Wednesday, July 05, 2006 – Cambridge, New Zealand
“You lookin’ for’d to tomorrow Miss Mandy?” says the young Kelly Webber as she bounces on the beige sofa next to Mandy Freeman, fiancée of none other than your hero himself, Leroy Bruce Stone.
”Get off the couch Kelly,” is all that Mandy replies with as she scoops Kelly up and sits her down on the couch. Shaking her head a little, her dark brown hair falls away from her face and rests on her shoulders. And speaking of shoulders, Mandy’s hands are placed firmly on Kelly’s to try and stop her fidgeting.
”Sorry,” the seven-year-old replies meekly. ”I’m just excited to see Mistah Lee again.”
”It’s only been two weeks sweetheart, but even so, I know what you mean.”
”In that case I guess it’d be a stupid question to ask if you missed him,” pipes in Randy Webber, the thirty-year-old, roughly shaven, solo father of Kelly. Randy moves from the small, open kitchen into the lounge and passes a cup of coffee to Mandy and a glass of juice to Kelly.
”Very stupid.” Kelly seems to laugh at the word “stupid”. Maybe she thinks Mandy is calling Randy stupid. Wait… why do their names all end in Y? Weird…
”What’s he doing up in Auckland anyway? I thought he’d want to get back here as soon as possible so he could get the whole reunion deal out of the way and focus on his match.”
”Mistah Lee’s gonna fight the baddies!” A smile appears on the faces of the two adults in the room. Oh how great it would be to be young and naïve once again. Despite their amusement, it’s neither Mandy nor Randy who responds to the young girl. Instead a different, yet still completely familiar voice is heard.
”Well, he’s actually not that bad of a guy, but just for your sake Kelly we’ll say he’s the nastiest person since nasty people first walked this Earth.”
”Mistah Lee!” She sprints across the lounge from her seat, and arrives at the door where Lee Stone stands, a green bag in one hand and the other tucked into his pockets for warmth. It’s fucking freezing here, trust me. It’s starting to drizzle a little lately, which has actually helped to keep the temperature up, but this has been the coldest June in New Zealand for a very long time.
”How you doing there luv?” he says, dropping the bag to the ground and catching Kelly in mid-run, lifting her off the ground and perching her on his arm. She hugs him tightly but her thoughts race as a child’s normally does, and she lets go quickly. Cocking her head to the side in a puzzled manner, she queries his original statement.
”If he’s not a bad guy, the why are you fighting him?” Lee laughs. It’s a fair question really. What the hell is the point?
”It’s to find out who is stronger.”
”And does the strongerest fight the baddies?”
”Not exactly. We both fight the baddies. But by us fighting, we can figure out what to do if the other person ever became a baddie.” Kelly scrunches her nose up, showing an obvious dislike of what Lee’s saying.
”That doesn’t make any sense if you ask me.” Lee grins>
”Then thank God nobody did ask you.” The warmth of his smile and the slight chuckle he gives saves Kelly from taking any offence to this statement. He sets Kelly back down on the ground. ”Tell me, what’s four times three?”
”Twelve!” she over-enthusiastically shouts.
”Good work, here’s a cookie.” And from his pocket he withdraws a wrapped cookie sold at a shop. It’s kind of disgusting to think that this heated cookie was warming Lee up from his pocket, and now he tosses it at Kelly whose intention is to eat it. I think the less we say of that then the better of we’ll all be. With her cookie in hand, Kelly disappears into another room in the building for whatever reason, effectively ending that train of thought. Randy’s face is disapproving.
”She’ll get rotten teeth if you keep given her things like that,” he says, a small scowl on his face.
”Bah, she’s still got her baby teeth. They’ll fall out and everything will be fine.” Needless to say, this doesn’t exactly reassure Randy. Knowing that his smart-ass comment hasn’t had its desired effect, Lee attempts to change the subject. ”On the positive side however, she seems to be quite smart. I still have trouble with my times tables.”
”Her English marks could be better though,” Randy replies, successfully completing Lee’s change of topic.
”English was always my strong-point.”
”Yet still you barely passed.” Randy sarcastically comments. A smirk is plastered on his face that resembles Lee’s own clichéd grin.
”Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.” I can’t believe he said that. Actually… I can believe it, I just don’t want to.
”Can I love you for that though?” Mandy smiles sweetly as Lee turns his head away from his friend to focus on the magnificent female specimen now slowly approaching him. The grin now gets up and walks from Randy’s face to Lee’s.
”There’s more to me than this rocking body you know. It really upsets me when people only see these rock hard abs, amazing pecs and bulging pants... errr… I mean biceps. Yeah, bulging biceps. I just wish people would get to know me before they judge me.”
”So what else is there to you?” she curiously asks, as her arms slide around his waist and her hands clasp behind his back.
”Well I’m ridiculously funny. And while I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, I am street smart,” he says, dropping his arms down on her shoulders and looking down into her eyes, still smiling like the goofball he is.
”Street smart? Is that like knowing where streets are?” God damn love is corny.
”Well I know where the road to your heart is.” THWAP! That’s the sound of a small rubber stress ball smacking Lee right in the cheek. The two lovebirds seem to part on this action, as Lee rubs his face looking very confused. Both Lee and Mandy turn to face the direction that the ball was thrown from to see Randy standing there looking very proud of his throw. Lee seems to lose control of his voice’s volume as he responds. ”What the fu…”
”Hey there Mr. Potty-Mouth,” he smugly interrupts, you forget that there’s a small child in the other room.”
”In that case, what the flip? You threw a stress ball at me. Those things are supposed to make you less stressed, yet somehow I’m a little agitated right now.”
”You’ll have to forgive me, but the whole romance thing kind of disgusts me.”
”Don’t worry man, I’m sure it’s not your fault you haven’t been laid in a long time,” Lee says. You should all take note that it is futile to try and battle wits with Lee Stone. You will lose. Degrading people is his passion.
”What would you know about my sex life?” Randy asks, trying to defend his own integrity. After all, there’s a lady present. Unfortunately for him, that lady enjoys degrading him just as much as Lee does.
”Please, your palms are hairier than Big Foot’s.” Lee practically squeals in enjoyment.
”Oh, somebody better call an ambulance, we got a serious burn on our hands.” Randy is speechless. What can any normal person say to that?
”Sorry Randy,” Mandy says as Randy drops down onto the couch in defeat. Lee wraps his arm around Mandy’s shoulders.
”Don’t apologize, it’s a sign of weakness.”
”I thought you were supposed to be coming home tomorrow?” Randy says, trying to move the conversation away from his own short-comings before his morale gets to a no return zone.
”What I say and what I do aren’t always the same thing,” Lee responds. In true The Rock fashion, one of Randy’s eyebrows raises as if to say “what?”
”So you’re a hypocrite?” he asks, reflecting the thoughts of anybody who would’ve heard that.
”No, I’m a master of deceit.” Because that makes sense. ”I said tomorrow so that I could surprise you all by turning up tonight. Judging by your faces when you saw me standing in the doorway, I’d say my surprise was very… surprising.”
”I was surprised,” Mandy says as one of her arms squeezes Lee in yet another hug. Noticing all the canoodling and whatnot about to start up again, Randy feels that he must interject.
”Look, if you’re going to be like that at least show some courtesy and step away from the windows. It’s cold out there and it’ll condense them all up and junk.” Much like the goofy grin earlier, the raised eyebrow now seems to move onto Lee’s face.
”And on that extremely odd and awkward note, I think we’ll move this party to our room. I very well may be gone in the morning so I’ll see you when I see you, okay homie?” He lets go of Mandy and heads over to where Randy is sitting. They clasp hands. ”If I’m not here in the morning, say goodbye to Kelly for me.”
”Sure thing man,” he says, nodding his head. ”Have a good night.”
”’Night man.”
”Goodnight Randy.” Acknowledging them both leaving with a wave of the hand, the sounds of the television being turned on can be heard as they leave the apartment and shut the door behind them.