JULIUS: “No!! The referee is saying Hart got his shoulder up!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx .. HE IS FORCING HART’s HEAD ONTO THE TRACK!!”
JIVE: “We’re going to see the first decapitation of a wrestler LIVE on television!”
GHEORGHE: “HERE COMES THE TRAIN ….. AND SHAWN HART BARELY GETS HIS HEAD UP BEFORE THE TRAIN HITS IT!”
JULIUS: “Marx just shoved him back down!”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx putting all his weight on the chest of Shawn Hart .. AND I SEE IT AGAIN!”
JIVE: “I’m covering my eyes .. tell me when its over!”
GHEORGHE: “THE TRAIN COMING ………………….. AND SOMEHOW SHAWN HART MANAGES TO GET A HAND FREE AND HE PUSHES THE TRACK AWAY FROM HIM!”
(SFX: CRASH!)
JULIUS: “The train just went flying off the track and into the fence! Shawn Hart just saved himself … again.”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx now on his feet .. and he drops a knee! Marx up … and he looks down … AND HE SEES THE PATRIOTS JERSEY!”
(Marx does a double take and then quickly rips the jersey in half, a la Hogan.)
GHEORGHE: “Marx now grabs Hart … AND HE WHIPS HIM RIGHT INTO THE CAMERA!”
JIVE: “Now they can’t get their picture taken with Santa! Jonathan Marx is like the Grinch!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx … he grabs Shawn Hart … AND THEY’RE GOING TO SANTA’s HOUSE!”
JIVE: “I thought that was his workshop..”
GHEORGHE: “Whatever it is .. Jonathan Marx is bringing Hart over to it …… Marx stops .. boots Hart in the stomach … MARX HOOKS THE ARMS …… BUTTERFLY SUPLEX …. AND HART GOES CRASHING RIGHT THROUGH THE DOOR!”
JULIUS: “And out the other side!”
JIVE: “You mean … its not a real workshop!?”
GHEORGHE: “Umm… Marx now .. HE GRABS THE BIG RED BAG NEXT TO THE CHAIR …… and he just dumped out all the presents!”
JULIUS: “He’s got better plans for it…”
GHEORGHE: “Marx approaches Hart …. AND HE PUTS THE BAG OVER HART! Shawn Hart standing up now .. and he can’t see anything .. AND MARX WITH A RIGHT HAND! AND ANOTHER! Shawn Hart walking in circles right now …. AND MARX GRABS HIM…. MARX JUST HIT A BELLY TO BELLY … AND SENT HART THROUGH THE WALL OF THE HOUSE!”
JIVE: “Workshop.”
JULIUS: “It’s FAKE.. it doesn’t matter what the hell it is.”
GHEORGHE: “MARX MAKES THE COVER ……. ONE ………… TWO …….. THREE!! HE GOT HIM!”
JIVE: “FINALLY!”
JULIUS: “Noo! Ref says TWO!”
GHEORGHE: “MY GOD THIS MATCH CONTINUES!”
JULIUS: “Can you imagine .. if this match were held in a REAL FAO Schwartz store instead of this mall take on it? I’ve seen the WFW matches … and I can only begin to imagine all the possibilities!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx grabs Hart .. and he rips off the bag .. and now he brings him back to his feet! Jonathan Marx … he’s going over to the escalator! THIS THING IS HEADED TO THE SECOND FLOOR!”
JIVE: “I wonder if they could pick up some stuff for me while they’re there.”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx …. HE HAS HART UP …. AND MARX WITH AN ATOMIC DROP .. ON THE ESCALATOR!”
JULIUS: “Hart just tumbled halfway down the escalator .. but he’s still going upwards!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx gets off the escalator .. and here comes Hart’s body … and Hart now on the second floor… AND MARX WITH THE COVER!”
JULIUS: “The referee hasn’t made it off the escalator yet … and he finally does … but Marx can only get the two!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx back on his feet .. he turns around .. and they are in the food court area!”
JIVE: “There’s tons of potential weapons around as the tables and chairs are just aching to be used..”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx brings the World Heavyweight champion to his feet … he grabs the arm and sends him into the near.. NO! HART WITH A REVERSAL AND MARX GOES CRASHING INTO A SECTION OF THE TABLES!”
JULIUS: “Marx just cleared out a good section of the food court area … but not in the way he wanted!”
GHEORGHE: “Shawn Hart falls to the ground as well .. and this match has definitely taken a toll on both men!”
JIVE: “They’ve fought in the carts .. they fought in GAP .. in a sports store .. in a Winter Wonderland .. and now they’re in the food court… and there’s still the entire second floor to explore!”
GHEORGHE: “Shawn Hart crawls over to a table .. and he gets to his feet .. AND HE’s GOT A CHAIR! AND HART SLAMS THE CHAIR OVER THE BACK OF JONATHAN MARX!”
JIVE: “Those aren’t the standard metal chairs you find around ringside .. the chair he just used doesn’t fold .. it doesn’t indent when making contact…”
GHEORGHE: “The World Heavyweight champion now grabbing Marx .. and he brings him up … AND WHIPS HIM RIGHT INTO THE GLASS OF THE DELI CASE!”
JIVE: “It’s a good thing Marx isn’t a vegetarian!”
GHEORGHE: “AND NOW SHAWN HART SLAMMING THE HEAD OF MARX RIGHT INTO THE CASE … AND HE’s OPENING IT UP!”
JULIUS: “Shawn Hart just shut it .. right onto the head of Marx!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx’s head still in the case … AND HART GRABS HIS LEGS … AND HE JUST SHOVED THE REST OF MARX IN THE DELI CASE!”
JULIUS: “Marx is lying in god KNOWS how many days old lunch meat…”
GHEORGHE: “Hart now grabbing a handful of bologna .. AND HE IS SHOVING IT DOWN THE THROAT OF JONATHAN MARX! Marx starting to dry heave … and if Hart isn’t careful .. he might just get some of that right back on him!”
JULIUS: “I think Jive’s going to get some of my lunch on him if Hart doesn’t stop..”
JIVE: “Hey .. Gheorghe is sitting in the middle .. upchuck on him.”
GHEORGHE: “No thank you! Shawn Hart now grabbing Marx … and he THROWS HIM OVER THE COUNTER! Shawn Hart catlike as he jumps on the counter … AND HE SPLASHES MARX ON THE OTHER SIDE! Hart with the cover … ONE ………. TWO ……… THREE—NOOOOOOOOOOO!! SOMEHOW MARX KICKS OUT!”
JIVE: “I can’t believe that either man is able to continue after the beating they’re giving each other…”
GHEORGHE: “This is for the biggest championship in New ERA … they’re going to fight it out until one or the other is out cold!”
JIVE: “Hart just popped Marx’s head against the cash register .. and the drawer popped out!”
JULIUS: “Hart just took a handful of dollar bills … I didn’t know he was Jewish..”
JIVE: “Says the Jew.’
JULIUS: “Dammit, Jive .. I knew you were looking at me in the shower room!”
JIVE: “I WAS NOT!”
GHEORGHE: “HART SHOVES THE WAD OF BILLS IN THE MOUTH OF MARX … and now he grabs a roll of quarters … AND HE POPS MARX IN THE MOUTH! That roll of quarters just exploded all across the back area!”
JULIUS: “And now Marx is back over the top of the counter into the food court…”
JIVE: “Incoming!”
GHEORGHE: “HART FLIES OVER THE COUNTER AND LANDS THE HEADBUTT! ONE ………….. TWO ………….. THREE……… NO!! Marx kicked out! He got out again!”
JIVE: “The Second Golden Age of Wrestling is among us .. and his name is Jonathan Marx!”
GHEORGHE: “Shawn Hart can’t believe it … and now he’s bringing Marx down the second floor hallway!”
JULIUS: “Hart is scoping the area out .. AND THEY’RE GOING INTO VICTORIA’s SECRET!”
JIVE: “That’s my kinda store!”
JULIUS: “Yea .. because you like to wear the clothes..”
GHEORGHE: “Ha, ha! Shawn Hart with Marx … and he just body slammed him onto the folding table … AND NOW HART GRABS A MANNEQUIN … AND HE JAMS THE MANNEQUIN RIGHT INTO MARX’s HEAD!”
JULIUS: “Well .. Marx at least got a mouthful of breasts!”
GHEORGHE: “Hart tosses the mannequin to the ground … AND HE IS CHOKING MARX …. WITH A PUSHUP BRA!”
JULIUS: “Those may help women gain self-confidence … but right now they’re helping Hart maintain control of this match…”
GHEORGHE: “Marx though with a thumb to the eye and that backs Shawn Hart off! Marx quickly gets the bra from around his throat .. and he falls to the floor…”
JIVE: “Marx is crawling out of the store! No! Stay in there a little bit longer!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx out of Victoria’s Secret … and now Shawn Hart regains his vision and goes after him … Hart down to get Marx … BUT MARX WITH A YANK OF THE TIGHTS SENDS HART FLYING FORWARD …… AND HART HITS HIS THROAT ON THE TOP OF THE BANNISTER!”
JIVE: “Hey, it could have been worse .. Hart could have fallen over it and down to the first floor!”
GHEORGHE: “This is what it is all about, folks .. the World Heavyweight Championship .. RAUCOUS in Santiago … BANNED in the US coming up quickly … and next RAUCOUS, from Puerto Rico .. New ERA celebrates the conclusion of three years .. with the 3 year anniversary show!”
JIVE: “After this match you have to wonder if either of these men will even be on the show!”
GHEORGHE: “Hart and Marx BOTH finally getting to their feet … and they meet! Hart with a right hand .. and Marx comes right back with one of his own! Hart again .. Marx returns! Hart with a thir.. NO! Marx ducks! MARX GRABS THE WAIST …. AND HITS THE NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX! ONE ……….. TWO …………. THREE!!!!”
JULIUS: “Did he get him?!”
GHEORGHE: “NO! THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION GOT OUT ONCE MORE!!!”
JULIUS: “Jesus!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx .. he is up .. and he grabs Hart ..”
JULIUS: “Marx is not going to let up … not with the World Heavyweight Championship lying in his grasp.”
GHEORGHE: “Marx now taking Hart into the electronics store!”
JIVE: “I can just see HAL in the back right now .. if they destroy one piece of equipment he’s going to be there lightning quick to repair it.”
GHEORGHE: “Marx … MARX GRABS HART AND SLAMS HIS HEAD INTO THE RACK OF GAMES … the games fall to the ground …. AND JONATHAN MARX WITH THE HEAD OF HART AND DDT’s HIM RIGHT INTO THE GAMES!”
JIVE: “I guess those will be in the pre-played section tomorrow.”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx now … Marx looks over .. he just grabbed something .. AND HE BUSTED OPEN THE PROTECTIVE CASING HOLDING THE DEMO WII!!”
JULIUS: “How the fuck do they have Wii’s in the Dominican Republic when I can’t even get my hands on one in the US is beyond me.”
GHEORGHE: “Marx reaches in .. he grabs the console .. but he just put it down!”
JIVE: “I wouldn’t want to break it either … that’s an awesome system!”
GHEROGHE: “MARX JUST RIPPED THE CONTROLLER OFF ITS HOLDER! AND MARX IS NOW BASHING THE REMOTE AGAINST THE HEAD OF HART!”
JULIUS: “LOOK! HA! Marx is boxing on Wii Sports … AND HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW IT!”
(The camera cuts quickly to the monitor .. showing Marx destroying the CPU opponent in the Wii Sports boxing game.)
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx .. HE JUST BROKE THE CONTROLLER!”
JIVE: “What a pity … Marx almost had the opponent knocked out for the round!”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx hasn’t been able to knock out his opponent in the real match .. but he’s come damn close on so many occasions!”
JULIUS: “I don’t know how much either guy has left in him .. this match HAS to be coming to an end soon.”
GHEORGHE: “With the World Heavyweight Championship on the line .. they might just fight until the mall is renovated completely!”
JIVE: “They’re certainly helping knock down some of the walls!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx now grabs Shawn Hart by the tights .. and he is literally carrying him out of the store! Marx now … HE JUST SLAMMED TORPEDOED HART HEAD FIRST INTO THE WALL! Marx with the cover …. ONE ………. TWO ……….. THREE!! HE GOT HIM! JONATHAN MARX GOT … NOOOOOOOOO!”
JIVE: “I thought for SURE Marx had him there .. but somehow Shawn Hart kicked out!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx obviously upset .. and look at the dried blood on his face .. just a reminder of what happened earlier! Marx now grabs Hart again .. AND HE SENDS HIM FLYING WITH A BULLDOG … RIGHT INTO ONE OF THE BENCHES!”
JULIUS: “Well, Marx flew over the bench, but Hart’s head hit right on the seat!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx on his knees … definitely taking his time to get to his feet …”
JIVE: “He’s scoping out the territory, Gheorghe.. Marx wants to put this FAO Schwartz, Dominican Style match away .. but he wants to do it .. in style!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx walks over and grabs Hart .. and he’s bypassing a lot of stores … they’re at the end of the hallway .. AND MARX SLAMS HART’s HEAD INTO THE PEPSI … NO! HART BLOCKS IT!! Somehow Shawn Hart blocked the attempt … AND HE SLAMS MARX’s HEAD INTO THE PEPSI MACHINE!”
(SFX: Chugging noise .. a Pepsi drops.)
JIVE: “A souvenir for his hard work.”
GHEORGHE: “Shawn Hart opens up the Pepsi.. AND HE TAKES A SWIG!”
JULIUS: “Now that’s not fair .. how come Hart gets to rehydrate himself?”
GHEORGHE: “Marx got to eat earlier..”
JIVE: “You kidding me?”
GHEORGHE: “Shawn Hart finishes the swig …. AND HE POURS THE REST OF THE PEPSI RIGHT INTO THE FACE OF JONATHAN MARX! Shawn Hart … he takes the challenger … AND HE JUST HIPTOSSED HIM RIGHT INTO THE POTTED PLANT!”
JULIUS: “Those things look prickly!”
GHEORGHE: “The World Heavyweight champion grabs Marx by the hair ….. AND SENDS HIM CRASHING INTO THE BOTTOM HALF OF THE RAILING! Jonathan Marx slams hard … and Hart coming after him again.”
JULIUS: “These two might as well head back…….. WOW!”
GHEORGHE: “MARX WITH A SHOT TO THE GUT … AND THEN HE DUMPED SHAWN HART OVER THE RAILING!!!”
JIVE: “BUT HART IS HOLDING ON!”
GHEORGHE: “SHAWN HART … HOLDING ON FOR DEAR LIFE …. He is hanging over the railing .. and the only thing below him is that fountain!”
JULIUS: “That fountain is like .. a foot deep .. and Hart is hanging at LEAST 20 feet in the air!”
GHEORGHE: “SHAWN HART TRYING TO PULL HIMSELF UP …………. BUT HE LOSES HIS GRIP AND FALLS ALL THE WAY DOWN INTO THE FOUNTAIN!! BY GOD HE COULD HAVE KILLED HIMSELF!”
JIVE: “Look at the referee!! The referee has run down the stairs to the side .. and he’s checking on Hart! Hart is lying in the water… and he doesn’t look to be moving!”
GHEORGHE: “The World Heavyweight champion … lying motionless in the fountain .. and his head is BARELY above the water..”
JULIUS: “Imagine if Marx won the championship via drowning? That’d be a first.”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx doesn’t know what happened as he is getting to his feet looking for the World Heavyweight champion .. Marx looking around .. and finally Marx looks over the railing .. and he sees Hart lying in the fountain!”
JIVE: “MARX IS GOING TO FLY OFF THE SECOND FLOOR ON TOP OF HART!”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx looked over … but he’s taking the stairs down! Jonathan Marx … he’s going to win the World Heavyweight Championship back!”
JULIUS: “Hart put up a damn good fight .. but stick a fork in him.”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx …. MARX IS COVERING HART RIGHT IN THE FOUNTAIN!”
JIVE: “Good move! It may only be a foot .. but that’s added pressure on the shoulder to get up .. not that Hart’s able to..”
GHEORGHE: “ONE ………………….. TWO …………………………. THREE!!! JONATHAN MARX HAS WON THE WORLD HEAVY—!! OH MY GOD!”
JULIUS: “You have GOT to be fucking kidding me!?”
JIVE: “SHAWN HART KICKED OUT?!”
GHEORGHE: “HART GOT HIS SHOULDER UP! SOMEHOW! THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION IS STILL IN THIS THING!”
JULIUS: “I don’t believe it! That’s impossible!”
GHEORGHE: “It’s possible .. and it happened! Jonathan Marx .. he can’t even fathom it… he thought he had won back the World Heavyweight Championship .. but Shawn Hart … he’s still here!”
JIVE: “I don’t even know what to say!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx rolls off of Hart .. and both men are lying in the fountain … I can’t believe this! Shawn Hart showing why he is the New ERA World Heavyweight champion .. and I think he’s silenced the critics .. winning the BattleBRAWL rumble after entering #1 … defeating Marx last RAUCOUS … and now putting on a hell of a defense here tonight!”
JULIUS: “Hart is definitely proving himself … but how much more can he take? Hell .. how much more can either man take?!”
JIVE: “We’ve asked that question so many times tonight .. and yet they’re both showing us!”
GHEORGHE: “Both men … still lying in the fountain … AND FINALLY MARX IS MOVING! Jonathan Marx … fighting to regain the World Heavyweight Championship .. and he is out of the fountain .. AND HE PULLS HART OUT WITH HIM!”
JULIUS: “Jonathan Marx had to deal with the disintegration of DREDD last RAUCOUS .. had to deal with losing the championship to Hart … and now this ..”
GHEORGHE: “Jonathan Marx reaching back with everyth.. HE SLIPPED! JONATHAN MARX SLIPPED! The water from the fountain caused him to slip on the ground .. and he falls backwards!”
JIVE: “I can’t believe it! After all this .. and he’s going to lose because he conked himself out!”
GHEORGHE: “No! Marx is getting back to his feet! JONATHAN MARX IS GETTING BACK UP!”
JULIUS: “The drive for the championship … he can feel it!”
GHEORGHE: “MARX IS UP ………………. EL CODO EXPLOSIVO!! MY GOD SHAWN HART OUT OF NOWHERE WITH THE SUPERKICK!! BOTH MEN ARE DOWN! BOTH MEN ARE DOWN!”
JIVE: “Shawn Hart just needs to make the cover! That’s enough to put Marx away!!”
GHEORGHE: “Shawn Hart isn’t moving though! Shawn Hart is just inches away from retaining the World Heavyweight Championship .. but he can’t turn over and toss the arm on Marx!”
(SFX: Chains .. dragging against the ground..)
JIVE: “What is that noise?!”
JULIUS: “It sounds like .. chains…”
GHEORGHE: “WHAT THE HELL?!”
(The camera cuts back .. coming from behind the fountain .. is a ghostly figure .. LITERALLY!)
GHEORGHE: “NO… NO …”
JULIUS: “ITS LUSTER!! LUSTER FROM WORLD’s FINEST WRESTLING!”
GHEORGHE: “I know this is usually a WFW type match .. but what the hell is he doing here?!”
JIVE: “Luster’s been involved in about 100 WFW World Heavyweight championship title changes ….. AND NOW HE IS WALKING TOWARDS SHAWN HART!”
JULIUS: “And how fitting .. HE’s DRESSED AS THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST!”
GHEORGHE: “LUSTER … HE GRABS SHAWN HART FROM OFF THE GROUND ……”
JIVE: “The referee doesn’t know what to make of him!”
GHEORGHE: “STOP HIM! HE IS GRABBING HART! HE PLACES HART BETWEEN HIS LEGS ……….FUNK AND WAGNALL!! LUSTER JUST NAILED THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION WITH THE POWERBOMB!!”
JIVE: “AND NOW LUSTER IS OVER TO JONATHAN MARX!”
GHEORGHE: “The referee is standing back in awe … AND LUSTER DRAGS JONATHAN MARX OVER TO HART … NO!! IT CAN’T END LIKE THIS! ONE …………………… TWO ………………………….. THREE!!!!!”
JIVE: “HE GOT HIM! JONATHAN MARX REGAINS THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!!!”
GHEORGHE: “Thanks to Luster!! WHAT A TRAVESTY!! We’re out of time! Luster now slinking away into the night … AND THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST JUST ROBBED SHAWN HART OF THE NEW ERA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!”
