Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
Please?
Pretty please?
With cherries on top?
Ah crap. Just when I thought I was out, just when I thought it could be time to bring some balance to the cosmos inside my head, you have to drag me back into this shit, don’t you?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Every paranoid thought you’ve ever had about anyone you’ve ever met! Surprise!
Oh, hi. Haven’t seen you in a while. What’ve you been up to?
Same old shit.
Like bugging me? You always were good at that. At least you’re passionate about what you do. I guess that counts for something. You’ll have to forgive me though, as I take a second to bang my head on driver’s side window. Some kids are laughing at me from the car parked next to me at the lights. I give them a wave. They wave back. Aw, how sweet. I’m particularly impressed by the fact that mommy and daddy in the front seat, don’t seem to mind their little prince and princess clambering around in the backseat without safety belts on. Way to go, role models! Maybe I should crash into them just to teach them a lesson. Nah. They’ll figure it out on their own. I hope.
Optimism man, optimism! How can you let one little thing throw you off this fucking buzz you’ve had recently? Be one with the world, Leroy! Zen! The past few weeks have been incredible. You’ve been incredible, you sly dog. The twinkle in the eye has returned. The wry grin; the radiant charm; the literal skip in your step, it’s been such a refreshing change of pace. But now… fuck.
You change something just by observing it. Or so I’ve been told. It’s been useful to throw that around in philosophical discussions, but I’ve never really applied it practically before. Until now. The very moment I manage to express how invincible I’ve been feeling to someone else, it all comes crashing down around me. Note to self: never express feelings to anyone, ever. You’d think I’d have learnt this by now. I am, after all, genetically programmed to deal with shit on my own. That only takes care of the issue when I have problems though. I didn’t have a problem… until I said that I have no problems. Talk about a ridiculous series of events.
Green light. Go!
Faster than a speeding bullet, I… err… speed off? Those suckers next to me don’t. They were turning left, but the light only went green for me to go straight through, not for them. But, being the monumental douchebags that they clearly are (or were), they went anyway. And so they crashed. Idiots. If I was a good person, I’d stop and check up on them. That’s something I’ve never claimed to be though. So I just drive off. And I hope that they’ve learnt their fucking lesson.
It’s interesting though – or maybe I’m just a little bit retarded… or both – but I’m still pretty invincible it would seem. That crash only involved two vehicles. It could’ve enveloped the whole intersection. It could have involved me. Yet I keep going. The Green Lantern has a force field around me. Puts things in perspective. I could’ve failed. I could’ve been in a terrible disaster. But I wasn’t. Maybe I’m just being neurotic. Maybe my shit hasn’t fallen apart at all. I’ve always had a problem with over-thinking things. For some people that’s a blessing, but me… I’m not very good at thinking. I’m good at doing. Hence the problem. But where there is a problem, there is a solution This is sounding dumb in my head, but the motor is running now, so I’m just going to let it keep going.
I like being happy. I know what you’re thinking. “No fucking shit”, right? Oddly enough, I’ve only recently come to that conclusion. I really, thoroughly enjoy lying down at the end of the day and falling off to sleep instantly, because I’m not racking my brain trying to figure shit out. I’ve done that a lot over the past month or so. It’s been fucking fantastic. Last night it all changed. I think it has something to do with being back here in the old stomping grounds.
Springfield, Ohio.
I moved here simply for the fact that it was called Springfield, I like The Simpsons, and I had a bad experience in Massachusetts once. Don’t really want to talk about that. But from here, I planted my roots and set myself up on my own. This was before PWE, before XWF… way back when I was working for a smaller company called ICW. I’m not going to bore anyone with tales about those days, I’m just trying to make it clear that in the past eight or nine years, I’ve left loose ends all over the place. It’s time for me to tie it all up. It’s time for me to quit fucking around. If I really want to be happy, and I do, then I’ve got to endeavor to remove any obstacles that could hinder that goal. It starts now, at this second red light. The only question I need to ask, is whether I turn left or I turn right.