JACOBS: “The following match is scheduled for one fall, has NO time limit and is a NO HOLDS BARRED MATCH! The competitors can go wherever they want, do whatever they want, but the pinfall can and will only count inside the ring! Introducing the first competitor…”
(CUEUP: ‘Who Are You’ by the Who. The fans jeer as Carlee Marx holds the curtains open for John Doe and he walks out onto the stage.)
JACOBS: “Being led to the ring by Carlee Marx … he is a member of DREDD, stands six foot one and weighs 210 pounds ……… JOHN DOE!”
GHEORGHE: “John Doe looks incredibly smug for someone who could have his skull smashed into a million pieces in just a few minutes.”
JIVE: “I’m sure DREDD has this all worked out, Tom… John Doe is going to finally kick Chaos down where he belongs.”
JACOBS: “And his opponent…”
(CUEUP: ‘You Could Be Mine’ by Guns n’ Roses.. the fans get to their feet as Chaos storms through the curtains and runs down the isle!)
JACOBS: “He stands seven feet one inch tall … and weighs 305 pounds … from Las Vegas, Nevada…. CHA---”
GHEORGHE: “AND CHAOS SLIDES INTO THE RING AND TAKES JOHN DOE’s HEAD OFF WITH A BOOT TO THE FACE!”
(SFX: Bell rings!)
JIVE: “Chaos didn’t even wait for Jacobs to finish introducing him! He went straight after Doe like a madman!”
GHEORGHE: “Can you blame him, Nick? DREDD has continually treated him like shit, pardon the pun.”
JIVE: “ Chaos had his shots at Jean Rabesque, and as DREDD has said, he’s failed every time!”
GHEORGHE: “ John Doe crawls over to the ropes … but Chaos is right behind him and he is driving forearm shots into the back of Doe … Chaos grabs John Doe by his head and YANKS him to his feet … AND CHAOS WITH A CLOTHESLINE SENDS JOHN DOE OVER THE TOP ROPE!”
JIVE: “I have a feeling that’s the last time they will both be in the ring until the end of this match, Tom.”
GHEORGHE: “ Chaos climbs over the top rope and hops to the arena floor … he grabs John Doe … AND THROWS HIM INTO THE GUARDRAIL! John Doe went head first into the steel guardrail!”
JIVE: “I have a feeling that is the last time we’ll be seeing John Doe conscious until the end of this match, Tom!”
GHEORGHE: “ Chaos now with Doe again … and he is using his foot to choke Doe against the guardrail! John Doe is trying to get his hands beneath the foot of Chaos to relieve some of the pressure but he can’t! The referee is standing there and there is nothing he can do as this is a no disqualification / no count out match!”
JIVE: “All he can do is hope that these two get in the ring so he can make a count … but knowing how angry Chaos is … I don’t think he wants to let Doe off that easy!”
GHEORGHE: “ Chaos now releases the choke hold … and he is walking over to the time keeper! CHAOS HAS A CHAIR!”
JIVE: “If I were Carlee Marx I would go and get a chair for Doe!”
GHEORGHE: “ Chaos walks over to John Doe who is getting to his feet …. AND CHAOS SMACKS THE CHAIR RIGHT INTO THE SKULL OF JOHN DOE AND DOE CRASHES TO THE ARENA FLOOR! CHAOS WITH ANOTHER SHOT TO THE BODY OF DOE! By God he just leveled him! Chaos is … Chaos is setting up the chair! Chaos brings John Doe to his feet …. AND HE DDT’s HIM ONTO THE CHAIR!!!”
JIVE: “The chair just broke, Tom!! Chaos just broke the chair with John Doe’s head!”
GHEORGHE: “ Chaos is now standing over John Doe and his eyes have lit up! What the hell could he be thinking?”
JIVE: “I don’t know, but about five fans in the front row have folded up their chairs and are offering them to Chaos!”
GHEORGHE: “ Chaos nods at the fans but he takes Doe over to the ring steps … AND CHAOS SMASHES THE HEAD OF DOE INTO THE RING STEPS!!! John Doe falls to one knee … AND CHAOS DRIVES HIS KNEE INTO THE FACE OF JOHN DOE!”
JIVE: “He busted his nose open!”
GHEORGHE: “ John Doe is now bleeding from his nose … and Chaos drags him by his hair …. AND THEY ARE HEADING UP THE RAMPWAY!”
JIVE: “This match can go anywhere, Tom … and it is!”
GHEORGHE: “ Chaos bringing Doe along with him as they make it up to the stage area… Chaos grabs Doe by the head …. AND DDT’s HIM ON THE STAGE!”
JIVE: “That’s all metal up there!”
GHEORGHE: “ Chaos goes for the cover, but the referee reminds him that pinfalls can only be done in the ring … and Chaos gets to his feet and shrugs his shoulders! Chaos now picks up John Doe …. AND HE IRISH WHIPS HIM INTO THE POLE NEXT TO ONE OF THE BIG SCREENS!”
JIVE: “If Doe was just a few inches to the left he would’ve crashed right into the big screen!”
GHEORGHE: “ Chaos charges in afterwards ….. AND HE CLOTHESLINES HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD! Chaos is having his way so far in this match with John Doe …. And now Doe is busted open from his forehead!! John Doe is bleeding pretty heavily from his forehead … and here comes Carlee Marx up the rampway to check on Doe!”
JIVE: “ Chaos doesn’t like that … AND NOW CHAOS HAS A HOLD OF CARLEE MARX BY HER HAIR!”
GHEORGHE: “Carlee Marx might be a nuisance … but you don’t hit a woman, Nick .. no matter who you are!”
JIVE: “Right now I don’t think Chaos looks at her as if she’s a woman.”
GHEORGHE: “ Chaos turns Marx around and is pointing his finger in her face …. Wait a minute! John Doe is slowly getting to his feet! JOHN DOE IS TRYING TO GET AWAY!!”
JIVE: “I don’t think that Doe is going to get anywhere … he’s at the side of the stage and he’s looking down!”
GHEORGHE: “There’s a good seven to eight foot drop…. Chaos looks back … AND CHAOS SEES THAT DOE IS GONE! Chaos tosses Carlee Marx to the side and turns around … AND CHAOS CHARGES AT JOHN DOE FROM BEHIND!”
(SFX: CROWD EXPLODES!)
GHEORGHE: “OH MY GOOOOOOOD!!!!! John Doe just back body dropped Chaos OFF THE STAGE!!”
JIVE: “It’s ok! Chaos landed on a table and didn’t hit the arena floor!”
(SFX: CROWD HAS MULTIPLE ORGASMS!)
JIVE: “HOLY FUCK!”
GHEORGHE: “JOHN DOE WITH A FLYING SWANTON BOMB AND HE CRASHES THROUGH THE TABLE WITH CHAOS!!! Both men are lying on the floor!!!”
JIVE: “Neither man is moving!”
GHEORGHE: “John Doe with the back body drop sent Chaos onto the tables … but they withheld the force … and he follows it up with a swanton bomb and the table broke into two! Wait! John Doe rolls out of the wreckage and he is being greeted by cheers from the crowd for that move!”
JIVE: “Doe could have ended his and Chaos’ careers with that move and these idiots are giving him recognition for it.”
GHEORGHE: “John Doe gets to his feet as Chaos finally begins to move …. Doe picks up a trash can … AND DOE SLAMS IT OVER THE HEAD OF CHAOS! The trash can is dented from the impact …. And now Doe drops to the floor and begins to choke Chaos! He is trying to make Chaos pass out!”
JIVE: “I don’t know how smart that is … Chaos is 305 pounds of pure muscle … he won’t be able to carry him back to the ring!”
GHEORGHE: “At this point, Nick, I doubt John Doe cares! Doe releases the neck of Chaos and he is trying to get him to his feet. John Doe now has Chaos on his feet …. AND HE IRISH WHIPS HIM INTO THE SIDE OF THE RAMPWAY!! Chaos’ head cracks against the side of the ramp and he goes down hard!”
JIVE: “John Doe has the advantage right now … and he’s looking over at that metal door where the zamboni comes through!”
GHEORGHE: “Doe picks Chaos up …. AND HE IRISH WHIPS HIM INTO THE METAL DOOR! Chaos hits the door and slumps down …. AND DOE FOLLOWS IT IN WITH A RUNNING KNEE SMASH!! Chaos falls to the arena floor and he is clutching his face… I think … YES! John Doe has busted open Chaos!”
JIVE: “Let’s just hope that Doe didn’t awaken any hidden rage in Chaos.”
GHEORGHE: “Both of these men are now busted open … and John Doe now picks up Chaos … he turns him around …. GERMAN SUPLEX! Wait … Doe rolls through and picks Chaos up a second time …. AND A SECOND GERMAN SUPLEX!!”
JIVE: “Doe showing some strength by getting Chaos over and back to his feet.”
GHEORGHE: “DOE ROLLS THROUGH AGAIN …….. AND TAKES CHAOS DOWN WITH A THIRD GERMAN SUPLEX!!”
JIVE: “Chaos is hurt, Tom … three german suplexes right into the rock solid floor. His neck was already in a brace before, and I’m sure John Doe is trying to make sure that next time he’ll be in a brace permanently!”
GHEORGHE: “John Doe now picking up the legs of Chaos … and he is trying to lock on the sharpshooter! John Doe has the sharpshooter locked on!! Chaos is now bleeding EXTENSIVELY!!! Doe sits WAAAAAAY back and is screaming that he’s going to break Chaos’ back!”
JIVE: “Doe doesn’t want Chaos to walk out of here… he wants Chaos out of the picture for good!”
GHEORGHE: “The referee is checking on Chaos … and even though he can’t submit, I think the referee is beginning to get concerned about the amount of blood he is losing!”
JIVE: “He didn’t care about Doe’s blood loss, why should he give a rat’s ass about Chaos?”
GHEORGHE: “John Doe’s bleeding has stopped for the most part, Nick … and I think the health of our wrestlers is much more important than the continuation of the match!”
JIVE: “Well, I tend to disagree! These fans came to see a victor tonight and they should have one!”
GHEORGHE: “John Doe still riding that sharpshooter … BUT CHAOS USES EVERY OUNCE OF ENERGY HE HAS AND KICKS THROUGH IT!! John Doe flies forward and hits the ground!”
JIVE: “I can’t believe he got out of it!”
GHEORGHE: “I don’t think Doe can either! Chaos is trying to pull himself away and here comes Doe! Doe walks over to … WAIT! JOHN DOE JUST SLIPPED IN A POOL OF CHAOS’ BLOOD AND HE HITS HIS HEAD ON THE ARENA FLOOR!”
JIVE: “Chaos just caught a break and he doesn’t even know it! He’s still trying to crawl over to the guardrail!”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos now over at the guardrail … but he can’t pull himself up! John Doe is lying on his back and Chaos is lying on the guardrail … these two men have pummeled each other into bloody pulps!”
JIVE: “But you gotta ask yourself who is in better shape? John Doe took a beating to start things off, but Chaos was the recipient of a swanton bomb through a table … and stuck in the sharpshooter!”
GHEORGHE: “I can tell you one thing, neither one of these guys is in better shape. Chaos can’t even get himself to his feet, and Doe still hasn’t made any motion to get up!”
JIVE: “Doe hit his head pretty hard and he probably doesn’t even know who he is anymo… oh wait … nevermind.”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos has finally managed to get to his feet and he is heading towards John Doe … Chaos picks up John Doe … but Doe fires some shots into the mid section of Chaos! John Doe now rakes the eyes of Chaos and has him doubled over! Doe tries to get Chaos over with a suplex…. But Chaos is blocking it!”
JIVE: “Doe might be strong … but when Chaos has regained some bit of sense, I don’t think that is a very smart move. Then again, no one ever accuses John Doe of being the sharpest crayon in the box.”
GHEORGHE: “Doe lets go of the head of Chaos and drives an elbow into his back … and now John Doe hooks the waist! Doe goes for another German suplex …. BUT CHAOS BLOCKS IT! Chaos with an elbow right into the face of John Doe! AND CHAOS GRABS THE HEAD OF DOE AND DROPS DOWN HITTING THE JAWBREAKER! John Doe grabs his mouth and it wouldn’t surprise me if he’s spitting out a few teeth in a second!”
JIVE: “These guys better head back to the ring before they both are incapacitated and this match is a draw! I mean, we can’t have this match going on all night!”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos grabs a hold of John Doe and brings him to his feet …. AND HE SENDS HIM OVER THE GUARDRAIL AND INTO THE FIRST ROW!”
JIVE: “The fans are getting closer to the action that they probably ever thought they would!”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos steps over the guardrail … AND DOE WITH A SHOT TO THE STOMACH! Chaos takes a step back … AND KICKS JOHN DOE RIGHT IN THE FACE!”
JIVE: “Doe’s busted back open!”
GHEORGHE: “John Doe holding his face as the blood pours from his nose … AND CHAOS HAS A CHAIR AND SMASHES IT OVER THE BACK OF JOHN DOE! Chaos picks Doe up … AND THEY’RE HEADING UP THE STAIRS TO THE SECOND SECTION OF THE ARENA!”
JIVE: “Security is going to have a hell of a time trying to restrain the fans from getting in the way of Chaos.”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos brings John Doe to the second level … AND HE IS TRYING TO HEAVE HIM OVER THE WALL!! John Doe is fighting for his life! Chaos pushing the face of Doe forward trying to get him to go over …. AND DOE POKES CHAOS IN THE EYE!”
JIVE: “It did the trick, Tom! Chaos released him and Doe is back on his feet!”
GHEORGHE: “John Doe goes for the stairs to get back to the floor area … BUT CHAOS GRABS ONTO HIS HAIR AND BRINGS HIM BACK! Chaos with a short arm clothesline! AND NOW CHAOS HOISTS JOHN DOE UP IN THE AIR OVER HIS HEAD!”
JIVE: “He’s going to gorilla press him over the wall!!!”
GHEORGHE: “CHAOS WITH DOE HIGH ……. AND HE DROPS HIM CHEST FIRST ONTO THE RAILING SEPARATING THE SIDES OF THE STAIRS! John Doe could have cracked ribs from hitting the railing!”
JIVE: “Would you rather he fell 20 or so feet to the arena floor on top of a whole bunch of fans!?”
GHEORGHE: “John Doe now rolling himself down the stairs towards the guardrail … and Chaos is coming right after him! Doe hits the arena floor and gets to his feet and he is making a b-line for the guardrail!”
JIVE: “He better hurry up because Chaos is hot on his trail!”
GHEORGHE: “Doe gets up as Chaos comes at him … AND JOHN DOE TAKES A FAN AND IS USING HER AS A SHIELD!”
JIVE: “They said you could use anything!”
GHEORGHE: “This is going too far, though! When you touch a fan and use them as a shield … that’s irresponsible!”
JIVE: “But its working!”
GHEORGHE: “BUT CHAOS PICKS UP THE FAN AND PLACES HER DOWN BEHIND HIM!”
JIVE: “It opened up time though!”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos turns around …. AND JOHN DOE SMASHES HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH A CHAIR! John Doe places the chair against the guardrail … AND THEN TOSSES CHAOS HEADFIRST INTO IT!! John Doe picks up Chaos and he dumps him over the guardrail and they are near the ring now!”
JIVE: “John Doe must be setting him up … that’s the only plausible reason he is bringing this back to ringside!”
GHEORGHE: “John Doe picks up the mat covering the arena floor … and he exposes the concrete underneath! John Doe grabs Chaos … AND HE FRONT FACE SLAMS CHAOS INTO THE CONCRETE!! CHAOS IS OUT!”
JIVE: “Doe drilled him into the concrete! Now all he has to do is roll Chaos into the ring!”
GHEORGHE: “John Doe lifts Chaos … BUT DOE IS TOO WEAK! Doe is feeling the effects of the match thus far, and he can’t get Chaos up! John Doe struggling to get Chaos off the arena floor … AND NOW HE’S CALLING CARLEE MARX TO HELP HIM!”
JIVE: “What a bright idea!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx and Doe … AND THEY’RE STILL HAVING A HARD TIME GETTING HIM UP!”
JIVE: “THEY HAVE HIM!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx and Doe roll Chaos into the ring … AND JOHN DOE SLIDES IN AND IS RAISING HIS HANDS IN THE AIR! He thinks he already won this match!”
JIVE: “It’ll take a miracle for Chaos to kick out, Tom!”
GHEORGHE: “Doe with ONE FOOT ON THE CHEST OF CHAOS! ONE ………… TWO ……………….. KIIIIIIIICKOUT!!!! CHAOS KICKED OUT!”
JIVE: “And John Doe is shocked! Doe is walking around the ring with his hands on his head and he doesn’t know what to do!"
GHEORGHE: “Doe now shaking his head and he gets down in the three point stance … and he is waiting for Chaos to get to his feet!"
JIVE: “He’s going to spear him right out of the ring!”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos slowwwwwly getting to his feet …. He turns … AND JOHN DOE CHARGES AT HIM …….. AND CHAOS SIDESTEPS THE SPEAR ATTEMPT AND JOHN DOE FLIES THROUGH THE MIDDLE ROPES AND CRASHES INTO THE GUARDRAIL!”
JIVE: “Chaos moved by instinct because he definitely wasn’t coherent enough to put two and two together!”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos still resting in the corner now as Carlee Marx rushes over to John Doe … Chaos steps through the ropes … AND HE TOSSES CARLEE MARX TO THE SIDE! Chaos picks up John Doe … AND HE SLAMS HIM BACK FIRST INTO THE SIDE OF THE RING! Chaos now with John Doe … AND HE IS BRINGING HIM OVER TO THE FRENCH ANNOUNCE TABLE!”
JIVE: “That’s one good thing about being in Canada .. there’s a French announce table at every show!”
GHEORGHE: “Are you actually commending something to do with Canada?”
JIVE: “When it decreases the chances of OUR table being decimated? Hell yea!”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos slams the head of John Doe into the French announce table … and he’s bringing him back into the ring!”
JIVE: “NO HE ISN’T!”
GHEORGHE: “Wait a minute!! Chaos places John Doe on the outside of the ring apron … AND HE’S GETTING UP THERE AS WELL! Chaos is looking around at the fans … NO … NO HE ISN’T!”
JIVE: “YES HE IS!”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos places the head of John Doe between his legs … AND HE PICKS HIM UP …….”
(SFX: CROWD EXPLODES!)
GHEORGHE: “CHAOS BOMB THROUGH THE FRENCH ANNOUNCE TABLE!!! CHAOS JUST POWERBOMBED JOHN DOE OFF THE RING APRON AND THROUGH THE TABLE!!!”
JIVE: “WHAT A MANUEVER!”
GHEORGHE: “Both men are now lying in the shambles of what used to be the French announce table … and Jacques and Pierre don’t know what to do!”
(SFX: Indistinguishable French speak from the two announcers.)
JIVE: “GO BACK TO MONTREAL!”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos gets to his feet …. And he picks up John Doe and rolls him into the ring! Chaos climbs the ring steps and is on the outside of the ropes and the fans are on their feet! Chaos steps through the ropes and he’s inside the ring with John Doe!”
JIVE: “Where is Jonathan Marx?! Where’s Brandon Jacobs?!”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos walks over to John Doe and covers him ……….. ONE ……………….. TWO ………………… THREE……… NOOO!! JOHN DOE GOT HIS FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE!!!”
JIVE: “HOW IN THE WORLD DID HE DO THAT?!”
GHEORGHE: “I have NO clue!!! Chaos gets to his feet ………. And he’s dragging John Doe over to the corner ….. AND NOW CHAOS IS MOTIONING FOR A SECOND CHAOS BOMB!”
JIVE: “If he hits another one this will be the end of John Doe as we know him!”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos places Doe on the top rope …. And NOW BOTH MEN ARE ON THE TOP ROPE!”
JIVE: “So long, John .. it was nice knowing you while you were alive!”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos picks up Doe ………… CHAOS BOMB!! CHAOS BOMB!!! Chaos with the cover ………… ONE …………………. TWO ………………….. THREEEEEEE!!!!”
(SFX: Bell rings!)
JIVE: “He did it! Chaos beat John Doe!!!”
JACOBS: “The winner of this match by pinfall …….. CHAOS!!!!”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos with a hard fought victory tonight … but what is he doing?!”
JIVE: “He’s motioning out back for something!”
