p>“The following is a public service announcement. I’d like to announce that I will publicly embarrass you to the point where I’m so filled with glee that I very well may service myself right there and then. Who is this directed at? You. Whoever you may be, trying to relax there in the comfort of your own home. But you’re really not as comfortable as you aught to be, are you? I never get tired of saying this, so once more feel obliged to throw my arms in the air, with the golden rays of heaven beaming down onto my dynamite body, cock my head back and utter the four words responsible for your current state of unease. Lee Stone is back. Admittedly I’m probably getting a little more into this whole return thing than anybody else, except perhaps my good buddy Justin Jones, but I truly, madly, deeply believe that it is justified. I literally stepped out of the shadows at the funeral of Exterminator’s friend Lee Bruce, and that image was enough to represent my return. I’ve come from nowhere and have returned. And what do I return to? We have a masked man named Archangel who honestly believes that his identity is a secret, when I’d recognize him anywhere and honest to God I really believe that he’d be better taking the mask off, but of course that would increase the suicide rate across the world, so it’s a lose-lose situation. I still think it would be worth it. I guess it’s his prerogative though, and if he wants to dress himself up in clothes that make him feel better about himself, and segregate him from all others by hiding who he truly is behind a mask constructed by the continued destruction of others to the point where is a mildly alcoholic, self-centred jackass well then that’s what he should do! Then we have Dynamic Dynamite, consistently being a total dumbass, who was finally put in a position where he was unable to devise a strategy almost admirable that would ensure he comes out on top without ever having proven that he knows how to perform so much as a simple headlock without looking like an untalented prick. God knows who the hell The Savior is. I mean, seriously, has he actually saved anything yet? He sure as hell hasn’t saved any face after being exposed as a fraud by Steve Jason of all people. I know for a fact that he hasn’t saved himself from being thought of as a waste of oxygen. Now if he’s really in the favour of the big guy upstairs, and by big guy I mean ugly mo’fo alien dude or dudette, then our friend Steve Sandin will be able to save his career after being completely and utterly wrong. If not… well that’s no biggie. It’s not like he’s important anyway.

We have Trent Gein going down quicker than his sister did on me last night. Oh yes, I went there Butcher! Whatever it takes to get you back in the game. You’ve beat my ass so badly in the past I’ve got to respect you for it. And I’ve come back for more every time to the point where you’ve got to respect me for it. And after the Helldome, I owe you one. I pay back my debts, and this is it. If Kurt Cobain, Elvis and Tupac can all continue to rake in money for what they did in their lives despite the fact that they’re dead, then you sure as hell can take payment for something you did in your life when your career is almost dead. This is your second chance. Don’t be a fucking dumbass. I can keep pushing buttons as long as I need to.

The world I’ve returned to is just plain crazy. Will somebody please tell me what the hell a Soul Bearer is? Is Superballs’s name false advertising? Why the heck was Prince Akeem still hanging around despite not actually accomplishing anything? Actually… repeat that question in regards to Cyren as well. And I’m begging you, explain to me how a New Wave can return? If the wave is returning, it’s not new! It’s old! It had to have been here before in order to return. Damn it people, don’t you clowns think at all?

Justin Jones and I are The VIPs who will provide what is missing right now. We disrespected the crowning of a new Universal Champion, yet provided such a damn entertaining show that all is forgiven. In that ring, we back it up too. People are already talking about what will happen if I get a shot at the new champ, and Justin is a former World Champion. We’ve got the goods. That’s not even me being cocky, it’s being realistic. This is it. This is where everything changes. The pressure of having an incredible undefeated streak is off. It’s just me and JJ doing what we do best. And now, to pilfer a pretty well-known catchphrase, allow me to further add to the list of questions I have brought forth on my return:

Are you ready?”