JACOBS: “The following match is a special New ERA of Wrestling sanctioned DEBATE MATCH! It is a non-title bout and the winner will be decided by a panel of three judges scoring 1 through 10 each answer given. The man with the higher total points will be the victor! Introducing first..”
(CUEUP: ‘the Imperial March’ by John Williams. The lights in the arena dim real low as red, white and blue strobe lights illuminate the isle. The fans immediately begin to jeer loudly when the Phantom Republican comes out from behind the curtains followed closely by Jeffords.)
JACOBS: “Led to the ring by his bodyguard Jeffords.. he hails from Conservative Middle America … standing six foot five and weighing 257 pounds … the #1 Contender to the World Heavyweight title …. THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN!”
GHEORGHE: “The Phantom Republican looks awfully relaxed, Nick!”
JIVE: “Of course he’s relaxed! Do you honestly think that he’s worried about losing a debate to JEAN RABESQUE?”
GHEORGHE: “I’d be a little nervous. No matter how confident you are .. you need to realize that you know nothing of your opponents debating skills…”
JIVE: “GOP knows what he’s doing out there, Tom.”
(CUEUP: ‘Shapes of Things’ by the Jeff Healy Band. The crowd EXPLODES as the New ERA World Champion steps from behind the curtains! He walks down the rampway, but stops for a few moments to shake the hands of some of the fans.)
JIVE: “That idiot .. mingling with the people.. THAT’LL GET YOU NOWHERE, RABESQUE!”
JACOBS: “And his opponent.. he hails from Montreal, Quebec, Canada and stands six feet one inch tall … he is the CURRENT NEW ERA OF WRESTLING WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ……. JEAN RABESQUE!”
(SFX: Bell rings three times.)
JIVE: “Alright .. so now is Carl Jacobs going to read all five questions?”
GHEORGHE: “Jacobs will be the moderator. He will make sure that the person answering the question has 3 minutes. There will be no rebuttals offered.”
JIVE: “Awesome! So The Phantom Republican will destroy Rabesque .. and he won’t have a chance to get at him!”
GHEORGHE: “Part of the reason that there are no rebuttals, Nick, is the fact that these two men are expected to put their best answers forward. If one or the other puts out a less than admirable response, the judges will dock them for it.”
JIVE: “Okay, okay .. shut up so we can get this thing underway..”
JACOBS: “There will be five questions. The first one will be to you, Mr. Rabesque… Who do you feel is responsible for the lag between New ERA programming?”
(The clock on Rabesque’s podium begins counting down.)
GHEORGHE: “Tough question there … I’m sure the World Champion does not want to point any fingers…”
RABESQUE: “ I'm not really sure that there's anyone responsible in particular, and I'm not going to try to make an issue out of it. The fact of the matter is that we're here right now in the beautiful country of Canada entertaining the fans. I think we're finding out how loyal and diehard the New ERA fans are, and they should be rewarded for it. It does no good to harp on the past.”
(SFX: The fans begin to cheer loudly.)
JIVE: “Why are they all riled up? All he did was give a bullshit answer! Looks like we have four more of those to look forward to!”
JACOBS: “And what do you think Phantom Republican ?”
(The Phantom Republican smiles and grasps the top corners of the podium with his hands.)
GOP: “I fully believe that Jean Rabesque and his filibustering tactics are to blame for the inordinate amount of time between RAUCOUS cards.”
(SFX: Fans jeer loudly!! Some even hiss! Jean Rabesque takes a double look at The Phantom Republican as he continues.)
GOP: “It is his fear of the iron hand of the Republican Party and his utter greed to hold his position that has nearly ruined New ERA of Wrestling. If crowned Champion, I will not resort to such tactics, and instead, I will uphold and defend the Championship with honor and prestige!”
JIVE: “NOW THAT’s THE WAY TO GET HIM!”
GHEORGHE: “That was uncalled for! To blame the entire thing on a false claim!”
JACOBS: “Oookay.. We’ll wait a second while the judges write down their scores .. and it looks like they’re finished. We’ll go on to the second question .. and GOP, we’ll start with you this time.. What do you feel would be the proper response to the threat of DREDD?”
(GOP puts his head back and smiles.)
GOP: “DREDD must be wiped out, removed forever from New ERA. The Red Threat is still as insidious today as it was in the days of Stalin and the Cold War. These Communist rebels must be squashed and sent to Siberia, where they belong.”
GHEORGHE: “What in God’s name is he talking about?!”
JIVE: “I don’t think anybody knows except for him. Well, and maybe Jeffords!”
GHEORGHE: “The World Champion is looking at him as if he’s from another planet…”
JACOBS: “Champ, same question…”
(Rabesque continues to stare for a second at The Phantom Republican, who is looking down at some notes.)
RABESQUE: “ As far as I'm concerned, DREDD is no longer a threat. It's Marx and......? Plus, Marx has proven time and again, even after backstage assaults and sneak attacks that he isn't half the man I am. As soon as International Intrigue concludes, they will be nothing but a footnote in the New ERA annals.”
(SFX: Crowd pops immensely! Rabesque nods at them. The judges quickly look down and make some notes.)
JIVE: “What a contrived answer! Rabesque can only HOPE that DREDD ends their war against him at International Intrigue .. but the title isn’t up for grabs .. so who knows what can happen.”
GHEORGHE: “Well, just from my own count the World Champion seems to be leaps and bound ahead of Chewbacca.”
JIVE: “That’s all subjective!”
GHEORGHE: “Isn’t the entire voting process subjective?!”
(Jive shoots Gheorghe a death stare, at which he just shrugs.)
JACOBS: “Third question. Mr. Rabesque this one goes back to you to answer first… If you were to be the New ERA Champion on the RAUCOUS after International Intrigue, what would your relations with President LaRoque and Vice President Marceau be like?”
RABESQUE: “Easy question..”
JIVE: “So cocky!”
GHEORGHE: “Like the Phantom Republican hasn’t been cocky? I don’t even know what the hell he’s said his past two answers.. he’s just been detracting the World Champion each chance he gets…”
RABESQUE: “As long as they stay out of my business, I'll stay out of theirs. I know they run the show and they know that I'm their #1 draw. I think everybody wins if everybody stays happy.”
(CUTTO: New ERA President Marcus LaRoque who is sitting in the judging seats with the pen in his hand looking up at Rabesque with an eyebrow raised.)
JIVE: “The audacity! To disrespect the President of New ERA right to his face!”
GHEORGHE: “Rabesque didn’t disrespect him, Nick .. he was just telling the truth.”
JIVE: “Jean Rabesque is not the #1 draw … hell, the only place he could be the #1 draw would be at the Denny’s down the street. And even then he’d just barely beat out the hamster.”
GHEORGHE: “Jean Rabesque is the New ERA World Champion .. and his relationship with Marceau and LaRoque is strictly professional. They stay out of his way, he stays out of theirs .. and he brings in money.”
JACOBS: “ Phantom Republican , what would your relationship be like?”
(The Phantom Republican looks over at Marcus LaRoque, who is staring, focused, at the ring. GOP salutes him before turning back to Jacobs.)
GOP: “President LaRoque has proven time and time again that he is a man of weak character, who can't make a decision if a gun was pointed to his head and the heads of all his family.”
(SFX: The fans begin to throw stuff in the ring as they jeer him. Marcus LaRoque looks shocked at the bluntness of the Phantom Republican.)
GHEORGHE: “Talk about disrespecting the President of New ERA!!”
JIVE: “He wasn’t disrespecting LaRoque .. he was telling the god-damned truth! How dare you try to categorize his response like that!”
GOP: “However, Vice President Marceau is a leader to be admired, trusted and even cherished. That is why when I become Champion, I shall do everything in my power to make sure Ms. Marceau is promoted to her rightful spot as President of this company. She is the guiding light, along with The Republican Party, by which New ERA of Wrestling will go forth into this new millennium.”
(The fans start a “YOU SUCK!” chant in response to GOP.)
JIVE: “See, The Phantom Republican knows what he is talking about!”
GHEORGHE: “I wonder how much Juliet paid him to say that..”
JACOBS: “Alrighty then .. Phantom Republican the fourth question will go to you first .. In your opinion, how widespread are steroids in New ERA, and what would you do to eliminate them?”
GHEORGHE: “Somehow I knew a steroids question would fit in there somewhere..”
JIVE: “Well obviously since Rabesque is definitely juiced..”
GHEORGHE: “Rabesque is a toned man .. he’s not built like a bodybuilder!”
GOP: “Well, you need not look any further than the man sitting next to me for using illegal substances…”
(Crowd almost drowns out the rest of his response, so he stops. Rabesque looks mightily pissed off and goes to take a step towards Phantom Republican, but Jeffords steps in the way.)
GOP: “Albeit it's not steroids, but valium! However, the use of steroids shall not be tolerated. Only men of natural physique shall be tolerated, and no substances shall be allowed. This includes steroids, barbiturates, alcohol, narcotics, hair dyes, birth control pills, nicotine and even grease! PURITY SHALL RETURN TO NEW ERA!”
GHEORGHE: “Hair dyes? Birth control? You’ve GOT to be kidding me!”
JIVE: “Hair dyes .. well I guess you can kiss your job goodbye.. either that or you better let you grays come in!”
GHEORGHE: “I do not dye my hair!”
JIVE: “You could be the spokesperson for Just For Men, what are you talking about?!”
JACOBS: “Jean?”
RABESQUE: (Stares directly at the Phantom Republican) “ All I know is that steroids are the last thing I need, and that's all the really matters. It's really none of my business, or anybody else's. Steroids or not, they still can't beat me.”
GHEORGHE: “That’s how a true champion responds .. none of that bull crap that Phantom Republican spouted..”
JIVE: “How can you call yourself an American??”
JACOBS: “And we’ve come to our final question. Jean, as World Champion you’ve been selected to answer first in this last question…”
JIVE: “How unfair.. like he should get some special recognition or something..”
GHEORGHE: “He’s held the World title for almost a year, Nick .. he’s brought stability and prestige to it..”
JACOBS: “What is your solution to the rampant problem of outside interference?”
RABESQUE: “ What do you want? Not much really can be done. Sure, you can fine people but that's not been proven to work. I'll just keep doing what I've been doing, and personally beating the ever-loving daylights of those that involve themselves in my affairs.”
(SFX: Fans pop at Rabesque’s straight-forwardness. The Phantom Republican gives a sneer.)
JIVE: “What a wussy.. he’s all for letting people ruin matches by involving themselves in them!!”
JACOBS: “ Phantom Republican , you have the last word…”
GOP: “My solution is that those who participate in such actions of unfair play shall be suspended without pay, especially if that participant in unfair play happens to be Alister Hayze. Hippie scum, if you come near our match, you shall be dispatched summarily!”
(SFX: Fans give GOP the loudest jeer of the night and he seems to relish in it.. Rabesque sighs and shakes his head..)
GHEORGHE: “ Phantom Republican taking the direct opposite view of the World Champion..”
JIVE: “Of course he would.. he wants to win this debate!”
GOP: “THE REPUBLICAN PARTY SHALL RISE! RISE! DOWN WITH RABESQUE! DOWN WITH DREDD!”
(SFX: Louder jeers! Fans begin to pelt the ring with trash again. Jeffords steps in front of GOP to block some of them.)
JACOBS: “There we have it .. the New ERA Debate between our World Champion Jean Rabesque .. and the #1 contender to his title the Phantom Republican.. we will now wait as the judges tally the scores.”
(Carl Jacobs exits the ring as Phantom Republican and Jeffords talk in the corner. Rabesque keeps an eye on them.)
JIVE: “Well I must say that the Phantom Republican won this debate hands down. He made Jean Rabesque look like a total fool in there!”
GHEORGHE: “What are you talking about, Nick? The Phantom Republican’s answers were so laced with bias that he spent the entire time knocking Jean Rabesque and Alister Hayze than focusing on the real issues… here comes Carl Jacobs back in the ring with the results..”
(Jacobs stands with the microphone as both men come to the center of the ring..)
JACOBS: “Ladies and gentlemen… we have a winner …. In a clear LANDSLIDE victory … the winner of the first ever debate match is …………”
