“What, you thought I was done running my mouth? Come on, this is me we’re talking about here! The only thing I love to do more than talking some shit, is smacking that same shit out of punks and punkettes. Punk’s been dead for a while though, so I gotta settle for whatever is available. People like White Trash Trucker, Xavier Reigns and THE CHAIRMAN OF PWE… sorry for yelling… Shawn Christopher.
Sorry, there I go listing off all the reasons why I’m the fucking man again. I tend to do that every now and then, in case you hadn’t noticed. At least this time, the people I’m addressing, namely the three other wrestlers left in this tournament, have lists they can roll out just like I do. Well… except for Lunatic. He’s like the kid at school who smells bad, and when we get paired up to do a science experiment, me, Randolph and Tommy draw straws to see who works with him. I guess I was the unlucky one this time, although on paper it actually works out well for me. Theoretically, Lunatic should be a pushover. I know I shouldn’t think like that, and I’m doing my best not to, but Looney, I gotta ask, do you feel a little inferior after losing your first round match? I would, if I was you. But hey, some people thrive in the underdog scenario, I sure used to. And there’s only one way to find out if you’re one of those people like I was, so keep on trucking, son! Meanwhile, I’m going to make the bold move and look past you. Not that I’m sure I’m going to beat you, even though I kind of am, but I’m really just doing this because I know how R.W. Randolph would get all upset if I didn’t make like the monkeys and throw shit at him.
So… Randolph… you made it this far. Congrats, pal. I didn’t know if you could get past that mysterious Enemigo fellow, but you managed it, and I tip my big metaphorical hat to you. Luckily, I taped your match, otherwise I’d have missed it. I was a little busy after all, what with being in the main event and everything. Does that make it… hmm… I guess it does. I’ve had two matches here in PWE, and they’ve both been main events! Woo! Round of applause for me, please! I can see the new tagline now, Mr. Main Event, Lee Stone!
On second thought, that name sucks. All it needs is for one week to have me in the second to last match on the card, and I’ll be the subject of all sorts of ridicule. It’s basically asking to be called a douchebag. I think I’ll just stick with what I know. And what I know… well, you guess it champ, I know how to be The World’s Greatest wrestler.
And that’s exactly what I am.
And quite clearly, you’re not. But that doesn’t bother you, does it? Week by week, I’m starting to understand you more and more, Randolph. That doesn’t mean I like you, or agree with your attitude, but I’m starting to get a good enough grasp of your mentality so that when you say something a little ambiguous, I can latch onto what you were actually meaning fairly quickly. Sadly for you, this also means that I can start to predict your behavior a lot easier. Chalk up another reason for why you’re gonna get embarrassed if you get past Tommy and meet me in the finals.
You, Randolph, are an attention seeker. Don’t take that as a bad thing though, because I’m an attention seeker too. The difference between the two of us though, is that I’m a morally pretentious fuck who uses his undeniable charisma and “everybody look at me” attitude in an effort to steer people onto the right track. You, you just do it because you think you’re the fucking man, like some douchebag quarterback who was the shit at high school, but when no colleges wanted him, he went and joined the cops so he could still push people around. Problem with that is, it comes into direct conflict with me on at least two levels. A: if I’m “the man”, and you’re “the man”, then wouldn’t neither of us be “the man”? Instead, we’d both just be “one of the men”. But there ain’t no plural in there, is there? So who has the more valid claim? I’ll give you a hint: it’s the guy who has people who actually like him, me. Because isn’t one of the largest signs of inherent awesomeness, having people who want to be like you? Fuck being like Mike, everybody wants to be Lee!
You can tell everyone how great you are Randolph. You can say that everyone knows you’re the favorite, even though you don’t prove it. But at the end of the day, you’ve still got to work your ass off just to get lucky enough for me to stomp on you.
Go build some momentum by winning matches on Impact in the XWF. Have all the fun you want over there in the little leagues. I’m a professional though. I’m a fucking champion. And it’s going to take a hell of a lot more than anything you can offer, to stop me.
If I can break the cycle of ego-stroking though, and look at the other three participants completely objectively, then there is one person who not only possesses the ingenuity to topple Goliath (in this analogy, that giant is me), but has also demonstrated the ability to do so before, it’s Tomoko Hanahara.
For those of you not ‘in the know’, Tommy and I have never faced each other. But provided she shows just a fraction of ability in her match with R.W. Randolph, that should all change. I’m not actually sure if I want her to win though, because that would rob me of my chance to kick Randolph in his vagina and expose him as the little bitch he really is, but I’m fairly cool with the notion of doing that to Tommy too. Or is it to Yui? Or Tomoko? Or who gives a rat’s ass? You sign that dotted line, and all five thousand of you are said to agree to it, so it doesn’t matter if you think you’re the reincarnation of Bruce Lee, there’s only one Lee that’s going to be coming out on top, and he’s the one who just won’t shut the fuck up right now.
I’d love to be on top of you though, Hanahara.
This is funny though, dear. There you were, just two weeks ago, rattling off all those names of ‘top’ XWF stars who you’ve interacted with: Steve Jason, Centurion, FuZz, Dynamic Dynamite, Jem Williams, Raziel, Cyren… all those clowns! But they have more in common with each other than just doing some coloring books with that little girl inside you. They’ve all not only interacted with Lee Stone, but they’ve lost to him. And I can keep going. Bigg Rigg, T Money, Kid Money, Daniel Malcolm, KoRe, Christian Connolly… should I keep going? Nah, I think you get the idea. All these names that we’ve both run into in our career, all these names that I’ve stared down the barrel of and conquered… and yet for just one moment you considered the idea of Lee Stone fearing you? This is the very same Lee Stone who in the first Helldome had his heart stop, and was still daft enough to agree to a second run in that damn thing. And after having my legs snap that time round, I’d still be too fucking proud to turn down round three. I’m too stupid to be afraid, and I’ll freely admit that. But in your little rundown of why we’ve never faced, luv, you forgot one option:
Tomoko Hanahara fears Lee Stone.
Come on, how could you not see that coming?
I don’t want to act like I’m accusing you of being a coward, I’m just pointing out that you’re thinking rather narrowly.
I’m a little confused though. Not hard, I know, but bear with me here. You called me… what was it… washed up? Yeah, that was it. Well, to each his (or her) own. Of course, you’re completely ignoring the fact that within the past year I’ve added another Star of the Month to my XWF resume, and both a World Title reign, and another Tag Team Title reign. All in the last year, darling. And that somehow makes me washed up. Sure, I’ve been down a lot, a fall like what I experienced will do that to you. But after all that, I can still come back and go two up here in the PWE. And yet still I’m washed up. If you say so, sweetheart! I’ll just take comfort in the fact that I actually had a career worth boasting about. Can’t say the same about you.
You’ve had a few good wins here and there, so I commend you on that, but really, to call me washed up is a bit of a stretch when you never fucking were. You wouldn’t have the foggiest clue on how to identify someone who is on their last legs, because you’ve spent five years still trying to get past those baby steps. And don’t get all cute saying how you seem to have struck a nerve, because if you think getting me all worked up means you’re somehow at an advantage, then you’re just some dumb bitch who doesn’t understand how Lee Stone works, and has worked, for the past ten years that I’ve been doing this! I haven’t changed, sugartits. Now let’s just hope for your sake, that you have. Otherwise you’re gonna be pretty fucking embarrassed when I spank the crazy outta you.
God damn, what are the chances? The two people I really want to face, i.e. the douchebags, are the ones being pitted against each other, while I’m set to face the one numbskull that I could potentially tolerate. I shouldn’t complain. Watching those other two fucktards beat the crap out of each other should be amusing, and then I just get left to face the super douche in the big boss battle at the end. You want good versus evil, Hanahara? Go by a comic book. All you’re going to get from me is physical evidence that you’re a piece of shit. And that’s coming straight from the heart.