MY NAME IS JOHNNY! JOHNNY PATRIOT!

*BOOM!*

The camera fades in to see Johnny Patriot standing in front of the OPW Headquarters, with Little Patriot at his side (LP still toting around that steel pipe that 'took out' Derek Ruth). JP and his trusty sidekick wear matching sunglasses, along with trendy 'fisherman' style caps, and chains so long that they drag on the ground, much like CJ's ape-ish knuckles.

Johnny Patriot: Well my name's Jay P. I'm an American
And DC's city where I live in.
When I was young I knew I'd always be
A super live body rockin mc.
I'm TNT I'm dynamite
And I'm gonna rock this party all damn night
I've got the gift of gab I can walk the walk
I became an mc when I learned to talk
Sayin goo-goo ga-ga
I gotta lotta time to eat mc like pirhana
I'm a pro at this, yeah the ultimate
Cause I don't spit, my rap too quick
I'm the ladies pick all around the world
But I only got eyes for just one girl
I don't twirl like a ballarena
I roll through town and I rock arenas
I may seem a little under age
But at least I am not underpaid
I'm one of kind, here to shock your mind
And I will serve no rhymes, before their time
The J-J-Jay Pee, that is my name
And if you ask me again, I'll tell you the same
Who's to blame I don't really know
But my game's so tight I think I'm gonna go pro
So here we go here, here we go

Little Patriot: I'm gonna rock it up high, then rock it down low
From the floor to the ceiling to the living room
Cause people like to hear my base go boom
Boom, b-boom, boom, b-boom, boom, boom, boom
Prrrii, boom, boom, ba boom, boom, boom
The one two three the three two one
Don't stop me know I've just begun
Don't cut me down don't start no fight
Or I'll put my foot in your ass tonight
I'm outta sight, like the planet Mars
And when I set my sights I shoot for stars
I don't like small cars or real big women
But somehow I always find myself in em
I'm a hidden gem, a rollin stone
I'm a one man band with a microphone
Here to make you shake and move your body
So come on in and welcome to the party

Both: It ain't nothing but a party, hey
From the early evening till break of day
So step this way and let your mind be free
And by the way, welcome to the party

Little Patriot: Uh, uh excuse me Mr. Jay Pee

Johnny Patriot: (What's up)

Little Patriot: Can I do my thing
Can I have a little something to say right here

Johnny Patriot: Oh yeah, go ahead LP

Little Patriot: I'm a real live show and you can watch me throw
I'm the L to the P and I'll let ya know
Alize is too sweet and beer will make ya fat
I've got a pound of dank and a gallon of Cognaic
I'm all of that and a bag of chips
Fuck it I'm the whole damn party mix
I'm the chick that seems all that classy
You can't party with me or you can kiss my ass

Both: It ain't nothing but a party, hey
From the early evening to the break of day
So step this way and let your mind be free
And by the way, welcome to the party

Johnny Patriot: Haha, hey Grandmaster LP that old school shit's fresh
But uh let's rock some of that fuckin 1998 Kid Rock shit bro

I'm an Irish lad, but don't call me Clancy
I'm a rock it for Dixie to suit your fancy
Rock your pants off and party my dick off
People want to know when's the tour gonna kick off
I'm no rip off, it's all original
Not too political a little cynical
About the fakes and squakers that talk a lot of ca-ca
I know a lot of chicks that like to call me poppa
Don't start drama, macks in the bahamas
Rock on the dance floor to din dada
Cause I'm a player that you love to hate
Got your girl suckin dick on video tape
I like pussy, suckin on titties
Fucked a lot of different bitches from a bunch of different cities
Johnny Patriot and I'm the same old fool
I'll tell ya drop your boyfriend then drop outta high school
I got a whirlpool, don't even ask
Lickin pussy underwater shootin bubbles up your ass
I'm so crass that I'm the last of my kind
Me, Slick Willie in the DC Shrine, Uh
Sometimes I rhyme just for kicks
Forget the bullshit and bust like this
I don't steal from the rich and give to the poor
I take from my bitches and give it to my whores
What up I'm saying everybody
You get fucked up and I'll rock the party

Both: Rock the party
Rock the party
Rock the party
Rock the party
Rock the party
Rock the party
Rock the party
Rock the party
Rock the party
Rock the party
Rock the party
Rock the party
Rock the party
Rock the party
Rock the party
Rock the party

Little Patriot: Dude you're outta of your fucking mind, Haha

The two end their rendition of Kid Rock's "Welcome to the Party" with a sweet five second pose, ala Edge and Christian. As the music fades, finally, both of the masked men remove their sunglasses and look at the camera.

Johnny Patriot: "CJ Nelson and Jared Walsh are Connor and my opponents this week... but I have someone else I want to address."

Patriot looks into the camera, sternly, looking deep into the hearts of the very watcher of this promotion. That's right, he can see your heart.

Johnny Patriot: "You turned your back on us, Jim Duggan. You turned your back on the U-S-A. And you joined Team Canada. I WAS THERE. I SAW IT WITH MY OWN TWO EYES. Do you not believe me?! YOU'RE A TRAITOR! A REAL BENEDICT ARNOLD. I am the real American Hero in this match, Mr. Duggan. ME. You're a maple syrup drinkin', hockey playin'... well, hockey's cool, but you suck at it. AND YOU JOINED TEAM CANADA IN WCW."

Patriot crosses his arms over his chest.

Johnny Patriot: "And you're no hero of mine."

Patriot sighs. Little Patriot steps up into the picture, and nods defiantly.

Johnny Patriot: "I don't know what else I can say about that. My heart crumbled the day you turned your back on us, Jim! How could you! And now you associate yourself with King Kong and Al Bundy incarnates? YOU'RE A DAMN FOOL. A DAMN FOOL, JIM. You're simply un-American. And because CJ Nelson and Jared Walsh had to drag you into this... I have to take it upon myself to work Nelson and Walsh over and get the one... two... three... three two-two one. Don't stop me now, I've jus-"

Little Patriot kicks JP in the back of the leg.

Johnny Patriot: "Oh, sorry. I got caught up in my speaking pattern, hoping to maybe let Drunky McManslaughter and Hand in the Pants O'Ainsley understand what I'm trying to say. I have to stoop down to their level to do so. And sometimes I get on these tangents, where I just can't stop talking. Like this one time when I was wrestling in TTW with the greatest detective of all time, Mark Questian, and we ran through the place solving mysteries like we were Scooby and Shaggy reborn. Or the time in the Middle East when I took a bullet for my commanding officer, but then he ended up losing his legs anyways... or was that Forrest Gump?"

Again, LP kicks Patriot in the back of the leg and corrects his speach.

Johnny Patriot: "The point is, Jim, your boys aren't going into the ring with a novice. I'm a grown man with tag team wrestling ability. And further more, I'm a good man... and Connor McLellan needs this win. More so than your jerks do, more so than I do. And I will do all in my power to give Connor what he needs... deserves... expects."

Patriot's sly grin crosses over his lips under his mask.

Johnny Patriot: "Life... liberty... and the right to kick your boys' asses!"

Patriot's grin stays on his face, as the camera begins to fade. Quickly, LP jumps into camera again, pulling his chain up off the ground and showing it to the camera.

Little Patriot: "Wordlyfe, homes."