The Following Feature Has Been
RATED R
And May Contain:
Foul Language,
Excessive Violence
&
Strong Sexual Situations
Sex, Lies Violence, and Videotape.
One.
Static.
Fade up.
The Trump International Hotel and Tower
New York City
Room 167
Honeymoon Suite
-Record.
The camera ignites into action showing the image of a large four poster bed in what appears to be a luxury hotel room/suite complete with all the luxurious niceties and fancies you’d expect. Stepping aback from the camera he has just positioned and gradually appearing into shot is none other than the Rated R Superstar Edge. He’s dressed in his usual casual-like fashion of stone-washed jeans and tight black cotton t-shirt. He takes a seat on the edge of the bed and grins smugly as he runs a hand through his thick matted locks.
Edge: The Rated R Superstar is back where he belongs!
Edge licks his lips in an almost predatory nature.
Edge: … in the title hunt. And, it pleases me to announce that the AWA has released… no wait, make that; unveiled… it’s first special event of it’s tenure already; “Fight for the Right”. An event on which there will be a nineteen man rumble where the participants will – quite cleverly – ‘fight for the right’ to face the Allstar Wrestling Alliance Champion whenever he so wishes to choose so. Am I gonna’ win that rumble?
A sly smirk arouses.
Edge: No…
Huh?
Edge: I won’t have to. You see, the winner of the rumble… will face ME. And you may ask, why? Why, oh why? Why will he face me? Well, I know most of you are scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to functioning brain cells but I thought even the likes of you would be able to work it out… but obviously, I was mistaken. So, since your all a bunch of blubbering idiots let me tell you the answer. Why will he face me? Because I’m gonna’ be the damn champion, THAT’S WHY!
An aura of intensity burns within.
Edge: Oh, but how Edge, how can you be champion? – I hear you ask.
Edge gloats sarcastically.
Edge: How will I become the AWA Champion? Well, it’s not exactly rocket-science but a lot of you seem to have trouble putting two and two together so I’m just gonna’ go ahead and explain it to you. Call it the “Painting By Numbers of How Edge Became Champ” if you will. This Monday Night…
Edge nods his head sarcastically with his facial expression and tone reduced to a demeaning nature as if he’s talking down to infants.
Edge: …that’s right, the day that comes after Sunday…
He rolls his head on his neck, almost D’Lo-style rubber-necking as he exclaims his point.
Edge: …on the first ever AWA event I am going to single-handedly CHANGE the landscape of this business when I outlast the other nineteen CHUMPS and prevail in the World Heavyweight Title Tournament to stake my claim as CHAMP! Let me put it into terms you people can understand; I’m gonna’ win the Allstar Wrestling Alliance World Title Tournament and I’m gonna’ become the FIRST AWA World Heavyweight Champion, and there’s not a damn thing that anyone can do to stop me!
Edge sneers confidently.
Edge: I’m the Rated R Superstar, I do what I want, when I want.
He leans forwards stroking his beard.
Edge: And what I want… is that title.
Edge stands up and walks towards the camera. He leans over and turns it off.
Black.
Fade up.
The Trump International Hotel and Tower
New York City
Room 167
Honeymoon Suite
-Record.
The camera turns on instantly catching footage of Edge propping himself up once again on the large four poster bed having just hit the record button. He’s clutching two memos/letters of sorts upon which the clearly distinct AWA logo can be seen on one. He holds the AWA emblazed piece of paper up to the camera with a boyish-smile of excitement.
Edge: Seems like the tournament brackets have been announced. Oh look who we have here…
Edge points to his name.
Edge: It’s the Rated R Superstar, me. And who I face, oh it’s none other than the supposed “MVP”.
Edge pauses.
Edge: MVP? Well how original, and funny, and cute… oh please, hold me up I’m laughing so hard.
Oh the sarcasm.
Edge: Not. You see, Montel Vontavious Porter is clearly mistaken ‘cause make no mistake about it I’m the “MVP” of this show, I call the shots, I’ll tell you what’s going on. And what’s going on is this; mark it down people; the Rated R Superstar will OWN this Monday Night! ‘Cause you see, unlike the so-called “MVP”, I am the most valuable player in the AWA locker room, and you see, unlike Porter, I am a winner and I’m gonna’ prove it on Monday Night when I beat M.V.P One – Two- Three and go on to lift that AWA title.
Edge drifts off, thinking of the precise moment he holds the AWA title aloft in the air for the first time, and nods his head in approval.
Edge: But, no matter what I think of Montel personally, I’m not gonna’ underestimate him. I mean, I wouldn’t want to go and get careless, I wouldn’t want to go and blow my shot at the AWA title by allowing him to take me by surprise. No, I know he’s good. In fact, he’s really good… BUT… he’s just not good enough to beat me… he’s just not good enough to be champion material, where as I… well I just wanna’ get the job done and get the gold around my waist so I can get the hell out of New York City.
He still plays for heat even when there’s no fans around?
Edge: His agent once claimed that he was “the most talented free agent in the game”… and then he saw me, hah.
Edge sneers and laughs arrogantly.
Edge: On Monday Night, I’m afraid that, the “MVP” is gonna’ have to settle… for second best! ‘Cause your looking at the new, and first ever, AWA Champion, the Rated R Superstar!
He discards the AWA letter of address, tossing it aside to focus upon the second piece of paper in his hand.
Edge: Now, this is the part that I don’t get. Apparently, it seems, Montel – despite being my first round opponent has personally invited me to attend as a guest on his show. What? Exactly. The guy has his own show? Well that’s impressive, but hey it’s not exactly going to be no Cutting Edge, but still… fair enough. Only, what I didn’t get is why he wanted me there? So I got thinking and then it suddenly hit me. What show wouldn’t want me to be their special guest? I mean, after all I am the most watched WWE Champion of the last five years. I am the man who single-handedly saved the WWE, the man who was responsible for the biggest ratings increase this business has ever seen. The same very man who broke the glass ceiling, and unlike the politics of this sport, he did it because of ability. The same man who - Montel clearly realises - is going to be the FIRST AWA Champion, so what a better way to get the FIRST interview with him than to do it before he actually wins the belt. He’s maybe a lot smarter than I originally had him down for… maybe even too smart.
Edge grimaces.
Edge: Could this be an ambush? So I requested two tickets, cause you see, I’m gonna’ go on that Montel Show or whatever, and I’m gonna’ humiliate him in front of his own stupid little fans on his own stupid little show… see I’m the Rated R Superstar, I’m gonna’ do it right in his own backyard! Only, I’m even smarter than him, you see I’m gonna’ bring some back up just in case he wants to try anything funny.
The door knocks, and in enters Randy Orton.
Randy Orton: Hey man, you ready?
Edge: Like always.
Randy Orton: The Montel Show…… pffftt. Who in their right mind would give this guy a show?
Edge: You read my mind.
Orton shrugs.
Randy Orton: Great minds think alike.
Edge hops off the bed and switches the camera off.
Black.
Fade up.
CBS Studios
New York City
The Montel Williams (not Vontavious Porter) Show
Montel Williams gestures towards the entrance way.
Montel Williams: Okay folks, give it up for our next guest Edge.
The crowd erupt into a frenzy of boos which only increase as the Rated R Superstar appears onto the small erected stage. He looks a little taken aback by such hostility for no reason, and then he spots Montel Williams.
Edge: Wait a minute, you’re not Porter?
Looks like Edge has gotten a little mixed up regarding exactly what show he’s agreed to go on. He anxiously looks around and sees a caption appearing beneath his image on one of the stage-floor monitors.
“My best friend stole my girlfriend.”
Edge: What the fu… ?
Edge looks across the stage and sees none other than MATT HARDY and LITA sitting in two separate chairs at the extreme opposite ends of the stage.
Edge: Oh pah-lease not this again.
Lita: Hey babe.
Edge gives Lita a discreet little smile accompanied by a wink.
Matt Hardy: Don’t you “babe” him!
Lita: Oh, Pah-lease, I think of all the things that I’ve done with Edge – and I mean ALL of them - me “babe”-ing him is the least likely to upset you.
Lita scoffed dismissively.
Matt Hardy: Edge, how could you, man?! We were tight, we were like brothers and then …
Edge: Yea’yeah I know, Lita broke your heart and then I ripped it from your chest, wah-wah and all the other sob-stories and then, but wait… “Matt Hardy Will Not Die” and all the rest of that crap. Come on, listen to yourself… it’s SO 2005. News flash: Get over it!
Matt Hardy: I’m gonna’ kick your ass!
Hardy bolts towards Edge but is quickly intercepted by a herd of security guards who restrain him to the ground. Edge merely stands taunting.
Edge: It’s not my fault that you weren’t man enough to keep a woman like Lita – and trust me Matt, she’s all woman… it’s not my fault you couldn’t keep her satisfied!
Matt Hardy: Aghhhhh! I’m gonna’ kill you!
Edge: Pfft…. Yeah, I’m shaking in my boots. Matt, I’m sick of this shit. You come at me like you’re owed some kind of revenge and then push comes to shove and I kick your ass. You disappear, then you crawl out of that rock you’ve been hiding under and then guess what? I kick your ass… again. You see the trend? Surely…SURELY you’d have thought it would have gotten through your thick skull and that you’d have learned your lesson by now. When I saw Lita… when I looked at Lita…
Edge looks at Lita.
Edge: …I saw what I wanted, I saw EVERYTHING that I wanted…
He turns back to Hardy who is being forcefully kept in his seat by this point.
Edge: …and like a thief in the night I snuck in and I took everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, that I wanted! Why, Matt? Because you left the door open! Yeah, it cuts to the bone, doesn’t it? It hurts, huh? It usually does… the truth hurts!
Edge shakes his head dismissively.
Montel Williams: Edge, would you like to take a seat?
Montel motions towards the empty chair beside Lita.
Edge: Nah, I hate to be the party pooper but I’ve got more important things to do, Montel, than waste my time on a piece of crap like Matt Hardy! ‘Cause you see, unlike Matt, yeah Matt I’m talking to you… unlike you I’VE STILL GOT A CAREER! And this Monday Night I’m gonna’ become a World Champion for the THIRD time after I beat M.V.P to a bloody pulp! How many world titles have you held Matt? Oh yeah… my point exactly.
Edge sneers at Hardy and then turns his back on his former pal and heads towards the exit. He suddenly pauses and looks over at Lita.
Edge: …doing anything tonight?
His smile tells the whole story.
Lita: I thought you’d never ask.
She quickly jumps from chair in delight and skips straight into his arms and into one of the most over the top passionate kisses the world has ever seen, all right in front of Hardy’s eyes. She pulls back with Edge’s bottom lip bitten playfully between her teeth and giggles over at Matt.
Lita: Now isn’t this just a cruel twist of fate?
The reunited couple laugh and exit the stage.
Lita: What a loser.
Edge: Tell me about it.
Fade out.
Fade up.
The Trump International Hotel and Tower
New York City
Room 167
Honeymoon Suite
-Record.
Lita seductively rubs Edge’s bare shoulders with her delicate hands, moving them teasingly down to his chest as she kisses him on the neck and face.
