(CUEUP: “Nobody Does It Better” by Carly Simon. The fans in attendance rise to their feet in unison.)
JULIUS: “What in the hell is this?!”
(The cheers begin to ring out as none other than 'THE PHENOM' SHAWN HART strolls out from behind the curtain sporting one of his LoC-licensed, 'Muff Daddy' t-shirts, his arms raised triumphantly to the sky.)
HART: “Heh, hey Ma... look what the CAT DRAGGED IN!!”
(CUTTO: The announcers position where Gheorghe, Jive, and Julius have all risen to their feet as well, stunned by what they were seeing.)
JIVE: “I thought this guy was dead!!”
JULIUS: “Nah, I heard he was busted for gettin' his freak on with the head cheerleader at his old high school and has been serving some kind of house arrest sentence!”
GHEORGHE: “At any rate, don't adjust your television screens people... the PHENOM is here, and he's got a microphone, baby!”
(CUTTO: Hart, who is now sliding his way between the ropes and into the ring. With the crowd still giving him the standing-O, he brings the microphone to his lips and begins to speak as he approaches center-ring.)
HART: “So, is it just me, or has New ERA been to HELL and back with a four hour layover in Des Moines, Iowa along the way since I checked outta here?”
(SFX: BIG pop!)
HART: “And yet, DESPITE the fact that Shawn Hart has rolled out 5-star match after 5-star match, spiked ticket sales n' TV ratings nationwide, and more or less set the standard for what it means to be a CHAMPION in this business for the last 8 years, the Phenom ain't gettin' NO respect from NOBODY these days!”
(He begins to pace around the ring.)
HART: “Every week, I check the dirt sheets, the newz sites, all the message boards, everything... and whenever people talk about greatest grapplers and the jiggiest JACKHOLES in the sport, whenever I see top ten lists, year-in predictions, or any kind of “Who's Who in Pro Wrestling” BS, it's like The Phenom Shawn Hart doesn't even exist!”
(SFX: Crowd jeers. They are firmly on the Phenom's side.)
HART: “Kinda strange when you're talking about a guy who held the CWWF world title, the eWu world title, and the WWL television title simultaneously. The same guy who, throughout the course of his career, has wrestled and beaten former New ERA champ Jean Rabesque, Michael Manson, Doc Silver, Suicide, Jonathan Marx, Lindsay Troy, Larry Tact, Triple Cross, and about 8,000 other guys who couldn't cut the mustard!”
(The Phenom cracks a devilish grin.)
HART: “I mean, I probably got more tail in that time period than the toilet seat in the women's locker room, but by God... I'm a SHOOTER! And all the shenanigans aside, when ya get right down to it, I'm in this line of work for one reason and one reason only... to kick ASS and strap big, shiny belts around my waist!”
(SFX: Crowd cheers.)
HART: “Which brings me to the reason for my li'l surprise visit tonight! Y'see, it's been awhile since I've been able to wear one of those big, gold belts. And if I'm not mistaken, Cutie Bootie Marceau's got this whole BattleBRAWL thing comin' up...”
(He “dusts off his boots”, licks his lips in a salivatory manner, and rubs his hands together.)
HART: “So, as of this moment, I'm putting the world on notice... it's time for a new era in NEW ERA! Because with GOD as my witness, I'm gonna ROLL through that BattleBRAWL field like dice on a crap table, win that title shot, take my spot in the ring with the Phantom Republican... and shove all 14 of his signature moves right up his ass, cuz whether you like it or not, you're looking at the NEXT NEW CHAMPION, nnnnnnnndaddio!!!”
(Again, he gets the big cheer from the crowd. Suddenly, he shakes his hips like Elvis, much to the delight of some of the female fans at ringside.)
HART: “Heh, and after I've taken PR down and nabbed the strap here, I'm gonna beat Lindsay Troy, and The First, and Ninja K, and every other so-called world champion man enough to answer my call, because 2006 is the YEAR OF THE PHENOM, baby... the year I finally get the RESPECT I demand! And it all starts RIGHT HERE in NEW! Call it an outrage, call it a MOCKERY, ladies and gents... I call it the TRUTH! Happy NEW year to all and good GOD it's great to be back! The PHENOM... has left.... the building!!!”
(Hart leaves the ring with a huge grin on his face as the fans try to reach over the guardrail and touch him. He walks up the ramp, turns, winks, and leaves. CUTTO: A shocked announce table.)
GHEORGHE: “Well ladies and gentlemen … ‘the PHENOM’ is BACK in New ERA!”
JIVE: “That’s just what we need.. another egomaniac!”
JULIUS: “You’d think we’d have enough with just Jive here…”
GHEORGHE: “Shawn Hart announces that he is the first official entrant into the BattleBRAWL battle royal to get a shot at the World title … and what timing considering our main event involves three men .. the World Champion, and two others who would love to be holding that title.”
JIVE: “Jonathan Marx has been in New ERA since its inception … the Phantom Republican won the World title off of Jean Rabesque last week in a fair match … and the Masked Man … well, I don’t even know where he stands anymore!”
GHEORGHE: “This match should be a hell of a ride … let’s head to Carl Jacobs for the ring introductions!”
(CUTTO: The ring. Carl Jacobs stands and waits for his cue. The lineup comes on screen.)
JACOBS: “Ladies and gentlemen .. the following match is a non-title Triple Threat Survival match and is TONIGHT’s MAIN EVENT! … Introducing first…”
(CUEUP: ‘the Touch’ by Stan Bush.. Jonathan Marx enters the arena flanked with Brandon Jacobs and Carlee Marx.)
JACOBS: “Hailing from Princeton, New Jersey …. Standing six foot two and weighing in at 215 pounds …. ‘Gentleman’ JONATHAN MARX!!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx out here with Brandon Jacobs and Carlee Marx … John Doe took a hell of a beating earlier tonight in the Leather Strap match … but he ends up walking away with the PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme title … DREDD’s first title victory in New ERA.”
JACOBS: “And his opponent…”
(CUTTO: The ramp … the Masked Man enters the arena wearing his trademark black mask, black sleeved shirt, and black tights. The crowd gives him a pop as he points to Marx and cuts his throat.)
JACOBS: “Hailing from parts unknown … his height and weight are unknown ….. THE MASKED MAN!!”
GHEORGHE: “Masked Man out here …and all we need now is the World Champion.”
JACOBS: “And their opponent…”
(CUEUP: ‘Imperial March’ by John Williams with voice overs by various GOP leaders. The Phantom Republican comes through the curtain to the enormous jeers of the crowd. He holds the World title up in the air … its black strap replaced by a Red, White and Blue one.)
JACOBS: “Hailing from Conservative, Middle Armerica … he stands 6’5 and is the CURRENT WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ……. THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN!”
JIVE: “He’s redesigned the belt!”
GHEORGHE: “The Phantom Republican must have not thought it was patriotic enough and now its…”
JIVE: “WHAT THE HELL?”
(CUTTO: The curtain as it parts and a figure starts racing down the ramp…)
JULIUS: “Who the fuck….”
(ANOTHER Masked Man, this one wearing jeans, no shirt, and boots, runs into the ring and starts talking to the referee..)
GHEORGHE: “We’ve got another Masked Man down here .. and he is yelling at the referee and pointing to the first one!”
JIVE: “He just said that HE’s the real Masked Man!”
GHEORGHE: “What?!”
JIVE: “The referee walks over to the Masked Man who came in when announced and talks to him .. and he’s shaking his head no!”
GHEORGHE: “What the hell is going on here?! We’ve got TWO masked men .. both claiming to be the real one!”
(The camera catches the second masked man arguing saying that he was getting ready when the First Masked Man came out..)
GHEORGHE: “I have no clue what is going on here right now … the referee is going over to Carl Jacobs … and god knows what he’s saying!”
(Jacobs listens intently as the referee talks to him. He looks over at both men… and then nods.)
JACOBS: “Ladies and gentlemen… it has come to the referee’s attention that there are TWO masked men claiming to be the real one..”
JULIUS: “No shit…. Like we can’t see that?”
JACOBS: “Since neither will unmask… and we cannot determine which is the REAL Masked Man… the referee has announced that BOTH WILL COMPETE TONIGHT!”
(SFX: HUGE POP!)
JACOBS: “HOWEVER …. Since this is a triple threat survival match …. The referee has decreed that if ONE masked man is eliminated before the final two … then BOTH MEN ARE ELIMINATED!”
(SFX: CROWD POPS AGAIN!)
GHEORGHE: “WHAT!”
JIVE: “Both Masked Men are going to wrestle tonight!”
GHEORGHE: “Well this is interesting! If one Masked Man goes, they both do .. that is unless they make it to the final two against each other!”
JULIUS: “Wouldn’t that be a fun final two to call.. (he rolls his eyes)…”
(SFX: Bell rings.)
GHEORGHE: “The bell has rung .. and all four men are in the ring! THE MASKED MEN IMMEDIATELY GO AFTER EACH OTHER!”
JIVE: “The shirtless one looks to have about a 2 or so inch advantage on the other one … and he’s using that right now!”
GHEORGHE: “The Masked Man clobbers the other into the corner .. and now he’s using some vicious knees as he knocks the… Masked Man down…”
JULIUS: “We’ve gotta come up with a better system … Nick might get confused about which Masked Man we’re talking about.”
GHEORGHE: “Alright… the shirted one is Masked Man #1, while the shirtless one is Masked Man #2 … does that work, Nick?”
JIVE: “SCREW YOU! I know which is which!”
GHEORGHE: “Meanwhile over in the other corner Jonathan Marx has the World Champion backed up .. and he is laying into him with some fists … Marx grabs him … and takes him down with an arm bar! Marx quickly floats over him and applies a headlock … but the World Champion gets out of it! Phantom Republican off his knees and on his feet … AND HE TAKES MARX DOWN WITH A CLOTHESLINE!”
JULIUS: “Republican now looking over at the Masked Men who are fighting in the corner… and he’s making his way over there.”
GHEORGHE: “The Phantom Republican is about halfway there..”
JIVE: “I GOT IT!”
GHEORGHE: “What?”
JIVE: “The Masked Man said that he would help out the Phantom Republican in this match … so … whichever one is on GOP’s side is the REAL Masked Man!”
GHEORGHE: “That does sound right..”
JULIUS: “I was just about to mention the same thing, actually.”
JIVE: “Sure you were …”
GHEORGHE: “The Phantom Republican stops and analyzes both men … and now he comes into the corner …. The Phantom Republican grabs both their shoulders and they look at him …… AND BOTH MASKED MAN HIT HIM WITH THE DOUBLE HEADBUTT!”
JULIUS: “Guess that plan was shot to shit, huh, Nick?”
GHEORGHE: “Masked Man #2 has the first Masked Man again … AND HE HIPTOSSES HIM ACROSS THE RING! The second Masked Man comes after him … BUT THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN FROM BEHIND NAILS HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH A FOREARM!”
JIVE: “With four men in this match … you’ve got to watch your back or pay the price!”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx now has the first Masked Man up .. and he lifts him over his head … AND TOSSES HIM AT THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN! The first Masked Man lands on top of him … ONE ……….. TWO …….. but the World Champ kicks out! Republican gets on his feet … but Marx comes up from behind with a schoolboy rollup! ONE ………… kickout!”
JULIUS: “Jonathan Marx is a fantastically smart wrestler.. he used the Masked Man to throw off GOP’s game .. then tried to capitalize on it with the rollup!”
GHEORGHE: “The second Masked Man is back up … AND HE SPEARS JONATHAN MARX DOWN TO THE MAT! He is perched on top of him and he is driving those fists into the face of Marx …. But The Phantom Republican is up and he’s coming up behind the Masked Man …. BUT THE FIRST MASKED MAN GRABS HIM FROM BEHIND …. GERMAN SUPLEX! The First Masked Man rolls over with him … AND HITS A SECOND GERMAN SUPLEX …. He rolls over one more time …. AND HITS A THIRD GERMAN SUPLEX!”
JIVE: “The World Champion getting tossed around in the ring by the first Masked Man … and now the first Masked Man walks behind the second..”
GHEORGHE: “He measures him and rakes his eyes from behind … the first Masked Man looks down at Jonathan Marx … and then decides to go after the second Masked Man … he sends him into the ropes … The second Masked Man on the return … AND CAN’T AVOID THE SPINEBUSTER! The cover …. ONE …… TWO ………. KICKOUT!”
JULIUS: “You would think that since one masked man’s fate is tied to the other, they wouldn’t be attacking each other..”
GHEORGHE: “The Phantom Republican is back on his feet and he grabs the First Masked Man …. AND THROWS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE ARENA FLOOR!”
JIVE: “Here comes Marx though!”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx behind Phantom Republican … but the Phantom Republican ducks underneath the clothesline attempt .. Jonathan Marx goes into the ropes … he comes back … BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX BY THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN! Jonathan Marx thrown across the ring … and Brandon Jacobs drags him to the outside!”
JULIUS: “Smart move by Jacobs .. keep Marx fresh so he can come back in later..”
GHEORGHE: “The Phantom Republican looks over at Marx, but turns to the second Masked Man who is finally getting back to his feet. The Phantom Republican grabs his head …. But the Second Masked Man throws him off before GOP can hit the DDT! Republican up and charges at the second Masked Man … but the second Masked Man ducks! GOP stops and turns …. AND GETS BLASTED IN THE FACE WITH A SUPERKICK! GOP is down … the second Masked Man covers …. ONE ………… TWO ………… BUT THE FIRST MASKED MAN PULLS HIM OFF!”
JIVE: “They’re still going at it those two! One of them needs to brighten up.”
GHEORGHE: “The First Masked Man grabs the Second Masked Man and locks him up … but the second one quickly drops down and takes over the first w/ a fireman’s carry! The second Masked Man back on his feet … and now he grabs the first … AND HITS THE BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX!”
JIVE: “Jonathan Marx still on the outside .. he’s listening to Brandon Jacobs and glancing over every few moments smiling.”
JULIUS: “What we need out here is a second Phantom Republican … then it would be Jonathan Marx against four masked men…”
GHEORGHE: “The second Masked Man grabs the Phantom Republican … kickswing DDT! He is up …. The first Masked Man is up with him though … kick to the gut … AND THE FIRST MASKED MAN HITS A KICKSWING DDT! The first Masked Man … HE’S TRYING TO RIP OFF THE SECOND’s MASK!”
JIVE: “We’re going to find out who one of the Masked Men is!”
GHEORGHE: “The first Masked Man grasping at the mask … but the second one is swatting as his hands … and finally the first Masked Man gives up and starts driving the back of the second Masked Man’s head into the mat! Over and over again … and now the first Masked Man grabs his legs … AND SLINGSHOTS HIM INTO THE ROPES!”
JULIUS: “The Masked… err, the second Masked Man’s throat was just rammed into the top rope and he falls back down.
GHEORGHE: “The First Masked Man now picks up the World Champion … but the Phantom Republican drops down … AND HE NAILS HIM WITH A LOW BLOW!”
JIVE: “Jonathan Marx is heading back into the ring.”
GHEORGHE: “Marx quickly slides into the ring and he races over to the World Champion … but The Phantom Republican knocks him upside the head! Marx reeling .. and the Phantom Republican keeps coming at him! Left hook! Another … and he finally sends him to the mat! Marx back up, but the Phantom Republican catches his arm and sends him hard into the corner ….. Marx comes stumbling out as the Republican hits the ropes ….. DEFICIT RUNNER!”
JULIUS: “Marx’s head went snapping back to the mat with that vicious clothesline … GOP looks to finally have toned down the chaos in the ring .. and now he can focus on winning this match!”
GHEORGHE: “The Phantom Republican grabs the second Masked Man … and he sends him flying into the corner! Republican charges in after him … AND HITS THE SPLASH! Phantom Republican with a snapmare … and dropkicks the second Masked Man in the back of the head! The First Masked Man finally back to his feet after nursing his family jewels … AND HE GETS DROPKICKED TO THE OUTSIDE BY THE WORLD CHAMPION!”
JIVE: “The first Masked Man is spending more time going over the top rope than he is in the ring!”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx getting to his feet as his the second Masked Man … and the World Champion grabs both their heads and slams them together! Republican now with an irish whip sending the second Masked Man into the ropes … Jonathan Marx now up … The second Masked Man ducks under the clothesline attempt …. Comes off the other ropes …. AND HITS BOTH THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN AND JONATHAN MARX WITH A FLYING CROSS BODY! He has both pinned …. ONE …… TWO ……. AND BOTH MEN KICK OUT!”
JULIUS: “The Second Masked Man almost eliminated both Phantom Republican and Jonathan Marx!”
GHEORGHE: “The first Masked Man gets back into the ring … and he stops in his tracks as the second Masked Man points at him …. And now he’s back himself into the corner!”
JIVE: “Both Masked Men seem to want to win this match … but they need to realize that they have double the chance of being eliminated … that just doesn’t seem to phase them!”
GHEORGHE: “The second Masked Man over in the corner with his counterpart … AND HE GRABS HIM BY THE SHIRT AND STARTS WAILING AWAY!”
JULIUS: “Marx and the World Champ are up now!”
GHEORGHE: “All four men on their feet .. and Phantom Republican drags Marx by the hair into the corner … he starts hitting him with European uppercuts .. and now he and the second Masked Man nod at each other …. DOUBLE IRISH WHIP ……… AND JONATHAN MARX AND THE FIRST MASKED MAN COLLIDE IN THE CENTER OF THE RING AND BOTH GO DOWN!”
JIVE: “The second Masked Man is grabbing at the first’s mask..”
GHEORGHE: “The second Masked Man trying to rip off the mask … but the Phantom Republican just kicked him in the head! GOP now grabs him … places him on the shoulders… Torture Ra… NO! GOP HITS THE TAX-BREAKER! He finishes the torture rack with a backbreaker … and the second Masked Man is down in a world of pain! GOP with the cover …. ONE ………… TWO ………… KICKOUT!”
JULIUS: “Jonathan Marx and the First Masked Man are getting to their feet..”
JIVE: “Yes .. but they’re back to back!”
GHEORGHE: “Both men up .. they step back … and bump into each other! The first Masked Man turns and throws a right … but Jonathan Marx ducks! Marx comes back up … BUT HE CATCHES THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN WITH A DDT! Marx covers …. ONE ……….. TWO ………. THR—NOOO!”
JULIUS: “The first Masked Man knows what he’s doing in there .. he watched as Jonathan Marx pinned the Phantom Republican. He knows that if GOP is eliminated, that’s one less person for him to get rid of himself.”
GHEORGHE: “The first Masked Man now turns and grabs the second Masked Man .. and he scoop slams him …. AND NOW HE’s HEADING TO THE TOP! The first Masked Man gets to the top … and he’s perched high ….. BUT JONATHAN MARX RUNS OVER TO THE CORNER! MARX GRABS THE FIRST MASKED MAN …. AND HE LAUNCHES HIM OFF THE TOP ROPE!”
JIVE: “But the second Masked Man broke his fall! He landed on him back first!”
GHEORGHE: “The first Masked Man gets up and shoots a look at Jonathan Marx … and he just shrugs it off!”
JULIUS: “Marx was trying to kill two birds with one stone.”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx grabs the second Masked Man … AND HE APPLIES THE BOW AND ARROW!”
JIVE: “Look at the first Masked Man! He’s attacking the World Champion!”
GHEORGHE: “The first Masked Man has GOP in the corner … and he drives those elbows back into the face of the Phantom Republican … and Jonathan Marx releases the Bow and Arrow and he’s coming over… and now … MARX AND THE FIRST MASKED MAN DOUBLE TEAMING GOP IN THE CORNER!”
JULIUS: “Finally some sense knocked into these guys. Phantom Republican isn’t the World Champion for nothing!”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx grabs the World Champion and he drags his face across the top rope!”
JULIUS: “Will that even affect him? I mean .. he’s wearing a mask.”
GHEORGHE: “I don’t know, Dean .. but Jonathan Marx would know better than I .. afterall, he wore a mask as ANTAEUS here in New ERA ….”
JIVE: “The second Masked Man is up! He’s resting in the opposite corner!”
GHEORGHE: “The first Masked Man sees him! The first Masked Man with a head full of steam …. He charges into the corner … BUT THE SECOND MASKED MAN GETS OUT OF THE WAY!! The first Masked Man goes chest first into the corner ….. AND THE SECOND MASKED MAN HAS A HOLD OF HIS MASK ……….. AND HE JUST TOSSED HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE!!!”
(SFX: FANS POP HUGE!)
JULIUS: “HE’S GOT HIS MASK! THE SECOND MASKED MAN HAS THE MASK OF THE FIRST!”
JIVE: “WHO IS HE?!”
(The first Masked Man is on the floor, but covering his face … he starts crawling to the ring..)
GHEORGHE: “The first Masked Man is unmasked … but I .. I can’t tell who he is!”
JIVE: “Whoever he is .. he’s heading underneath the ring!!!”
JULIUS: “Not if the second Masked Man has anything to say about it!”
GHEORGHE: “THE SECOND MASKED MAN IS ON THE ARENA FLOOR … AND HE’S PULLING AT THE FOOT TRYING TO DRAG THE FIRST ONE OUT INTO THE OPEN!”
JIVE: “Marx has just dropped Phantom Republican .. and he’s coming over to the ropes shouting..”
GHEORGHE: “THE SECOND MASKED MAN PULLS AT THE SHIRT OF THE FIRST …. AND IT RIPS OFF! He tosses it into the crowd and continues pulling … HE’s ALMOST OUT!”
JULIUS: “Wow … the first Masked Man looks pretty beat up … look at those welt marks on hi….. wait a minute……”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx screaming as the second Masked Man finally pull….. OH MY GOD! IT’s JOHN DOE! JOHN DOE WAS THE FIRST MASKED MAN!”
JULIUS: “I knew it! Those welt marks are from the P©X Title match earlier!”
GHEORGHE: “The REAL Masked Man drops Doe’s foot in shock ….. WAIT!!! THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN IS COMING UP BEHIND JONATHAN MARX!”
JIVE: “Marx is still yelling at The Masked Man, he doesn’t even see him!”
GHEORGHE: “THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN GRABS MARX BY THE TIGHTS FOR A SCHOOLBOY …… ONE ……….. TWO ………. THREE!!!!”
JIVE: “That’s not fair!! Jonathan Marx was pre-occupied!!!”
JACOBS: “JONATHAN MARX HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!”
GHEORGHE: “WAIT! John Doe reaches under the ring as the Masked Man is looking in the ring …. HE HAS A BASEBALL BAT!!! JOHN DOE JUST SWUNG THE BASEBALL BAT FROM THE MAT AND CONNECTS WITH THE LEG OF THE MASKED MAN!”
JULIUS: “What an ingenius plan! DREDD evened the triple threat!”
GHEORGHE: “It backfired though .. the unmasking of Doe just cost Marx the match! John Doe is on his feet with the baseball bat…. Oh god…”
JULIUS: “JOHN DOE IS NAILING THE MASKED MAN IN THE GUT WITH THOSE SHOTS … FOUR … FIVE … The Masked Man doubled over …. AND JOHN DOE BREAKS THE BASEBALL BAT OVER HIS BACK!”
GHEORGHE: “Someone stop this!”
JIVE: “Wait!! The referee sees Doe!”
GHEORGHE: “I think he’s put two and two together …. AND NOW THE REFEREE TELLING JOHN DOE TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!”
JIVE: “Doe is livid!”
GHEORGHE: “As one of the Masked Man he couldn’t have been tossed out of here .. but the ref knows who the imposter is …. And he’s sending him to the back w/ Jonathan Marx!”
JULIUS: “DREDD though has really shaped this match .. the Masked Man, the REAL Masked Man as we find out, has been beat to death with the baseball bat thanks to John Doe..”
GHEORGHE: “DREDD finally leaving thanks to the swarm of officials who have come out … and The Phantom Republican is standing in the middle of the ring with his hands raised high.. he hasn’t even won this match!”
JIVE: “Masked Man is down outside … he’s got this match locked up like Tom Delay’s re-election in Texas.”
GHEORGHE: “Uh.. Delay is trailing right now.”
JIVE: “Then forget I said that.”
GHEORGHE: “The crowd really letting GOP have it as he comes to the outside .. Republican grabs the Masked Man … and rolls him into the ring….. GOP back in … he covers him … AND PLACES HIS FEET ON THE ROPES! ONE …………. TWO ………………… THREEE!!!!”
JULIUS: “NOOOOOOOO!”
GHEORGHE: “THE MASKED MAN KICKED OUT!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!!”
JIVE: “Neither can the World Champion!”
GHEORGHE: “Phantom Republican now ripping into the referee for the count … he comes back to The Masked Man …. Picks him u… SMALL PACKAGE BY THE MASKED MAN!! ONE ……… TWO ………… THREE!! GOP KICKS OUT!”
JIVE: “Masked Man almost stole that one from him!”
GHEORGHE: “GOP back up and he stomps on the Masked Man … and now he’s really yelling at the referee for the seemingly quick count!”
JULIUS: “I’d be just as pissed if that happened!”
GHEORGHE: “The Phantom Republican picks up the Masked Man … irish whips him into the ropes … Masked Man on the return … HE DUCKS THE CLOTHESLINE ATTEMPT! Masked Man off the other ropes … GOP turns …. AND THEY COLLIDE IN THE CENTER OF THE RING AND BOTH MEN GO DOWN!”
JIVE: “What’s white, blue, black and red all over?”
JULIUS: “Here we go with a shitty joke..”
GHEORGHE: “What?”
JIVE: “GOP and Masked Man’s masks after that collision!”
JULIUS: “You suck, man…”
GHEORGHE: “Both men on the mat … the referee is applying the count …. BUT THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN BEGINS TO STIR! The World Champion is on his feet!!!”
(SFX: Crowd jeers immensely.)
JIVE: “These liberal imbeciles… they don’t know a thing about champions in this place!”
JULIUS: “Uh, the Boston Red Sox…”
GHEORGHE: “And don’t forget the Patriots…”
JULIUS: “The Celts had a good run, too…”
JIVE: “SHUTUP. John Kerry didn’t win, did he?! Huh?! Huh?!”
GHEORGHE: “The Phantom Republican looks around at all the people as he grabs the Masked Man by his mask .. he brings him to his feet … and irish whips him HARD into the corner back first! Phantom Republican charges in …. Goes to drive the shoul…. NO!!! THE MASKED MAN PULLED HIMSELF TO THE TOP TURNBUCKLE AND GOP CRASHES SHOULDER FIRST INTO THE STEEL POST!”
JIVE: “Ouch!”
GHEORGHE: “GOP flying through the turnbuckles as his shoulder hits the post.. and he pulls himself out… and he’s holding that shoulder… The World Champion dazed as he looks around …. BUT THE MASKED MAN GRABS HIM AND YANKS HIM BACK INTO THE CORNER ….. he places his legs on his shoul……”
JULIUS: “He’s going for the Victory Roll … GOP’s shoulder is in bad condition after that..”
GHEORGHE: “GOP comes out of the corner with the Masked Man on his shoulders…….. VICTORY ROLL BY THE MASKED MAN!!! ONE ………….. TWO ……………… THREEE!!!”
JIVE: “NO!”
(SFX: Bell rings.)
JACOBS: “The winner of this match … THE MASKED MAN!!”
JIVE: “No! This can’t happen! The Phantom Republican was cheated! FRAUD I TELL YOU!”
GHEORGHE: “The Masked Man quickly rolls out of the ring as the Phantom Republican gets to his feet in a fit of rage!! The Masked Man throws up his arms as the fans cheer him on … and GOP grabs the title from the referee… GOP holds the title above his head … and now he points to himself … Yes, he may still be New ERA’s World Heavyweight champion… but the Masked Man overcame the attack of a baseball bat and a second Masked Man by DREDD … and wins the triple threat survival match here on RAUCOUS …. Ladies and gentlemen .. it’s been a pleasure tonight, our first RAUCOUS of the New Year… join us next week as we come LIVE from the Worcester Centrum in Worcester, Massachusetts where it all began …. As we celebrate the 2 year anniversary of New ERA on RAUCOUS!!! SEE YOU THEN!”
