“There’s the classic saying, when God gives you a lemon, make lemonade. I’ve never really followed that. When God gave me a lemon, I decided to find a new God. I’ve looked everywhere for one that fits my worldview. I’ve taken to the traditional paths, cutting through the monotheistic religions like a knife to butter. Christianty; Judaism; Islam: just a bunch of outdated rules and regulations that only briefly touch upon the fundamental principles of life, before diverting to doctrine and dogma. I’ve tried to open my eyes to Hinduism, Buddhism and then even outstretched to more obscure religions. I’ve dabbled in the mythologies of the Greeks and Romans, the Norse, and the Egyptians. I’ve tried more unconventional methods. I’ve held myself in that position I’m so completely unworthy to hold. I’ve looked in every bottle, and I’ve found jack shit. I wanted to believe, I really did. I wanted hope. I wanted faith. But every alleyway I walked down was a dead-end of unfulfilled promises and nonsensical stipulations. I suppose I’m being a little unfair here. There are decent moral principles embedded in every religion. I’d like to think – although this generalization may be completely unfounded – that the purpose of every religion is to promote the general happiness of people, and so therefore they can’t be all bad. And they’re not. I just feel as if it’s all a tad misguided.

That’s where you come in.

You are, single-handedly, both the greatest pleasure and pain I’ve had in this life. I’ve always had difficulty putting myself out there. But you were my therapy. You opened the doors for me to feel comfortable putting up this window into my life – into my soul if you will, though that definition doesn’t fit comfortably with my attempted philosophical musings.

I can’t imagine life without you. If I had to do it all over again, I’d do everything the same, because it has all lead to me standing here today, staring you in the face, and saying thank you.

Thank you for building me into the person I am today.

Thank you for breaking me down into tiny, insignificant fragments.

Thank you for allowing my mind to wander.

Thank you for snapping me back into focus.

Thank you for letting me ramble incoherently about nothing in particular.

Thank you for knowing when to tell me to shut the fuck up.

Despite the fact that there are so many opportunities I feel I’ve missed out on, because I’ve been too busy trying to solve your riddle, I want to say thank you. Because of you, there will be so many more opportunities for me in the future. And I plan on grabbing each one by the scruff of the neck and wrestle that shit to the ground.

I’ve always been pessimistic about life. Ever since you came into – and out of – my world, my mind hasn’t stopped ticking over. Everything has seemed so trivial, so unnecessary. But recently, something just clicked into place. I’ve got pent-up aggression; I’ve got repressed depression; I’ve got every emotion you can imagine. But who doesn’t? I’m not alone here. I was a moron for ever thinking that I was. And that… that’s enough to make me smile a little. All this emotion, it can be useful. There must’ve been an adaptive advantage to having it, right? In Star Wars, anger supposedly leads to the dark side. But what if you’re angry at the dark side? History tells us that anger leads to revolution. If enough people give in to their visceral emotions, we can change shit. That comforts me. Because I’m pretty fucking ticked off over here. I’ve got this whole self-loathing thing going on, but that’s not all. I’m really, really, ridiculously angry at you.

That means we’ve both got things we need to work on – to change.

I don’t know about you, but I plan on starting right away.

Shelly Rebecca Moore, I love you. You’ve hurt me more than I ever thought possible, and I’ve done the same to you. I don’t think I can ever fully repent for such a sin, but I’m willing to give it a go. Even if it takes me the rest of my life.

What I’m trying to say, Shelly, is that I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make up for what I’ve done wrong. I want to spend the rest of my life, devoted to making sure nobody ever hurts you again. Especially not me. And the only way I can do that, is if I give you complete control over my entire life.

You are what I have faith in.

You are what I believe in.

You are what I trust.

You are who I love.

Shelly, will you marry me?”

“Yes”.