JACOBS: “The following match is scheduled for one fall and has a thirty minute time limit… it is a Marco Polo blindfold match for the New ERA of Wrestling TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first..”
(CUEUP: ‘That’s Entertainment’ by the Jam. Mr. Entertainment comes strutting through the curtain to a chorus of jeers.)
JACOBS: “Hailing from Ashland, Oregon .. weighing in at 234 pounds …. MISTER ENTERTAINMENT!”
GHEORGHE: “Mr. Entertainment looks pumped .. and he’s mouthing off to the fans as he gets into the ring.”
JIVE: “There’s your new Television champion, Gheorghe .. I can feel it in my bones.”
JACOBS: “And his opponent .. being led to the ring by Krist Blue…”
(CUEUP: ‘Faggot’ by Mindless Self Indulgence. MWG comes through the curtain led by Krist Blue … they both look absolutely horrible. Blue looks like she’s lost 10 pounds and MWG is more scraggly than normal.)
JACOBS: “Hailing from Somewhere where the sun shines and the blue birds sing … he is the current New ERA of Wrestling TELEVISION CHAMPION …. EM DUBBY GEE!”
(SFX: Bell rings.)
JIVE: “Look at Mr. Entertainment! He must already have that blindfold on in his mind!”
GHEORGHE: “Entertainment is walking over towards Krist Blue … and he’s … hitting on her!”
JIVE: “She’s probably got more diseases than a two dollar hooker!”
GHEORGHE: “MWG is staring wild-eyed at Mr. Entertainment …”
(SFX: Crowd gasps!)
GHEORGHE / JIVE: “OH MY GOD!”
GHEORGHE: “Krist Blue just laid a BIG JUICY KISS ON MR. ENTERTAINMENT! AND MWG ATTACKS HIM!”
JIVE: “Blue did it .. but MWG doesn’t care and he attacks Mr. Entertainment! They don’t even have their blindfolds on yet!”
GHEORGHE: “The ref breaks them up … and now is putting the blindfold on Mr. Entertainment …. And now he kicks Krist Blue out of the ring .. and puts the blindfold on MWG!”
JIVE: “Finally .. they’re both ready to go.. I think I’m feeling sick to my stomach, Gheorghe.”
GHEORGHE: “Both competitors have the blindfolds on .. and the match is off as both men are on opposite corners of the ring. MWG feeling around the ropes as he begins to make his way out of the corner … and Mr. Entertainment is crouching on the mat.”
JIVE: “I think Mr. Entertainment is trying to feel the vibrations to get a sense of where MWG is going.”
GHEORGHE: “MWG has one hand on the ropes and the other waving in the air … he’s nowhere close to Mr. Entertainment.”
JIVE: “MWG doesn’t know that!”
GHEORGHE: “Mr. Entertainment back standing tall .. and now he’s doing the same thing as MWG .. except going in the same direction!”
JIVE: “They’ll never run into each other at this point.”
GHEORGHE: “Mr. Entertainment waving in the air … and now he lets go of the ropes… MR. ENTERTAINMENT IS VENTURING INTO THE CENTER OF THE RING!”
JIVE: “That could be dangerous .. but Mr. Entertainment is taking it slow.”
GHEORGHE: “Mr. Entertainment taking a few steps .. AND NOW KRIST BLUE IS YELLING AT MWG TELLING HIM ENTERTAINMENT IS IN THE CENTER OF THE RING!”
JIVE: “And Mr. Entertainment just yelled at her to shut up!”
GHEORGHE: “Not the best move as MWG now knows what general direction Mr. Entertainment is in!”
JIVE: “That’s a good point, Gheorghe … but they’re both blindfolded … even if he found him he wouldn’t know his ass from his elbow!”
GHEORGHE: “I beg to differ, Nick.”
JIVE: “I guess you’re right .. MWG would definitely know Mr. Entertainment’s ass.”
GHEORGHE: “That’s not what I meant!”
JIVE: “Sure….”
GHEORGHE: “MWG releases the ropes .. AND HE CHARGES HEAD FIRST INTO THE CENTER OF THE RING! Mr. Entertainment hears him .. and drops to the mat for a drop toe hold … BUT NO ONE IS THERE! AND MWG TRIPS OVER THE BODY OF MR. ENTERTAINMENT AND GOES STUMBLING INTO THE ROPES!”
JIVE: “That’s what we have to look forward to .. an entire match of mistelegraphed moves.”
GHEORGHE: “MWG gets back to his feet and holds on to the ropes as Mr. Entertainment is on his knees in the center of the ring with his fists up.. Krist Blue is yelling again that Entertainment is down.. and this time Mr. Entertainment keeps his mouth shut and listens.”
JIVE: “That’s smart of him.”
GHEORGHE: “MWG lets go of the ropes and takes a step into the ring … and kicks wildly at air.”
JIVE: “Hey, he might accidentally hit him.”
GHEORGHE: “Mr. Entertainment trying to get to his feet without making a noise as MWG comes closer…”
JIVE: “Those two are about five feet apart .. and neither one knows.”
GHEORGHE: “Mr. Entertainment on his feet … MWG coming closer … and MWG was thisclose to kicking Entertainment..”
JIVE: “I think Mr. Entertainment knows that, too! He just backed up quickly.”
GHEORGHE: “Entertainment backed himself right into the corner .. and he caught himself off guard as he spun around and punched the top turnbuckle pad!”
JIVE: “Entertainment lets out a noise .. AND MWG CHARGES!”
GHEORGHE: “AND MWG JUST SQUASHED MR. ENTERTAINMENT IN THE CORNER!”
JIVE: “Both men took some punishment that time … the back of Mr. Entertainment’s head caught MWG right in the face… I think.”
GHEORGHE: “MWG took a couple steps back and now thrusts his elbow into the corner.. BUT MR. ENTERTAINMENT MOVED AND MWG HITS THE CORNER HARD! And now Mr. Entertainment back in .. AND HE’s WAILING ON THE BODY OF MWG! MWG trying to protect himself … Mr. Entertainment grabs the arms of MWG …. HE’s HOOKED HIM!! BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX!”
JIVE: “Wow! A wrestling move!”
GHEORGHE: “MWG quickly back to his feet and runs … AND RUNS RIGHT INTO THE ROPES! He rebounds off the ropes and hits the mat!”
JIVE: “That’s what happens when you can’t see… You do more damage to yourself than your opponent does to you.”
GHEORGHE: “Krist Blue yelling again .. and she’s trying to tell MWG that Mr. Entertainment is right in front of him! MWG … AND Mr. Entertainment both hear her .. AND THEY BOTH CHARGE!”
JIVE: “They just ran right by each other!”
GHEORGHE: “Both men run right by each other … AND BOTH RUN INTO THE ROPES AND FALL BACKWARDS TO THE MAT!”
JIVE: “I bet DREDD is backstage patting each other on the back and getting a good laugh out of this match.”
GHEORGHE: “MWG finds a corner and rests … and now Krist Blue is yelling once more about where Mr. Entertainment is … and now the referee is over there .. AND HE’s KICKING HER OUT OF RINGSIDE!”
JIVE: “Wait a minute! Mr. Entertainment just raised his blindfold!”
GHEORGHE: “Mr. Entertainment heard the referee yelling at Krist Blue, and he’s lifted his blindfold to see where MWG is! He knows which corner he’s in …. Mr. ENTERTAINMENT RUNS IN … AND DROPKICKS MWG IN THE CORNER!”
JIVE: “Krist Blue is leaving ringside… there goes MWG’s GPS system!”
GHEORGHE: “Mr. Entertainment has put the blindfold back over his head .. but not before he locks on a headlock on MWG! The referee turns around .. and he didn’t see a thing!”
JIVE: “How ironic.”
GHEORGHE: “Mr. Entertainment applying pressure to the head of MWG … BUT MWG WRAPS HIS ARMS AROUND THE WAIST OF MR. ENTERTAINMENT … AND HE HITS A BELLY TO BACK SUPLEX!”
JIVE: “Mr. Entertainment’s head just grazed the turnbuckle pads!”
GHEORGHE: “MWG feeling around for Mr. Entertainment … and he makes the cover! ONE …. TWO …. KICKOUT BY THE CHALLENGER!”
JIVE: “MWG is a hell of a champion.. even after Mr. Entertainment uses his vision, he can still almost put this match away!”
GHEORGHE: “MWG grabs Mr. Entertainment by the head .. and he irish whips him into the ropes!”
JIVE: “Uh-oh.”
GHEORGHE: “But Mr. Entertainment holds onto the ropes! MWG has his head down waiting for Mr. Entertainment to return … AND ENTERTAINMENT PICKS UP HIS BLINDFOLD AGAIN! Entertainment sees MWG doubled over …. AND HE COMES OUT AND HITS A SWINGING NECKBREAKER!”
JIVE: “The referee missed it! I can’t believe this!”
GHEORGHE: “The ref was looking up at the rampway for just a second, and Mr. Entertainment has the blindfold back down.. Entertainment reaches around … he makes a cover … ONE … TWO …. KICKOUT BY THE CHAMPION!”
JIVE: “I have a feeling either one of these two could do a better job officiating .. with the blindfold on!”
GHEORGHE: “Mr. Entertainment grabs MWG by the hair … he hooks the arm … SUPLEX … BUT MWG FLIPPED DOWN! Mr. Entertainment turns … AND MWG CLOTHESLINES HIM TO THE MAT!! MWG against the ropes …. Comes back .. AND BASEBALL SLIDES RIGHT INTO THE CHALLENGER!”
JIVE: “The baseball slide was probably the safest move he could have chosen… nice work by the Television champ.”
GHEORGHE: “MWG grabs the leg … ONE …. TWO … KICKOUT!”
JIVE: “With both men at a disadvantage, its not too far fetched to think that your opponent would be less likely to be able to kick out … there’s a lot of things going through your head .. and you could get caught up thinking just long enough to lose the match.”
GHEORGHE: “Very astute observation, Nick..”
JIVE: “I’m good for something, huh?”
GHEORGHE: “Very rarely..”
JIVE: “Hey!”
GHEORGHE: “MWG back to his feet … he reaches down, but Mr. Entertainment has rolled out of the way! MWG feeling around … and now he drops down to his knees and he’s looking all around for Mr. Entertainment but coming up with nothing!”
JIVE: “Entertainment’s found his way to the ropes.”
GHEORGHE: “MWG back to his feet and I think he knows that Mr. Entertainment is over near the ropes … MWG CHARGES …. AND HE RUNS RIGHT INTO MR. ENTERTAINMENT AND BOTH MEN GO FLYING OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE ARENA FLOOR!”
JIVE: “Only chaos can ensue from here.”
GHEORGHE: “Both men laid out on the arena floor … and I don’t think either one wants to make the first move!”
JIVE: “I don’t think they landed properly … at least when you can see you know that the floor is coming quick.”
GHEORGHE: “Both men getting to their feet … Mr. Entertainment reaches out .. and he grabs MWG by the arm! Mr. Entertainment WHIPS MWG RIGHT INTO THE GUARDRAIL! MWG hits and he might have injured his back! BUT MWG CHARGES RIGHT BACK TOWARDS ENTERTAINMENT … AND HE HITS HIM WITH A CLOTHESLINE!”
JIVE: “I must say .. there’s a lot more interaction than I originally thought was going to happen. I figured that these two would mope around the ring for about 25 minutes .. finally meet … and then lose each other until the time limit ran out.”
GHEORGHE: “They’re both incredible competitors, Nick .. but I have to wonder how much more punishment either can take. One false step and you could end your career!”
JIVE: “Well .. MWG is back on his feet .. and Mr. Entertainment is feeling around on the ground.”
GHEORGHE: “Mr. Entertainment …. Reaches under the ring …. AND HE BRINGS OUT A CHAIR!! MWG HAS NO CLUE!”
JIVE: “But Mr. Entertainment hasn’t the faintest idea where MWG is!”
GHEORGHE: “The referee yelling at both men to get back in the ring .. and MWG now resting against the ring post .. Mr. Entertainment holding onto the apron w/ one hand and poking the air with the chair with the oth… ENTERTAINMENT PEAKS AGAIN!! HE SEES MWG!”
JIVE: “Mr. Entertainment has now cheated THREE times .. and the ref hasn’t seen him once!”
GHEORGHE: “Mr. Entertainment takes a few steps and readies himself … HE SWINGS ….. BUT MWG MOVED!!! MWG STARTED WALKING AWAY AND MR. ENTERTAINMENT’s CHAIR HIT STEEL!”
JIVE: “That’s GOT to hurt the hands of Mr. Entertainment!”
GHEORGHE: “MWG rolls back into the ring .. and he’s asking the referee where Mr. Entertainment is!”
JIVE: “I think he’s nursing his hands right now.”
GHEORGHE: “The ref tells Entertainment to get back in the ring .. and Mr. Entertainment rolls underneath the bottom rope … BUT MWG IS THERE! Entertainment rolls right into MWG’s legs … AND MWG STARTS STOMPING THE TORSO OF THE CHALLENGER!”
JIVE: “This could be the break that MWG needed!”
GHEORGHE: “MWG grabs Mr. Entertainment … FALLAWAY SLAM! MWG reaches down … but he tossed him too far back! MWG can’t find Mr. Entertainment!”
JIVE: “He’s just a few inches further..”
GHEORGHE: “MWG finally finds him …. ONE ….. TWO …. THREE—NOOOOOO!!!”
JIVE: “Entertainment kicked out! Those few extra moments saved the match for Mr. Entertainment!”
GHEORGHE: “MWG back on his feet .. and he grabs Mr. Entertainment … BUT MR. ENTERTAINMENT REACHING BACK … AND HE GRABS ONTO THE REFEREE’s PANTS! The referee is dragged into this … AND MWG MISSES MR. ENTERTAINMENT … AND KICKS THE REFEREE IN THE STOMACH!!! DISAPPEAR HERE DDT ONTO THE REFEREE!”
JIVE: “Oh GOD!”
GHEORGHE: “THE TELEVISION CHAMPION IS PINNING THE REFEREE!”
JIVE: “Mr. Entertainment has pulled himself into the corner … and he lifts his blindfold AGAIN!”
GHEORGHE: “Entertainment trying to contain his laughter as he sees MWG pinning the referee … MWG releases the hold .. BUT ENTERTAINMENT IS OVER THERE AND KICKS MWG RIGHT IN THE FACE! Mr. Entertainment grabs MWG …. He sends him to the ropes … Entertainment off now … FLYING FOREARM! Entertainment picks the champion up … BRAINBUSTER!! MR. ENTERTAINMENT IS GOING TO THE ROPES!”
JIVE: “The referee is out … Mr. Entertainment has his blindfold up .. and now the Television Champion is on the mat … this is chaos!”
GHEORGHE: “Mr. Entertainment perched on the top rope …. He sets up …. HIGH FLYING MOONSAULT ONTO THE TELEVISION CHAMPION!!! Entertainment puts the blindfold down as the referee starts to move … Entertainment with the cover..”
JIVE: “He’s going to get away with it!”
GHEORGHE: “The referee slowly over …. ONE ………. TWO …….. THREE!!! HE DID IT! MR. ENTERTAINMENT HAS WON!”
(SFX: Bell rings. Crowd busts out with a tremendous jeer.)
JIVE: “Mr. Entertainment is the new Television Champion!!”
JACOBS: “The winner of the match … and NEW Television Champion ….. MISTER ENTERTAINMENT!”
GHEORGHE: “I can’t believe it! Mr. Entertainment repeatedly took his blindfold off to defeat MWG … and then used the ref to trick MWG into hitting him with the Disappear Here DDT!!”
JIVE: “Mr. Entertainment is a GENIUS!”
GHEORGHE: “And also the new Television champion! We’ve got to take a commercial break … and when we return .. it’s tonight’s MAIN EVENT! The Phantom Republican puts the World championship on the line in a Tornado Tag match .. where he could lose the championship and not even be involved in the fall!”
