(CUTTO: Inside the now filled Bryce Jordan Centre in University Park, Pennsylvania. Fans are screaming as the camera cuts to some of the signs for tonight’s event including one that says “GOP: PA IS A BLUE STATE BITCH!” and another that says “TELEVISION NEEDS ITS ENTERTAINMENT!” The camera cuts to Nick Jive and Tom Gheorghe at the broadcast table.)
GHEORGHE: “Welcome everyone to the beautiful Bryce Jordan Centre here in University Park, Pennsylvania for another action-packed edition of RAUCOUS!”
JIVE: “Can you believe that idiot, Gheorghe?”
GHEORGHE: “Who are you talking about?”
JIVE: “That idiot right there with the sign. Pennsylvania’s a blue state? Once GOP gets done making a mockery of John Doe and MWG, he’ll have converted the entire arena over to the Republican party!”
GHEORGHE: “The fans here tonight are riled up as they have five fantastic matches to look forward to.”
JIVE: “Hell, if I were Rick Santorum, I’d have Phantom Republican out campaigning for him during his free time … at least then he’d have a chance in his fizzling re-election campaign.”
GHEORGHE: “Not only do these fans have a night full of action to look forward to … but also tonight’s event is our LAST stop before the BattleBRAWL in New York City!”
JIVE: “Talk about huge, Gheorghe .. have you seen some of the names signed up for that?”
GHEORGHE: “I can hardly contain myself, Nick. The BattleBRAWL rumble itself is looking to be one of the best matches in recent history … we’ve got some big names in the event .. including … the return of Alister Hayze!”
JIVE: “Bah! I was talking about Luscious!”
GHEORGHE: “Luscious is another great wrestler whose entered himself into the rumble .. and with the return of Alister Hayze it should be even better than expected! Also entered … and I’m sure Cameron Cruise will be happy..”
JIVE: “Or not..”
GHEORGHE: “But Joey Melton, the July Wrestler of the Month in the blogosphere, has thrown his name into the hat as well!”
JIVE: “Not to mention this mystery entrant … I don’t know about you, Gheorghe .. but after ANTAEUS, after SPECTRE … after the Masked Man Loser Tact, I have had it up to here with mysteries!”
GHEORGHE: “The Rumble is jam packed with 18 signed up, and a few more to come … but the rumble isn’t the only huge match as Karla Starr will put her Women’s Heavyweight title on the line against the #1 contender, Foxx!”
JIVE: “Karla Starr has had a strangle hold on the Women’s title since she won it at the first BattleBRAWL .. and there’s no reason to think that she won’t continue to hold it after she dispatches Foxx.”
GHEORGHE: “Marcus LaRoque has also signed Chaos up for a P©X match at the pay per view .. but he hasn’t announced who Chaos will be facing..”
JIVE: “If anything, they should just throw a dead carcass in the ring … no one faces a chance against Chaos in a P©X match!”
GHEORGHE: “The main event … the World Title re-match … The Phantom Republican and ‘Gentleman’ Jonathan Marx will be going head to head!”
JIVE: “Jonathan Marx won his first World Heavyweight title in his career last RAUCOUS, Gheorghe … The Phantom Republican and him are going to put on a hell of a match. The Princeton Elitist against the Middle America Champion!”
GHEORGHE: “I wouldn’t call Jonathan Marx an elitist, Nick!”
JIVE: “Just listen to him talk, Gheorghe.. he thinks he’s better than everybody!”
GHEORGHE: “Oh no he doesn’t! Ladies and gentleman .. we just quickly want to go over some of the matches that happened on our sister show, RAPTURE, from beautiful Atlantic City, New Jers…”
JIVE: “Those lucky bastards! They get to gamble on New ERA time .. and the best I could come up with was a kegger with some college kids during their summer break.”
GHEORGHE: “I thought you couldn’t come out to eat with me and Sara last night because you were ill?”
JIVE: “I was … uh .. er .. the kegger was .. sometime else.”
GHEORGHE: “Sure, it was, Nick. Anywho. RAPTURE saw the debut of .. well quite an interesting individual as Chris McMillan took on Harold A Lombourgh .. also known as HAL.”
JIVE: “Interesting indeed … HAL is like an experiment done by a Dungeon and Dragon geek gone wrong. He’s a dork, Gheorghe!”
GHEORGHE: “Dork or not, HAL picked up a victory in his first ever match and went over easily on Chris McMillan.”
JIVE: “Not like that’s difficult.”
(Jive laughs, except a snort comes out.)
GHEORGHE: “And HAL is the geek?”
JIVE: “Shut up .. I had something in my throat.”
GHEORGHE: “Also in action was ‘the Messenger’ Trevor Cane .. fresh off a victory over the LoC Superstar Turk, as he took on Matthew, the Hardcore Kid.”
JIVE: “The Hardcore PUNK. Cane taught him a lesson three ways from Sunday .. and now Matthew is too afraid to show his face in public!”
GHEORGHE: “Cane with the victory over Matthew in a hard fought match .. and another hard fought match saw Carlee Marx, her first in ring action in a long time, against Victoria Hawke. Marx didn’t seem too rusty as she easily dispatched the Swedish phenom.”
JIVE: “Marx got the victory, but Hawke still kicked her ass in the looks portion of the match.”
GHEORGHE: “There’s no looks portion, Nick.”
JIVE: “In my matches there are .. and Hawke won hands down…”
GHEORGHE: “The fans in Atlantic City also saw an action filled fatal fourway match … four of New ERA’s newer stars went head to head … to head to head!”
JIVE: “Don’t you mean .. head to head … to head to Ozeki’s ass kicking them all over the place?”
GHEORGHE: “Kidd Jackson, JR White, Tommy O’Hagan and the sumo Ozeki faced off … and while Jackson went home early … O’Hagan, White and Ozeki put on a great match which the fans thoroughly enjoyed. Ozeki walked out victorious, but I am seeing great things in the future for O’Hagan and JR White… maybe even in the BattleBRAWL rumble!”
JIVE: “Ozeki still got the victory .. and with Seth Champion in his corner, he’ll soon be up there fighting for the World title.”
GHEORGHE: “The main event saw Chaos in a P©X match for the second straight RAPTURE .. this time he took on Jason Payne.”
JIVE: “Payne wasn’t AS freaky as usual… but that didn’t matter much to Chaos as he kicked his ass … in a HOME DEPOT sanctioned match.”
GHEORGHE: “Chaos literally brought everything including the kitchen sink into the ring .. and he won after chokeslamming Jason Payne … from the back of the Home Depot truck to the arena floor!”
JIVE: “But those matches pale into comparison to what we have tonight… I can’t even wait for GOP to mop the floor tonight and go into BattleBRAWL 2 to snatch his title back! After all, he never lost it!”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx, en route to winning his first World title, made Beau Michaels submit while GOP was tangled in the ropes … but under the match stipulations anyone could lose the title for GOP…”
JIVE: “Cheap if you ask me.. LaRoque must be a bleeding heart liberal.”
GHEORGHE: “Tonight we got a great lineup .. and what a main event … a Triple Threat .. elimination style match with a special guest referee! MWG, who lost the Television title to Mr. Entertainment last RAUCOUS, will take on John Doe and the former World Heavyweight Champion The Phantom Republican…”
JIVE: “It gives you joy to say former, doesn’t it, commie?”
GHEORGHE: “With the special guest referee … the World Heavyweight Champion .. Jonathan Marx!”
JIVE: “Anyone who thinks that Marx won’t try to skewer this match in Doe’s favor is out of their mind.”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx is an upstanding individual.. sometimes he makes choices that I don’t understand .. but I think the love of the game and being a fair and judicial referee will mean more than helping Doe win tonight.”
JIVE: “I can’t wait until you’re proven wrong.”
GHEORGHE: “Another match that’s sure to draw strong fan interest is the Revenge Match … LoC superstar Turk will take on former World Champion Larry Tact … in a rematch from the 2-year anniversary RAUCOUS.”
JIVE: “Turk’s already beaten Tact once .. the fact that this match is a no countout, no disqualification match makes me even more sure that Turk is going to leave Tact out to dry again!”
GHEORGHE: “Juliet Marceau has faith in Turk .. and he’s shown great stuff here in New ERA .. but after a loss to Trevor Cane … do you think he can overcome the odds of a determined Larry Tact?”
JIVE: “With ease!”
GHEORGHE: “Someone’s spot in the BattleBRAWL rumble is on the line … as Shawn Hart and Cameron Cruise will battle it in a match where their entry number depends on the kindness of the winner’s heart.”
JIVE: “You know that whoever loses is going to go in #1 at the rumble, Gheorghe … that’s the smartest tactic you can take to try to increase your chances at winning.”
GHEORGHE: “Cameron Cruise entered at #2 last year .. and he made it to the final three … and almost won the entire thing before MWG tossed both him and Jason Payne over the ropes at the same time!”
JIVE: “Cruise better hope that he doesn’t lose .. or else he’ll be drawing #1!”
GHEORGHE: “The Television champion Mr. Entertainment will be in non-title action tonight … as he takes on Daymon!”
JIVE: “Rocko Daymon!”
GHEORGHE: “Daymon, Nick.”
JIVE: “If he thinks that by dropping Rocko he’s going to suddenly become a better wrestler then he’s even more insane than his wife!”
GHEORGHE: “Daymon’s already an incredibly talented wrestler, Nick … and tonight Mr. Entertainment is going to have his hands full.”
JIVE: “Speaking of having my hands full…”
GHEORGHE: “Our opening match tonight …”
(Gheorghe glances over at Nick with a disgusted look on his face as he finally got his joke.)
GHEORGHE: “Four women … two teams … it’s a women’s tag team match! Mercedes Devon and Women’s Heavyweight Champion Karla Starr will take on the team of Krist Blue and the #1 contender to the title, Foxx!”
JIVE: “Clothes are going to be flying left and right… I can’t hardly wait!”
GHEORGHE: “New ERA’s women’s division has been on a roll recently … and this tag team match should showcase all of their assets.”
JIVE: “Just what I wanted to hear!”
GHEORGHE: “Ugh .. will you stop?!”
JIVE: “What?”
GHEORGHE: “Ladies and gentlemen … we’ll be back in a quick second … we’ve got to take a quick commercial break … but when we do return… it’s the lady’s tag team match!”
(CUTTO: Commercial for New ERA of Wrestling’s next pay per view … BattleBRAWL 2! Coming to you live from Madison Square Garden … August 2006!)
