JACOBS: “The following match is scheduled for one fall and is a triple threat tag team match! Introducing first…”
(CUEUP: “Nine Lives” by Aerosmith. The arena slowly watches as Kaira Hastings enters through the curtain, followed by Faye Walker. Hastings blows kisses to the fans as the music plays, but pushes Walker towards the fans halfway down, which only seems to rile Walker up. They slide into the ring.)
JACOBS: “Weighing in at a combined weight of 285 pounds… Kaira Hastings …. Faye Walker …. THE CAT’s MEOW!”
GHEORGHE: “The fans here in East Rutherford, New Jersey looking on in awe at the Cat’s Meow .. an interesting tag team to say the least.”
JIVE: “All I know is that I already love watching this team .. it’s like my fantasies have come true!”
JULIUS: “I don’t see guys in leather anywhere, Jive…”
JIVE: “You’re going to go back to your hotel room tonight and find a very unpleasant surprise waiting for you..”
JULIUS: “How many times do I have to tell you, Jive .. I do not appreciate you naked in my bed..”
JIVE: “I’m going to kick your as…”
(CUEUP: “Don’t Cha” by the Pussycat Dolls as Karla Starr and Jared Wells step through the curtain, arm in arm.)
JACOBS: “And their challengers … weighing in at a combined weight of 358 pounds … KARLA STARR …. and JARED WELLS!”
(Wells and Starr walk to the ring looking on carefully as Faye Walker crawls in between the legs of a standing Kaira Hastings.)
GHEORGHE: “Starr and Wells .. certainly shocked me, and the fans, with their smooch in the ring a few shows ago .. I still don’t know what exactly is going on between them or why they’ve joined forces .. but you can bet that it doesn’t bode well for Foxx … or the other teams in this match.”
JIVE: “Karla Starr was New ERA’s sole Women’s Heavyweight champion .. she held that title for over two years. A force to be reckoned with is an understatement.”
(CUEUP: “Into the Ocean” by Blue October. Joshua Curtis and Tina Davis enter through the curtains, followed quickly by an agitated John Doe. Doe yells up to someone … and all of a sudden the music is cut off. Davis and Curtis look back at Doe .. and watch as he “triumphantly” walks past them as “When Worlds Collide” by Powerman 5000 replaces Davis’ theme.)
JACOBS: “And introducing last … being led to the ring by Joshua Curtis .. weighing in at a combined weight of 400 pounds …. TINA DAVIS …. and JOHN DOE!”
(SFX: Bell rings.)
GHEORGHE: “This match is underway .. and it didn’t seem like John Doe was very happy with the fact that Tina Davis’ theme was used to introduce them!”
JIVE: “Apparently not as he quickly had it changed to his theme!”
JULIUS: “I sense a major ass kicking coming his way in this match.”
GHEORGHE: “Well it seems like Jared Wells and John Doe will be starting things off tonight .. and you can bet that Doe is probably very thankful that he’s not getting in the ring with any of the other competitors right now..”
JIVE: “Especially that Faye Walker.. she scares me.”
JULIUS: “Anything with a vagina scares you, Jive.”
GHEORGHE: “Wells and Doe go for the lockup … but Wells quickly ducks underneath and grabs the arm of Doe wrenching it behind him with the hammerlock! Doe shoots the back elbow and catches Wells in the jaw … and then nails the drop toe hold! John Doe back to his feet .. and he locks Wells in a side headlock as Wells began to rise!”
JIVE: “I thought Doe was dead in the water, so to speak, when he turned on Jonathan Marx and left DREDD … but he has certainly shown life the past few shows!”
GHEORGHE: “And he’s continuing that here tonight as he bulldogs Jared Wells to the mat! Tina Davis aching to get into the ring as she reaches out her hand for the tag, but Doe shoots her a dirty look and begins to stomp on the lower back of Wells!”
JULIUS: “There’s no doubt about it .. if John Doe and Tina Davis are going to win this triple threat … Doe will not let Davis be the one getting the pin.”
GHEORGHE: “Wells getting back to his feet as Doe stops his attack .. John Doe reaches for the head .. but Wells with a shot to the midsection! Jared Wells grabs the arm of Doe and sends him into the ro.. NO! Doe with a reversal and Jared Wells is sent into the ropes!”
JIVE: “Starr just tagged herself in!”
GHEORGHE: “Karla Starr with a slap across the back makes herself the legal ma.. woman… and John Doe catches Wells with a quick slam … Doe gets back up … AND GETS CAUGHT WITH A DROPKICK RIGHT IN THE JAW BY STARR!”
JULIUS: “Doe wasn’t paying attention … and now it’s ON!”
GHEORGHE: “Doe scrambles to his feet .. and Starr with a reverse knife edge chop! AND ANOTHER! AND A THIRD! But John Doe grabs Starr by the hair and YANKS her to the mat!”
JIVE: “Just like that Karla Starr has her fire put out.”
GHEORGHE: “Tina Davis yelling at Doe for the tag .. but he flicks her off! AND NOW DAVIS IS COMING INTO THE MATCH!”
JULIUS: “Maybe she had her head banged against the back of the headboard one too many times .. but flicking your partner off doesn’t make them the legal man in the ring..”
GHEORGHE: “Dean!”
JULIUS: “I’m just saying …”
GHEORGHE: “Davis charging at Doe … BUT THE REFEREE STEPS IN AND STOPS HER! The referee now telling Davis to get back to her corner … AND THAT ALLOWS FAYE WALKER TO SNEAK INTO THE RING! Doe doesn’t see her as he’s waving at Tina Davis .. Doe turns ……. Walker with a boot to the .. NO! Doe catches the foot! BUT WALKER HITS THE ENZIGUIRI! Faye Walker now grabbing the head of John Doe .. AND BASHING IT INTO THE MAT!”
JIVE: “So not only does Tina Davis lose her cool .. but she also just caused her partner to get jumped from behind! What a team player!”
GHEORGHE: “The referee turns and sees what’s going on .. and now he’s over trying to get Walker off of Doe!”
JULIUS: “He’s not having much luck .. maybe he should throw a piece of raw steak on the outside …”
GHEORGHE: “Kaira Hastings with a sharp whistle … and … Walker retreats back their corner?!”
JIVE: “I’m telling you .. I don’t quite understand those two … that’s like … a porno gone very wrong.”
JULIUS: “And what would you know about female porno?”
JIVE: “You’re going to ge..”
GHEORGHE: “Karla Starr taking advantage of the situation as she covers John Doe … ONE ………. TW—NOOO!! Doe with the kickout!”
JULIUS: “Starr dragging John Doe by the leg over to the Cat’s Meow corner … and she just tagged in Kaira Hastings!”
GHEORGHE: “Hastings hops over the top rope .. AND DROPS THE LEG ACROSS THE THROAT OF JOHN DOE! Hastings now with the cover … ONE ………. TWO …. NOOO!! Another two count!”
JIVE: “If I were Doe I’d get out soon and take a breather..”
GHEORGHE: “Hastings grabs John Doe and rakes his head across the bottom ring rope! She now grabs Doe .. Fireman’s Carries him over … and now locks him with a headscissors!”
JULIUS: “What I wouldn’t give to be John Doe right now ….”
GHEORGHE: “Doe trying to get out of the hold .. He’s trying to pry Hastings legs open..”
JIVE: “I heard the last guy who tried that ended up being an Italian castrato…”
GHEORGHE: “Doe not having any luck … BUT DOE BEGINS TO BRIDGE UPWARDS …. AND HE PUTS HASTING’s SHOULDERS TO THE MAT! ONE ……….. TWO ……… AND HASTINGS FORCED TO RELEASE THE HOLD!”
JULIUS: “And Doe just reached up and tagged in Faye Walker!!”
GHEORGHE: “Faye Walker now must get into the ring and face her mentor … her keeper …. her partner!”
JIVE: “Let me get my camera..”
JULIUS: “I thought you left it in San Francisco at Pride…”
GHEORGHE: “Walker now in the ring and she looks frightened as Hastings stands there with her arms folded across her chest…”
JULIUS: “Come on now .. go at it!”
GHEORGHE: “Walker slowly … crawling over to Hastings and starts rubbing against her legs?!”
JULIUS: “Higher dammit .. rub against her pus…”
GHEORGHE: “DEAN!”
JULIUS: “Now what?”
GHEORGHE: “Walker… HASTINGS JUST BOOTED WALKER AWAY! Walker looks away … and now Hastings points at the corner of Tina Davis and John Doe!”
JIVE: “Don’t look at me .. I don’t know what the hell is going on.”
GHEORGHE: “Faye Walker quickly .. pounces over to the corner … AND SHE TAGS IN TINA DAVIS!”
JULIUS: “Davis gets her wish .. she’s in the match now… although I don’t think I’d like to come in against Kaira Hastings, that’s for sure…”
GHEORGHE: “Davis hops into the ring, much to the chagrin of John Doe it seems, and she charges at Hastings! Hastings sidesteps Davis and lets her run into the ropes …. BUT DAVIS BRACES HERSELF! DAVIS HOPS ONTO THE SECOND ROPE …. AND MOONSAULTS HERSELF BACK ONTO KAIRA HASTINGS!! ONE ………. TWO …………. THREE!!! NO NO NO!”
JULIUS: “Hastings got out at the last second!”
GHEORGHE: “Hastings pushes Davis off of her … and kips up .. AND HASTINGS WITH A CLOTHES… NO! Davis wraps herself around …. CRUCIFIX! ONE ……. TWO ……. TH—NO, KICKOUT!”
JIVE: “Davis is a spitfire, that’s for sure..”
GHEORGHE: “Hastings once more up to her feet .. and this time she rakes the eyes of Tina Davis! Davis stopped … and Hastings sends her into the ropes … BUT DAVIS REVERSES! Kaira Hastings goes into the ropes ….”
JIVE: “Starr with another tag in! She should trademark that..”
GHEORGHE: “Hastings on the return … AND DAVIS WITH THE SPINEBUSTER! BUT HERE COMES KARLA STARR!”
JULIUS: “Starr’s on the top rope!!”
GHEORGHE: “Karla Starr on the top rope as Davis finishes off the spinebuster … SHE FLIES OFF ……. FROG SPLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
JIVE: “BUT DAVIS MOVES!! STARR JUST NAILED KAIRA HASTINGS WITH THE MOVE!”
GHEORGHE: “Starr rolls off of Hastings holding her ribs .. and Tina Davis grabs the legs of Starr … Tina Davis grabs the legs of Karla Starr … and flips forward … holding the bridge! ONE ………… TWO ……… THR—NOOO!! The VENUS World Heavyweight champion kicks out!”
JULIUS: “Tina Davis had the awareness that Starr tagged herself into the match .. something Davis’ partner, John Doe, didn’t have the first time Starr did so earlier!”
GHEORGHE: “Karla Starr rolls over to the corner where the Cat’s Meow is … AND SHE REACHES THROUGH THE ROPES AND TAGS IN FAYE WALKER!”
JIVE: “Starr looked like she landed pretty rough on Kaira Hastings with that frog splash.. Hastings still on the outside apron … so Walker was the only logical choice there.”
GHEORGHE: “Walker in the ring .. AND SHE SPEARS TINA DAVIS! WALKER WITH SOME VICIOUS BLOWS TO THE FACE! … She is SCRATCHING TINA DAVIS!”
JULIUS: “As far as Walker is concerned… Tina Davis is the reason why Kaira Hastings is out right now!”
GHEORGHE: “Faye Walker really bringing the claws to Tina Davis … BUT DAVIS PLACES THE FEET UNDER THE HIPS …. AND MONKEY FLIPS WALKER TO THE MAT!”
JIVE: “Walker’s rage really made her an easy target for that .. and now Davis is getting up!”
GHEORGHE: “Faye Walker with a look of pure rage in her eyes as she charges at Davis … BUT DAVIS JUMPS HIGH IN THE AIR AND HITS THE HURRICANRANA!”
JULIUS: “Tina Davis … Davis … she’s raising her arms in the air… I think she’s calling for the end of this match!”
GHEORGHE: “Faye Walker slowly getting to her feet as Tina Davis gets in a three point stance …. AND SHE CHARGES AND CLOTHESLINES THE HELL OUT OF FAYE WALKER! Davis … DAVIS WITH THE PILEDRIVER … and now she’s going to finish it off with that devastating elbow drop! Davis against the far ropes … and now she hops over Walker and rebounds off the opposite ropes …”
JIVE: “AND DOE JUST TAGGED HIMSELF IN! I don’t think Davis even realizes it due to the adrenaline!”
GHEORGHE: “AND TINA DAVIS DRILLS THE ELBOW RIGHT INTO THE CHEST OF FAYE WALKER!! She nailed the Maple Leaf Meltdown!”
JULIUS: “BUT JOHN DOE FROM BEHIND … AND HE JUST DUMPED HER OVER THE TOP ROPE!”
GHEORGHE: “Tina Davis goes crashing to the outside … AND JOHN DOE WITH THE COVER!! ONE ……….. TWO ………… THREE!!!”
(SFX: Bell rings!)
GHEORGHE: “John Doe just stole the pinfall victory from his own partner!”
JACOBS: “The winners of this match …. JOHN DOE … and TINA DAVIS!”
(SFX: Fans jeer hardcore as Doe has his arm raised by the referee!)
JIVE: “Doe’s a genius!”
JULIUS: “I never want to hear you say that ever again…”
JIVE: “ME EITHER!”
GHEORGHE: “John Doe tagged himself in as Tina Davis was finishing off the Maple Leaf Meltdown .. and he is the one who gets the pinfall! Now Doe is celebrating in the ring as Joshua Curtis is over to help Davis to her feet … Doe is acting as if he won this match all by himself!”
(SFX: FANS POP HUGE ….)
GHEORGHE: “What the….”
(A figure charges past the camera and slides underneath the bottom rope..)
GHEORGHE: “THAT’s NAKITA DAHAKA!! THE DARK PHENOM IS IN THE RING!! SHE IS WAITING …………”
(SFX: HUUUUUUUUGE POP!)
GHEORGHE: “DOE TURNED … AND NAKITA DAHAKA NAILED HIM IN THE JAW WITH A RIGHT HOOK! Doe spins … AND DAHAKA GRABS HIS HEAD …. AND CHARGES INTO THE CORNER…. MY GOD!!! THE DARK PHENOM HAS THE DRAGON SNAP LOCKED ON!”
JULIUS: “She just came out of nowhere!”
JIVE: “Dahaka getting her revenge on John Doe!”
GHEORGHE: “DAHAKA HAS THE STANDING DRAGON SLEEPER LOCKED ON AFTER CATAPULTING HERSELF OFF THE TURNBUCKLE PADS….. AND JOHN DOE IS PASSING OUT!”
JIVE: “Oh no… John Doe’s going to be out cold .. and all those women are going to have their way with him .. and not in a good one!”
GHEORGHE: “DOE IS OUT! DOE IS KNOCKED OUT COLD! Dahaka releases the hold … and she just stares down at him …. AND SHE SPAT ON HIM! Nakita Dahaka is leaving the ring!”
JIVE: “And the referee is doing all he can to keep everyone else away from Doe!”
GHEORGHE: “My God! I guess John Doe got what he deserved after what he did to his partner … ladies and gentlemen .. we’re going to go backstage where we’ll hear from Chaos’ opponent tonight in that PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme Championship title match!”
