JACOBS: “Ladies and gentlemen.. the following match is scheduled for one fall .. and is a P©X division match! Introducing first…”
(CUEUP: “Sigur 1 [Vaka]” by Sigur Ros. The crowd begins to … moan? Oh.. no .. nevermind, that’s just part of Peter File’s entrance music. Phew. File and Lilly come out from behind the curtain and walk to the ring. File, on his way down, licks a few lucky fans’ faces.)
JACOBS: “Being led to the ring by his manager Lilly … hailing from New Haven, Connecticut… he stands six foot one and weighs 205 pounds …. PETER … FILE!”
JIVE: “Those fans looked like they were about to pass out, Gheorghe.. I’m not sure if that’s due to elation of being licked by File, or if it is from his body odor! I can smell him from here!”
(CUEUP: “Dogs of War” by Pink Floyd. “PAYNE …” appears on one StockTRON … “KILLER” appears on the opposite one. As the music cues up Jason Payne steps through the curtain looking damn ready to go. He storms down the rampway and slides into the ring.)
JACOBS: “And his opponent… hailing from Payneville, Kentucky … he stands six foot six and weighs 275 pounds…. “The Dog of War” …. JASON … PAYNE!”
(Jacobs leaves the ring and the referee pats both men down..)
GHEORGHE: “Carl Jacobs talking to the ref from outside the ring .. I think he just got word about what type of mat….”
(CUEUP: “You Could Be Mine” by Guns n’ Roses as the fans begin to JEER hardcore!)
JULIUS: “Wait a minute! That’s CHAOS’ MUSIC!”
(Chaos steps through the curtains. He is bandaged from his affair the prior night. His arm wrapped in a bandage from the shoulder to the wrist, carries the P©X Championship. Chaos holds a sack over his right shoulder.)
GHEORGHE: “What is the PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme champion doing down here?! Oh my .. he’s getting INTO THE RING!”
(Chaos steps into the ring and grabs the microphone from Carl Jacobs on the outside. He then walks up to Peter File and stares at him, before turning and walking over to Jason Payne and staring at him. Finally he brings the microphone to his mouth.)
CHAOS: “You know I'm sitting backstage letting a fresh dose of tequila and pain killers set in .. when I stare out at the monitor and what do I see …”
(Looks around.. the crowd continues to jeer.)
CHAOS: “Two JERK-OFFS out here vying for a shot at MY championship! Yet I find it funny .. neither one of you seem to be putting much on the line to get the shot.”
(Chaos walks up to Peter File .. who is eyeing Chaos’ biceps..)
CHAOS: “…”
(Jason Payne, already annoyed, steps forward and asks a simple question..)
PAYNE: “And your point is?”
(Chaos shoots his head over to look at Payne.)
CHAOS: “My point is this, I'm the man that put this belt on the map. I've spilled my blood and broken my body in front of these fans night after night. Yet as I look around the ring here, things seem pretty bare. There's no weapons in this ring...”
JULIUS: “He has a point there … let’s see some like piranhas or something out here!”
(Chaos kicks the ring ropes.)
CHAOS: “These ropes are bare! There’s nothing on the outside of the ring .. hell, I don’t even see a steel chair!”
GHEORGHE: “Carl Jacobs was just about to announce the stipulation before he barged down here…”
(Chaos rolls out to the outside and pulls up the ring apron.)
CHAOS: “Jesus .. would you look at that. Not even one table .. or one ladder under here! Hell, I thought that was mandatory at a wrestling show!”
(Jason Payne continues to get annoyed as Chaos rolls back in the ring and points to a hot blonde who is sitting in the first row, just in view of the camera.)
CHAOS: “Fuck, even that chick I gave a facial to in exchange for those seats she’s sitting in right there seems pretty fresh faced right now…”
PAYNE: “And again … your point is?”
(Chaos puts a finger up..)
CHAOS: “Well ONE, it’s don’t interrupt me.. and TWO .. I want you to EARN the shot at my championship.. I want you two to suffer like I do.. to prove that you’re even remotely hardcore enough to get in the ring with me.”
FILE: “OOO!! I’m HARDCORE! I’m HARDCORE! Fuck that softcore shit! Let’s do it for REALLL.”
(Chaos raises an eyebrow at File who seems to be frothing at the mouth … he turns back to Payne.)
CHAOS: “And above all else … I WANT TO SEE SOME FUCKING BLOOD!”
(SFX: CROWD EXPLODES~! Jason Payne stands there looking around as he waits for the crowd to quiet down. They finally do.)
PAYNE: “Well I guess you’re shit out of luck then … because as you said … there’s nothing hardcore around this ring.”
(Payne shoots Chaos a cocky grin.)
CHAOS: “Well..”
(Chaos looks down at the P©X Championship belt.)
CHAOS: “That’s where you’re wrong…”
(Chaos lets a smirk creep across his face as he looks up at Payne.)
CHAOS: “BECAUSE I’M HARDCORE!”
(Chaos drops the P©X Championship and smashes a right hook into Payne’s jaw sending him to the mat. Peter File takes a step towards Chaos, but Chaos turns and knocks his head off w/ a big boot. As both men are lying on the ground Chaos opens the sack he was holding and pours TONS and TONS of thumbtacks all over File, Payne, and the ring!)
GHEORGHE: “OH MY GOD!! LOOK AT THE THUMBTACKS!! THEY’RE EVERYWHERE!”
(SFX: Bell rings!)
JIVE: “I guess this is going to be a Thumbtack… Chaos match! Chaos slid out of the ring, but he’s staying right at ringside!”
JULIUS: “And apparently Chaos can not only decide what stipulations his own matches have .. but he can now dictate the stipulations of other P©X division matches! I love it!”
GHEORGHE: “Jason Payne getting to his feet .. and he looks around the ring for Chaos … I think his head is about to explode!”
JIVE: “Well the referee carefully walking over to him and telling him to focus on the match… I feel bad for Peter File right now!”
GHEORGHE: “Jason Payne turns and grabs Peter File as he gets to his feet .. AND RAMS the forearm right into File’s face! Payne with another forearm shot and Peter File falls to the mat!”
JULIUS: “And right on top of a pile of thumbtacks!”
GHEORGHE: “File arches upwards … and the thumbtacks are sticking to his bare back!”
JIVE: “I hear Peter File likes it bareback…”
JULIUS: “You two are a perfect match then.”
GHEORGHE: “Jason Payne rips File off the mat … AND CLOTHESLINES HIM INTO THE ROPES! File flips over the top rope and to the arena floor!”
JIVE: “And more importantly … right in front of Chaos!”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos picking up Peter File ….. AND HE HOISTS HIM UP OVER HIS HEAD …. AND TOSSES HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE BACK INTO THE RING!”
JULIUS: “Chaos is a one man lumberjack match.”
GHEORGHE: “Jason Payne stomping on the neck of Peter File … and now he places both feet on the back of the head and is STANDING on File as he starts shouting at Chaos!”
JIVE: “Well .. I guess anything would be an improvement at this point for Peter File..”
GHEORGHE: “Jason Payne finally relenting .. and now he grabs Peter File and brings him to his feet … and sends him into the corner! Jason Payne charges in after him … AND CLOCKS HIM WITH AN ELBOW TO THE FACE! “The Dog of War” grabs Peter File …. AND HIP TOSSES HIM ONTO A PILE OF THUMBTACKS!”
JULIUS: “You know .. if Peter File ever took a shower, and I know that this is fantasy right now, but if he ever did, he’d have to make sure that he didn’t get any water on his back or else it’d sink to his feet and cause him to be waterlogged.”
JIVE: “That makes no sense.”
JULIUS: “Hey … I’ve been sitting next to you for the past two days … give me a break.”
GHEORGHE: “Peter File quickly up to his feet … and he ducks underneath a Payne clothesline .. Jason Payne turns … AND FILE WITH A … NO! Peter File went for a crossbody block … but Payne caught him! Jason Payne… PAYNE IS SETTING FILE UP FOR AN INVERTED PILE….. YES! HE IT’S THE INVERTED PILEDRIVER RIGHT ONTO THE THUMBTACKS!”
(SFX: Crowd pops huge!)
GHEORGHE: “And the fans are on their feet as Peter File has, easily, 100 thumbtacks sticking to the top of his skull!”
JIVE: “That does NOT look good.”
GHEORGHE: “Jason Payne covers Peter File … ONE ………… TWO ………. KICKOUT by File!”
JULIUS: “He’s a sado-masochist … he wants more Jason Payne.”
GHEORGHE: “Payne sliding off File and getting back to his feet … and he drops the leg across the skull of his opponent! NOW HE DRAGS PETER FILE ACROSS THE RING … AND ACROSS THE HUNDREDS .. HELL THOUSANDS OF THUMBTACKS STREWN EVERYWHERE!”
JIVE: “Look! You can see some of the blood from File’s back being smeared across the ring apron!”
JULIUS: “And look at the smile on Chaos’ face! He’s enjoying this more than Jason Payne is!”
GHEORGHE: “Payne hooking the legs of Peter File … and he catapults him into the top turnbuckle! File holding on …. and PAYNE FROM BEHIND WITH THE CLOTHESLINE! …… AND NOW JASON PAYNE IS PLACING PETER FILE ON THE TOP ROPE!”
JIVE: “Jesus Christ … they’re BOTH going up top!”
GHEORGHE: “Payne with his back to the ring … I think he’s going to hit the ragdoll off the top rope!”
JULIUS: “Payne’s going to crash down on the thumbtacks below no matter what he does!”
GHEORGHE: “No! Payne turns File around to face him … PAYNE GRABS FILE BY THE LEGS ……………..”
(SFX: CROWD EXPLODES!)
GHEORGHE: “OHHHHHH MY LORD!! TOP ROPE SPINEBUSTER!!!! TOP ROPE SPINEBUSTER!!! BOTH MEN ARE DOWN!”
JIVE: “What a maneuver!”
GHEORGHE: “Jason Payne down! Peter File down! Both men are covered with thumbtacks!”
JULIUS: “Stick a fork in him .. Peter File is done!”
GHEORGHE: “Jason Payne slowly moving away from the rope to cover Peter File …. and he does! ONE …………….. TWO ………………… THREE!”
(SFX: CROWD JEERS!!)
GHEORGHE: “NO! CHAOS REACHED THROUGH THE BOTTOM ROPE AND PULLED JASON PAYNE OFF PETER FILE!”
JULIUS: “Why the hell would he do that?!”
GHEORGHE: “Jason Payne jumps to his feet … and Chaos is wagging his finger “no!” Chaos hasn’t been satisfied enough apparently!”
JIVE: “A common complaint Jason Payne hears … or so I’m told.”
GHEORGHE: “Jason Payne turns to go back to Pet…. NO!!! JASON PAYNE JUST DOVE THROUGH THE SECOND ROPES …. AND ONTO CHAOS! THE DOG OF WAR IS ATTACKING THE PRODIGY© CLASSIC XTREME CHAMPION!”
JULIUS: “Payne shouldn’t waste his time doing that! He’s got a fucking match to take care of first!”
JIVE: “Payne is wailing away on Chaos though!”
GHEORGHE: “Jason Payne grabs the P©X Championship belt …. AND STARTS DRIVING IT INTO THE BANDAGED HEAD OF CHAOS!”
JIVE: “Thank God there are no more brain cells up there to lose!”
GHEORGHE: “Payne finally climbing off Chaos and slides back into the ring… and now he’s going back to Peter File!”
JULIUS: “The only good thing for him is that File is deceased … so he doesn’t have to worry..”
(SFX: CROWD POPS!)
JULIUS: “Nevermind.”
GHEORGHE: “PETER FILE GRABBED A HANDFUL OF THUMBTACKS AND SLAMMED THEM INTO THE FACE OF JASON PAYNE! Payne falls backwards onto his ass … AND THE TACKS ARE STUCK RIGHT IN HIS FACE!”
JIVE: “Payne is tacky … like Julius’ jokes.”
JULIUS: “Look who’s talking.”
GHEORGHE: “File unable to capitalize as he’s already taken way too much damages as it is … Jason Payne sits up .. and he is prying those thumbtacks out from his face .. and his eyes look just about as red as his cheeks!”
JULIUS: “Peter File wanted to get hardcore earlier .. and he definitely is getting it.”
GHEORGHE: “Jason Payne finally gives up pulling the rest out of his face … AND HE GRABS PETER FILE BY THE HAIR! MY GOD!!!”
(SFX: The crowd is eerily silent!)
GHEORGHE: “JASON PAYNE IS REPEATEDLY SLAMMING THE FACE OF PETER FILE INTO THE MAT …. AND INTO THE THUMBTACKS!”
JIVE: “Lilly is on the outside screeching away … but I don’t think that File is even conscious anymore!”
GHEORGHE: “Payne grabs Peter File … and File looks pretty limp!”
JULIUS: “Poor Peter File … but I’m sure Jive can sympathize, right?”
JIVE: “One of these days, Julius .. when you’re not paying attention … BAM .. you’re going overboard.”
GHEORGHE: “Jason Payne hooks the body of File … sidewalk slam! The ref down to make the count .. but Payne doesn’t make the cover! Jason Payne … HE IS ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES SHOVELING ALL THE THUMBTACKS INTO A PILE!”
JULIUS: “Oh God… what is he doing?”
JIVE: “He’s on his hands and knees shoveling all the thum…”
JULIUS: “You’re a fucktard.”
JIVE: “Wha…”
JULIUS: “Nevermind…”
GHEORGHE: “Jason Payne continuing to shovel the thumbtacks into the center of the ring … Chaos is up on his feet and he looks just as puzzled as we do!”
JULIUS: “No .. that’s his normal look.”
GHEORGHE: “Jason Payne finally satisfied with the humongous pile of thumbtacks that he set up .. and now he is over to Peter File … File looking .. well .. looking dead, really.”
JULIUS: “Looks as lifeless as the unfortunate person who Nick Jive cons into getting into bed with him.”
GHEORGHE: “Jason Payne now … HE’s PLACING PETER FILE ON THE TOP ROPE!”
JIVE: “Here we go again!”
GHEORGHE: “No … This time … Payne hooking the hands …. AND HE FLINGS HIM OFF THE TOP ROPE AND FILE CRASHES DOWN ON TOP OF THE PILE OF THUMBTACKS!”
(SFX: Crowd pops!)
GHEORGHE: “Jason Payne … PAYNE … OH MY!! JASON PAYNE WITH A RUNNING START AND HE JUST SPLASHED PETER FILE!”
JIVE: “That’s 275 pounds coming down on Peter File … who already had about … well, shitloads of tacks sticking in his back from the previous move!”
GHEORGHE: “Payne has been in total control since this match began … he continues to impress!”
JULIUS: “If I were Chaos, I wouldn’t be so cocky on the outside … because Jason Payne looks to be well on his way to challenging him for the P©X Championship at BANNED in the US.”
GHEORGHE: “Jason Payne gets to his feet …”
(SFX: FANS POP HUGE~!)
GHEORGHE: “AND JASON PAYNE IS CALLING AN END TO THIS MATCH! PAYNE … PAYNE LIFTS UP PETER FILE FROM THE MAT…. and … HE POINTS TO CHAOS ON THE OUTSIDE!”
JULIUS: “Telling Chaos to prepare himself, no doubt.”
JIVE: “Chaos is climbing onto the ring apron!”
GHEORGHE: “CHAOS IS ON THE APRON! Jason Payne … he hooks his arms behind the head of Peter File …. AND NOW HE TURNS AROUND SO THAT HE CAN SEE CHAOS ……………… PAYNE KILLER RIGHT ON TOP OF THE REMAINING THUMBTACK PILE!!!! ONE ……………… TWO …………………….. THREE!!!!”
(SFX: Bell rings!)
JACOBS: “The winner of this match … and the #1 contender to the PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme Championship ….. “the Dog of War” …. JASON … PAYNE!”
(Payne gets his hand raised but immediately yanks it down and starts over towards Chaos, who is standing on the ring apron.)
GHEORGHE: “CHAOS … JASON PAYNE …. THEY ARE FACE TO FACE!”
JULIUS: “Well, Chaos has 6 inches on him … so its more like Face to Chin.”
GHEORGHE: “CHAOS JUST STARING DOWN AT THE BLOODIED FACE OF JASON PAYNE ……… AND FINALLY CHAOS HOPS TO THE ARENA FLOOR! Chaos is walking up the rampway .. and he doesn’t look back! Jason Payne the #1 contender to the P©X Championship .. and he’ll be facing that man, Chaos, on the cruise ship at New ERA’s next event … the BANNED in the US pay per view!”
JULIUS: “Hot.”
GHEORGHE: “We’re going to send you over to Dean Matthews, Mike Neely, and Dave Thomas … as Chronic Collizion take on Class Act!”
