”What kind of question is that?”

It is a life question. I have never been a man who can define happiness with a smile or a laugh. I have used smiles as a weapon my life. It is smile for their approval. Smile so they don’t realize your true intentions. Smile because it makes you seem kind and friendly. Don’t forget to laugh at the asinine joke that isn’t funny and insults my intelligence. Those took a lot of work but growing up to survive, you learn the tricks of the trade on disguising yourself.

I used to sit watching my Saturday Morning Cartoons and try to enjoy Panthro when he helped Lion-o in Thundercats. Looking back it was rather corny but still till this day when I see it on TV I just have to watch. Unfortunately back then my mother would interrupt me as she stumbled down the stairs with her robe untied and her hair a mess. By then Jason had left us for whatever his “fatherly” self needed to do. You have to love hearing the words…

“Turn the volume down, mom has a headache.”

This is being said while I sit a mere three feet from the tube with the volume almost comparable with mute. Ah those were the days when I could do nothing right and my drunken slut of my mother could do NO wrong. She would grab her bottle at nine in the morning…

“Uh yea.”

What is this happiness? I couldn’t even watch my cartoons without being alienated by my mother. Yea, drink that scotch mom. I realize now why I enjoy watching the show these days it is because I never actually got to finish watching any of the episodes.

“Go get mommy a glass, with ice you failure.”

Thanks for the encouragement. It is no secret I didn’t have a very healthy or happy childhood. I was used and abused like the old tired saying goes. We all have reasons but it would be nice if they didn’t exist at all. Smile, Nathan, smile. Oh and I did, no problem mom. Man I despised being home. It went to the point I enjoyed being in school. At least I wasn’t at home being yelled at for not being able to buy my mom cigarettes cause I wasn’t 18.

I learned though. I learned that smiling and nodding could end things quickly. It also hides your true emotions. Grow Up. Grow Up. I did and I grew up quickly and used my new found knowledge to get ahead in the business world and in wrestling.

But, where does the lie stop and my reality begin? I can’t even distinguish when I am genuinely happy anymore. Hell, I am not sure if I ever have been in my life. Winning titles has always given me a sense of superiority but when your life is full of failure and pain it is hard to put the happy mask on for anything concerning wrestling. I was happy when I won my first title but I also didn’t even know who I was then so nothing dawned on my I was just an amnesia fool stuck in a dream world.

My first buy out of a company was supposed to be a happy time. I desired to feel that thrill of doing something right and being happy about it. But all that brought, was wanting more and more, and it didn’t bring anything but stress. No happiness lies in greed they say and I am a sure fire example of that.

So here I am on the threshold of happiness. The money and the need to make it like a villain no longer leash me. Greed has no need in my life anymore it has just brought pain and anger. I have the ability to get over the hump and open myself up to new experiences.

I will begin a new chapter in my life. This one will start off with bullets and death instead of the cuddly bunny bullshit I did with Meghan. It is cute isn’t it? Almost makes me want to gag but then again I would rather smile because I want to then because I need to.

Come all thee faithful

Release me from this curse of a life. Give me closure…ah who am I kidding, closure is more a dream then reality. I can’t close my past because most it still runs around with a smoking gun. I rely way too much on the reawakening of who I once was that I might be in for a long fall down. But I am told daily to keep my spirits up, so that’s what I will do.

I will get my happiness. One way or another, I will be happy in life some day. I will remain broken, for now, but nothing has ever kept me down and nothing ever will.

Return.

I have a lot on my plate. I won’t complain though because the more I stay focused on this business the better it is for me. Standing still is for the weak and I would rather always be moving. In the VWA I am weekly annoyed by the rustic nonsense being tossed at me. I am supposed to care that Mike Omen is back? No, he is nobody to me but I do care if he knocked me out with a laptop computer. Of course nobody will deny the fact the man is a coward.

Fuck it, things are different here.

This tournament can toss as many fools as it wants but either way this shtick reminds me of Turbo and that just doesn’t fly with me. If it isn’t ignorant confidence from every morose asshole entered. Andrea Mero is no different. I don’t care if she is a woman, she steps into my ring, she’ll be beaten like the bow legged dyke she no doubt is.

“All creative mouth pieces please step forward.”

Andrea Unfortunately you are not a hard person to understand. Everything you try is expected which only leaves me to prove once again that you may steal ideas from anyone but you still do it badly. So bring for your wrath, Mero but as usual you will be sent back down to the slums your foolishness comes from. Babylon Fading is not just a move it is a way of life for people who challenge me. So hide your money and use those food stamps because after our match everything you have worked for will be washed away.

I don’t compare matches; that is for rookies and morons. We have enough of those as it is in this industry. You don’t understand though, Andrea. You must remember who you are dealing with. I have broken your fears down and made them a reality for you to accept. Your journey to the top of this tournament has expired and it is time for you to come back to earth. Mind games are my forte and once again I proved why.

Your chances are slim, child.

Like all the others who come forth for their spotlight against me you will be silenced. You are going down and it is evident you want to pull yourself out of this mess but it takes more then words to succeed. Can you look greatness in the face and accept the charges? I don’t think so. I consider stepping in the ring with Nate Static a step towards greatness. Can you do it though? I don’t think so and it is my job to prove why I am the best this business has to ofer. I do it weekly and I do it daily. But it still isn’t enough to make the idiots shut up. I am not going to sit by and wait. That is impossible because everyone stares at my previous accolades and my fame and thirst to steal it from me. Sarcasm will get you nowhere, child especially if you do it so ignorantly. I know all that goes on and if you wish to mock my knowledge then you should do it wisely because you are only making me want to beat on you more.

Everyone is out of my league.

Do not start questioning my love for competition. When you find someone who can actually push me,I will thank you. I have stepped forth against everyone who has been put against me, so do not expect me to take you lightly. I always care about winning and I have to always care because of the position I am in. You are like all the rest wishing for me to screw up but too bad, Andrea because I am here to stay. I am here to dissect you in the ring as I have with your mind. I hope you work hard and I hope you come to fight; but so far you have only done what I expected. You are nothing but a woman hiding beyond false claims and wishes that will not come to fruition. You are determined to fight me but too ignorant to leave a mark. See you soon, sweetheart.

Remember it’s mind over matter.

I don’t mind, because you don’t “FUCKING” Matter.

I will be and the Last Man Standing in this tournament it is my destiny. I will not stopped and no foolish remarks about politics will halt me from my dream. So silence your mouth’s about it being rigged because I look upon the blind people saying it and find that only the uncreative simpletons stoop so low. You cannot beat me and you cannot even come close to my level. Just stay below and accept that I am not only The Original Icon. I am the greatest in this business with ease.

It is only the truth, children, now accept it or continue to speak like morons.

Babylon Fading

You were supposed to grow old. Reckless, unfrightened, and old,
you were supposed to grow old.

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SONG CREDIT:
"RETURN" OK GO