JACOBS: “And we are back and it is time for the main event.... Shawn Hart will defend the New ERA World Heavyweight Champion against HAL in a Winter Wonderland match!”
MARX: “Shawn Hart has been in a total of THREE Winter Wonderland matches ... two in the now defunct WFW and one in New ERA of Wrestling. The first time around he lost his WFW World Heavyweight Championship to Scotty Michaels. The second time he played the role of the challenger against Copycat … but Copycat managed to retain the championship over Shawn Hart. And in New ERA, I defeated him for the New ERA World Heavyweight championship in a special Winter Wonderland match that took place in Santiago, Dominican Republic.. Can Shawn Hart break the curse tonight against HAL in attempt number three and walk into the Unification match as champion at Destrucity II?”
“NOT” WATERS: “HAL is a big guy and made a big splash at the Masquerade Ball Battle Royal, not only winning the New ERA World Championship shot, but by also eliminating the new BAD World Heavyweight Champion, Jared Wells.”
MARX: “This is going to be a totally different change of scenery for Shawn Hart though. This isn't going to be in Central Park, this is going to be in the snow at Omaha's Henry Doorly Zoo.”
“NOT” WATERS: “Don't get me wrong, the paychecks are nice, but the last time we did a match at the zoo, it was in warm and toasty San Diego. Who the hell booked Nebraska in the dead of winter?”
MARX: “It is out of my hands. Personally I would have preferred Central Park because there is no place like New York City at Christmas time, but having checked out the Zoo myself, it is really nice place.”
JACOBS: “Well, it’s nice to not have ten thousand shows in New York or Boston. Seeing as WFW:NE is a nation-wide promotion, it makes perfect sense to put on shows in other places than the northeast.”
MARX: “Well, I thought our schedule in the old WFW was fine..”
JACOBS: “This isn’t the WFW of old, Jonathan. That WFW is dead. Gone forever. It’s time to move on and move across the country. New ERA put on shows across the country .. and honestly it makes more sense.”
“NOT” WATERS: “But Omaha?!”
JACOBS: “Get over it. You can’t only put on shows in NYC, Boston or Anaheim. People get bored with the same old places.”
“NOT” WATERS: “Whatever. Who do you think has the weather advantage in the match?”
JACOBS: “Far be it for me to doubt Shawn Hart, I love the man, but in Orlando, Florida, it is in the mid-sixties right now, where HAL comes from in Redmond, Washington, where according to my Droid it is currently in the low forties.”
“NOT” WATERS: “Jesus Christ. And how cold is it in where we are in Omaha, Nebraska right now?”
JACOBS: “Twelve f'n degrees.”
“NOT” WATERS: “Thank god we are in the studio.”
MARX: “If it is often talked about how much abuse wrestlers take, but these guys are truly men among men to wrestle under all sorts of conditions and take the abuse that they do. You have to tip your hat to them.”
“NOT” WATERS: “It is cold enough to freeze your dick off right now.”
JACOBS: “Well, hopefully no one breaks it off and uses it as a weapon.”
“NOT” WATERS: “HAL seems to have all the momentum going into this. There hasn't been a faster rising superstar in a long, long time. Imagine if he could pull off the big upset tonight and get into that match with Felix Red, regardless of what ever happened after that, he would forever be known as the first WFW:NE World Heavyweight champion.”
MARX: “There is no question to me that HAL is the future of WFW:NE, the question is, does that future start tonight or can Shawn Hart manage to hold it off just a little bit longer?”
JACOBS: “Folks, that is what we are about to find out, there will be no ring introductions, just two men and special referee, the former WFW North American Champion Spectrum, let’s send this one to the Desert Dome and get this one underway!”
(The camera feed fades out and then fades into the Desert Dome at the Henry Doorly Zoo where spectators are gathered to watch. Shawn Hart hands his New ERA World Heavyweight Championship to the Spectrum which he puts in his back pack and takes out a bell. The lineup flashes on screen.)
SPECTRUM: “You two know the rules, I'm just here to count the pinfall. This is a Falls Count Anywhere in the Zoo Match. Let’s try not harm any animals though or get me harmed by any animals. LET THE BATTLE BEGIN!”
(SFX: Spectrum rings the bell.)
JACOBS: “HAL ATTACKS HART AND HE WHIPS HIM INTO THE SIDE OF THE BIRD ENCLOSURE CAUSING THEM TO SCATTER!”
MARX: “Those birds should be scared, hell, I'd be scared with those two coming my way.”
JACOBS: “Hart staggers back... HAL KICKS HART IN THE STOMACH AND HE UNDERHOOKS THE ARMS OF HART.... HE DOUBLE UNDERHOOK SUPLEXES HIM DOWN ON THE GROUND!”
“NOT” WATERS: “Hart really landed with a loud thud.”
JACOBS: “HAL IS GOING FOR A PINFALL! The referee goes to count! 1------- 2------ HART GETS HIS SHOULDER UP!”
MARX: “There is not going to be any quick pinfall like there was in the Wells and Johnson match earlier. It is going to take a truck to keep both of these men down.”
JACOBS: “HAL picks up him and he drags him by the hair past the muskrats towards the rock mountain.... HAL GRABS HART BY THE HAIR AND TRIES TO SLAM HART'S FACE INTO THE ROCK BUT HART GETS A HAND UP TO BLOCK IT!”
“NOT” WATERS: “That could have busted open his head badly.”
JACOBS: “SHAWN HART COUNTERS WITH A SERIES OF KNIFE EDGE CHOPS BACKING HAL AWAY FROM THE ROCK!”
MARX: “With HAL's relatively untanned skin, that is going to leave a mark tomorrow.”
JACOBS: “HAL CHARGES HART WITH A CLOTHESLINE BUT HART DUCKS UNDER! HAL THEN HOOKS THE WAIST OF HART TO GO FOR A BELLY TO BACK SUPLEX...”
MARX: “Hart not only has to deal with HAL's wrestling ability, he also has to deal with his power.”
JACOBS: “HART FIRES BACK AN ELBOW WHICH HITS HAL RIGHT IN THE JAW!”
“NOT” WATERS: “He hit him so hard that he could have knocked a few teeth loose.”
JACOBS: “HART CAPITALIZES AND HE CATCHES HAL OFF GUARD WITH A STANDING DROPKICKING SENDING HAL REELING BACK AND HE BUMPS THE BACK OF HIS HEAD ON THE ROCK BUSTING HIM OPEN!”
MARX: “HAL is rubbing his head, trying to regain his senses. When you are as cerebral as HAL, a mind is a terrible thing to waste.”
“NOT” WATERS: “John Doe could take like six of those blows and wouldn't lose anymore IQ points.”
JACOBS: “Hart goes to pick HAL up... HE CAPAPULTS HIM INTO A PALM TREE HEAD FIRST AND HAL GOES DOWN!”
MARX: “That may be the only palm tree in Nebraska.”
JACOBS: “HART GOES FOR THE COVER AND SPECTRUM GOES DOWN FRO THE COUNT! 1------ 2----- HAL GETS THE SHOULDER UP!”
MARX: “HAL can take a lot of punishment, but those two quick shots to the head almost did him in there and would have if he was a lesser man.”
JACOBS: “A frustrated Hart picks up HAL and takes him into snake house in front of the pythons.... HART GOES FOR AN IMPLANT DDT BUT HAL GRABS ON THE RAILING TO BLOCK IT! HAL starts walking away from Hart through the Snake House to get some time to recover while Hart is down...”
MARX: “HAL needs some time to recover and regain his senses. This is a good move.”
“NOT” WATERS: “Hart looks like he is starting to come to.”
JACOBS: “Hart gets up... AND HE STARTS CHASING HAL AND HAL IS TRYING TO STAY AHEAD OF HIM AND THEY FINALLY EXIT THE SNAKE HOUSE AND HEAD PAST THE BIRDS TOWARDS THE WATERFALL!”
MARX: “Hart is catching up on him!”
JACOBS: “HAL GRABS A WALKER MOST LIKELY LEFT BEHIND BY AN OLD WOMAN … AND AS HART CHARGES HIM, HE CLOBBERS HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH IT!”
MARX: “OOOW!”
“NOT” WATERS: “That’s the most action that walkers seen in a while, probably!”
JACOBS: “HAL starts repeatedly beating the leg of Shawn Hart with the walker! He is trying to take his legs out from him!”
MARX: “Hart while not a speed guy per say has the speed advantage. If he takes out the legs and makes this about HAL, the odds greatly turn in his favor.”
“NOT” WATERS: “HAL is a thinking man's wrestler.”
JACOBS: “Now HAL is pointing towards the exit of the Desert Dome, he is going to take him outside in the twelve degree weather and the snow!”
MARX: “And the weather advantages come into play...”
JACOBS: “HAL grabs Hart by the hair and they pass the cacti, the jack rabbits, the toads and red pandas... AND THEY ARE OUT THE DOOR!”
“NOT” WATERS: “Talk about a shock to the system!”
JACOBS: “HAL THROWS HIM DOWN IN THE SNOW ON THE UNCLEANED WALK WAY!”
MARX: “The snow had been falling so fast and so furious the past few days, they can't keep up right now with this arctic blast.”
JACOBS: “HAL goes to pick him up.... BUT HART STARTS THROWING SNOW BALLS INTO THE FACE OF HAL TO KEEP HIM FROM GETTING AT HIM!”
MARX: “Hart is having trouble getting up so this is buying him some time.”
JACOBS: “Hart is finally up..... HAL BULL RUSHES HART AND HART HITS HIM WITH A BACK BODY DROP INTO THE SNOW!”
“NOT” WATERS: “That was pure reaction by Hart.”
MARX: “Hart had trouble getting him up with the bad leg of his; I wonder how much he has left on it tonight.”
JACOBS: “Hart walks over to a park employee and he grabs a shovel out of his hand... HE DRAGS HAL OVER TOWARDS A BENCH AND HART CLIMBS ON TOP WITH THE SHOVEL CENTERED ON HIS ELBOW.... FLYING ELBOW DROP RIGHT ONTO THE CENTER CHEST OF HAL AND HAL IS COUGHING TRYING TO REGAIN HIS BREATH!”
MARX: “Hart wants to end this streak of Winter Wonderland losses that has plagued him his whole career and walk out as champion.”
JACOBS: “Hart throws down the shovel and he makes the cover on HAL! SPECTRUM GOES DOWN FOR THE COUNT! 1---------- 2------- HAL GETS THE SHOULDER UP!”
“NOT” WATERS: “HAL has too much fight left in him. He has watched the tapes of Scotty Michaels and Copycat and has learned from them.”
JACOBS: “Hart gets back up and he starts climbing onto the bench again... HE CLIMBS ONTO THE TOP BUT LOSES HIS FOOTING BECAUSE OF THE SNOW ON HIS BOOTS!”
MARX: “The water from the snow and the ice makes everything slippery. If you rush, you really could hurt yourself out there.”
JACOBS: “Hart has regained his footing... BUT HAL GETS UP AND HE RUNS AT SHAWN HART AND JUMPS UP AND HITS HIM WITH A RUNNING SHOULDER BLOCK KNOCKING HIM OFF INTO THE ALIMINUM GARBAGE CAN BELOW WHICH FOLDS LIKE AN ACCORDIAN AND SPILLS ALL OVER THE PLACE!”
MARX: “That one mistake by Hart bought HAL an opportunity and all it takes is one opportunity to win a match.”
JACOBS: “HAL picks up Hart... HE HITS HIM WITH A BACKBREAKER AND HE IS HOLDING IT THERE ON HIS KNEE TO INFLICT ADDITIONAL DAMAGE!”
MARX: “It should be said that while the bench was slippery, maybe it was all that work all that work from the knee which kept Hart from steadying himself.”
JACOBS: “That is good point.. that had slipped my mind.”
“NOT” WATERS: “Anyone who has ever had a bad back, and most wrestlers do to some extent because of all the falls they take, will tell you nothing aggravates a back more than cold weather. Right now, HAL has Hart over his knee pressing down with all of his power in this twelve f'n degree weather... it has to be taking its toll on Hart.”
JACOBS: “HAL FINALLY LETS GO OF THE HOLD AND HART IS REACHING BACK IN AGONY!”
“NOT” WATERS: “HAL went on and on about time catching up with Hart. Maybe tonight is the night that one of the greatest World Heavyweight Champions falls and is denied his spot in the unification match for the WFW:NE World Heavyweight championship.”
JACOBS: “HAL IS CALLING FOR THE CONTROL ALT DELETE! He is looking at that bench and he is going plant him head first on it....”
MARX: “C'mon Hart!”
JACOBS: “HAL PICKS UP HART ON HIS SHOULDERS FOR THE CONTROL ALT DELETE (BURNING HAMMER).... BUT HART IS TRYING TO SQUIRM HIS WAY OUT.... HAL LOSES HIS GRIP ON HART BECAUSE OF THE SNOW MAKING EVERYTHING SLIPPERY!”
“NOT” WATERS: “NO DAMN IT!”
JACOBS: “HAL TOPPLES THE BENCH OVER AND HART IS TRYING TO MAKE A GET AWAY TO THE SKYFARI TO TAKE HIM TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PARK!”
MARX: “That is a damn good strategy, if you can't catch the champion, you can't pin him.”
“NOT” WATERS: “How far can he go to get away from HAL on that gimp leg of his?”
JACOBS: “HART IS GOING INTO THE SKYFARI BUILDING.... AND HAL AND SPECTRUM ARE RUNNING AFTER HIM!”
MARX: “This is the ride that takes zoo goers over the park, it is only like fifteen feet off the ground, it isn't a traditional bucket deal, it is more like a ski for like four people, but you can see everything on there.”
“NOT” WATERS: “And it sure does beat taking the tram around the park, stopping every five minutes....”
JACOBS: “HART SITS DOWN IN THE SKYFARI AND PULLS DOWN THE BAR! HAL RUNS UP AND HE IS TRYING TO GET IT UP BUT HART REFUSES HOLDING THE BAR DOWN FOR DEAR LIFE ASKING THE OPERATOR TO GET IT GOING!”
“NOT” WATERS: “This is certainly not something you would see if this match was held in Central Park.”
MARX: “No, but most likely he'd have to fight off some muggers.”
JACOBS: “THE SKYFARI IS STARTING TO MOVE.... HAL PUNCHES HART IN THE FACE AND HART LETS GO OF THE BAR! HAL LIFTS UP THE BAR BUT THEN SEEING THAT THEY ARE ABOUT TO TAKE OFF.... PULLS IT DOWN! SPECTRUM JUMPS AT THE CART AND HANGS ONTO THE SIDE IN ORDER TO FOLLOW THEM!”
MARX: “Where is Lee Majors when you need him?”
“NOT” WATERS: “This is why someone like Spectrum had to be ref in this match and not the garden variety referee that gets knocked down if you sneeze.”
JACOBS: “THEY ARE OVER THE GIRAFFES AND OSTRICHES BELOW RIGHT NOW! Spectrum is asking HAL to move over but HAL is telling him the quarters are cramp and just to hold on tight!”
MARX: “If I remember right, right after the giraffes and ostriches.... right after them was...”
JACOBS: “HART IS STARTING TO WAKE UP AND HE RETURNS THE PUNCH FROM HAL BEFORE! HAL AND HART ARE TRADING PUNCHES IN THE LIFT AND THE LIFT IS SWAYING BACK AND FORTH... SPECTRUM IS TRYING TO HOLD ON... AND OH MY GOD, THEY ARE RIGHT OVER THE LEOPARDS!”
MARX: “Yes, the Leopards, the leopards were right after the giraffes and ostriches!”
“NOT” WATERS: “I hated El Arco Iris, but no one should wind up leopard food.”
JACOBS: “SPECTRUM KICKS HAL RIGHT IN THE FACE AND TELLING HART TO MOVE OVER, HE IS CLIMBING INTO THE LIFT WITH THEM!”
MARX: “Thank god.”
JACOBS: “Hart shakes Spectrum's hand... AND HE HITS HAL WITH A FOREARM SMASH! HART RAKES THE EYES OF HAL!”
MARX: “Right now, they have passed the leopards finally and are going over some trees and buildings.”
JACOBS: “Spectrum is trying to get Hart to settle down until they get off of the lift!”
“NOT” WATERS: “You have to take advantage when you can get it. HAL wouldn't give him a break.”
MARX: “Now we are approaching the big heated lake below which is a koi pond for the zoo.”
JACOBS: “NOW HAL IS WAKING UP AND HE IS STANDING UP IN THE LIFT! Spectrum and Hart are telling the dazed HAL to sit down.... HAL PUNCHES HART IN THE FACE AND NOW HART STANDS UP AND PUNCHES HART IN THE FACE! THEY ARE TRADING PUNCHES BACK AND FORTH AND HAL IS GETTING THE BETTER OF HIM!”
MARX: “HART IS IN TROUBLE RIGHT NOW! HE IS STARTING TO LOSE HIS BALANCE!”
JACOBS: “HAL HITS SHAWN HART WITH AN ELBOW SMASH AND HART FALLS OUT OF THE LIFT AND DOWN INTO THE KOI POND FIFTEEN FEET BELOW!”
MARX: “OH MY GOD!”
“NOT” WATERS: “Those are very expensive fish.”
JACOBS: “Hart is surfacing and he appears to be okay and he is laughing at HAL and Spectrum in the lift.”
MARX: “This may be the best thing to happen to Shawn Hart. He is going to get away because it is going to take another five minutes or so before they reach their destination.”
JACOBS: “HAL CURSES SHAWN HART.... AND THEN HE GETS UP AND TELLS SPECTRUM TO GRAB HIS HAND.... AND THEY DROP INTO THE HUGE KOI LAKE BELOW!”
MARX: “Shawn Hart does not look pleased.”
“NOT” WATERS: “He almost had the perfect get away.”
JACOBS: “Hart is now swimming towards the snow covered monkey island!”
MARX: “Monkey Island has a huge tree and it is like a fifteen by fifteen circular island, it is almost the size of a ring... the only difference is, the monkeys...”
JACOBS: “HART IS ON THE ISLAND, HE LOOKS AROUND AND REALIZES HE IS STUCK WITH NOWHERE TO GO SO HE IS TELLING HAL TO BRING IT!”
MARX: “HERE WE GO!”
JACOBS: “HAL CHARGES HART AND HE HITS HIM WITH A SHOULDER BLOCK IN THE MIDSECTION! Hal lifts Hart up.... HE HITS HIM WITH THE JACKHAMMER! HAL GOES FOR THE COVER!”
“NOT” WATERS: “Where is the referee?”
MARX: “He was getting out of the water!”
JACOBS: “SPECTRUM GOES DOWN TO COUNT IN THE SNOW! 1-------- 2------- HART MANAGES TO GET THE SHOULDER UP RIGHT BEFORE THE THREE!”
MARX: “I have no idea how he managed to kick out of that one.”
JACOBS: “HAL is calling for the Control Al Delete to finish Hart off.... but is having trouble clearing the monkeys out of the way!”
MARX: “God damn monkeys, if it was possible, I'd say Hart had them paid off.”
JACOBS: “HAL goes to pick up Shawn Hart.... SHAWN HART JUMPS UP AND HITS HIM WITH THE EL CODO EXPLOSIVO!”
MARX: “That is what he beat Doc with to win the WFW World Heavyweight Championship for the first time.”
JACOBS: “HAL IS STAGGERING BUT HE REFUSES TO GO DOWN....HART GOES FOR THE HART ATTACK BUT HAL PUSHES HIM AWAY....”
“NOT” WATERS: “HAL REVIEWED HIS TAPE!”
JACOBS: “HART CHARGES HAL BUT HAL CATCHES HIM IN A FRONT FACE LOCK, HE IS GOING FOR AN IMPLANT DDT.... HART CHARGES HAL AND HAL HITS THE BACK OF HIS HEAD ON A BRANCH OF THE TREE....”
MARX: “He got clobbered in the back of the head by that branch just like he did the rocks by the waterfall.”
JACOBS: “HART CHARGES HAL... HE HITS HIM WITH ANOTHER EL CODO EXPLOSIVO! SPECTRUM GOES DOWN FOR THE COUNT! 1-------- 2------- 3!”
LINKS: “THE WINNER OF THE MATCH AND STILL New ERA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION..... SHAWN HART!”
JACOBS: “Spectrum is raising Hart's hand. Somehow, someway, he was able to pull this off.”
MARX: “HAL put up one hell of a fight and I have no doubt he is future of the WFW:NE, it just didn't happen tonight.”
“NOT” WATERS: “Shawn Hart got the proverbial monkey off his back and finally won a Winter Wonderland match.”
MARX: “Wait a second, someone is coming via boat.. IT IS FELIX RED WEARING THE WFW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!”
JACOBS: “FELIX RED HAS A STEEL CHAIR COVERED IN CHRISTMAS LIGHTS AND BARBED WIRE AND HE NAILS SHAWN HART OVER THE HEAD WITH IT! Felix Red is standing over Shawn Hart's body is he is signaling that Shawn Hart's championship will be around his waist shortly.”
MARX: “And so it begins...”
JACOBS: “Felix Red looks down at Shawn Hart and lifts up his WFW World Heavyweight Championship in the air.”
“NOT” WATERS: “Why did Felix Red do this?”
MARX: “To make a statement that he will win the unification match .. and become the first ever WFW:NE World Heavyweight champion...”
“NOT” WATERS: “Shawn Hart is in trouble isn't he?”
MARX: “Yes, he is...”
JACOBS: “Folks, I'd like to thank you for joining us, we will be back with our final RAUCOUS before the PPV with Shawn Hart & Golem taking on Felix Red & Minion as well as Cameron Cruise putting up his television championship against John Doe! GOODNIGHT EVERYONE!”
