val was thrown in the casket.

Edge: And your chances of getting your World title back with Jarrett back is back on life support.

[[ Christian stomps his feet on the ground. ]]

Christian: DAMMIT! Since when did SGW get a name change? I didn't know it's now known as CDH.

Tyson Tomko: ..Hmm?

James E. Cornette: Cocks..Dicks..and?

Christian: No, no..CDH..COME DIE HERE!

[[ Cornette shrugs. ]]

James E. Cornette: How was I supposed to know?! This is a fuckin' Edge promo! Shit, dicks and cocks and all that is commonplace!

[[ Edge sides with Cornette. ]]

Edge: He's got a point.

Trish Stratus: Who cares, though? Maria is out as owner...And out of commission. Chavo Guerrero suffered a more humiliating loss than the time Christian beat Ric Flair in SGWx..And now Val Venis, "Mr. SGW," easily the worst World Champion EVER!..Has gone on to Heaven.

Stacy Keibler: Val's still alive, isn't he?

[[ Edge grabs Stacy, looks here right in the eyes. ]]

Edge: No.

[[ She's not phased. ]]

Stacy Keibler: So basically, you don't need me anymore to constantly rub the fact you're doing me in Val's face?

Edge: You're exactly right.

[[ Edge is such a man. He smiles a smile of relief. ]]

Edge: But I'll keep you around anyway.

[[ Stacy seems satisfied with that decision. ]]

Stacy Keibler: Works for me.

Christian: But seriously, screw Maria and Chavo..Val losing the title and dying was awesome. Simply awesome.

Edge: Look at the steady decline of World Champions.

James E. Cornette: You know it's fuckin' sad when TOM CRUISE was a better World champion than Venis and Orton ever will be.

Trish Stratus: Pff..Whatever.

[[ Trish sports a devilish smirk at Christian. ]]

Trish Stratus: Tom Cruise was a great champion.

James E. Cornette: I can't argue with that, don't guess.

Stacy Keibler: The belt looked good on him.

Tyson Tomko: ..Yep.

[[ Christian finds no humor in it as everyone laughs. ]]

Christian: Bastards. Seriously, I'd be like, on day SEVENTY as World Champion had it not been for him. I hope his kid comes out retarded, his movie bombs, and he dies in a terrible car accident.

Edge: Well..I think everyone was kidding, bro.

Christian: Just pops out retarded, with seven fingers on one hand..Caved in face, huge nose, making him look like the damn Penguin from Batman!..And no one goes to watch Mission Impossible:III.

[[ He continues. ]]

Christian: All the people just stay home and rent Gigli or something.

Tyson Tomko: ..Jersey Girl.

Edge: We get the point.

[[ They reach the taxi service and a Japanese man exits the cab and helps with the gear and puts it in the trunk. ]]

Edge: Japan's treated us and SGW well..I hope we come back.

Stacy Keibler: We still got...

[[ She kisses Edge. ]]

Stacy Keibler: Tonight.

Trish Stratus: Tell me you two use protection.

Edge: Yeah right, condoms are for pussies.

Christian: Well thanks for summing that one up for us, Captain Obvious.

Edge: Sissies..Condoms are for sissies.

Stacy Keibler: Yep.

[[ The driver finishes putting the luggage into the trunk and he opens the doors to the taxi. ]]

Taxi Driver: Where me taking yew to, Randee Whorton Celebration?

James E. Cornette: HELL NO!

Taxi Driver: Hmm...Chavo Goodbye Party?

[[ No response, the taxi driver cracks a smile. ]]

Taxi Driver: HAHA! I fucking kid yew!

Trish Stratus: I've never heard a Japanese person cuss.

Christian: Well there's no idea what Tajiri says.

Trish Stratus: True.

Edge: To the finest establishment you know of...It's time to celebrate a new era of Solid Gold.

[[ Tomko and Cornette get in. Trish gets in and gets settled and Christian piles in after her. Stacy gets in, leaving Edge to look around. He takes in a deep breath of air. ]]

Edge: Tonight's going to be a good night..I can already tell.

[[ Edge gets in and the taxi drives off. The scene fades. ]]

[[ Downtown Tokyo. The Rising Sun Club. ]]

[[ Outside of a jamp packed nightclub, our main stars are let out of the taxi. The six look at the club and the long line. ]]

Christian: "The Rising Sun Club?" I thought China was the "land of the rising sun?"

Trish Stratus: Some sense of humor the Japs have.

[[ The group crosses the road and stands right at the entrance. ]]

James E. Cornette: Look at this damn line!

Stacy Keibler: IT'S HUGE!

James E. Cornette: Hell, I know!

Stacy Keibler: It's no lie, eight inches minimum!

James E. Cornette: ...

[[ Cornette looks over and sees Stacy with her hands extended far away as she and Edge talks to a group of Japanese girls. The girls' eyes are wide for the first time in their lives as Stacy tells him, most likely, about Edge's penis size. ]]

Edge: No lie, ladies. If we were comparing it to something in Japan, since you idiots don't go by the metric system..It'd be GODZILLA!

Japanese Girl: Oh my Jezus!=-O

Japanese Girl Two: =-O

[[ Edge smiles a huge smile of pride. ]]

Edge: Now, go run along, we've got business to attend to.

[[ The two girls run away from Edge and Stacy. They turn back around to the group. ]]

Trish Stratus: That's sad Edge, lying to little Japanese girls.

[[ Edge looks stunned and grabs his crotch and gives it a good pull. ]]

Edge: Who said I was lying?

James E. Cornette: Good God!

Christian: What's this building beside the club? "Nekked Yaps?"

Trish Stratus: A strip club it looks.

[[ Cornette nudges Tomko with excitment. ]]

James E. Cornette: Let's go, Tomko!

Tyson Tomko: ...Yep.

[[ Cornette and Tomko walk off away from the group as fast as they can to go to the strip club. ]]

Christian: Well, we'll never seen them again.

Stacy Keibler: I doubt it.

[[ The group goes to walk inside the club, but Edge squints like he's trying to make something or someone out. ]]

Edge: Look, it's ol' Val Venis' girlfriend.

Stacy Keibler: You mean ex. I'm yours now.

Edge: No, no, it's Kristal.

Christian: Let's go laugh at her for not having a job!

[[ Edge starts laughing. ]]

Edge: I just got hit with a great idea to finally rub EVERYTHING into Val Venis' face one..last..time!

Stacy Keibler: What?

[[ Edge shakes his finger at Stacy and starts walking. ]]

Edge: This is something I got to do on my own, Stace.

[[ He's almost out of sight, a bummed out Stacy screams. ]]

Stacy Keibler: I'LL DO A THREE WAY!

Christian: Wow.

[[ Christian grabs Stacy and Trish by the arms. ]]

Christian: Let's go then.

Trish Stratus: No, let's not.

[[ Edge doesn't come back for Stacy. Christian, Trish, and Stacy go into the club as the scene fades. ]]

[[ Inside of the strip club, "Nekked Yaps," we see Jim Cornette and Tomko sitting down right in front of the stage. Those little Japanese girls are dancing up a storm next to those poles. Their little tits are just flowing in the wind. Cornette and Tomko seem like the two happiest people in the world. ]]

James E. Cornette: YEAH! DANCE! SHOW ME SOMETHIN'!

[[ This one chick leans down from the stage and gives Cornette a seductive look. She rubs her boobs right in front of his face. ]]

James E. Cornette: HOLY SHIT!

[[ She gets up and go back to dancing on the pole. ]]

James E. Cornette: Tomko, this is the best thing to ever happen to us!

Tyson Tomko: ...Yep.

[[ This nude stripper walks by Cornette, he stops her. ]]

James E. Cornette: Hey sweetcheecks, get the hell on the lap and dance!

Stripper: I off work!

James E. Cornette: I horny as hell!

Stripper: They plenty of girls!

[[ Cornette grabs this nude stripper and brings her to him. ]]

James E. Cornette: DANCE! DANCE DAMMIT!

Stripper: EEK!

[[ Tomko shakes his head and walks away from this as security guards swarm Cornette. ]]

James E. Cornette: GOD DAMMIT! SHE NEEDS TO DANCE!

[[ Cornette is drug away by six security guards as we fade. ]]

[[ The scene reopens as we see Edge standing behind his "Rated R Superstar" logo. He's wearing one of this shirts and jeans, ans of course sunglasses. He rubs his hands together with a huge smile on his face. ]]

Edge: Undertaker, I've been you've been watching so far and you're wondering where all my trash talk on you at about our match this week on Shock.

[[ Edge pauses. ]]

Edge: I'm going to go ahead and spoil this week's Shock and let you know, you're not going to beat me. I'm the Rated R Superstar, the man who started the decline of Val Venis, I'm the five time SGW Tag Team Champion...And on Shock, I'll be the man who defys the odds again, as I kill something...

[[ He licks his teeth. ]]

Edge: That's already..DEAD!

[[ Edge puts his right hand in his pocket. ]]

Edge: Undertaker, you are one of the biggest and most intimidating names in this business. You've done things that some people just have to DREAM about doing. But the thing is, 'Taker..This is SGW. This is MY HOUSE! THIS IS MY COMPANY! And Taker, come Shock, I don't care who you are, what you do...Be it you coming out with a bunch of druids and Paul Bearer, or you come out to the ring with damn Limp Bizkit playing riding a motorcycle...

[[ Edge looks into the camera sternly, you can feel him start to get tense. ]]

Edge: But when you step into the ring with the Rated R Superstar, Taker...It doesn't matter what you've done. When you're staring across from me on the other side of the ring...When the bell rings...YOU'RE CAREER WILL COME TO AN END!

[[ Edge raises two fists in the air and opens the fists up repeatedly, making a flashing motion with his hands. ]]

Edge: NEWSFLASH TAKER! Nobody cares about you anymore! Nobody cares about the entrance, the walking on the ropes, the stupid four move moveset you own. All they care about now is Edge and Christian...Captain Charisma, and ME THE RATED R SUPERSTAR! We're the saving graces of Solid Gold, we will be worshipped like KINGS for saving this company from Maria's reign!..This week at Shock, we will receive a hero's welcome..And you will receive the worst beating of your life!

[[ Edge flashes a small smile. of confidence. ]]

Edge: But hey, think about it like this...You're facing the best in your first match. You can't win them all, Taker. So you may as well get that first loss against the best out of the way. Maybe after this week on Shock, you can win a few matches, hell, maybe even get yourself a Hardcore title reign under your belt! Shoot for the moon, kiddo!

[[ Edge paces around in a small circle a few times and stops. ]]

Edge: And now that we have that out of the way, we can get to tonight's main event.

[[ A huge smile comes across Edge's face. The smile is so bright it would light New York for a week. ]]

Edge: The Edge and Stacy sex-tape, "Dinner and a Movie" went down as the greatest single movie in the history of the pornography business! It sold over FOUR MILLION COPIES!..And now, I'm fixing to present to you all, another masterpiece..Another..

[[ Edge looks so proud. The camera zooms in on him. ]]

Edge: Another RATED R PRODUCTION! Possibly the greaest work EVER! I call this one..."One Uppance."

[[ Edge takes a deep breath. ]]

Edge: With more twists and turns than an episode of Shock! So Taker...SGW fans...Enjoy.

[[ We go to the video..This should be good. ]]

The Following Presentation Has Been Declared Rated

May Contain:

Foul Language, Excessive Violence, and Strong Sexual Content

[[ A door opens inside of the hohtel room we're in. Edge and Kristal come walking through the door, seemingly having a good time. Edge turns on a light and Kristal sits down on the couch. ]]

Kristal: I got to thank you, Edge. I needed a fun night.

Edge: Hanging with Val Venis can do that to you.

Kristal: I guess so.

[[ Edge brings Kristal a glass of champagne and he sits down beside her. ]]

Edge: I want to be the first to say, that at Heartbreaker last month, I apologize for Tom Cruise doing what he did to your neck.

Kristal: Oh it's nothing, I faked the injury and to be almost dead so I wouldn't have to hang with Val.

[[ Edge smiles and he slowly moves his arm around Kristal. ]]

Kristal: So why did you come find me tonight? Shouldn't you be celebrating with your brother and friends, or even getting ready for the Undertaker?

Edge: Kristal, maybe with Val, he had to spend a lot of time getting ready for matches..But me, Edge, Rated R Superstar, I don't have to get ready for any match against anyone! Especially the Undertaker, I mean seriously, how do you prepare against the Undertaker? Go find some dead people?

[[ Remember that line. ]]

Edge: All the Undertaker is, is a man who has five moves, crappy music, and three dumb catchphrases pending which version of the Undertaker he is..The sucky one, the gay one, or the sucky one part two.

[[ Edge claps, the lights go off. ]]

Edge: But tonight, I'm not worried about 'Taker. I'm worried about you.

[[ Edge goes in for a kiss but Kristal stops him. ]]

Kristal: What about Stacy?

Edge: Stacy who?

[[ Kristal takes a sip of the champagne. ]]

Edge: That's good champagne isn't it?

Kristal: I like it a lot. Tastes like it's got something zingy in it.

Edge: That was a special formula..Of love.

[[ Edge and Kristal begin passionately making out, just like we're used to. This goes on for about ten seconds and Edge leans away. Kristal has passed out on him! Edge laughs. ]]

Edge: HAHA! Dape raping works EVERY TIME!

[[ WHAT!? Edge is going to rape Kristal! ]]

Edge: Sorry Val.

[[ Edge picks Kristal up and puts her over his shoulder as the scene fades. ]]

[[ Back in the club we see Trish and Christian hanging out at a table with something to drink. ]]

Trish Stratus: I can't believe Edge is having sex with Kristal right now.

Christian: Once you go black, you don't go back.

[[ Christian's phone rings and he digs deep in his pocket and pulls it out. ]]

Christian: It's Tomko.

Trish Stratus: Wait..What? Tomko has a cell phone?

Christian: Wait, what?

[[ Christian looks confused. ]]

Christian: Cornette's arrested AGAIN!

[[ Trish rolls her eyes. ]]

Christian: Sexual assault..AGAIN?

[[ Christian looks disappointed. ]]

Christian: Fine. We'll be there in a minute.

[[ He hangs up. ]]

Christian: Cornette assaulted a stripper.

Trish Stratus: Gesh.

[[ The two get up to go save Cornette as the scene fades. ]]

[[ We open up now inside of a hotel bedroom. Edge kicks the door open and throws Kristal on the bed. You hear grunts coming from a corner of the room. Edge flips the light switch. VAL VENIS! HOLY SHIT EDGE HAS VAL VENIS TIED UP TO A COAT RACK AND GAGGED! ]]

Edge: Well Val, I ruined your life. I took your girlfriend, Stacy. And now...I've got Kristal for ONE NIGHT ONLY! And Val, I'm not even worried about the damn Undertaker! All I'm worried about, is sending you away from SGW with one hell of a visual! Because I'm not going to let Randy Orton get the last laugh on the career of Val Venis..Oh no, no...I AM!

[[ Edge looks down at Kristal and Val is trying to get loose. ]]

Edge: Well Kristal..It's time to get like the Undertaker on Shock against me.

[[ Edge laughs. ]]

Edge: SCREWED!

[[ Edge lifts up her unconscious body and removes her shirt, revealing a red bra. Val is doing everything he can to get loose, but to no prevail. Edge unbuttons her pants and takes them off, revealing matching panties..Edge takes off his shirt and throws it on the ground. He turns and looks back at Venis. ]]

Edge: Val..I'm not going to lie. This is going to be awesome!

[[ Edge takes off his pants and walks over to Venis. ]]

Edge: I'd put these over your face to make you smell my CROTCH, but I want you to watch this. I want you to see once and for all who the BETTER MAN IS, VAL! I'M THE BETTER MAN! I'M THE BEST...YOU'VE ALREADY FOUND IT OUT, TAKER WILL AT SHOCK...AND TONIGHT...

[[ He smiles a sinister smile. ]]

Edge: Kristal finds out I'm the man as well!

[[ He spits in Val's face and turns his attention back to Kristal. Edge takes off Kristal's panties, and this is where it starts to get even more uncomfortable. Edge takes his boxers off and we're saved again by the larged "R" strategically placed over his junk. He sticks it in and starts hammering away on the unconscious Kristal! Val is going psycho! ]]

Edge: So Val, I was thinking..That on Shock, I'd beat Taker with a spear. You think the spear or the Edgeocutioner is better?

[[ Edge is shooting the shit with Val as he's pounding away on poor Kristal. Edge is just hammering it to Kristal as hard as he can, and Val has to sit there and watch. ]]

Val Venis: ....

Edge: I know, Val. Kristal's got an AWESOME pussy. This is great!

[[ Edge pulls out and changes positions. Edge lays down and puts Kristal and top of him and starts slamming her up and down! Edge laughs. ]]

Edge: Val man, enjoy looking at my nuts as I bang your girlfriend!

[[ BAM! BAM! BAM! ]]

[[ Edge is just fucking Kristal so hard. Val is trying to wiggle loose and he can't. It's killing him inside. ]]

Edge: I was thinking, after I beat Taker this week, I'm considering gunning for the World title. I mean, I've beaten the former World Champion and ruined his life. I'll rock the Undertaker's world...I've now already rocked two of your girlfriends' worlds..So hey, why not?

[[ Edge throws Kristal off him and she's on the bed. Edge gets up and stretches, the "R" still over his dick. Edge lays Kristal on her belly and starts hitting it from the back. What a man, Edge is just date raping Kristal. He's a hero to all. He starts off slow, but he gradually speeds up his thrusts. ]]

Kristal: OOOWWW!!!!

[[ KRISTAL'S CONSCIOUS! SHE'S BEING RAPED WHILE SHE BECOMES CONSCIOUS! ]]

Kristal: WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

[[ Edge pulls out of Kristal and looks at her. She's horrified. ]]

Kristal: OH MY GOD! YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH!

[[ Edge grabs Kristal's head and pulls it towards his cock. He shoves his dick in her mouth. ]]

Edge: You just talk too much.

[[ Kristal doesn't fight it! She starts sucking that cock! Edge laughs knowing it's all his now! Val's heart has just shattered into a million pieces. ]]

Edge: And just to think Val, all that talk about 'Taker was making me lose my wood. It's sure a damn good thing Kristal came to and decided to suck my DICK! I don't know what I'd done.

[[ Edge pulls his dick out of Kristal's mouth and then starts fucking her again. Edge continues nailing Kristal with everything he's got. Finally after about five minutes he stops and pulls out. He turns to Val. ]]

Edge: Val, you were a porn star once..You know what comes next don't you?

[[ Venis shakes his head no! ]]

Edge: MONEY SHOT, BITCH!

[[ Edge laughs and he starts stroking his "R" covered dick, we just see the big R in the way. Finally after a few strokes, EDGE CREAMS ALL OVER VAL VENIS' FACE! OH MY GOD! Kristal gets up and she goes to kiss Edge, but he stops her. ]]

Edge: No...See, this is what you call a one night stand, chick. This was just me wanting to one-up everyone on Val Venis...One last time.

[[ Edge puts on his boxers as Kristal looks stunned. ]]

Kristal: Edge...You DRUGGED ME AND RAPED ME!

Edge: I call it "rocking your world" but hey, if the shoe fits.

[[ Edge continues getting dressed as Kristal is just destroyed. ]]

Kristal: I thought we had something...I can overlook the drugging, Edge!

Edge: Yeah well, 'Taker thinks he can beat me too. Just can't always do what you put your mind to.

[[ Edge casually walks to the door. ]]

Kristal: So that's it? You drugged me, raped me, and did this to Val's face..And now you're leaving?

Edge: Yep.

Kristal: ..I think I'm in love.

[[ Edge taps his temple. ]]

Edge: I did forget something.

[[ Edge walks up to Venis and kicks him in the balls! ]]

Edge: I'M THE BETTER MAN! I'M THE MAN!! PERIOD!

[[ Edge walks out of the room as Kristal sits down on the bed. Cum runs down Venis' face. The scene fades. ]]

[[ We cut back to Edge who is doubled over laughing. He finally stops laughing enough to cut his promo. ]]

Edge: Another Rated R performance by me, if I do say so myself!

[[ Edge looks so proud of himself, and why not? Rape is cool. ]]

Edge: That right there is how you get the ultimate revenge on your arch-rival, add another chick to your list, and talk about your match and how you're going to win..That's why I am the RATED R SUPERSTAR!

[[ Amen. ]]

Edge: Undertaker..You don't know what you're getting yourself into on Shock. I don't care if you come being dead or come riding a damn bike..If you think for one second you have what it takes to beat me, you'd better think again! Because there's not a damn person in SGW or in any company around that has what it takes to match up with Edge!

[[ Edge has a serious look on his face, you can see the fire burn in his eyes. ]]

Edge: 'Taker, say what you want, do as you please..It's not going to mean a thing come Shock. Everyone who's tried running their mouths about me, saying how they're going to beat me has DONE NOTHING TO BACK IT UP! So go ahead, spit your sayings out, talk that mean game, but on Shock, don't even bother backing it up...Because if you want to know what happens to people who try taking me out, then all you got to do is look at what happened to Val Venis!

[[ Edge smiles. ]]

Edge: Venis got his personal money shot. So Taker, come Shock, you will be taken out like everyone else who has stood in my way of achieving my goals..Taker, I don't care about your fifteen years history in this business. On Shock, you'll go down just like everyone else who has stepped in my way...That's not a threat...It's just something..You can...

BANK ON!

[[ Edge looks sternly into the camera. ]]

Edge: See ya' on Shock, 'Taker.

[[ Edge smiles a cocky smile as "Metalingus" cues up in the background. What happened to Cornette and Tomko? Will Kristal file rape charges against Edge? We'll find out soon maybe. ]]

[[ Static. ]]

[[ Fade out. ]]

Scott Smith || xxscottxsmithxx