JACOBS: “The following match is scheduled for one fall … and is tonight’s MAIN EVENT!! The winner of this match will receive a World Heavyweight Championship shot at the next RAUCOUS from Trelawny, Jamaica … introducing first…”
(CUEUP: “Imperial March” by John Williams with various voice overs from GOP officials. The lights in the arena flash red, white and blue as streamers fall from the rafters. Jeffords comes from behind the curtain followed by GOP as the crowd jeers hardcore!)
JACOBS: “He hails from Conservative Middle America … weighing in at 253 pounds .. being led to the ring by Jeffords …. the FORMER New ERA of Wrestling World Heavyweight champion ….. THE PHANTOM … REPUBLICAN!”
JULIUS: “LOOK AT GOP!! He is stately .. he is confident .. and he will be your next World Heavyweight champion!”
GHEORGHE: “GOP ended Jean Rabesque’s run as World Heavyweight champion .. and fought valiantly to regain the World Heavyweight Championship at BattleBRAWL 2 before coming up just a bit short against Marx .. and now he’s out here to get another shot.”
(CUEUP: “Karma” by Diffuser. ‘TACT’ comes across the big screens as Larry Tact enters through the curtains to massive jeers. He soaks them in as he walks to the ring.)
JACOBS: “And his opponent … hailing from Manhattan, New York .. standing six foot six and weigh 252 pounds .. he was New ERA’s FIRST World Heavyweight champion …. LARRY .. TACT!”
GHEORGHE: “And the fans here reacting negatively to Tact who has turned his back in the past few months on the fans who supported him so diligently on his quest for the World Heavyweight Championship the first time around …”
JULIUS: “He’s grown balls, Gheorghe. Larry Tact has finally figured out that the fans are just a distraction .. and that in order to succeed, you have to say ‘fuck ‘em..’”
(SFX: Bell rings.)
GHEORGHE: “And we are underway as the two men who won their respective battle royals at the 3 year anniversary show of RAUCOUS stand face to face in the middle of the ring.”
JIVE: “Larry Tact .. Phantom Republican .. you can feel the tension in the ring as Tact lifts his arm up in the air challenging GOP to a test of strength.”
JULIUS: “Well, he sure as hell wouldn’t challenge GOP to a test of intelligence, because he’d lose before it would begin!”
GHEORGHE: “GOP lifts his arm up .. but Tact stops short … and Tact with a kick to the stomach! Larry Tact grabs the head of the Phantom Republican, and he hits the swinging neckbreaker!”
JULIUS: “What we’re witnessing is the changing of New ERA’s landscape. You got Tact .. and Phantom Republican .. and right now, its hard to tell which one is going to play dirtier in this match.”
GHEORGHE: “Tact has certainly had a change of heart the last few months .. this is something that I don’t think I’ve ever really seen before. Especially since he attacked Daymon earlier tonight! The former World Heavyweight Champion Larry Tact would not have done that.”
JIVE: “Larry Tact now back up on his feet ..”
GHEORGHE: “Tact grabs the head of GOP and applies a chinlock. He’s applying pressure down … and GOP isn’t getting the start to this match that he was hoping for.”
JIVE: “Tact cheapshotted him from the start, and that’s really affected the match.”
GHEORGHE: “Larry Tact continues to maintain that chinlock.. but GOP is starting to make a move. GOP using all his strength to get to his feet… he’s on his knees.. and Tact is desperately trying to keep the hold locked on!”
JULIUS: “If GOP is able to get this hold broken, you know that there will be hell to pay.”
GHEORGHE: “Tact now on his tippy toes trying to stop GOP from getting any momentum .. but GOP with a shot to the stomach! And another! GOP hooks the waist of Tact … AND HOISTS HIM HIGH IN THE AIR!! Larry Tact with a look of surprise on his face … AND GOP TOSSES HIM DOWN ON THE MAT! The hold is broken.”
JIVE: “Tact looked to be in complete shock when GOP lifted him up in the air .. and his grip was loosened enough for GOP to toss him ass first to the mat.”
GHEORGHE: “GOP now going on the offensive … some quick stomps to the hands of Larry Tact … and now GOP scoops him up. The Phantom Republican with a whip to the ropes … Tact comes back … AND GOP WITH A HUUUUUGE BACK BODY DROP! Larry Tact hits the mat and immediately sits up in pain.”
JULIUS: “Tact got some great air time … here’s hoping he gets Sky Miles.”
GHEORGHE: “The Former World Heavyweight champion grabs the OTHER former World Heavyweight champion .. and GOP spins behind Tact … grabs the waist … and nails the German suplex! GOP quickly drops Tact and gets back to his feet … dropping the leg across Tact’s face.”
JIVE: “The Phantom Republican didn’t just beat Jean Rabesque .. but he also tossed out Daymon .. and Shawn Hart. GOP has consistently proven to New ERA of Wrestling fans that he is one of the best talents here.”
JULIUS: “GOP should still be champion .. he was robbed, I tell ya.”
GHEORGHE: “The Phantom Republican grabs onto the legs of Larry Tact … AND DROPS THE LEG INTO THE LOWER ABDOMEN! That looked like the REALLY lower abdomen to me..”
JIVE: “Oh it was fine, Gheorghe .. why do you always assume the worst from GOP?”
GHEORGHE: “Oh.. I don’t know .. maybe because he’s…”
JULIUS: “Republican? How typical of you, Gheorghe…”
GHEORGHE: “That’s not what I was going to say!”
JULIUS: “Sure .. keep telling that to yourself while you paint the rest of your house commie red.”
GHEORGHE: “IT IS BURNT SIERRA.”
JULIUS: “Commie.”
GHEORGHE: “GOP drops to the mat and hooks the head of Tact and yanks him to his feet … Locks the tights … AND GOP LIFTS TACT UP …… AND DROPS HIM FORWARD! GOP with the Unilateral Strike .. and he’s in control of the match.”
JIVE: “Tact is used to taking this punishment .. I bet he feels right at home.”
JULIUS: “Damn right .. he does. Anyone who actually wanted to fight Jean Rabesque more than once must be some sort of sado-masochist.”
GHEORGHE: “GOP locks the legs of Tact .. and he’s trying to flip him over for the Boston Crab … BUT TACT FLIPS THROUGH IT! GOP tumbles to the mat .. and tries to get back to his feet quickly .. but its too late! Larry Tact grabs onto the head of GOP as he was on his knees, and plants him with a quick DDT.”
JIVE: “Larry Tact has been around the block a few times … like Lindsay Troy on a street corner, if you catch my drift … so it doesn’t surprise me that he had a counter for the Boston Crab attempt.”
GHEORGHE: “Both men lying on the mat ... and GOP is starting to move.”
JULIUS: “So is Tact .. albeit not as quickly.”
GHEORGHE: “GOP using the ropes to get to his feet … and he’s up.. now Jeffords telling him to get Tact fast … and GOP turns .. TACT IS ON HIS FEET ….. AND GOP WITH A RUNNING CLOTHESLINE SENDS HIM BACK TO THE MAT! GOP grabs the legs of Tact … AND FINALLY LOCKS ON THE BOSTON CRAB!”
JULIUS: “GOP sticks to his guns and won’t let Tact’s little uprising throw him off his gameplan.”
GHEORGHE: “You know what happens when you stick to your guns, right?”
JULIUS: “Huh?”
GHEORGHE: “60% of the US population call your decision a mistake .. and you are universally hated by everyone else in the world.”
JULIUS: “The Phantom Republican doesn’t need the rest of the world … once he regains the World Heavyweight Championship, people everywhere will bow to him!”
GHEORGHE: “Phantom Republican riding the Boston Crab high … and Tact looks to be in an immense amount of pain right now.”
JIVE: “Tact might have been New ERA’s first World Heavyweight champion .. but just because you’re the first, doesn’t make you the best .. and that man right there, GOP, is the best World Heavyweight champion New ERA has had.”
GHEORGHE: “Jean Rabesque held the title for over a year .. Jonathan Marx has won it twice now ..”
JIVE: “It felt like Rabesque held the title for an eternity … but then again, whenever Rabesque does anything, time dies.”
GHEORGHE: “GOP releases the Boston Crab and starts stomping away on the lower back of Larry Tact … GOP rips Tact off the mat and he has him in the corner … and GOP going to town with the alternating fists! Tact rocked over and over again … AND GOP FINISHES IT WITH A RIGHT HOOK THAT DROPS TACT TO THE MAT!”
JULIUS: “And the Phantom Republican is going to the top!”
GHEORGHE: “AND HE LOOKS TO BE BRINGING TACT WITH HIM! GOP has Tact on the top …. He hooks the waist …… AND A HUUUUUUGE SUPERPLEX!! BOTH MEN HIT THE MAT!”
JIVE: “Stick a fork in Tact … because he’s done!”
GHEORGHE: “GOP makes the cover …. ONE ……. TWO …… KICKOUT!!”
JIVE: “No, dammit, no! Tact should have been finished!”
GHEORGHE: “It’s going to take more than a superplex to put Larry Tact away!”
JULIUS: “Get me the stun gun .. or some ethanol.”
GHEORGHE: “GOP sits up and slaps the mat … and now he’s getting back to his feet … GOP up and kicks Tact in the side for good measure … and now he’s bringing the former World Heavyweight champion to his feet.”
JIVE: “Phantom Republican has one thing on his mind .. and that is to get the World Heavyweight Championship back around his waist… Tact is busy fucking around with Hart, Daymon .. if anything he might be more distracted than he should be right now.”
GHEORGHE: “GOP tosses Tact into the corner … BUT TACT POPS RIGHT BACK OUT!! TACT WITH A CLOTHESLINE OUT OF NOWHERE THAT FLOORS GOP!”
JULIUS: “Where the hell did that come from?”
GHEORGHE: “I have no clue, Dean .. but Larry Tact now grabbing GOP as he gets to his feet and whips him into the ropes … AND GOP IS A SITTING DUCK AS TACT GRABS HIM ON THE RETURN, TURNS AND PLANTS HIM INTO THE MAT WITH A SPINEBUSTER! Larry Tact is back on his feet … AND HE HOPS ON TOP OF GOP AND PUMMELS HIM WITH A FLURRY OF PUNCHES!”
JIVE: “With the way these two are going at it tonight .. you can only imagine the carnage at the EPW / NEW SuperCard! Six men .. in the ring for one title!”
GHEORGHE: “Tact back up on his feet … he scoops GOP off the mat … shot to the gut bends GOP over .. and Tact hooks the arm in between the former World Heavyweight champion’s legs … PUMPHANDLE … AND TACT TURNS IT INTO A POWERSLAM!”
JIVE: “WHAT A MANEUVER!”
GHEORGHE: “Tact makes the cover …. ONE …… TWO …. THREE---NOOOOOO!! GOP KICKS OUT!”
JULIUS: “Election night isn’t over yet, Gheorghe … this things gonna go on til day breaks.”
GHEORGHE: “Larry Tact now hitting the mat in frustration .. and he quickly looks around to survey the possibilities.”
JIVE: “The World Heavyweight Championship shot lies in the near future for the winner of this match .. and this match here tonight could be a prelude to a Tact / GOP World Heavyweight Championship match in the BANNED in the US main event!”
GHEORGHE: “The winner tonight gets the title shot on the next edition of RAUCOUS .. and then these two men, Jonathan Marx, Daymon, Shawn Hart, and Jean Rabesque will battle it out at the EPW / NEW SuperCard … should GOP or Larry Tact win the World Heavyweight Championship next RAUCOUS or at the EPW / NEW SuperCard .. you know the other is going to be salivating at the chance for another match at BANNED in the US!”
JULIUS: “Tact has GOP up .. and they’re heading to the outside!”
GHEORGHE: “Tact tosses GOP through the ring ropes to the arena floor .. and now he’s following after him. The referee quick to start the count as Tact grabs GOP’s head … AND TACT WITH A KICKSWING DDT ON THE ARENA FLOOR!”
JULIUS: “No! GOP held on to the ring apron! Tact just crashed backwards without the Phantom Republican!”
GHEORGHE: “Tact holds his back as GOP quickly climbs onto the ring apron … AND PHANTOM REPUBLICAN IS CLIMBING THE RING ROPES!”
JIVE: “What the hell is he doing?!”
GHEORGHE: “LARRY TACT IS GETTING TO HIS FEET … and JEFFORDS IS OVER THERE!! JEFFORDS IS DISTRACTING LARRY TACT AS GOP SETS HIMSELF UP!”
JIVE: “This is genius! Jeffords is GOP’s personal Karl Rove!”
GHEORGHE: “AND LARRY TACT WITH A RIGHT HOOK JUST FLOORED JEFFORDS!! TACT … TACT TURNS BACK TO THE RING …”
(SFX: CROWD POPS HUUUUUUUGE~~~!!!!)
GHEORGHE: “OH MY GOD!!! STAR WARS HIGH ARCHING MOONSAULT FROM THE TOP ROPE TO THE ARENA FLOOR AND LARRY TACT IS SQUASHED!!!”
JIVE: “Even the referee stopped to cringe!! He is now heading to the outside to check on both men!!”
GHEORGHE: “The fans at ringside are on their feet and they are … applauding?!”
JULIUS: “GOP wins over even his harshest critics.. this is war, Gheorghe .. let the politics of shock and awe woo the masses into submission.”
GHEORGHE: “The referee checking on GOP .. and now on Tact … my God .. what would happen if he stopped the match?”
JIVE: “Jonathan Marx is celebrating in the back right now, I can tell you that.”
(SFX: CROWD EXPLODES~~!)
GHEORGHE: “YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME…. PHANTOM REPUBLICAN … IS GETTING TO HIS FEET!! GOP IS UP ON HIS FEET!!!”
JIVE: “Oh hell yes!”
GHEORGHE: “The former World Heavyweight champion reaches down and grabs New ERA’s FIRST World Heavyweight champion … and he rolls Tact into the ring! GOP slides in afterwards and flings the arm over Tact’s chest ….. ONE ……… TWO ………. THREE!! MY GOD!!”
(SFX: CROWD ORGASMS~!!)
GHEORGHE: “NO! TACT KICKED OUT!! TACT KICKED OUT!!! HOW DID HE DO IT?!”
JIVE: “I can’t … I can’t explain this …”
GHEORGHE: “Both men lying on the mat .. and the referee is shaking his head as he starts the standing ten count … what a hellacious battle so far!”
JULIUS: “And I can hear the corks popping off Marx’s champagne bottles right now.”
GHEORGHE: “After what Tact did to Marx earlier costing him the Television Championship, I doubt he’s popping champagne bottles.”
JULIUS: “Watching Tact get his ass handed to him by the Phantom Republican might make up for it a little bit..”
GHEORGHE: “The Phantom Republican is getting to his feet! GOP is up … AND HE IS CALLING FOR THE END OF THIS MATCH!”
JIVE: “The World Heavyweight Championship is coming back home!”
GHEORGHE: “GOP lifts Tact off the mat … and Phantom Republican with a right hook .. and another … and a third..”
(SFX: CROWD POPS!)
GHEORGHE: “NO! TACT BLOCKS IT! TACT WITH A HOOK OF HIS OWN! ANOTHER! ANOTHER! AND TACT IS ROCKING GOP BACK …. AND FINALLY TAKES GOP OFF HIS FEET WITH A CLOTHESLINE!”
JULIUS: “Larry Tact is looking as if this match just started! Where the hell did this energy come from?”
GHEORGHE: “I dunno, but now Tact grabs GOP as Republican was getting to his feet … AND SLAMS THE FOREARM INTO THE FACE! Tact with the go behind … NECKBREAKER! TACT WITH THE COVER ……. ONE ……….. TWO ……… THR—NOOOOO!!!”
JULIUS: “Neither man budging one bit …”
GHEORGHE: “This match looks to be far from over, guys … BUT TACT … TACT IS GETTING TO HIS KNEES!”
JIVE: “Come on GOP .. get up!”
GHEORGHE: “TACT IS UP!! LARRY TACT IS ON HIS FEET …. AND LOOK AT HIS EYES!”
JULIUS: “There’s a fire burning in there .. and if GOP doesn’t have an ace up his sleeve … that fire could burn up his chances at regaining the World Heavyweight Championship next week.”
(The crowd all of a sudden jump to their feet as a huge roar floods from their mouths!)
GHEORGHE: “JONATHAN MARX!! THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION HAS JUST BUSTED THROUGH THE CURTAIN … AND HE IS SURROUNDED BY NEW ERA OFFICIALS!”
(Marx tries to fight his way down the ramp as the officials swarm around him trying to get him to go back.)
JULIUS: “Marx is a madman! He wants a piece of Larry Tact’s hide!”
GHEORGHE: “He is about thirty seconds away from getting it next RAUCOUS .. and he’ll definitely have a chance to extract revenge at the SuperCard! But MARX IS FIGHTING HIS WAY DOWN THE RAMP!”
JIVE: “And TACT TURNS AND SEES!! Tact … TACT IS MOTIONING FOR MARX TO DARE TO ENTER THE RING!”
JULIUS: “Marx is trying his damndest … I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many New ERA officials in one place!”
GHEORGHE: “Larry Tact continuing to taunt the World Heavyweight champion …..”
(SFX: Crowd groans!)
GHEORGHE: “OH MY GOD!! GOP FROM BEHIND WITH A LOW BLOW ON TACT!”
JIVE: “Tact took his eyes off GOP for one second too long … and GOP capitalized!”
GHEORGHE: “Marx still trying to fight down to the ring …….. AND GOP HAS TACT … GOP PLACES TACT’s HEAD BETWEEN HIS LEGS ….. NO! NO! NO!”
JULIUS: “MOAB! MOAB!! GOP HITS IT!”
GHEORGHE: “PHANTOM REPUBLICAN WITH THE COVER …….. ONE ……………. TWO …………….. THREE!!!”
(SFX: Bell rings.)
GHEORGHE: “MY GOD!! PHANTOM REPUBLICAN JUST WON HIS SHOT AT THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!!!”
JACOBS: “The winner of this match … and the recipient of a World Heavyweight Championship shot next RAUCOUS ….. THE PHANTOM …. REPUBLICAN!”
GHEORGHE: “I can’t believe it! GOP with the low blow while Tact was taunting Marx … and then he hits the MOAB and gets the victory!”
JIVE: “Marx got his revenge!”
GHEORGHE: “GOP slides out of the ring to celebrate with Jeffords … AND MARX IS BUSTS THROUGH THE OFFICIALS AND RUNS DOWN THE REST OF THE RAMPWAY!”
JULIUS: “Oh shit .. all hell is about to break loose!”
GHEORGHE: “We are running out of time!”
JIVE: “And GOP is on the outside …”
(SFX: CROWD EXPLODES!)
GHEORGHE: “HERE COMES DAYMON!! DAYMON RUSHES PAST THE OFFICIALS AND SLIDES INTO THE RING AFTER MARX ….. AND DAYMON ATTACKS JONATHAN MARX!”
JIVE: “Wait a minute … PHANTOM REPUBLICAN JUST SLID BACK INTO THE RING!! GOP IS STANDING RIGHT BEHIND DAYMON AND DAYMON DOESN’T EVEN KNOW!”
GHEORGHE: “LARRY TACT IS BACK ON HIS FEET!! TACT MAKES A B-LINE TO GOP …. BUT DAYMON DROPS MARX … AND CLOTHESLINES TACT!”
JULIUS: “Uh-oh .. Daymon just turned and is standing face to face with the Phantom Republican…”
GHEORGHE: “This is chaos … GOP and Daymon trash talking … and DAYMON ….. Daymon grabs the arm of GOP and raises it in the air? MY GOD!! DAYMON IS HOLDING GOP’s ARM IN THE AIR AND POINTING TO HIM WITH A SMILE ON HIS FACE!”
JULIUS: “What the fuck is going on?!”
(SFX: CROWD EXPLODES!!!)
GHEORGHE: “SHAWN HART!! HART RUNS IN THROUGH THE CROWD …. AND HE NAILS DAYMON WITH A FLYING FOREARM! JONATHAN MARX IS BACK UP .. AND HE ATTACKS GOP!! All five men are fighting it out in the ring!”
JIVE: “Jesus .. all we need now is Rabesquador and we’ll have the main event right here, right now!”
(CUEUP: “Shapes of Things” by the Jeff Healy Band.)
JULIUS: “I’m going to fucking kill you.”
GHEORGHE: “RABESQUE!!! JEAN RABESQUE IS COMING DOWN THE RAMP!!”
JIVE: “He’s taking his sweet time as he watches the five men continue to battle it out in the ring!”
GHEORGHE: “RABESQUE STOPS AS HE REACHES THE RING …. AND HE IS STANDING ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN! FANS .. WE ARE OUT OF TIME!”
JIVE: “Things are heating up!”
GHEORGHE: “Join us next RAUCOUS as we come to you LIVE from Jamaica!!”
(FADETOBLACK: As Jean Rabesque watches the brawl in the ring between his five opponents at the EPW / NEW SuperCard. He crosses his arms in front of him and just smiles shaking his head ever so slightly.)
