-=[Today's episode of LEGACY sponsored OPW broadcasting begins in the sunny hills of Beverly Hills, California. The women are pretty, the men are hunkish, and even the children are tanning to their little hearts content. As the camera remains focused on the street, one could see a man walking down the sidewalk with a blue mask on over his head and face. This man, as most of us know, is Johnny... Fucking... Patriot. But after a battle with turrets, it's just Johnny Patriot, Your American Hero.

Now, Johnny is your average American on the outside. Average height, above average build, and an above average smile are just a few of the perks of being Johnny Patriot. With this honor comes a sense of compassion... of courage... and down right stupidity. Maybe that's why Patriot signed up for the Assassination Tango - many people had written him off after his friend and tag partner, Mark Questian, returned to fighting crime and doing stuff, now it was just Johnny Patriot, Your American Hero.

And apparently a little person wearing a matching mask... creepy. Patriot and the little person continued down the street, attempting to shake hands with people they passed. However, Beverly Hills wasn't exactly wrestling country, and a grown man wearing a mask with a matching midget by his side just struck the people as odd, and while he attempt to shake their hands, most people just walked off. However, this time would be different... Horribly different. As Patriot and the little person walked up to an old woman, she began digging into her purse.]=-

[Johnny Patriot]: "Good day, ma'am!"

[Little Person]: "Good day, indeed!"

-=[Patriot was proud of his trusty sidekick, and patted him on top of the mask. The elderly woman, however, kept digging.]=-

[Johnny Patriot]: "My name is Johnny Patriot, and this is Little Patriot, LP for short. He and I are combing the streets for pur-"

-=[The old woman could've sworn she just heard Patriot say they were coming the streets for purses, and she was NOT going to be a victim again. Not after what Kenji Yamada did to her in grade school. (Cue horribly cut picture of Yamada's face on a child's body, throwing a chair at an equally horribly cut picture of the woman's face on a young woman's body). Patriot and LP were stunned as the woman whipped her purse around and SMACKED the two of them across the faces.]=-

[Old Woman]: "You two FREAKS belong in prison!"

-=[About this time, Patriot and LP realize that they are surrounded by a hoard of angry citizens, horrified as to what this woman believes happened to her. Patriot and LP look at themselves, and then to the camera in a classic Mel Brooks style.]=-

[Patriots]: "Uh... oh..."

-=[From there, it gets blurry. However, from the squealing, tossing and crying, you can tell that LP safely made it to the other side of the street before the mob attacked Johnny Patriot. Some day for an American Hero.]=-

-=[The camera faded back in, Patriot and LP standing in front of an obvious green screen with a waving flag behind them. Both of them have their heads cocked to the sides and towards the ceiling, with their hands in fists at their waists. Patriot turns to the camera, stepping forward, leaving LP behind him.]=-

[Johnny Patriot]: "Assassination Tango is the dawning of a new day in the Land of Opportunity. Your American Hero has been known for being in the shadows, but finally... FINALLY... Johnny Patriot has a calling. Ass Tang."

[LP]: "Wait a second, did you just say 'Ass Tang'?"

[Johnny Patriot]: "I know... I know. Sounds like a nutty sport drink, I know."

[LP]: "Ass Tang: NEW from Planters Peanuts Co."

-=[Patriot looks at LP and firmly slaps him.]=-

[Johnny Patriot]: "Only I am aloud to tell bad jokes. Like Devastation is about as interesting as two dogs humping. You don't want to watch, but you have to just to see how little relevance it holds on you. Comical, really."

-=[Patriot and LP again stand side by side, fists on their waists.]=-

[Johnny Patriot]: "See, Devastation, your promotions entice me like Rosie O'Donnell entices women to eat. I take a look at your promotions, and I think to myself, 'What in the hell is this guy talking about?' You run on and on about your past accomplishments, never looking to the future. Never looking... to me. Sure, you drop my name once or twice, you even say how we were in the same federation once upon a time, but because of something LEGACY did to you, because of the name of the company that I am supporting, I am your tool to get back at them? Somehow you put LEGACY and I in the same branch and you just can't bare to lose to me. I'm in LEGACY, so I must be inferior to you, correct?"

-=[Patriot turns his head to the ceiling.]=-

[Johnny Patriot]: "In America, everyone is considered equal... unless you're a Republican. Outlaw Pro-Wrestling, well... aside from the steel-chair abortions and arson, is just like any other wrestling federation in the Land of the Free, and you'll do right to the remember that, Devy. I am not inferior to you. So you've got the C3 title. So you're a former world champion. So you're a technical masterpiece, but Dev? I have something you don't have. The element of surprise."

-=[Patriot's proud pose remains the center piece of the picture as LP pulls a slice pizza from his pocket. Patriot continues on.]=-

[Johnny Patriot]: "You're famous. I have watched your matches, I've seen you wrestle. For all you know, Mr. Devastation, I could be Rob Belote under this mask and I could know each and every single step that you're going to take in this match. You're accomplished... and maybe I am, too, but you don't know that. You just 'know' that I am inferior to you. That I will not, that I cant beat you. The truth, Devastation? I look at this like the colonists looked at Great Britain before the Revolutionary War. Let me explain..."

-=[As the camera faded out, Patriot looked down to his 'Mini Me' and shook his head, with a smirk across his face. When the camera returned, Your American Hero was dressed in typical clothes... for the 18th century. He wore a dirty hat and a dirty jacket, but still wore his mask. Patriot was standing with his hands on his hips as he looked off camera.]=-

[Johnny Patriot]: "Come on, LP."

[Little Patriot]: "I look like a lobster..."

-=[As LP walked back onto screen, he wore a red blazer with a white taped X on his back, along with a black three point hat and black boots, along with matching pants to go with the blazer.]=-

[Johnny Patriot]: "Yeah... you kind of do. Camera's rolling, get to your script."

-=[Patriot stood at attention as LP sighed, not very enthused about what was about to happen.]=-

[Little Patriot]: "Yo. America. Give us money."

[Johnny Patriot]: "No."

[Little Patriot]: "Fine. Taxes. Poof."

[Johnny Patriot]: "Oh. Now you've done it."

-=[Patriot pulls a can of Budweiser out of his pocket, but has 'Boston Tea' covering the label. He cracks open the beer, and pours it over LP.]=-

[Little Patriot]: "Oh, no. Now you've done it. We must fight."

-=[Little Patriot taps Johnny Patriot on the shin, and Patriot retaliates by kicking LP out of the picture. A loud 'EEEEE' can be heard, and then a crashing sound. The camera then fades. When the camera comes back, Patriot is in his normal attire, and LP is bandaged up.]=-

[Johnny Patriot]: "See what I did there? Britain oppressed the colonists, and the colonists fought back. You have written me out of this match already, Devastation. You already have the victory strewn up in your mind. Like the British, Devastation, you will win a battle... you will win a fight. But in the end, my wit will match George Washington's stupidity, and I will surprise you. Like Monty Python and the Holy Grail, we take turns making decisions in a bi-weekly meeting.

Who's to say this isn't my week to make the decision? My name is Johnny Patriot, and I believe in three things. Life... liberty... and the pursuit of all that threaten it. Ponder that, while I tend to my dead."

-=[Patriot picks up LP and throws him over his shoulder.]=-

[Little Patriot]: "I'm not dead yet."

[Johnny Patriot]: "Yes you are."

[Little Patriot]: "I'm getting better."

[Johnny Patriot]: "No you aren't. You'll be stone dead in a moment."

-=[Patriot walks off camera with LP over his shoulder. The camera zooms in on the flag in the background.]=-