JACOBS: “The following match is a NON-TITLE bout … and is scheduled for one fall ….”
(ANTAEUS comes out, wearing a white tuxedo, and white top hat … he is smoking a cigarette which he puts out on the guardrail.)
JACOBS: “Currently walking down to the ring …… he calls himself ….. ANTAEUS!”
JIVE: “ANTAEUS is an interesting character …. Imagine the prestige he would have helped restore to the World Heavyweight Championship..”
JACOBS: “And his opponent….”
(CUEUP: ‘Shapes of Things’ by the Jeff Healey Band. Jean Rabesque steps onto the rampway to the incredible pop of the crowd. He holds the World Heavyweight Championship in his hand, which he raises in the air before walking down the aisle, his eyes dead set on ANTAEUS.)
JACOBS: “Hailing from Montreal, Quebec, Canada ….. standing six foot one and weighing in at 245 pounds …… he is the current NEW ERA OF WRESTLING WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ………. JEAN RABESQUE!”
(SFX: Bell rings.)
GHEORGHE: “Rabesque has said many things about ANTAEUS, including calling him a classless coward for hiding behind his mask … and ANTAEUS has called himself a God, waiting in the shadows ready to take the New ERA World Heavyweight Championship …”
JIVE: “Well, looking at ANTAEUS, its clear to me who the better man is … Rabesque doesn’t stand a chance tonight…”
GHEORGHE: “The two are circling each other in the ring … and ANTAEUS strikes first with a punch to the gut … he goes behind Jean Rabesque … goes for a German suplex, but Rabesque manages to block it …. Rabesque with a go behind of his own ….. but ANTAEUS blocks that …. And he goes behind Rabesque! ANTAEUS locks the neck …. NECKBREAKER!”
JIVE: “You see! ANTAEUS is already proving to Rabesque that he’s got more talent in the top hat of his than Rabesque has in his whole body.”
GHEORGHE: “Rabesque slowly getting up .. and ANTAEUS and Rabesque lock up …. Rabesque backs ANTAEUS into the ropes …. AND ANTAEUS SWITCHES IT AROUND AND RABESQUE IS NOW IN THE ROPES!”
JIVE: “ANTAEUS is too quick for Rabesque … Rabesque is no spring chicken, you know!”
GHEORGHE: “Ladies and gentlemen, I have just received word that Larry Tact has been taken to a local hospital, and from what I am hearing, things are not looking good for the former World Heavyweight Champion.”
JIVE: “What do you mean?!”
GHEORGHE: “Jason Tripp is telling me that Tact may have a broken knee cap.”
JIVE: “No!”
GHEORGHE: “ANTAEUS sends Rabesque off the far ropes ….. Rabesque on his way back … LEAP FROGS over the bent over ANTAEUS …. Rabesque stops short … turns around …. LOCKS ANTAEUS … AND TAKES HIM TO THE MAT WITH A RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP!”
JIVE: “Jesus Christ … we lost Suicide to a horrible car accident that has him badly injured … and now Tact might have a damaged knee? Does he need surgery?”
GHEORGHE: “We don’t know yet, Nick … fans, we’ll keep you updated in the next few days on what exactly is wrong with the former Champion …. But right now the current champion, Jean Rabesque, is working over the knee of ANTAEUS …”
JIVE: “They should disqualify him! Strip him of the title! We can’t injure any more of our stars!”
GHEORGHE: “This is ANTAEUS’ first match .. hell we don’t even know who he is yet.”
JIVE: “So what!”
GHEORGHE: “Rabesque drops the elbow on the leg of ANTAEUS … and now he is trying to bend the leg forward … and ANTAEUS is grabbing the hair of Rabesque! The referee quick to warn ANTAEUS ….. and now ANTAEUS grabs the head of Rabesque ….. he is bending it back …. AND ANTAEUS ELBOWS RABESQUE IN THE HEAD AND THE HOLD IS BROKEN!”
JIVE: “Rabesque quick to his feet, though..”
GHEORGHE: “Rabesque over to ANTAEUS ….. AND ANTAEUS WITH A SMALL PACKAGE!!! ONE …………. TWO ………….. KICKOUT!”
JIVE: “DAMMIT. That was a slow count by the referee! He’s obviously biased!”
GHEORGHE: “Let’s not get into slow counts … touchy subject.”
JIVE: “That’s right … uh, yea… so … Rabesque didn’t really kick out! Yea! That’s it!”
GHEORGHE: “Rabesque up … AND HE STARTS STOMPING ON ANTAEUS!”
JIVE: “Looks like Rabesque is getting frustrated already from being taken to task so early by ANTAEUS…”
GHEORGHE: “Rabesque drops to his knees …. And now he is repeatedly punching ANTAEUS in the head with some pretty stiff lefts … Rabesque grabs the head of ANTAEUS …. and he headbutts him! ANTAEUS’ head falls back to the mat and Rabesque gets off of him.”
JIVE: “Some moves there that we’re not used to seeing out of Rabesque .. see, facing ANTAEUS is making Rabesque have to work harder!”
GHEORGHE: “Jean now grabs the leg of ANTAEUS …. And he drops the elbow …. Rabesque back to his feet …. And he drops another elbow! Jean Rabesque getting up … AND NOW HE IS DRAGGING ANTAEUS TO THE CORNER!”
JIVE: “Oh god … what does he think he’s going to accomplish out of this?”
GHEORGHE: “I’m guessing he’s hoping he will break the leg of ANTAEUS …”
JIVE: “Well that’s a gimme, Tom..”
GHEORGHE: “Rabesque placing the leg on the bottom rope … climbs to the second turnbuckle … AND HE HOPS OFF RIGHT ONTO THE LEG OF ANTAEUS!!! And … RABESQUE HAS JUST SLID TO THE OUTSIDE! Jean Rabesque walks to the corner …. He grabs one of ANTAEUS’ legs …. And the other ….. AND RABESQUE YANKS HIM FORWARD!”
JIVE: “Steel pole, meet ANTAEUS’ balls…”
GHEORGHE: “ANTAEUS sits up in pain … and now Rabesque is grabbing his legs again ……. Rabesque drops to the floor ……. AND JEAN RABESQUE IS APPLYING A FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK AROUND THE STEEL POST! RABESQUE HAS IT LOCKED ON!”
JIVE: “That has to hurt about a thousand times more than a regular figure four …. And the referee is yelling at Rabesque to break the hold … fine officiating here tonight.”
GHEORGHE: “BUT THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION IS NOT LETTING GO!”
JIVE: “Start counting him, ref! Disqualify him!”
GHEORGHE: “The referee warning Rabesque now .. and Rabesque lets go… but I think the damage has already been done!”
JIVE: “And that’s why the referee should disqualify him retroactively!”
GHEORGHE: “ANTAEUS now trying to pull himself out of the corner as Rabesque rolls back in …. AND JEAN RABESQUE DROPS THE LEG ON TOP OF ANTAEUS! And Rabesque is dragging him right back over! Jean Rabesque climbs to the second rope …. AND HE DROPS THE ELBOW! The fans are all riled up here in Albuquerque!”
JIVE: “Well they shouldn’t be!”
GHEORGHE: “But they are! And for good reason, too!”
JIVE: “Jean Rabesque is a has been … and to see a has been as New ERA World Heavyweight champion disgraces the company .. and moreso, ME.”
GHEORGHE: “Jean Rabesque now with the cover …. ONE …….. TWO …….. THRE—NO! ANTAEUS kicked out! Rabesque with a few knees to the face now … he covers him again …. ONE ……………. TWO ………………”
JIVE: “ANTAEUS KICKS OUT! The drive that ANTAEUS has to continually kick out of Jean Rabesque’s pitiful attempts is an inspiration!”
GHEORGHE: “I hope Rabesque watches the rerun of this show … and then gives you a piece of his mind … and fist.”
JIVE: “So you’re advocating violence against a non-wrestler staff? I should get you fired!”
GHEORGHE: “Rabesque brings ANTAEUS to his feet …. Rabesque setting ANTAEUS’ head between his legs …. PILEDRIVE…. No! ANTAEUS BLOCKS! ANTAEUS WITH A BACK BODY DROP AND HE FALLS TO THE MAT!”
JIVE: “ANTAEUS knew that he was down to his last few moments, and he dug down to pull that move off.”
GHEORGHE: “Rabesque now getting to his feet … and ANTAEUS is sitting … Rabesque coming towards ANTAEUS …… ANTAEUS GRABS AHOLD OF RABESQUE’s TIGHTS AND TOSSES HIM THROUGH THE ROPES TO THE OUTSIDE! And now ANTAEUS is trying to get to his feet as quickly as he can as Rabesque gets up …. AND RABESQUE LOOKS PISSED OFF!”
JIVE: “Its because he realizes that this isn’t going to be the cakewalk he expected!”
GHEORGHE: “Rabesque slides in as ANTAEUS gets to his feet ….. AND ANTAEUS pokes him in the eyes! ANTAEUS now grabs the doubled over Rabesque ….. DDT!! ANTAEUS with the cover ….. ONE ………. TWO ……. KICKOUT! Antaeus now grabbing the leg of Rabesque ….. AND HE DRILLS THE KNEE INTO THE MAT!”
JIVE: “ANTAEUS is trying to immobilize Rabesque now!”
GHEORGHE: “ANTAEUS grabs Rabesque by the hair ….. he spins him around … hooks the waist ….. AND HE GERMAN SUPLEXES HIM TO THE MAT … the bridge …. ONE …………. TWO …………….. THREE! NOOOOOO! The World Champion got out at the LAST second!”
JIVE: “I think we need two referees to every match … hopefully one of them won’t be as dimwitted as this one!”
GHEORGHE: “ANTAEUS now grabbing the arms of Rabesque …. He places his feet on the back of Rabesque knees …… AND ANTAEUS ROLLS ON HIS BACK AND HAS RABESQUE STRETCHED OUT IN A SURFBOARD! ANTAEUS needs to be careful not to have his shoulders counted to the mat while trying to make Rabesque submit!”
JIVE: “To get Rabesque to submit would be a major coop for ANTAEUS .. it’d help put him on the wrestling map!”
GHEORGHE: “ANTAEUS’ shoulders touch the mat …. ONE …… TWO …… AND HE GETS THEM UP … Rabesque is struggling in the hold ….. and ANTAEUS’ shoulders go down again ….. ONE ………. TWO ……… and ANTAEUS releases the hold rather than have the possibility of getting pinned!”
JIVE: “No .. he released the hold because he knew that Jean had enough… simple as that.”
GHEORGHE: “ANTAEUS now dragging the World champion over to the corner ….. ANTAEUS hops on to the second turnbuckle ….. AND ANTAEUS DROPS THE ELBOW!!! ANTAEUS IS CALLING FOR THE FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK!”
JIVE: “To beat Rabesque with his own signature move …. A feat that very few, if any, have accomplished, shows you the REAL World Champion in the ring right now!”
GHEORGHE: “ANTAEUS grabs one leg of Rabesque … and he hooks it …. ANTAEUS grabs the second leg …….. AND HE HAS IT ….. NO RABESQUE IS FIGHTING IT!”
JIVE: “Its too late!”
GHEORGHE: “Rabesque is fighting it with all he has …….. AND RABESQUE MANAGES TO FORCE ANTAEUS TO FALL ON HIS BACK!!! RABESQUE PLACES HIS KNEES ON THE SHOULDERS OF ANTAEUS!!!!”
JIVE: “RABESQUE IS GRABBING ON TO THE ROPES!!!”
GHEORGHE: “The referee makes the count ………. ONE ………………. TWO ……………..”
JIVE: “THE ROPES, DAMMIT, THE ROPES!!”
GHEORGHE: “THREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
(SFX: Bell rings.)
JIVE: “Rabesque is a cheater! HE CHEATED HIS WAY PAST ANTAEUS!”
JACOBS: “The winner of this match …. The New ERA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION.. JEAN RABESQUE!”
GHEORGHE: “The World Champion did have his hands on the ropes while he was making the cover … but personally I think it was more to balance himself than to aid the cover!”
JIVE: “BULLSHIT! Jean Rabesque PURPOSELY used the ropes…. I cannot believe this!”
GHEORGHE: “Rabesque has the World title … and he is on the turnbuckle giving the fans what they want … and ANTAEUS is over complaining to the referee that Rabesque had a hold of the ropes, but the ref is saying he didn’t see it!”
JIVE: “MORE CONSPIRACIES TO KEEP RABESQUE AS CHAMPION!”
GHEORGHE: “But this is a non-title match …”
JIVE: “But had ANTAEUS won, he would have gotten a World title shot next week!”
GHEORGHE: “WAIT A MINUTE! ANTAEUS RAN INTO THE CORNER WHERE RABESQUE WAS ……. AND HE RAZOR EDGED HIM OFF THE SECOND TURNBUCKLE TO THE MAT!! ANTAEUS IS NOW ON TOP OF THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION AND HE IS BARRAGING HIM WITH A FLURRY OF FISTS!”
JIVE: “Good! Get your licks in now! Show him that cheaters never prosper!”
GHEORGHE: “The referee pries ANTAEUS off of Rabesque and forces him out of the ring … ladies and gentlemen, we have to take a commercial break!”
