JACOBS: “The following match is scheduled for one fall … and is for the New ERA of Wrestling TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP!”
(SFX: Crowd pops.)
JIVE: "Ohh.. MWG with a new logo to go along with his new personality!"
JACOBS: “Introducing first …”
(CUEUP: ‘Faggot’ by Mindless Self Indulgence. MWG walks out in a zebra print trench coat and is grabbing his crotch all the way down to the ring.)
JACOBS: “Standing six foot three and weighing in at 232 pounds …. He hails from somewhere where the sun shines and the birds sing …. The artist formerly known as Madonna Wayne Grossard …. EM DUBBYA GEE!”
JIVE: “Look at MWG, Tom … I don’t know how Suicide-Spectre is going to get past him .. a lot of the guys out back are afraid to square off against MWG.”
JACOBS: “And his opponent…”
(CUEUP: ‘Woodpecker from Mars’ by Faith No More. Suicide walks down the ramp with the Television title in one hand, and the metallic flask in the other. Suicide is wearing a wife beater and his karate pants, instead of the usual attire. He gets in the ring.)
JACOBS: “From the BRONX, New York … he stands six foot three and weighs 231 pounds ….. he is currently the New ERA TELEVISION CHAMPION …… SUICIDE!”
(SFX: Bell rings.)
GHEORGHE: “Suicide hands the title over but won’t give up the flask …. Instead he walks to the center of the ring … AND HE OFFERS MWG A DRINK!”
JIVE: “And now I can’t tell if MWG is licking his lips at the sight of Suicide, or because he wants some vodka…”
(Jive takes a sip of his ‘Poland Springs’ water.)
JIVE: “Personally, I’d go for the vodka.”
GHEORGHE: “I bet you would…. MWG walks towards Suicide …. BUT SUICIDE WITH A BOOT TO THE FACE OF MWG!! Suicide laughs as he tosses the flask to the referee!!! AND NOW SUICIDE HOOKS THE ARM OF MWG ….. CRADLE SUPLEX!”
JIVE: “Suicide conned MWG!”
GHEORGHE: “Suicide quickly back to his feet … MWG is slowly getting up himself … Suicide up to MWG and presses against him … Suicide with an irish whip … BUT MWG REVERSES …. AND MWG STOPS THE IRISH WHIP AND LOCKS HIS ARMS AROUND SUICIDE’s BACK! MWG GYRATING HIS HIPS …… AND TAKES SUICIDE OVER WITH A BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX!”
JIVE: “Since MWG and Suicide are the same height … we know exactly where MWG was gyrating!”
GHEORGHE: “MWG now CRAWLING over to Suicide ….. AND HE SITS ON TOP OF HIM AS HE PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE!”
JIVE: “Suicide-Spectre has got to make sure he can handle the physical and mental parts of MWG’s game …”
GHEORGHE: “Will you stop calling him Suicide-Spectre…”
JIVE: “What? I think its fair.”
GHEORGHE: “MWG takes Suicide’s head in his hands … and HE BASHES IT BACK AGAINST THE MAT!”
JIVE: “Better back than forward, I say.”
GHEORGHE: “MWG dragging Suicide to his feet … and he places one foot in between Suicide’s legs …. AND NOW MWG IS BENDING SUICIDE OVER HIS KNEE …. AND HE IS SPANKING HIM!”
JIVE: “WHAT?!”
GHEORGHE: “MWG IS SPANKING SUICIDE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING! Suicide now rakes the eyes of MWG … and MWG drops him to the mat!”
JIVE: “That is the first time that I have EVER seen a grown man spanked in a wrestling ring!”
GHEORGHE: “With MWG in action … you can expect to see a lot of firsts!”
JIVE: “I’d rather not take that chance, Tom..”
GHEORGHE: “Suicide catching MWG when he turned around … SWINGING NECKBREAKER! And now Suicide picking up MWG … and he is applying an abdominal stretch!”
JIVE: “Suicide-Spectre usually starts off with an abdominal stretch and turns it into the octopus…”
GHEORGHE: “Suicide bringing his leg up over the neck of MWG … AND HE LOCKS ON THE OCTOPUS! MWG is stuck with no place to go as Suicide is applying more and more pressure onto the neck of MWG.”
JIVE: “Pressure on the neck, the abs, and the shoulder… it wouldn’t surprise me though if MWG liked this .. and liked it a lot!”
GHEORGHE: “I doubt it, Nick.. Suicide finding that MWG is not going to submit, keeps it on for a few more seconds … but finally he takes his leg off … AND HIPTOSSES MWG to the mat!”
JIVE: “I wonder if we’ll see Pepe, or any other of Spectre’s crew tonight..”
GHEORGHE: “This is Suicide, not Spectre.. I would assume Spectre is gone … but then again …”
(SFX: Crowd boos as Alex Borden walks down the ramp.)
JIVE: “ALEX BORDEN IS MAKING HIS WAY TO THE RING!”
GHEORGHE: “Alex Borden is in a triple threat match with John Doe … and whoever wins the match right here!”
JIVE: “Suicide sees Borden … and he snarls at him!”
GHEORGHE: “Borden has a victory over Suicide here in New ERA … and I know that both men would like to have a rematch … Suicide to prove that he’s a better wrestler than Borden, and Borden, a chance to win the Television championship!”
JIVE: “I hope John Doe isn’t watching!”
GHEORGHE: “Suicide brings MWG to his …. NO …. MWG WITH A LOW BLOW DOUBLES OVER SUICIDE!!! MWG with a small package!!! ONE …….. TWO ………. KICKOUT!”
JIVE: “Come on now, Tom.. didn’t Beau Michaels tell you? MWG with a small package is a huge overstatement..”
GHEORGHE: “I wonder what happened between those two .. MWG looked happy as he brought Michaels to the back after their pole on a pole match .. and later we found out that Michaels just up and left … making MWG suicidal!”
JIVE: “MWG is up on his feet and he glances at Borden… AND HE DOES A DOUBLE TAKE!”
GHEORGHE: “I don’t think he knew that Borden was down here! MWG picking up Suicide … he sends him against the ropes …. Suicide on his way back … AND MWG WITH A HOT SHOT AS SUICIDE’s NECK HITS THE TOP ROPE!”
JIVE: “And MWG quickly back up and he locks Suicide in a camel clutch .. AND HE HAS HIS EYES SET ON ALEX BORDEN!”
GHEORGHE: “MWG wrenching on the neck of Suicide … MWG JUST WINKED AT BORDEN!!!! AND BORDEN LOOKS WIDE EYED AT MWG!”
JIVE: “MWG must be impressed by Borden’s very fit body ….”
GHEORGHE: “MWG now releasing the hold on Suicide .. AND HE’s BECKONING ALEX BORDEN TO COME CLOSER TO RINGSIDE!”
JIVE: “Alex Borden looks confused…”
(SFX: Crowd pops as John Doe runs down the rampway.)
JIVE: “Oh no! He must have been watching!”
GHEORGHE: “ALEX BORDEN DOESN’T SEE IT BUT JOHN DOE RUNS RIGHT BEHIND HIM AND CLOTHESLINES HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD!! Alex Borden rolls down the rampway …. AND JOHN DOE IS RIGHT BEHIND HIM KICKING HIM WHILE HE’s DOWN!”
JIVE: “MWG just shrugs his shoulders and goes back to Suicide … and the referee is now telling Doe to take Borden and get away from ringside!”
GHEORGHE: “MWG picks up Suicide … AND SUICIDE NOW WITH A SMALL PACKAGE!!! But the referee is too caught up with trying to get Borden and Doe to leave ringside!”
JIVE: “MWG kicks out and Suicide looks up and sees the referee with Borden and Doe and HE LOOKS PISSED!”
GHEORGHE: “Suicide gets up and turns the ref around and tells him to pay attention …. AND MWG WITH A SCHOOL BOY ROLL UP!!! THE REF GOES DOWN ONE …… TWO ……… KICKOUT BY SUICIDE!”
JIVE: “The ref was paying attention that time!”
GHEORGHE: “Suicide back to his feet as is MWG … AND SUICIDE KICKS HIM IN THE STOMACH …. SUICIDE PICKS HIM UP … JUMPING SUICIDEDRIVER!!!! Suicide with the cover …. ONE ……. TWO …. KICKOUT BY MWG!”
JIVE: “Uh oh … things are getting sticky on the outside!”
GHEORGHE: “Alex Borden just rammed John Doe into the ring post .. and charged in afterwards and Doe moved! Borden went shoulder first into the ringpost! And he is walking around holding his shoulder … AND JOHN DOE WITH A DROPKICK SENDS ALEX BORDEN FLYING INTO THE GUARDRAIL SHOULDER FIRST!”
JIVE: “And the ref looks over there and Suicide yells at him again!”
GHEORGHE: “Suicide picking MWG up … Suicide with an atomic drop …. AND THEN HE CLOTHESLINES MWG BACK TO THE MAT!! Suicide is GOING UP TOP! SUICIDE IS ON THE TOP ROPE …. TUMBLEWEED!! Suicide just nailed that twisting front flipping top rope leg drop!!”
JIVE: “The ref counts … ONE ………. TWO ……… THREE—NO!!! MWG kicked out at the last minute!”
GHEORGHE: “Suicide IS CALLING FOR IT!!”
JIVE: “LOOK! John Doe just dropped Alex Borden head first into the ring apron!!! The referee is going to the outside to make sure that Borden is ok … AND JOHN DOE IS GOING FOR A CHAIR!! John Doe is trying to hit Alex Borden with a chair! DOE IS ON THE APRON! DOE IS GOING TO HIT BORDEN FROM THE APRON WITH THE CHAIR!”
GHEORGHE: “Suicide has MWG up …. AND SUICIDE DROPS HIM TO THE MAT AS HE SEES THE REFEREE ISN’T IN THE RING!”
JIVE: “Suicide is yelling at the ref, but the ref is too busy with Borden … and Doe is measuring Borden! MWG IS GETTING TO HIS FEET!”
GHEORGHE: “MWG is walking behind Suicide!!! HE MIGHT GO FOR THE DISAPPEAR HERE DDT!”
(SFX: Crowd gets excited as a women hops over the guardrail and slides into the ring..)
JIVE: “THAT’s KRIST BLUE, formerly of the WFW!!!”
GHEORGHE: “MWG turns around … AND KRIST BLUE WITH A SWIFT KICK TO THE BALLS FLOORS MWG!! MWG yelps out in pain .. AND SUICIDE TURNS AROUND!”
JIVE: “HE DOES HAVE SOMETHING THERE AFTERALL! Suicide sees as MWG is down holding his balls .. and Krist Blue is beckoning him over!!!”
GHEORGHE: “Blue has something for him … AND KRIST BLUE IS REACHING DOWN HER SKIRT!”
JIVE: “ILL TAKE WHATS DOWN THERE!”
GHEORGHE: “Suicide smiles …. OH MY GOD!!! KRIST BLUE PULLS OUT A BLOODY TAMPON AND TRIES TO SHOVE IT IN SUICIDE’s EAR!!! BUT SUICIDE BATS IT AWAY AT THE LAST MOMENT AND IT SPLATS ON THE MAT!”
JIVE: “Nevermind! That’s one thing I’ll NEVER take!”
GHEORGHE: “WAIT! MWG POPS UP OUT OF NOWHERE AS KRIST BLUE KICKS SUICIDE IN THE GROIN!! MWG WITH A RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP!!!”
JIVE: “SO HE DOESN’T HAVE ANYTHING THERE AFTERALL!”
GHEORGHE: “The referee is still on the floor .. and now he is telling John Doe to drop the chair… he doesn’t see ANYTHING in the ring!”
JIVE: “They never usually do .. even when they’re in the ring.”
GHEORGHE: “MWG IS NOW LIFTING UP HIS SKIRT… HE WAS WEARING A CUP!!! NO WONDER IT DIDN’T HURT!”
JIVE: “SO HE DOES HAVE SOMETHING THERE AFTERALL!”
GHEORGHE: “AND NOW MWG AND KRIST BLUE ….”
(SFX: Silence from the crowd… as they’re in shock.)
GHEORGHE: “MWG AND A WOMAN ARE MAKING OUT IN THE RING!!!”
JIVE: “But I thought… I coulda… Pole … THIS IS TOO MUCH!”
GHEORGHE: “WAIT SUICIDE IS CRAWLING TO THE CORNER!! SUICIDE HAS GOT HIS METALLIC FLASK!!!”
JIVE: “Pass me some of that please! I ran out of water!”
GHEORGHE: “Suicide is reaching in his pocket …….. SUICIDE HAS A LIGHTER! Suicide takes a gulp of whatever is in the metallic flask …. MWG turns around ….. SUICIDE LIGHTS THE LIGHTER AND BLOWS …. A FIREBALL AT MWG AND KRIST BLUE!”
(SFX: Crowd pops.)
JIVE: “HOLY SHIT!”
GHEORGHE: “MWG AND KRIST BLUE DUCK THE FIREBALL …… AND IT HITS JOHN DOE IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD!!!! JOHN DOE’s HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!”
JIVE: “THAT got the referee’s attention!”
GHEORGHE: “MWG, Krist Blue and Suicide all stare as Doe’s hairs is on fire …. AND JOHN DOE TURNS AROUND AND HE SEES MWG!! JOHN DOE WHACKS MWG OVER THE HEAD WITH THE CHAIR AS HE JUMPS OFF SCREAMING!”
JIVE: “Stop, Drop, and Roll dumbass!”
(SFX: Bell rings)
GHEORGHE: “The bell has rung … but ..”
JACOBS: “The winner of this match …. By DISQUALIFICATION ……. EM DUBBYA GEE!”
JIVE: “But he doesn’t win the title!”
JACOBS: “However, titles cannot change hands via disqualifications or countouts …. So STIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL New ERA TELEVISION CHAMPION ………. SUICIDE!”
GHEORGHE: “MWG is not happy …. AND NOW HE HOPS OUT AND IS ATTACKING JOHN DOE!”
(A bunch of officials start running down the ring.)
GHEORGHE: “And now we got officials running down the rampway … AND NOW ALEX BORDEN IS UP … AND HE’s GOING AFTER BOTH MWG AND DOE!”
(Marcus LaRoque runs down the rampway.)
JIVE: “AND HERE COMES LaROQUE!”
