[ Allstate Arena ] Rosemont, Illinois



PRESENTS ....

(FADEIN:  Backstage.  A pair of doors open, or more accurately, burst open, as two men come plowing through, wrestling one another.  One of them tosses the other into the trash barrels next to the vending machine.  He stops as the camera comes closer.)

“I told you not to do that again or you’d regret it!”

(Hoff wipes his brow as Jack gets up and kicks a barrel out of his way.  He walks past Hoff to grab his duffle bag.  While Hoff’s back is turned to him, he quickly turns and tackles him from behind.  They roll around on the ground trying to jockey for position.)

“Ha! Got ya!”

(Hoff reverses and pushes down on Jack.  Jack’s face shows his defeat.)

“Stop it.  We’ve got a match in a few.”

(Hoff gets up and brushes himself off.  Jack sits up.)

“Dude, are they even going to show up, or what?”

(Hoff shrugs as he turns and grabs his bags.)

“Who knows.  Figures, though.”

(Hoff slings one of his bags over his shoulder and boots Jack’s to him.)

“We gotta sit here and fight some nobodies while two men are practically handed one half of the WFW:NE World Tag Team championship.”

(Jack gets to his feet and reaches down to grab his bag.)

“Yea, yea, yea.  I had to listen to you yap about this the entire way here.”

(Hoff glares at Jack as Jack puts his hand up in the “talk talk talk” motion.)

“You’re gonna get it, Jack.”

(The camera fades to black as Jack walks by still making the “talk talk talk” hand motion.)

(CUEUP:  “Who Said” by Planet Funk as the camera cuts to the inside of the Allstate Arena in Rosemont, Illinois.  The lights around the arena begin to flash black, purple and white as fireworks shoot up the rampway to the big screen which features the WFW:NE RAUCOUS logo.  CUTTO:  Ringside with Nick Jive and Tom Gheorghe.)

GHEORGHE:  “Welcome everyone to Rosemont, Illinois and W-F-W-N-E RAUCOUS!”

JIVE:  “The last RAUCOUS before the second Unplugged … I’m just happy I woke up in time to make it here!”

GHEORGHE:  “Eat enough turkey, Nick?”

JIVE:  “Oh my God .. we had so much food this year you’d think we had stumbled into the Roseanne Barr household on accident!”

GHEORGHE:  “Well, we have a ton of great matches for you here tonight … but first let’s discuss what happened over in Louisville, Kentucky …”

JIVE:  “It was Halloween in November in Louisville!”

GHEORGHE:  “Hey now, no reason not to celebrate it a little late.”

JIVE:  “Next up .. Almost Live celebrating Easter in July!”

GHEORGHE:  “Oh stop, Nick!”

JIVE:  “What?”

GHEORGHE:  “Almost Live’s main event saw Felix Red defending his WFW World Heavyweight championship against Psycho in a Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal match.. and BOY oh BOY… what a match they had!”

JIVE:  “Those two fought tooth and nail… one of the more brutal matches I’ve seen in a HELL of a long time … an EXPLODED BARBED WIRE DEATH MATCH!”

GHEORGHE:  “Special grats to Psycho … he put on a hell of a fight.. and really took Red to the limit ...but the WFW World Heavyweight championship deserved to be placed back in the hands of the WFW World Heavyweight champion.

JIVE:  “I wouldn't go that far, Gheorghe! Red might have won the battle, but he softened Red up for the long war ahead of him.”

GHEORGHE:  “Shawn Hart, the New ERA World Heavyweight champion will be defending his championship in a Winter Wonderland match at Unplugged… Omaha … against the man who won the Masquerade battle royal… HAL!”

JIVE:  “Shawn Hart has been a very, very active World Heavyweight champion.. he’s been running the New ERA World Heavyweight championship every week it seems!”

GHEORGHE:  “Well, Hart won one of the New ERA World Heavyweight championships on the first RAUCOUS post-merger way back on June 28th .. then he won the unification match against Larry Tact to become the sole New ERA World Heavyweight championship at Unplugged … Birmingham.”

JIVE:  “Then he was active last RAUCOUS in the tag match .. tonight he may not have the championship on the line, but he’s still in action against Peter File … and then he’s defending the  belt at Unplugged against HAL…”

GHEORGHE:  “Hart certainly has a champion’s heart .. and tonight he’ll face “the Sultan of Twat” Peter File in the ring.”

JIVE:  “If File defeats Hart tonight … he will have won a shot at the title.. can you imagine Shawn Hart not only having to defend against HAL at Unplugged, but then having to come out at the RAUCOUS or Almost Live right before WFW:NE Destrucity II and defending YET AGAIN?”

GHEORGHE:  “That’s a very real possibility, Nick!  If Hart loses tonight it’ll be a very, very difficult road to the unification match with WFW World Heavyweight champion Felix Red at Destrucity II to determine who will be the very first WFW:NE World Heavyweight champion!”

JIVE:  “Speaking of WFW:NE champions, the former, and first ever, WFW:NE Television champion Mr. Entertainment will be in action tonight as he takes on Otto Pearl!”

GHEORGHE:  “These two men squared off last RAUCOUS in tag team action … along with the New ERA World Heavyweight champion, who was Pearl’s partner, and Peter File, who was Mr. Entertainment’s… but tonight they’ll be going head to head!”

JIVE:  “Pearl will finally experience ENTERTAINMENT at its finest degree …”

GHEORGHE:  “Speaking of entertainment … how about the … interesting Erik Black?”

JIVE:  “With “the Druid,” it’s not entertainment at its finest degree… its entertainment at its HIGHEST degree…”

GHEORGHE:  “Black will be taking on one of the fan’s favorites … Tyler Houston!”

JIVE:  “Houston had some time off, although it seems like he may have been taking a bit more than usual, because we didn’t hear a peep out of him.”

GHEORGHE:  “He likes to show it in the ring, Nick … and speaking of which, let’s talk about tonight’s opening match!”

JIVE:  “Oh boy.  The ever juvenile, Jack n’ Hoff … against the Saviors of Wrestling.”

GHEORGHE:  “Adam Benjamin and Chandler Maxwell trying to get something going .. Benjamin himself hasn’t had too much success lately … so he’s hoping that perhaps he’ll find more in the tag team arena.”

JIVE:  “As much as I dislike Jack n’ Hoff … Adam Benjamin just hasn’t been bringing his best.  I don’t think Maxwell can carry him this time.”

GHEORGHE:  “Adam Benjamin is a former EPW Intercontinental champion … but I agree … this isn’t the same Benjamin we’ve seen in years past.”

JIVE:  “Enough chit chat, Gheorghe.. let’s get this show on the road!”

GHEORGHE:  “Let’s send this to Jamie Links and have ourselves some tag team action!”

(The camera cuts to the ring as the lineup comes on screen.)

LINKS:  “The following match is scheduled for one fall … and will be tag team action!  Introducing first…”

(CUEUP:  “The Final Countdown” by Europe.  Adam Benjamin and Chandler Maxwell step through the ropes as the fans give a lukewarm reaction.  A light mist fills the entrance as they walk straight to the ring.  They both roll in, go to separate corners and climb to the top rope, raising their hands to the crowd.)

LINKS:  “In the ring … at a combined weight of 481 pounds … “Yours Truly” Adam Benjamin and “First Class” Chandler Maxwell … the SAVIORS … of WRESTLING!”

GHEORGHE:  “Benjamin and Maxwell bump fists in the middle of the ring … and they await the arrival of their challengers.”

JIVE:  “The crowd seems to be waiting as well, because they certainly weren’t on their feet for the Saviors of Wrestling.”

(CUEUP:  “What’s My Age Again” by Blink-182.  Hoff comes out first with a semi-serious look on his face as Jack races by him, slapping the fans’ hands.  He turns and points exaggeratedly at Hoff, who cracks a slight smile.  Jack runs to the ring as Hoff steadily walks to it.)

LINKS:  “Their opponents… at a combined weight of 456 pounds… JACK …. HOFF …. (pauses) JACK n’ HOFF!”

(The crowd pops.)

JIVE:  “There ya go!  Those two bozos going for the cheap pops!”

GHEORGHE:  “Even though they might not have the most serious of names, they are serious competitors.”

JIVE:  “We’ll see.”

(SFX: Bell rings.)

SHORTFORM

BEGINNING:  Both teams were standing in the middle of the ring as the bell rang.  Jack and Chandler Maxwell went to their respective corners as Hoff and Adam Benjamin went to the middle of the ring to start things off.  Benjamin, known as a stiff-style technician, immediately went to work on his opponent with some fierce elbows, driving Hoff to the ropes.  The referee called for the break, which happened cleanly.  Hoff came off the ropes and caught Benjamin’s arm, spinning around and sending him into the far ropes.  Benjamin came back and was met with a beautiful dropkick that sent him to the mat.  Hoff grabbed Benjamin by the arm and dragged him over to the corner tagging in his partner.  Jack hopped over the top rope and came down with a legdrop onto the arm of Benjamin.  Jack continued the assault, also making some time to goof around.  The goofing almost cost him, though, because as he bent down to pick Benjamin off the mat, “Yours Truly” caught him in a small package.  Jack got out at two, and immediately heeded his partner’s call for the tag.  Jack, still stunned by almost losing the match, tagged into his partner.  As Hoff stepped into the ring he watched Adam Benjamin scoot over to his corner and tag in Maxwell.  Chandler Maxwell stepped into the ring and both men met in the middle in a collar and elbow tie-up.

MIDDLE:  Hoff, being the more focused wrestler on his team, maintained complete control over his opponent, something Jack often seems to have trouble with.  Winning the match up, Hoff grabbed onto Maxwell’s arm and spun behind him, before bringing Maxwell down to the mat with a drop toe hold.  Hoff floated across the back of Maxwell and locked the side headlock.  Maxwell pounded the mat as he tried to get to his feet.  While it looked like Hoff had the hold locked on tight, Maxwell did manage to get up to his feet.  A few seconds later Hoff was sent up and over crashing down to the mat thanks to a belly to back suplex by Maxwell.  Maxwell dragged Hoff over to the Saviors of Wrestling corner and tagged in his partner.  While Maxwell held Hoff up, Benjamin bounced against the ropes and came flying back.  Hoff, however, stomped on the foot of Maxwell.  Maxwell released his grip just enough for Hoff to drop to the mat, and Adam Benjamin ended up sending Maxwell through the ropes and to the arena floor with the flying forearm!  While Benjamin looked down in horror, Hoff raced to his corner and tagged in Jack.  Jack climbed the turnbuckle pad as Benjamin turned.  Benjamin began to run to catch Jack, but he didn’t see Hoff waiting.  Hoff stepped in and drove a knee into the gut of his opponent.  As Benjamin was doubled over, Hoff made the motion, and as he drilled Benjamin w/ the swinging neckbreaker, Jack flew off nailing Benjamin with an elbow from the top.

END:  Chandler Maxwell came charging into the ring to break up the pinfall attempt.  After pulling Adam Benjamin out from underneath Jack, Maxwell was met by Hoff with a giant right hand.  Maxwell attempted to fight back, but Hoff grabbed him and sent him up and down with the tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.  Maxwell rolled to the outside holding his lower back as the referee walked Hoff back to his corner.  Jack scooped Adam Benjamin off the mat, but Maxwell, who was still on the floor, grabbed Jack’s foot from underneath him causing Benjamin to fall on top.  The referee turned to see this and the Saviors of Wrestling almost stole the victory, but for Jack kicking out.  Jack hopped to his feet and argued with the referee about Maxwell, who by now was in his corner.  The referee ignored him, but this gave Adam Benjamin enough time to tag in Chandler Maxwell.  Maxwell came charging from behind, but thanks to Hoff’s indication, Jack was able to turn and sidestep the charge.  Maxwell hit the ropes and came stumbling backwards.  Jack grabbed onto Maxwell’s head and slammed him into the mat with a bulldog.  Jack tagged in Hoff who immediately took over as Jack headed to the top.  Hoff grabbed Maxwell and set him up for the Russian legsweep.  As Hoff nailed the move, Jack came flying off the top rope with a 360 degree Leg Drop.  Jack rolled out of the ring as Hoff made the cover, getting the victory.

WINNERS:  Jack n’ Hoff via pinfall after hitting the Sweet, Sweet Release on Chandler Maxwell at 08:44.

LINKS:  “The winners of this match … JACK … N’ … HOFF!”

(Crowd pop.)

GHEORGHE:  “And the best friends pull off the victory against Benjamin and Maxwell!”

JIVE:  “Jack celebrating in the middle of the ring, but Hoff just pulled his arms down and is telling him it’s time to go!”

GHEORGHE:  “Hoff doesn’t want to waste time, it seems… but congratulations to them for a fine victory here tonight on RAUCOUS.”

JIVE:  “Hoff trying to rein in his partner before he gets too crazy, perhaps…”

GHEORGHE:  “Maybe, Nick!  Ladies and gentlemen, we have to take a quick break … when we come back … Erik Black and Tyler Houston will be meeting in the ring for some singles action!”

(The camera cuts to commercial as Hoff walks up the rampway.  Jack comes creeping up behind him and as the camera cuts to the commercial, Jack yanks Hoff’s tights down around his knees exposing the back of Hoff’s jock.  Hoff immediately pulls his tights back up and chases Jack up the rest of the ramp and through the curtains.)

JIVE:  “Does it smell in here?”

GHEORGHE:  “I don’t smell anything, Nick.”

JIVE:  “You sure?”

GHEORGHE:  “Pretty posit… oh.. wait..”

JIVE:  “IT MUST BE TIME FOR “THE DRUID!”

(The camera catches some smoke rising from an area of the crowd as “Holy Mountain” by Sleep begins.  The droning opening note blares over the PA like a hypnotic hum transmitted from a land beyond time and space.  On the big screen, the image of a glowing orange sun rises over the crest of a mountain as titanic clouds sail through the sky.  As the guitar rips into the lazy opening riffs, the colors distort and dance, giving a psychedelic effect that leaves many fans in a trance-like effect.)

JIVE:  “I think I’m getting a contact-high!”

GHEORGHE:  “OH STOP.”

LINKS:  “The following match is scheduled for one fall and has a twenty-minute time limit!  Introducing first… from Indianapolis, Indiana…”

(The crowd pops as “the Druid” Erik Black steps onto the stage wearing the robe of a weed priest and holding GEEZER high over his head.  Comically bobbing in time w/ the music, the self-proclaimed “Man of the Mountain” makes an exaggerated procession down the rampway toward the ring, occasionally stopping to throw his hand into his favorite pose.  He enters the ring and pops up the turnbuckle pad.  Meanwhile he lights the water pipe, which we can only assume is filled w/ a tobacco product of some kind, and draws in a long breath.  He then sets free a holy dove of thick, white smoke into the air.  The crowd goes wild.)

JIVE:  “HOLY HEAVENS, POTMAN …”

LINKS:  “He stands five foot ten and weighs 218 pounds … “The Druid” ERIK … BLACK!”

GHEORGHE:  “Black handing over his pipe to the referee .. and the referee is holding his nose!”

LINKS:  “His opponent…”

(CUEUP:  “Ready to Roll” by Jet Black Stare.  The crowd pops HUGE as the big screen runs through a “prototype” sequence.  Houston steps through the curtain and stops atop the ramp to take a long look around the arena. Heading down the ramp, he slaps hands w/ fans on both sides of the rampway before taking a lap around the ring for more fan interaction.  He climbs the steel steps and climbs into the ring.)

LINKS:  “He stands six foot four .. and weighs 249 pounds… hailing from Lincoln, Nebraska … “the Prototype” … TYLER … HOUSTON!”

GHEORGHE:  “Houston staring at “the Druid” as Erik Black …. Is petting the ring ropes?”

JIVE:  “They’re alive, Gheorghe! ALIVE!”

(SFX:  Bell rings.)

SHORTFORM

BEGINNING:  The fans were evenly split between these two men; half cheered from Tyler Houston because of his sincere love of them, the other half cheering for Erik Black because of his sincere love for the herb.  Starting off, both men tried to get a feel for the other as they locked up and traded hammerlocks.  Houston went down to sweep the legs out from underneath “the Druid,” but Erik Black seemed to have been waiting for it as he jumped over the leg of “the Prototype.”  With Houston down, Erik Black dropped an elbow into his sternum.  Erik Black immediately got to his feet grabbed the legs of Houston.  While Houston attempted to turn himself over to get away, Black powered him up and over with a slingshot.  Houston went face first into the mat, despite the fact he tried to brace for the fall.  Houston used the ropes to bring himself to his feet, and sidestepped Black’s reach, coming back with a spinning heel kick.  Erik Black caught the foot of Houston, though, and reaching up he nailed “the Prototype” with a back elbow.  Erik Black spun Houston around and sent him flying across the ring with a belly to belly suplex.  The fans began to bicker amongst themselves once more; half cheering and the other half unhappy that Houston was been man-handled.

MIDDLE:  Houston attempted a comeback after Black miscalculated a back body drop.  Houston grabbed “the Druid’s” head and slammed it into the mat.  Afterwards he scooped Black up and wailed away with a series of knife-edge chops.  Black was backed into the corner as Houston locked him into a Front Headlock.  Houston went to drive knees into the mid-section of Erik Black, but Black protected himself.  Houston’s knees continued to be blocked, and as he backed up, Black pounced out of the corner like an animal possessed, spearing Houston to the mat.  Erik Black grabbed Houston and hit a snapmare takedown into a dragon sleeper.  Houston was stuck in the middle of the ring as the lights began to fade for “the Prototype.”  The fans tried their hardest to keep Houston awake, but his eyes fluttered as his head drooped.  The stomping literally made the seats bounce, but as the referee lifted Houston’s arm once, it fell.  It then fell a second time.  The referee readied himself to call for the bell as he lifted Houston’s arm up for the third time.  The fans almost blew the roof off as Houston’s arm stayed up, but their cheer was shortlived after Erik Black released the dragon sleeper and drove the boots into the skull of “the Prototype.”  Black scooped Houston off the mat, and began to win some fans over as he nailed a beautiful looking move he calls “the Steamroller:” a rolling fireman’s carry slam.  Black covered, but Houston got his shoulder up before the three.

END:  Tyler Houston started to run out of steam heading into the final stages of the match.  Black countered every offensive move with one of his own.  Houston took Black to the outside of the ring with a standing dropkick.  As “the Druid” was getting to his feet, Houston flew through the bottom ropes with a baseball slide.  However, Black sidestepped the move as Houston came to the outside with him.  Houston was on his feet, and caught Black as he tried to double him over with a boot.  Erik Black, one step ahead, connected with an enziguiri that smacked Houston upside the skull.  The referee ordered Black to bring the action into the ring, something Black eagerly complied with.  Houston attempted one final attempt to turn things back around as he powered out of an armbar and brought Black to the mat with a snapmare.  Houston picked Black up, hooked the tights and heaved Black up into the air with a standing suplex … but Black wouldn’t go down quietly, and knocked Houston off center causing “the Prototype” to drop Black, who landed on his feet.  Houston turned .. right into a jawbreaker.  As Houston walked in a circle to gather his bearings, Erik Black came up behind him and nailed “The Green Hit” forward-somersault three-quarter-facelock bulldog.  Three seconds later, “the Druid” walked out of the ring victorious.

WINNER:  “the Druid” Erik Black via pinfall after nailing the Green Hit at 09:50.

LINKS:  “The winner of this match …. “THE DRUID” … ERIK … BLACK!”

(CUEUP: “Holy Mountain” by Sleep as Black raises both hands into the air before immediately turning and asking for his pipe.  He slips out of the ring and lights it as he walks up the rampway.)

GHEORGHE:  “Black with an impressive victory here tonight over “the Prototype…”

JIVE:  “It’s the power of an other-worldly nature, Gheorghe..”

GHEORGHE:  “Mmmhmmm….”

JIVE:  “What?”

GHEORGHE: “Oh, you know what!”

JIVE:  “Nope.”

GHEORGHE:  “Fans we’ve got another incredible match up for you here at the Allstate Arena… Mr. Entertainment will be face to face with Otto Pearl in that ring in just a few moments.”

JIVE:  “The most ENTERTAINING man in the wrestling world is going to grace Rosemont, Illinois with his presence… these people are the luckiest damn fans in the world right now!”

GHEORGHE:  “Let’s head to Jamie Links and get this match underway!”

(CUTTO: The ring.  The lineup for the match comes on screen as Links prepares her cards.)

LINKS:  “The following match is scheduled for one fall and has a twenty-minute time limit!”

(CUEUP:  “Du Hast” by Rammstein.  The fans begin to cheer as the crazy keyboard effects infect the PA system as darkness becomes the new light.  Strobes cover the entryway just as the infectious blare of “Du Hast” comes into full blast w/ the thunderous drum beat.  Silver flares fire up from the stage and the lights go on full blast.  Otto Pearl stands in the entrance in all his glory, soaking up the flares and fumes through his muscle-ridden skeletal structure.  He smiles as he puts his arms up and walks down led by the Crew and Belle.)

LINKS:  “Introducing first… hailing from Akron, Ohio… being led to the ring by Belle and the Crew.. he stands six foot six and weighs 328 pounds…. OTTO …. PEARL!”

JIVE:  “Pearl and his band of misfits..”

GHEORGHE:  “Otto Pearl is a hot commodity in the wrestling world … a victory over Mr. Entertainment here could propel him into championship contention almost immediately.”

JIVE:  “And Erik Black will quit smoking pot.”

LINKS:  “And his opponent… hailing from Ashland, Oregon…”

(CUEUP:  “That’s Entertainment!” by the Jam.  A lone spotlight falls on the entryway.  Once the lyrics begin, Mr. Entertainment steps through the curtain into the spotlight.  He walks to the ring, his arrogance fully showing, trying his best to deliberately incite the crowd as the spotlight follows him.  He rolls into the ring and poses on two of the corners as he taunts the crowd.  He hops down and stares at Pearl.)

JIVE:  “NOW THAT’s AN ENTRANCE!”

LINKS:  “He is the former New ERA AND WFW:NE TELEVISION CHAMPION ….. MISTER ….. ENTERTAINMENT!”

GHEORGHE:  “This should be an incredible match … the last New ERA, and first ever WFW:NE, Television champion against Otto Pearl!”

(SFX:  Bell rings.)

SHORTFORM

BEGINNING:  These two men were last in action in the tag team match, like the two competitors in tonight’s main event.  However, this time neither man had a partner to support them.  Pearl started strong with a variety of suplexes that kept Mr. Entertainment off his feet.  After an exchange that saw the former Television champion send his opponent into the ropes, Pearl flew back with a crossbody block.  Entertainment countered though, and spun himself around and Pearl found himself flat on the mat thanks to a powerslam.  Entertainment made the quick cover, hoping to catch his opponent, but Pearl got out before the three count.  Both men got to their feet, Pearl ducked underneath a wild swing by the former Television champion and hooked him for a belly to back suplex.  However, Entertainment was able to flip out of it and run Pearl into the ropes bringing him back for a roll up.  Pearl powered out before the three sending Entertainment crashing into the turnbuckle pad.  Mr. Entertainment turned and watched as Pearl kipped up, and charged out with a clothesline.  Pearl ducked and as Entertainment stopped, Pearl sent a reverse crescent kick square into his jaw.  Pearl grabbed Mr. Entertainment and brought him to his knees, but Entertainment stopped his momentum with what looked like a stiff low blow while the referee was out of sight.

MIDDLE:  Entertainment sent Pearl into the corner and followed him in with a vicious clothesline.  He then hopped to the second turnbuckle and placed his feet on the waist before flipping Pearl out of the corner and into the center of the ring.  Pearl sat up and was in the perfect position as the former Television champion came running behind him and flipped over snapping Pearl’s neck in the process.  Entertainment made another quick cover, but the fan’s choice kicked out after two.  Mr. Entertainment decided to work on the knees of Pearl and locked on a figure four.  While Pearl winced in pain, Entertainment kept the pressure high.  The two were locked on the mat for what must have seemed like an eternity for Otto Pearl.  Sensing the damage was done, Entertainment broke the hold and jumped to his feet, his hands raised as the crowd jeered.  Entertainment then stood back and watched as Pearl pulled himself over to the ropes.   Hoping their cheers would aid Otto Pearl regain his composure, the crowd chanted his name.  Mr. Entertainment wouldn’t have it, however, and each time Pearl raised his arm to respond, Entertainment drove another boot into his head.  With boiling point reached, Entertainment yanked Otto Pearl to his feet, pointed at the crowd, and creamed Pearl with the Emerald Fusion.  The crowd was aghast as Entertainment made the nonchalant cover, but became ecstatic when Pearl got his shoulder up.

END:  Entertainment kept up the heat after sending Pearl into the ropes and catching him on the return with a hurricanrana.  With Pearl on the mat, Entertainment locked on a sharpshooter, trying to force his opponent to submit.  All looked lost for Pearl has Entertainment locked his hands and leaned way back.  Not even the fans could help Pearl break from the hold.  The referee positioned himself as Otto Pearl raised his hand to tap out.. however, instead of tapping Pearl reached forward and grabbed the bottom rope!  Entertainment’s jaw dropped as the referee began counting him to break.  Entertainment released the sharpshooter at four, and grabbed onto the top rope as he looked down at the fallen Pearl.  Instead of calculating a new route of attack, Entertainment pummeled Pearl with closed fists as Pearl grasped the ropes.  The referee had to forcibly remove the former Television champion from his opponent.  Otto Pearl slowly made it to his feet as the referee kept a close eye on Mr. Entertainment.  When Pearl turned, however, the referee was unable to stop Mr. Entertainment as he charged and speared Pearl through the ropes causing both men to tumble to the arena floor.  Entertainment saw his chance and grabbed Otto Pearl and hit him with a Stun Gun onto the guardrail.  Pearl came tumbling backwards as Entertainment rose quickly, locking his arms around the waist of Pearl.  Entertainment rolled backwards, nailing the “That’s Entertainment!” onto the arena floor.  Entertainment rolled the lifeless body of Pearl into the ring and made the cover for the victory.

WINNER:  Mr. Entertainment via pinfall after nailing “That’s Entertainment!” on the arena floor at 10:21.

LINKS:  “The winner of this match ….. MISTER ……. ENTERTAINMENT!”

(The crowd jeers as “That’s Entertainment!” by the Jam cues up.  Entertainment gets to his feet and spits on Pearl.)

GHEORGHE:  “Entertainment showing Pearl how it’s done in the ring … and boy did he really take him out at the end!”

JIVE:  “There’s a reason why he is the most ENTERTAINING superstar here in the WFW:NE!”

GHEORGHE:  “Ladies and gentlemen … we’ve gotta take a quick commercial break… but when we come back … Peter File will take on the New ERA of Wrestling World Heavyweight champion Shawn Hart in non-title action… tonight’s main event … NEXT!”

GHEORGHE:  “We are back .. and now it is time for tonight’s main event!”

JIVE:  “Shawn Hart will have his hands … full … with Peter File!”

GHEORGHE:  “The New ERA World Heavyweight champion, as we’ve noted before, has been very active since the merger.”

JIVE:  “And tonight is no different!”

GHEORGHE:  “Peter File has a chance to win himself a World Heavyweight championship shot tonight .. and you know he’ll be throwing everything at Hart!”

JIVE:  “It looks like Jamie Links is preparing for introductions … so shut your trap, Gheorghe and let’s go to the ring.”

(The camera cuts to the ring as Links nods at the timekeeper.  The lineup for the main event comes on screen.)

LINKS:  “The following match is tonight’s MAIN EVENT … and is a one fall, non-title bout!  Introducing first.. the challenger…”

(CUEUP:  “Fuck Away the Pain” by Peaches.  Peter File comes through the curtain to an initial pop followed by jeers as he crawls to the ring on all fours, his hind quarters raised to the rafters.  As he crawls past the fans, he stares directly into the eyes of every man, woman and child in hopes of repulsing them, succeeding more often than not.  He rolls into the ring and waits.)

LINKS:  “Hailing from New Haven, Connecticut…. Standing six foot four and weighing in at 225 pounds…. He is “the SULTAN of TWAT” ….. PETER FILE!”

JIVE:  “I love when she introduces File.”

GHEORGHE:  “You are a pig, that’s why.”

JIVE:  “OINK OINK.”

LINKS:  “His opponent….”

(CUEUP:  “Nobody Does It Better” by Carly Simon.  The crowd rises to their feet and explodes as Shawn Hart struts out from behind the curtain, the New ERA World Heavyweight championship strapped around his waist.  He continues down the ramp, posing for the crowd, before reaching the ring.)

JIVE:  “There is he in all his glory!”

LINKS:  “Hailing from Orlando, Florida… he stands five foot eleven inches….. weighs 224 pounds …. And is the NEW ERA OF WRESTLING WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...... SHAWN ... JESSICA ... HART .… PEE AYCH DEE!”

GHEORGHE:  “Shawn Hart bringing the fans to their feet… and this is why he is so successful!”

JIVE:  “And here I thought that was because he ble…”

GHEORGHE:  “You’re confusing him with Peter File, apparently.”

JIVE:  “Quite possibly…”

(SFX: Bell rings.)

GHEORGHE:  “And there’s the bell!”

JIVE:  “AND THERE’s PETER FILE!”

GHEORGHE:  “Peter File charges across the ring and flattens Shawn Hart in the corner!  File now grabbing Hart’s arms and placing them in the air … and FILE DROPS HIS HANDS DOWN TO HART’s TIGHTS TRYING TO RIP THEM OFF!”

JIVE:  “Oh man!  He’s not wasting any time!”

GHEORGHE:  “Hart somewhat stunned, but he finally realizes what’s happening and shoves File out of the corner!”

JIVE:  “The Sultan of Twat fell right on his ass.”

GHEORGHE:  “Hart comes storming out of the corner and hits File with a dropkick as he’s sitting!”

JIVE:  “Hart should be flattered! Is this how he treats any person that tries to get into his pants?”

GHEORGHE:  “Peter File quickly getting to his feet, but he gets caught by Hart.. the New ERA World Heavyweight champion now with File against the ropes … Hart with the irish whip … NO! Reversal by File!  Hart against the opposite ropes… and he comes back with a flying forearm shot that takes File down!”

JIVE:  “The Sultan of Twat starting off on the wrong foot..”

GHEORGHE:  “Are you going to call him that the entire match?”

JIVE:  “What?”

GHEORGHE:  “You’re hopeless… Shawn Hart now grabbing … PETER FILE … off the mat .. Hart picks him up and hits the inverted atomic drop.”

JIVE:  “That didn’t seem to faze the Sultan of Twat!”

GHEORGHE:  “Peter File.”

JIVE:  “Exactly! “The Sultan of Twat” Peter File!”

GHEORGHE:  “… Hart grabs File again… and hits another inverted atomic drop!  But again .. PETER FILE doesn’t seem fazed!  File with a rake of the eyes and the New ERA World Heavyweight champion turns to walk away…. AND FILE WITH A BULLDOG TAKES HART DOWN!”

JIVE:  “Hart dropped by the Sult…”

GHEORGHE:  “File now straddling Hart .. and jams the forearm right into the throat of the champion!”

JIVE:  “Choke him out and have your way with him.”

GHEORGHE:  “The referee now right down there and he’s warning File about the choke!  One …. Two … three … fou—File releases…. BUT GOES RIGHT BACK!”

JIVE:  “The referee doesn’t seem too happy about that, either!  He’s threatening disqualification if the Sultan of Twat doesn’t release right away!”

GHEORGHE:  “File complies, unhappily, and makes his way to his feet… File now grabbing the arm of Hart and yanks him to his knees…. AND OH MY….”

JIVE:  “Adam Lambert must be a fan of Peter File …”

GHEORGHE:  “Hart viciously pushes File away …”

JIVE:  “He was trying to suffocate the World Heavyweight champion via his crotch.”

GHEORGHE:  “File walks up to Shawn Hart… and Hart with a shot to the gut!  File takes a few steps back … and Hart with another shot!  BUT PETER FILE RAMS A BOOT INTO THE FACE OF SHAWN HART!”

JIVE:  “If Peter File keeps this up he’s going to walk out of here with a World Heavyweight championship shot!”

GHEORGHE:  “Shawn Hart slowly getting to his feet … and Peter File takes him from behind..."

JIVE:  “A dream come true…”

GHEORGHE:  “Oh, stop!  Peter File takes him from behind AND runs him into the corner… Hart squashed against the turnbuckle pads… File turns him around and starts driving the knees into the gut of the World Heavyweight champion!  Hart doubled over … and FILE HOOKS HIM …. PILEDRIVING HART INTO THE MAT!”

JIVE:  “Peter File … er… excuse me, “the Sultan of Twat,” firmly in control.”

GHEORGHE:  “File certainly has gotten himself into a groove.. File now wrapping the legs … and he applies the figure four!”

JIVE:  “Smart move, too!  File’s on the side with the ropes … so Hart can’t get to them!”

GHEORGHE:  “File has the hold locked on tight ..”

JIVE:  “He likes it tight.”

GHEORGHE:  “Ermm… the referee in position to ask Hart if he wants to submit …. AND PETER FILE GRABS THE ROPES FOR MORE LEVERAGE!”

JIVE:  “What? I don’t see that? … he was just getting his balance!”

GHEORGHE:  “He’s sitting down!”

JIVE:  “He could have fell backwards and hit his head on the mat!  You don’t want him unconscious, do you?”

GHEORGHE:  “Hart in excruciating pain … and the referee turns to File, but the challenger has released the ropes and gives the referee his best “who me?” look!”

JIVE:  “See, I told you! He released the ropes once he got his balance back.”

GHEORGHE:  “You mean once the referee looked!”

JIVE:  “Coincidence.”

GHEORGHE:  “The referee turns back to Hart…. AND FILE GRABS THE ROPES AGAIN!”

JIVE:  “Well maybe if Shawn Hart would stop squirming, File wouldn’t be almost losing his balance!”

GHEORGHE:  “File yanking on the rope trying to put as much pressure on the hold as possible!  Hart yelling and pointing at File… but he releases the ropes as the referee turns!”

JIVE:  “Shawn Hart should stop being a pussy and start figuring out how to break the move!”

GHEORGHE:  “The referee warning File about unfair practices… and now he turns back to the New ERA World Heavyweight champion… AND FILE AGAIN WITH THE ROPES!  AND THIS TIME THE REFEREE CATCHES HIM!”

JIVE:  “That’s not fair! That’s entrapment!”

GHEORGHE:  “It’s not entrapment if it’s something File would have done anyway! The referee yelling at File to release the hold … and File’s arguing with him.. while it is still locked!”

JIVE:  “Smart move!  Get as much time in as possible!”

GHEORGHE:  “Peter File trying to plead his case… BUT HART TAKES ADVANTAGE OF HIS LACK OF FOCUS AND REVERSES THE FIGURE FOUR!”

JIVE:  “Shawn Hart paid the referee off!”

GHEORGHE:  “Peter File now getting the brunt of the move … and he quickly gets out of it!”

JIVE:  “See!  Peter File broke the hold … Shawn Hart is just a glutton for pain!”

GHEORGHE:  “File rolls to the outside as he tries to stretch his joints.. meanwhile in the ring the World Heavyweight champion is pulling himself into the center of the ring!”

JIVE:  “Come on, Peter!  Get back in there and finish him!  Get your shot!”

GHEORGHE:  “File shaking off the effects of the reversal and he slides back into the ring … Shawn Hart almost to the other ropes … but File grabs one of his legs and starts dragging him into the center of the ring.  File reaches down to grab the other leg … but Hart uses his free leg to jam a boot right underneath the chin!”

JIVE:  “Uh oh .. “the Sultan of Twat” just fell backwards onto the mat.”

GHEORGHE:  “File jumps back to his feet … but Hart’s flipped himself over and plants both feet square in the gut of File!  Peter File doubled over … and Hart catches him with a small package!  ONE …………. TWO …………. KICKOUT!”

JIVE:  “Hart almost stole this match away from Peter File!”

GHEORGHE:  “File scrambles to his feet … AND SHAWN HART KIPS UP!”

JIVE:  “But one of his legs almost gave out!”

GHEORGHE:  “Hart’s wobbly… and here comes Peter File!  File with a clothesl… NO!  Hart ducked!  File turns around … SUPERKICK BY THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! Both men go down to the mat!”

JIVE:  “No no no!  Come on!”

GHEORGHE:  “Hart crawls over to make the cover…. ONE ……….. TWO ……….. FILE GETS HIS LEG ON THE ROPE!”

JIVE:  “Thank you, Jesus!”

GHEORGHE:  “Shawn Hart crawls off Peter File and uses the ropes to get to his feet… Hart now grabs File… and he places File’s throat on the second rope …. And leans all of his weight on File’s back!”

JIVE:  “Come on, ref!  Get on Hart’s case now!”

GHEORGHE:  “Hart’s just using File to maintain his balance, Nick.”

JIVE:  “Oh don’t even try that shit with me, Gheorghe!”

GHEORGHE:  “The referee counting Shawn Hart…. Hart releases … and now he goes against the far ropes.. Hart charges in .. AND JUMPS ONTO THE BACK OF FIL…”

JIVE:  “File moved!”

GHEORGHE:  “BUT HART PLANTS HIS FEET ON THE SECOND ROPES AND PROPELS HIMSELF THROUGH THE AIR WITH A MOONSAULT LANDED ON PETER FILE! ONE ………….. TWO ………………. AND FILE ONCE AGAIN GETS HIS FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE!”

JIVE:  “This is too much!”

GHEORGHE:  “Shawn Hart gets to his feet and the crowd is starting to get rowdy!”

JIVE:  “Someone shut them up!  Shut them up, now!”

GHEORGHE:  “The New ERA World Heavyweight champion grabs Peter File off the mat … and he’s bringing him into the center of the ring!”

JIVE:  “File’s fighting back!  Get ‘em, Peter!”

GHEORGHE:  “But Hart with a thumb to the eye!  STANDING DROPKICK!  Shawn Hart catlike as he jumps up… and he’s heading to the corner!”

JIVE:  “Someone get down here and stop Shawn Hart!  He’s ruining Peter File’s big chance!”

GHEORGHE:  “Hart perched on the top turnbuckle pad …. INCOMING!”

JIVE:  “NOOOO….”

GHEORGHE:  “Hart NAILS diving elbow!  ONE ……… TWO ………… THREE!!!”

JIVE:  “File got the shoulder up!!”

GHEORGHE:  “He did, indeed!  Shawn Hart not letting up … the World Heavyweight champion pulls himself up .. and grabs the legs of his opponent… Hart locks on the Boston Crab!”

JIVE:  “Peter File is no stranger to crabs …. But this is probably more painful.”

GHEORGHE:  “The fans cheering for Shawn Hart to finish this match … and Hart trying to snap Peter File in half!”

JIVE:  “LET’S GO SULTAN! LET’S GO TWAT!”

GHEORGHE:  “Um…”

JIVE:  “What?”

GHEORGHE:  “Nothing.. nothing..”

(Gheorghe shakes his head in disbelief.)

GHEORGHE:  “Peter File … is he tapping?!”

JIVE:  “No!  He’s planting his hands!  He’s going to try to power out of the hold!”

GHEORGHE:  “Shawn Hart trying to keep control of the Boston Crab … but File using every bone in his body to push up…. Hart coming to the realization that File’s going to get out … so he releases the hold… AND DROPS THE ELBOW INTO THE SMALL OF THE BACK!”

JIVE:  “Sure, Hart.. kick him when he’s down... what a champ.”

GHEORGHE:  “Earlier you were commending Hart for the trials he’s gone through..”

JIVE:  “That’s different, Gheorghe… he’s trying to put File’s dreams of getting a World Heavyweight championship shot six feet under.”

GHEORGHE:  “Shawn Hart getting to his feet … and he rakes the back of Peter File for good measure!”

JIVE:  “Just wait until Peter File gets back to his feet.. he’s going to give Shawn Hart the ride of his life.”

GHEORGHE:  “Hart grabs Peter File and brings him to the corner… Hart climbs the turnbuckle pad … and starts wailing away with closed fists!”

CROWD:  “ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEV—.”

JIVE:  “HART GOES FLYING!”

GHEORGHE:  “Peter File pushes Hart off him … and the World Heavyweight champion just crashed to the mat!  Hart gets to his feet … and he comes charging into the corner…”

JIVE:  “But nobody’s home!”

GHEORGHE:  “File using the ropes to pull himself out of the corner and Hart goes chest-first into the turnbuckle pad!  FILE WITH THE ROLL UP!!! ONE …………. TWO ………….. THREE!! OH MY GOD!”

JIVE:  “NO DAMMIT.”

GHEORGHE:  “The referee signaling it was two count! That looked AWFULLY CLOSE!”

JIVE:  “It WAS a three count!  The referee is working hard for his tainted money!”

GHEORGHE:  “Oh, come on!  Both men slowly getting to their feet …”

JIVE:  “They’re both up… but facing opposite directions!”

GHEORGHE:  “Things are about to get interested as both competitors are backing up towards each other!”

JIVE:  “This isn’t going to be good..”

GHEORGHE:  “The referee wandering in between them!!”

JIVE:  “Oh god…”

GHEORGHE:  “BOTH MEN JUST BUMPED INTO THE REFEREE!! HART TURNS AND GRABS THE REFEREE BY THE HEAD!”

JIVE:  “He’s going to take the referee out!”

GHEORGHE:  “NO!  Shawn Hart realizing that he has the referee and he releases him! …. AND PETER FILE COMES FLYING INTO THE PICTURE WITH A HURRICANRANA!”

JIVE:  “Where the hell did he come from?”

GHEORGHE:  “File saw Hart grab the referee and immediately went to the ropes and came running back… and luckily for him Hart had released the referee!”

JIVE:  “Unluckily for Hart!”

GHEORGHE:  “Peter File now on his feet …. AND HE APPLIES A TEXAS CLOVERLEAF!  HART SCREAMING IN PAIN!”

JIVE:  “This is it! This is it!”

GHEORGHE:  “Okay, Michael.”

JIVE:  “My name is Nick, idiot.”

GHEORGHE:  “….”

JIVE:  “…”

GHEORGHE:  “Peter File has the hold locked on … BUT HART REACHES THE ROPES!! The referee calls for the break!”

JIVE:  “Shawn Hart must have a horseshoe shoved up his ass … he was damn lucky that he was near the ropes.”

GHEORGHE:  “Peter File grabs the World Heavyweight champion off the mat …. AND HE HOOKS THE LEG … NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX!  ONE …………… TWO …………… THREE!! FILE GOT HIM!”

JIVE:  “YES!!!”

GHEORGHE:  “NO!  Hart got out! Hart got out!”

JIVE:  “DAMMIT.”

GHEORGHE:  “Peter File up and in the face of the referee!”

JIVE:  “Rip him a new one!”

GHEORGHE:  “The referee assuring File that the World Heavyweight champion managed to get the shoulder up … but File is livid!”

JIVE:  “PETER! STOP! GO BACK!”

GHEORGHE:  “SHAWN HART…. HART IS GETTING TO HIS FEET AS PETER FILE CONTINUES TO BERATE THE REF!”

JIVE:  “No no no no no!  Come on, Peter!”

GHEORGHE:  “Hart… … HE’s WAITING FOR FILE TO TURN AROUND!”

JIVE:  “This is a travesty!! The referee is going to screw Peter File … without lube!”

GHEORGHE:  “File stomps his feet in protest and turns …. AND HERE COMES HART WITH THE SUPERKICK!”

JIVE:  “YES YES YES!!!”

GHEORGHE:  “PETER FILE!! FILE DROPS UNDERNEATH THE SUPERKICK!! FILE WITH A LOW BLOW……… WITH HIS TEETH!”

JIVE:  “OH MY GOD.”

GHEORGHE:  “The referee averts his eyes from the sight!!  HART SCREAMING IN PAIN….”

JIVE:  “This is strangely entertaining!”

GHEORGHE:  “FILE RELEASES THE … HOLD …. OH LORD!!! THE HOT LOAD!!! Peter File nails the Fisherman DDT!!!”

JIVE:  “And you know what’s coming now!”

GHEORGHE:  “File?”

JIVE:  “YES! …  I mean, NO!”

GHEORGHE:  “Peter File grabs the motionless Hart from the mat …………………..”

(SFX:  CROWD JEERS HARDCORE~!)

GHEORGHE:  “TIGER BOMB~!! THE REAR ADMIRAL!!! FILE NAILS IT!!! ONE ………………….. TWO ……………………………. THREEE!!!!!!!!”

(SFX: Bell rings as the crowd goes apeshit mad.)

GHEORGHE:  “PETER FILE DID IT!!! HE WON A WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP SHOT!!!”

LINKS:  “The winner of this match …. “the SULTAN of TWAT”…. PETER …. FILE!”

JIVE:  “YES!!! Shawn Hart will now have to defend his championship, not only against HAL at Unplugged …. But now Peter File in a match where the New ERA World Heavyweight championship will be on the line!!  Fuck the unification match… Shawn Hart will be lucky to even make it to Destrucity II as the New ERA World Heavyweight champion!”

GHEORGHE:  “Ladies and gentlemen… WHAT A SHOW!!  Make sure to tune in soon … as WFW:NE presents Unplugged … Omaha!  Shawn Hart will defend his championship belt against HAL… and whoever wins that match will defend against that man … right there… PETER FILE!  For Nick Jive, I’m Tom Gheor…”

(The lights dim.  The crowd hushes.  Peter File, who was walking up the rampway stops short as the big screen flickers to life.  File stares at it as the picture comes on.  Sitting in darkness, hands folded across a desk, is a figure.)

JIVE: “That’s the mysterious Japanese investor!  What the hell does he want?”

MAN:  “Congratulations, File-san.  You have won the match.”

(SFX:  Crowd jeers.  In the background we see Shawn Hart getting to his feet as the referee hands him the New ERA World Heavyweight championship.  Hart slams his hand on the top turnbuckle as he looks up at the big screen.)

MAN:  “But you will NOT be receiving a New ERA World Heavyweight championship shot.”

(SFX: CROWD POPS HUGE~!~!)

JIVE:  “WHAT!?! THAT’s NOT FAIR!!!!”

MAN:  “No, File-san.  Your future is brighter.”

(The crowd hushes.. File has a sneer on his face from the news.)

MAN:  “File-san… don’t look so unhappy.  You will not receive a World Heavyweight championship shot for the belt that Shawn Hart currently holds.  At Unplugged … from Anaheim … after Destrucity II … you will receive your shot … at the WFW:NE World Heavyweight championship!”

JIVE:  “YES!! I KNEW I LIKED THAT GUY!”

GHEORGHE:  “WOAH!”

(The crowd buzzes!  Shawn Hart is seen in the background practically possessed.)

MAN:  “So prepare well, File-san.  The WFW:NE World Heavyweight championship will be on the line.”

(The screen flickers as the cherry of a cigar burns bright… the screen fades out and the lights come up.)

JIVE:  “GOD DAMMIT!! SHAWN HART!”

GHEORGHE:  “MY GOD!!! SHAWN HART CHARGING FILE FROM BEHIND!!! HE TACKLES PETER FILE!!! HART DOWN AND STARTS POUNDING AWAY ON PETER FILE!”

JIVE:  “THEY’RE STILL GOING AT IT!!! PETER FILE GETS A WFW:NE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP SHOT!”

GHEORGHE:  “We are out of time!!!!!”

( the end )