"and i think that i've got it down but now there is no sun just a cellar.
Nowhere is sky its just that black, black dirt.
Expanding outwards just echoes for answers
not that it matters if its back or its forwards.
Unhappy lovers with baskets of flowers use them as markers-
the place where your bed once stood a time when it still felt good.
But you'll get that feeling back,
you just need sometime to drink
and so i'll fill my gut with that blood red wine
until my insides swim and my veins unwind.
I'll be lying there in that hot white air once
that something is gone it might never reappear. "



My feet pounded against the pavement as the world flew by me.. building after building.. person after person. I had to get away. There were things that weighed me down.. things that simply wouldn't let me rise up. Things that were putting my mind into the state that I found it in.. a state of despair, and a state of no hope. I had lost a brother. I had lost a love. I had lost, but I hadn't gained anything. My request was simple. I simply wanted to succeed. I wanted to evolve into something greater. I wanted to be important.. and respected. I was so close to that exact goal.

My feet began to hurt. My body weight came crashing down on them with each step. But I didn't stop.. I wouldn't stop for anything..

My problems wouldn't leave.. so I simply had to run.

And to think that there was a time when I didn't have it in me to run away.


[AUDIO TAPE: "Why me?"]

"So I've found myself in a situation that I really didn't anticipate stumbling into, but here I am. And I'm here in a match for placement in a Gauntlet that's going to take place against Azraith DeMetri.. and for his Southern States Title. I haven't been this confused in a long time, and I'm not really sure what the purpose of such a match is, but I'm blown away. Yeah, the druggie.. and low life scum himself, Conor McLellan.. is blown away. When I saw the match, I have to admit my heart started racing.."

There's a quick flash of him running through the city of Ann Arbor.. his jacket and hair following behind..

"And I got on my knees.. and I thanked God."

"I did.. and I don't mind anyone knowing. I thanked God for the opportunity. I thanked God for the chance of a lifetime.. and for this match. I want to prove something.. I want to prove something to any and everyone who's doubted me. And I have a lot to prove. I have to prove that I'm not a nobody. I have to prove that when I drive myself to do something.. I can do it. And I can. No.. I will.. I have to.. or I'll never believe in myself again.."

There's another quick flash. In the midst of his run.. he begins to smile now.. rushing past the crowd of people filling the streets as many scream obscenities or look angry towards him.. however he brushes past them and continues to smile.. there's still hope..

"Why me? I've asked myself time and time again why I'd ever be chosen for such an opportunity of a lifetime, but eventually I stopped asking questions. What's the purpose? It doesn't matter. I'm here, and that's all that matters. Someone.. somewhere.. has faith in me and thinks that I can give Azraith a run for his money.. that in itself is enough to push me harder than I've ever pushed before. That in itself is enough to give me the drive to throw Azraith off of the top.. and take my rightful place as a champion."

"And I won't lie.. there are butterflies. They've made their presence known, but I still stand here with a smile on my face. And why not? I'm pumped. I've been put into a match with some of OPW's best, and it's a perfect place and time for me to showcase what I do best. Let's start with Don Mega. I've beaten the guy, but he's still a brute.. but instead of doing what the old Conor would do.. instead of sitting around and whining about size differences.. all I have to say is.."

"The bigger they are. The harder they fall."

"Then there's Eric Dillinger. Heh.. a cocky guy to say the least, and rightfully so.. he's held gold here in OPW, and that's fine. However, I'm here for MY run at gold.."

The screen flashes again. He's still running through the city.. now his face looks tired. His legs buckle underneath him. His body fatigues. He slows down..

"And I'm coming full speed.."

..only to speed up again.. his body out of it.. however.. his mind has yet to surrender..

"Or Jester Smiles.. a guy that I'm fond of. A guy who simply wants to smile and have fun. I've lived my life being a negative person, and it's taken a toll on me. I don't want that anymore. I don't want to be unhappy anymore. I want to smile. I want to laugh.. I want to have a good time again.. and I can do it.. I just need time.. I just need to know I can do it.. and know that things WILL get better.."

Sweat drips off his forehead as he continues his run.. his problems being left behind in the dust. As he begins to have hot flashes.. rain pours from the sky.. and in the middle of his run, Conor looks to the sky.. a smile etched on his face..

"And they will, starting now. I'm going to make my life better.. and I'm going to change. Things take time.. and I've got all the time in the world.."

He looks down at his watch as he runs.. realizing how fast time had gone by. His body couldn't take it anymore, however his feet never stopped. He pushed past more people as he ran through the streets.. throwing his arms in the air in triumph. No, he hadn't won anything.. he hadn't done anything.. really.. not yet atleast.. but he conquered his worst fear. His own apathy.

He shook his head. He felt almost like he had been given a new life.. and that in itself was enough to make him rejoice.

His body continued to show fatigue.. but his mind drove harder..

He smiled at realization. There was once a time when he couldn't run away...



...now he simply didn't have it in him to stop.