(CUEUP: ‘Perfect Drug’ by NIN. The fans get on their feet and start cheering as New ERA President Marcus LaRoque starts walking down the rampway.)
GHEORGHE: “And it looks like Marcus LaRoque is heading to the ring! I don’t know what this could be about.”
JIVE: “Well whatever it is … LaRoque doesn’t look too pleased!”
GHEORGHE: “Well DREDD has locked Chaos in his lockerroom and bombarded the door with crates …”
(LaRoque enters the ring and asks for the microphone, which Carl Jacobs hands to him.)
LaROQUE: “Good evening CALGARY!”
(SFX: Obligatory hometown pop.)
LaROQUE: “As you all know .. this match was supposed to include a stipulation that both teams agreed upon… HOWEVER..”
GHEORGHE: “Uh-oh.”
LaROQUE: “Neither team wanted to compromise with ANY of the stipulations put forth.”
JIVE: “I bet it was because of Hayze and Rabesque! Those two always want to cause trouble!”
LaROQUE: “So … as I sat in the back trying to handle other issues that have come up, I came up with a brilliant idea… so please, would all four men come to the ring…”
GHEORGHE: “ALL FOUR MEN IN THE RING WITH LaROQUE? Is he crazy?!”
(CUEUP: ‘the Touch’ by Stan Bush. DREDD comes out from behind the curtain wearing their fatigues. Jonathan Marx and John Doe enter the ring while Carlee Marx and Brandon Jacobs enter after them.)
JIVE: “There’s DREDD …”
(CUEUP: ‘Shapes of Things’ by the Jeff Healy Band. Alister Hayze and Jean Rabesque enter through the curtain to a thunderous pop, and the fans try to reach out and touch them as they make their way down to the ring.)
GHEORGHE: “These Canadian fans showing the love for the World Champion … and hell, they might as well make Hayze an honorary Canadian citizen for his help!”
(Rabesque and Hayze get in the ring and walk right by Marx and Doe. The four men stare at each other suspiciously.)
LaROQUE: “Calm down, fellas. This is of my own doing and nothing but your own stubbornness brought me out here.”
JIVE: “See, I told you it was Rabesque and Hayze!”
GHEORGHE: “I think he was talking about all four of them, Nick.”
(LaRoque puts his hand in his pocket and takes out a quarter. He tosses it in his hand as he speaks.)
LaROQUE: “So .. instead of settling this diplomatically … we’re going to do it the old fashioned way; a coin toss. Rabesque, since you are the World’s champion, you call it in the air!”
(LaRoque flips the coin in the air.)
RABESQUE: “Heads!”
(LaRoque catches the coin and places it on top of his other hand. CUTTO: An aerial shot of the coin… it’s tails!)
LaROQUE: “It’s tails! DREDD, you have 15 seconds to come up with a stipulation for this match.”
(DREDD gathers together in a huddle as Rabesque and Hayze look disappointed. After 10 seconds DREDD separates and Jonathan Marx steps forward.)
JMARX: “We’ve decided … that this match is going to be …. a double dog collar, falls count anywhere match!”
(SFX: Crowd pops huge!!)
LaROQUE: “There you have it! Bring down the dog collars!”
(From the back, two men bring down dog collars, connecting by a chain. They enter the ring.)
JIVE: “This is right up DREDD’s alley!!”
GHEORGHE: “Oh Lord!!! A double dog collar match… where falls count anywhere!”
(The men put all four men in dog collars. John Doe is connected to Jean Rabesque, Jonathan Marx with Alister Hayze.)
LaROQUE: “Ring the bell when I leave the ring.”
(SFX: Bell rings as LaRoque steps through the ropes. He comes over to the announce table.)
GHEORGHE: “And now we’re being joined by the President of New ERA; Marcus LaRoque!”
LaROQUE: “Tom … Nick.”
JIVE: “Now THAT’s the way a President should act! I commend you on your fine Presidenting.”
LaROQUE: “Yea … okay, Nick. That was as about as sincere as I’ve ever heard you.”
GHEORGHE: “ John Doe starts things off as he yanks on the chain and pulls Rabesque to the mat! Alister Hayze looks over at Rabesque being pulled … AND JONATHAN MARX CLOTHESLINES HIM TO THE MAT!”
JIVE: “DREDD already working as a team!”
GHEORGHE: “ John Doe picks up the slack of the chain … and he whips Rabesque! But Rabesque moves … AND SWEEPS DOE’s FEET FROM UNDER HIM! Rabesque now using that slack and he uses it to choke Doe!”
JIVE: “Hey LaRoque, what are you going to do about Chaos?”
LaROQUE: “Well right now there’s nothing we CAN do … apparently someone, and we’re not pointing fingers at DREDD, but someone pulled the belt off … so they’re trying to fix it now.”
JIVE: “Oh DREDD.. I mean .. those people are smart!”
GHEORGHE: “ Jonathan Marx now picks up Alister Hayze … and he DDT’s him to the mat!!”
JIVE: “Rabesque is wrapping his first with the chain!”
GHEORGHE: “Jean Rabesque now releasing the choke has wrapped his fist in the chain … AND HE IS POUNDING AWAY ON THE FOREHEAD OF JOHN DOE!! Jonathan Marx looks over … and he’s coming at Rabesque! Marx now using some of the slack … AND HE’s GOING TO CHOKE RABESQUE WITH IT!”
LaROQUE: “Hayze is coming to, though..”
GHEORGHE: “Alister Hayze sits up as he’s being pulled across the mat … and he yanks on the chain pulling Marx back as Marx was about to attack Rabesque! Jean Rabesque continuing to pound away … and John Doe’s forehead is getting redder, and redder!”
JIVE: “He’s trying to draw blood! How barbaric!”
LaROQUE: “Jean Rabesque is the best technician on the planet .. but there’s no doubt he’ll get physical.”
JIVE: “Actually, Jonathan Marx is the best technician on the planet…”
GHEORGHE: “Rabesque now lets up on John Doe as he brings him to his feet …. Rabesque brings Doe into the corner … he places the chain on the turnbuckle pad … AND SMASHES DOE’s HEAD INTO IT! AND AGAIN!”
CROWD: “THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! TEN!”
LaROQUE: “There you go … Doe’s busted open!”
JIVE: “Do I sense excitement in your voice?! Are you HAPPY that Doe’s busted open?!”
GHEORGHE: “Doe slumps into the corner as Rabesque places a foot on the throat …. And now Alister Hayze gets the upperhand in the fist war with Marx … and he takes him to the mat with a swinging neckbreaker! Hayze now drops the elbow on the sternum of Jonathan Marx! HAYZE NOW CHOKING MARX WITH THE CHAIN!”
LaROQUE: “These four men have such a hatred for each other .. I’m glad to see they’re able to get it out in a sanctioned match.”
GHEORGHE: “I agree, we don’t need another Caitlyn Daymon situation to go down.”
JIVE: “Stop sucking up, Tom.”
LaROQUE: “That’s your job.”
JIVE: “Exactl… heeyyyyy….”
GHEORGHE: “Rabesque brings Doe to his feet … and Doe jabs a thumb in the eye! John Doe with an irish whip?!”
JIVE: “Not a smart moooooove!!”
GHEORGHE: “AND RABESQUE GETS YANKED TO THE MAT AS THE CHAIN RAN OUT AND DOE GOES FACE FIRST AS WELL!”
LaROQUE: “ John Doe isn’t thinking clearly … and he might have caused himself even more pain there.”
GHEORGHE: “Those chains are long enough to go to the ropes .. but corner to corner they’re a bit too short… and we just saw the consequences. Alister Hayze gets off of Jonathan Marx … AND MARX WITH A NUTSHOT!! Alister Hayze is doubled over … AND MARX GRABS A BUNCH OF THE CHAIN AND WALLOPS HAYZE IN THE HEAD! Hayze goes down to the mat! Jonathan Marx with the cover … ONE ……… TW—NO! Rabesque pulls him off!”
JIVE: “I don’t think Rabesque should be allowed to touch the other pair!”
LaROQUE: “Are you insane?”
GHEORGHE: “Not clinically unfortunately.”
JIVE: “Imagine all the great drugs I could get legally if I were!”
GHEORGHE: “Rabesque gets back to his feet as Jonathan Marx does …”
JIVE: “These two have a history… we found out at Battle BRAWL during the Steel Cage BRAWL that Jonathan Marx was the man hiding under the mask and parading as ANTAEUS ..”
GHEORGHE: “… RABESQUE CHARGES ….”
(SFX: HUGE POP!)
JIVE: “HOLY SHIT!”
GHEORGHE: “JONATHAN MARX JUST BACK BODY DROPPED JEAN RABESQUE OUT OF THE RING …. AND THE CHAIN CAUSED JOHN DOE TO GO FLYING OVER THE TOP ROPE AS WELL!!!”
LaROQUE: “Both men are out on the arena floor .. but Rabesque didn’t come flying over the top like John Doe did! Doe had just gotten to his feet and the next thing you know, he’s flying through the air!”
GHEORGHE: “ Jonathan Marx looks over the top rope in disbelief!! Alister Hayze WITH A ROLL UP!!! ONE ……… TWO ……….. KICKOUT BY JONATHAN MARX! Both men get to their feet … Marx charges… BUT HAYZE CLOTHESLINES HIM WITH THE CHAIN!! Alister Hayze picks up Jonathan Marx … AND THROWS HIM THROUGH THE ROPES!”
LaROQUE: “They’re in front of us right now!”
JIVE: “Please … not the announcer’s table … take the French announcers’!”
GHEORGHE: “Alister Hayze brings Jonathan Marx to his feet … he rests him against the steel post … AND SWINGS THE EXCESS CHAIN AT HIS HEAD!”
(SFX: CLANG!)
GHEORGHE: “But Marx ducks and Hayze hits the steel post! MARX WITH A SPEAR AND HAYZE IS DOWN!”
JIVE: “Hayze’s hands, and now his back, must be killing him!”
GHEORGHE: “Jean Rabesque getting to his feet now … and he brings John Doe up .. Doe looks a little groggy… and Rabesque locks the head … AND BRINGS HIM TO THE ARENA FLOOR WITH A RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP! Jean Rabesque … RABESQUE IS NOW CLIMBING ON TOP OF THE FRENCH ANNOUNCE TABLE!”
LaROQUE: “Your prayers were answered, Nick.”
GHEORGHE: “RABESQUE FLIES OFF AND ELBOWS DOE IN THE HEAD! Jean Rabesque with the cover ….. ONE ………. TWO ………. KICKOUT BY DOE!”
JIVE: “He LIVES!”
GHEORGHE: “ Jonathan Marx now grabs the head of Alister Hayze … he brings him around the ring … AND HE’s HEADING UP THE RAMP!”
LaROQUE: “Rabesque sees this .. and he’s bringing John Doe and they’re following Marx!”
GHEORGHE: “ Jonathan Marx goes through the curtain … let’s get some cameras back there!”
JIVE: “They’re there.. don’t worry.”
GHEORGHE: “Rabesque heading through the c… NO! DOE PULLS ON THE CHAIN AND STOPS RABESQUE! Jean Rabesque with a right hoo… DOE DUCKS! John Doe grabs the waist of Rabesque … EXPLODER SUPLEX ON THE RAMP!!!”
LaROQUE: “That’s a metal ramp..”
JIVE: “Doe better be careful with Rabesque … he’s a geriatric!”
GHEORGHE: “Oh stop!”
JIVE: “What! I mean .. Rabesque’s only a few years away from being able to get Social Security!”
GHEORGHE: “Both men are on the ramp now …”
(CUTTO: Backstage.)
GHEORGHE: “And now we are seeing Jonathan Marx and Alister Hayze … Marx has Hayze in the foyer of the stadium!!”
(Fans begin to gather as security surrounds the action.)
GHEORGHE: “ Jonathan Marx leads Hayze over to a merchandise booth …. But Hayze is resisting! Alister Hayze grabs a hold of Marx’s tights … AND HE DRIVES A FOREARM INTO THE BACK OF MARX! Alister Hayze locks the arms of Marx .. AND HE CROSS-ARM SUPLEXES HIM RIGHT THROUGH THE MERCHANDISE TABLE!!!”
JIVE: “Marx is strewn out amongst DREDD gear!”
LaROQUE: “How appropriate..”
GHEORGHE: “Alister Hayze picks up a shirt with DREDD’s picture on it … AND NOW HE’s STRANGLING MARX WITH IT!! Alister Hayze wrapping the shirt around the throat of Marx .. and now he grabs a foam DREDD hand … AND HE’s TRYING TO SHOVE IT DOWN MARX’s THROAT!”
JIVE: “He can’t do that!”
GHEORGHE: “ John Doe and Jean Rabesque are both getting to their feet … and now they’re battling it out … and they’re heading out back!"
LaROQUE: “Doe hears the cheers from the fans … and he drags Rabesque out to the foyer!”
GHEORGHE: “JOHN DOE SEES HAYZE SHOVING THE FIST DOWN MARX’s THROAT AND HE DIVES ON TOP OF HIM!”
JIVE: “All four men are on top of the broken table!”
GHEORGHE: “Doe has a hold of Hayze’s throat trying to strangle him .. and now Jean Rabesque covers Marx …. ONE ………….. TWO ………….. THREE—NOOOOOO!!! Jonathan Marx kicks out!”
LaROQUE: “I don’t know how Marx kicked out … but that goes to show you how much heart he has.”
GHEORGHE: “Jean Rabesque grabs a piece of the broken table …”
(SFX: Doe screams!)
GHEORGHE: “AND HE DRIVES IT INTO THE BACK OF JOHN DOE!! JOHN DOE HAS THE PIECE OF TABLE STUCK IN HIS BACK!!”
LaROQUE: “That’s going to leave a scar…”
JIVE: “Thanks for the insightful comment, Marcus..”
LaROQUE: “You know… I can fire you at any moment, Nick.”
GHEORGHE: “Alister Hayze now rolls out of the wreckage … and he brings Jonathan Marx with him … Rabesque now with a headlock on Doe … AND HE IS BEATING THE TOP OF DOE’s HEAD WITH A REPLICA NEW ERA TELEVISION TITLE BELT!”
LaROQUE: “That’s as close to getting the Television title as John Doe got when Rabesque held it…”
JIVE: “That was a low blow…”
LaROQUE: “Do I lie?”
GHEORGHE: “Hayze now brings Marx over to the concession area…”
JIVE: “Oh God…”
GHEORGHE: “Hayze with a kick to the gut of Marx …. AND HE RAMS MARX’s HEAD INTO THE HOTDOG CART!”
JIVE: “Can’t Alister Hayze and Jean Rabesque show some respect to DREDD?”
GHEORGHE: “Jean Rabesque now bringing John Doe over …. Hayze and Rabesque now nod at each other … AND THEY DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE DOE AND MARX!”
LaROQUE: “DOE DUCKED!”
GHEORGHE: “ John Doe ducked the clothesline ….. AND HE GRABS THE MUSTARD AND SQUIRTS IT IN THEY EYE OF THE WORLD CHAMPION!”
JIVE: “That’s gotta sting!”
GHEORGHE: “Hayze grabs Doe … BUT JONATHAN MARX IS BACK ON HIS FEET AND HE CRACKS HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH A PLATE AND THE PLATE BREAKS! Jonathan Marx and John Doe pick up their respective opponents … and they’re walking over to the ticket booths!”
LaROQUE: “What are they doing?”
GHEORGHE: “DOE AND MARX NOW SMASH THE FACES OF RABESQUE AND HAYZE ONTO THE PLEXIGLASS!!”
(CUTTO: A shot from inside the booth, over the teller’s shoulder. The faces of Hayze and Rabesque are smooshed against the plexiglass.)
JMARX: “They would like two tickets to the loser’s circle, please…”
JIVE: “Hahah! Jonathan Marx and John Doe still have a sense of humor amongst all this!”
(CUTTO: Back to the foyer shot.)
GHEORGHE: “Doe and Marx now drag Rabesque and Hayze back over to the merchandise table …. DOE WITH A SUPERKICK TAKES DOWN HAYZE!! AND MARX TAKES DOWN RABESQUE WITH A SPINEBUSTER!! DREDD now …. They can’t be serious!!!”
JIVE: “THEY’RE TAKING TWO WINTER JACKETS FROM THE MERCHANDISE TABLE AND PUTTING THEM ON!! THEY’RE HEADING OUTSIDE!!!”
LaROQUE: “But it has to be close to 0 degrees out there now!”
GHEORGHE: “ Jonathan Marx opens the door and takes Hayze outside!!!”
LaROQUE: “And Doe’s not too far beh…”
GHEORGHE: “WAIT A MINUTE! RABESQUE STOPS HIM!! Rabesque picks up Doe and hits an inverted atomic drop!! Rabesque charges…”
(SFX: CROWD EXPLODES ALL OVER THE PLACE!)
JIVE: “NO FUCKING WAY!”
GHEORGHE: “JEAN RABESQUE SPEARS JOHN DOE AND THEY BOTH GO CRASHING THROUGH THE GLASS DOOR TO OUTSIDE!!!”
LaROQUE: “Great … another expense we have to cover thanks to tonight’s show..”
GHEORGHE: “Both men are lying down in the snow …. And Jonathan Marx is looking back in shock!! AND ALISTER HAYZE GRABS HIM BY THE HEAD AND NAILS A JAWBREAKER! Alister Hayze now flips Marx over on to his stomach … AND HE IS RUBBING MARX’s FACE IN A PILE OF SNOW!”
JIVE: “He’s going to catch a cold!”
LaROQUE: “I doubt that’s the most of his worries right now.”
GHEORGHE: “The World Champion is finally getting to his feet … and a fan throws him a coat! Another fan throws a coat for Hayze! Jean Rabesque tosses a coat over to Hayze who stops smothering Marx and puts it on! All four men have coats on now, thank God!”
JIVE: “DREDD’s greatest victory would have been having Rabesque succumb to hypothermia … and now some idiot fan ruined that.”
GHEORGHE: “Jean Rabesque dragging Doe across the parking lot … AND HE’s HEADING TO DREDD’s LIMO!”
LaROQUE: “Oh come on, guys … we paid for that, too!”
GHEORGHE: “Rabesque climbs on the hood of the car … and he brings up Doe ….. AND JEAN RABESQUE JUST PILEDRIVED JOHN DOE ON THE TOP OF THE HOOD OF THE CAR!”
JIVE: “Look at the dent that Doe’s head left!”
GHEORGHE: “Rabesque covers John Doe on the hood ……… ONE …………… TWO ………….. THREE!!!!!”
LaROQUE: “He got him!!”
JIVE: “NO!!! Doe’s shoulder slipped off the side of the limo and the ref said that the three doesn’t count!”
GHEORGHE: “ John Doe saved by a slippery hood!”
LaROQUE: “Luck is playing in DREDD’s favor right now … if you could call what’s happening out there in their favor…”
GHEORGHE: “Alister Hayze now brings Jonathan Marx to his feet … he winds up … AND ALISTER HAYZE SLIPS ON SOME BLACK ICE AND GOES BACK HITTING HIS HEAD ON THE CEMENT!!”
JIVE: “Even God doesn’t want Rabesque and Hayze to win!!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx is now motioning for the referee to come over … and he slowly makes his way over …”
LaROQUE: “Rabesque is pounding away on John Doe and doesn’t see that Hayze is out!”
GHEORGHE: “ Jonathan Marx now bringing the lifeless Hayze to his feet … AND HE’s CARRYING HIM OVER TO THE WALL!”
JIVE: “Or is it the snowbank?!”
GHEORGHE: “ Jonathan Marx places Alister Hayze on the wall and hops up ….. he’s placing Hayze’s head between his legs …. AND HE’s GOING TO POWERBOMB HIM INTO THE SNOWBANK BELOW!!!”
LaROQUE: “That’s a 5 foot drop into loose snow!”
GHEORGHE: “JONATHAN MARX HAS HIM UP ……………………………. AND HE POWERBOMBS ALISTER SNOW INTO THE SNOWBANK!!!!”
(Snow shoots out from every which way and engulfs the area…)
JIVE: “Where are they?!”
GHEORGHE: “Rabesque looking over … but he can’t see anything… wait a minute … I see something … JONATHAN MARX IS COVERING ALISTER HAYZE!!! The referee goes down for the count ……”
LaROQUE: “Rabesque is standing on the hood trying to peer in … but I don’t think he can see what’s happening!”
GHEORGHE: “ONE ……………… TWO ……………………… THREE!”
JIVE: “DREDD WINS!! DREDD WINS!!”
(SFX: Bell rings as the fans explode in jeers, throwing everything and anything at the big screens in the arena!)
GHEORGHE: “The fans here in Calgary are NOT happy that DREDD have won this tag team battle!”
JACOBS: “The winners of this match via pinfall ……. JONATHAN MARX …. JOHN DOE …………… DREDD!!!!”
LaROQUE: “What a match!!!”
GHEORGHE: “Jean Rabesque finally finds out what happened and he’s irate!! Rabesque hops off the limo’s hood …… BUT JOHN DOE YANKS THE CHAIN AND RABESQUE SLIPS ON ICE!! Doe pulls again … AND RABESQUE GOES BACK FIRST INTO THE TIRES OF THE CAR!”
JIVE: “The referee has undog collared Marx!”
GHEORGHE: “JONATHAN MARX IS NOW RUNNING OVER TO THE LIMO!”
(Brandon Jacobs and Carlee Marx exit the arena.)
JIVE: “And there’s the rest of DREDD!”
GHEORGHE: “ Jonathan Marx gets to Rabesque … he picks up Jean Rabesque and gets on the hood …….. AND JONATHAN MARX ROCK BOTTOMS JEAN RABESQUE INTO THE WINDSHIELD OF THE LIMO AND IT CRACKS!!"
LaROQUE: “Where are Carlee Marx and Jacobs going?”
GHEORGHE: “They’re heading into the limo …. What do they have?”
JIVE: “Spray paint?!”
GHEORGHE: “RED, WHITE AND BLUE SPRAY PAINT! What the hell do they think they’re doing?!”
LaROQUE: “I think I know…”
GHEORGHE: “Marx and Doe now take Rabesque off the hood and walk away from the limo … and they’re laying him face down in the snow …. And …. OH NO …. NO … THIS IS A DISGRACE!!”
JIVE: “They’re spray painting U. S. A. on his back!”
GHEORGHE: “MARX HAS JUST SPRAY PAINTED USA IN RED, WHITE AND BLUE ON THE BACK OF OUR CANADIAN WORLD CHAMPION!! THOSE BASTARDS!!”
(SFX: Loud noises …)
LaROQUE: “What the hel…”
(A tank comes around the corner of the stadium.)
GHEORGHE: “WHAT IS THIS?! A TANK HAS JUST COME AROUND THE CORNER ….. AND ITS HEADING STRAIGHT FOR DREDD’s LIMO!!!”
JIVE: “And the limo driver just bailed!”
GHEORGHE: “OH MY GOD!!! THE TANK HAS JUST DRIVEN ON TOP OF THE LIMO!! DREDD’s limo is totaled….”
(The top of the tank opens and a man in a black mask pops his head out.)
JIVE: “It’s that man dressed in all black! He was staking out DREDD’s limo the entire time!!”
GHEORGHE: “What does this man want?!”
(DREDD looks on in horror as the man in black salutes them… he then pulls off his mask revealing…..)
GHEORGHE: “JASON PAYNE!!! THE DOG OF WAR JUST DROVE A TANK ON TOP OF DREDD’s LIMO!!!”
LaROQUE: “That’ll teach them to mess with him!”
GHEORGHE: “BY GOD!! WE ARE OUT OF TIME!!! Thanks for joining us … and remember to join us for our special 1 year anniversary RAUCOUS coming to you on the 19 th LIVE from Winnipeg, Manitoba!!!”
(FADEOUT: As the camera closes in on the carnage. Jason Payne in the tank … DREDD’s facial expressions … and finally, Jean Rabesque, lying face down in the snow, with “USA” spray painted on his back. FADETOBLACK.)
