(FADETO: The middle of the ring as the shot looks down from an aerial view. Fireworks go off from the four corners of the ring as the fans in the arena are buzzing. The camera cuts to many fast shots of New ERA wrestlers as we see Suicide setting people up for the Burning Hammer, but dropping them. Also shown is Tact and Rabesque staring each other down with an opaque image of El Arco Iris behind it. CUTTO: Fans with signs, some reading “MINDKILLER: MIA!” “We Mark For MARX” and finally, “I’VE GOT YOUR ULTIMATE SURPRISE RIGHT HERE!” with an arrow pointing down. CUTTO: The announcer’s table with Nick Jive and Tom Gheorghe.)
GHEORGHE: “WELCOME EVERYONE TO THE CRISLER ARENA FOR ANOTHER EDITION OF NEW ERA RAUCOUS!”
JIVE: “I can’t tell if these people are buzzed about the show tonight, or if they smoked one too many dimebags after finals ended!”
GHEORGHE: “We are in Ann Arbor, Michigan on the campus of the University of Michigan for what should prove to be an exciting night!”
JIVE: “I’ll tell you what’s exciting … walking around this campus … with a bevy of beauties every place I look.”
GHEORGHE: “These are college girls, Nick .. a little out of your league.”
JIVE: “They might be out of my league, Tom, but they sure as hell don’t mind being in my bed!”
GHEORGHE: “That is probably more than I needed to know, Nick. Tonight marks the tenth episode of RAUCOUS, which means we only have ONE more RAUCOUS left before we hit DESTRUCITY, our very FIRST pay per view, coming to you from the United Centre in Chicago, Illinois … and I have been hearing rumors that more matches for the pay per view have been, or will be, signed tonight!”
JIVE: “We already have what could easily take the cake as the most spectacular, and dangerous, match of the pay per view as Chaos and Suicide will step inside an enclosed cage which will not only be ELECTRIFIED, but also will have explosives going off every fifteen minutes they’re in the ring …”
GHEORGHE: “These types of matches are very popular in Japanese wrestling, and I know that fans have been talking non-stop about the possibilities as New ERA brings it stateside for the first time in a long time.”
JIVE: “I mean, a regular match between Chaos and Suicide is just begging for someone to be murdered, forget about an electrified exploding cage match!”
GHEORGHE: “I don’t think Chaos and Suicide could ever have a ‘regular’ match, Nick.”
JIVE: “Point taken.”
GHEORGHE: “Both Suicide and Chaos will be in action tonight, albeit against different opponents. Suicide will be taking on Nightmare, who had a tough break last edition of RAUCOUS has he hit his head pretty hard against the apron and had to be taken to the local hospital in Indianapolis for some scans… and Chaos will be taking on Jean Rabesque in the main event as he goes for the Television Championship … in a match that was signed after Suicide was disqualified after originally WINNING the Television Championship shot!”
JIVE: “You can really tell hatred when one man forfeits his title shot at the Television Championship just to try to injure Chaos even more when he had him locked in the No Shelter and wouldn’t release it.”
GHEORGHE: “Also in action tonight is Alex Borden as he takes on Mindkiller..”
JIVE: “I think that sign said it best, Tom.. Mindkiller has been missing in action since that outstanding display in the time limit draw against Chaos a few RAUCOUS’ back. It’s a shame, really, because I thought he was going to take New ERA by storm!”
GHEORGHE: “I agree. When Mindkiller came into New ERA, I thought he was definitely going to be a threat to Larry Tact’s World Heavyweight Championship … but he’s since sputtered out. Alex Borden has continued to impress, however, and I’m sure he’s going to try to continue his ride as he and Mindkiller meet in the ring.”
JIVE: “You can’t help but want to know what is going on with Borden each week.. and I suspect tonight will be no different.”
GHEORGHE: “And how about that tag team match that is scheduled for tonight?”
JIVE: “Jonathan Marx and Travis Smith get to beat on John Doe? There could be nothing so pleasing to the eye!”
GHEORGHE: “John Doe is out to prove that ‘Too Sweet’ is a joke and Smith wants to make Doe eat his words, as they each have respective partners who have seemed to develop a problem with each other due to last week’s Six Man Tag Team Survivor match..”
JIVE: “Troy Douglas went and superkicked Marx’s head off … then instead of saving him from elimination, let John Doe pin him! Wouldn’t you take exception to that?”
GHEORGHE: “I know I would … then Suicide Phantom kicked the bejeezus out of Douglas, and allowed Doe to get the pinfall AGAIN.. Douglas and Marx then had a brief scuffle in the back before the refs managed to break it up..”
JIVE: “Well I’m sure all four men are going to enjoy taking out their frustrations on one another!!”
GHEORGHE: “And finally, our opening match of the evening will be between ‘the Messenger’ Trevor Cane and ‘Dancin’ Danny Danger.”
JIVE: “I don’t know much about Danger …. But anyone who calls themselves ‘Dancin’ must be … well … I don’t even want to say it.”
GHEORGHE: “Cane came out of his self-imposed silence this past week and had some pretty clear words for Danger .. as well as that figure who called him out last edition of RAUCOUS …”
(The big screens start to show static as the fans in attendance all turn in unison.)
JIVE: “It looks as if Marceau’s ULTIMATE Surprise is going to grace us again, Tom!”
(All of a sudden, “Property of WrestlinGeek.com” comes on the big screen.)
GHEORGHE: “Somehow …. I don’t think this is Marceau’s ultimate surprise…. Just what in God’s name is going on here..”
WRESTLINGEEK.COM INTERVIEWER V/O: “So I guess my first question is...”
(CUTTO: Ancient footage from WAR. Madonna Wayne Grossard is getting annihilated by Maelstrom. MWG begs off, pulls off his T-shirt, and drops his pants. Maelstrom turns around in disgust, as MWG beats off onto his shirt. Mael loses it and rushes MWG, MWG throws the shirt in his face and rolls him up in a small package... 1... 2... 3!!!!!)
JIVE: “THAT’s MADONNA WAYNE GROSSARD!”
V/O: “Why?... Just why?”
(CUTTO: Jean Rabesque, also, turning around in disgust while MWG stuffs his nose full of powdered chalk off the ground. CUTTO: Rabesque hits MWG with a chair, and the ref rings the bell...)
MWG V/O: “What do you mean?”
V/O: “Why continually make a public disgrace of yourself? You keep coming back. But you're not Maelstrom. You're not Michael Manson.”
MWG V/O: “Who the fuck is Michael Manson?”
(CUTTO: GLCW again. Disappear Here DDT on Jared Wells!!! Crowd pops when they see MWG and Wells.)
V/O: “My point is you don't have any staying power. You had your little time in the sun years ago cuz people thought you were so outrageous. But things have changed. Sex and drugs don't really shock people anymore.”
(CUTTO: more old WAR clips. MWG hits Copycat with a top rope hotshot "Or Flamethrower," Copycat bounces back and stumbles through a table. 1... 2... 3 again...)
MWG V/O: “Sure. Not since Beau Michaels stole my gimmick. I'd kill the son of a whore, if I didn't want to fuck him so badly...”
GHEORGHE: “What the hell is going on … why are we seeing this?”
(CUTTO: MWG setting himself on fire for some reason....)
V/O: “No, Beau Michaels is a ripoff of Macaulay Culkin's character in "Party Monster," which is a terrible movie based on a terrible book, but you were always more of an ugly gay stereotype then a quote unquote "club kid."
(CUTTO: MWG as a woman, helping Midiot fight off the Crack Rock Crowd in IWF...)
MWG V/O: “Never... NEVER speak the name Macaulay Culkin in front of my again, you fat pimply high school fuck. EYE should have had the lead role in party monster. I could have saved that movie. If Beau Michaels is James St. James, I'm Bret Easton Ellis. I did this first, and I do it better, and we BOTH DEFINITELY do this better than that slimy little Home Alone dickface...”
V/O: “Kieran Culkin's good though.”
MWG V/O: “Oh yeah. He's excellent. Igby Goes Down is one of my faves.”
JIVE: “Can’t disagree there…”
(CUTTO: MWG doing something mean to someone, um, lets say, Killer Bee, in 1998...)
V/O: “But is that why you're back? Cuz Hollywood didn't want you?”
MWG V/O: “I think.... I never thought Hollywood would want me, but something inside said they needed me.”
(CUTTO: MWG bleeding all over Jonathan Marx, to which the crowd pops again...)
MWG V/O: “That's just it really. You're sitting there thinking everything I've done has been out of some insecure drama queeny need to be famous. But it's not that at all. I'm already famous. I'm a Superstar, you hideous pig...”
“So I go where I'm needed. Hollywood needs me, but apparently doesn't know it yet, and NEW clearly needs me. Who've they got? Larry Tact's the New ERA World Heavyweight Champion and a WFW jobber. Suicide's probably the only person in this industry with more estrogen in his system than me. Jean Rabesque is a bigger fag than me, Beau Michaels, and El Arco Iris put together, even though he's so deep in the closet he's finding his mom's dildo stash. Um.... who else is there, really?”
(A shot of MWG at the MTV music awards sitting next to a horrified Amy Lee is frozen on the screen...)
V/O: “Jonathan Marx...”
MWG V/O: “Oh right. He's um, uh, ah.... I dunno. Also really gay?”
(Crowd laughs)
V/O: “It sounds like all your usual positions have been filled, no pun intended.”
MWG V/O: “No, but, see, that's just it. Everyone in New ERA's a pansy. So they need the uberpansy to make them seem like hard-asses by comparison.”
V/O: “But um...”
MWG V/O: “I mean, I intend to beat them all obviously. But I'll do it through self-exploitation, like usual, instead of, y'know, wrestling. So nobody's pride will get hurt.”
V/O: “That was my first question that you never answered. Why continually exploit yourself if not to get famous?”
MWG V/O: “You silly little prick... The Horatio Alger stories of our generation don’t work their way up from the bottom, they get on TV. And I'm a patriotic American.”
GHEORGHE: “Please say it isn’t so!”
(The screens flicker … then go off as the last statement is echoed throughout the arena.)
JIVE: “MADONNA WAYNE GROSSARD IS COMING TO NEW ERA?!”
GHEORGHE: “Lord help us all… ladies and gentlemen.. I am floored. We’ve already got Peter File … and now … now .. we have to take a commercial break … when we come back, ‘the Messenger’ and ‘Dancin’ Danny will go head to head as we get RAUCOUS kicked off from the Crisler Arena! STAY TUNED!”
