Welcome ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to "not sounding like a dumbass" 101. My name is Ms. Pettis. I'll be showing you how not to seem like a total dumbass, with help of course from my friend Dameon. You see, by taking each individual argument that he has made against me, and addressing it, you'll be able to see how a true dumbass talks, and therefore, know not to talk like him. Lets begin shall we? These are going to be direct quotes from the man.
I'm not physically superior Sara...You may have speed, agility, and some sort of conditioning you speak of. You don't need condintioning when you are a natural athlete Sara, when you are a natural born champion...
Speed, agility, and conditioning are all what makes a great natural athlete. Therefore Dameon's point here is actually countering itself. You see, athletes, much like myself, have to be able to be quick in many ways. On their feet, and in their head. If you're too slow in the ring, that makes it too easy for an opponent to get a hold of you. Especially when you're like myself, and typically smaller then your opponents. Any dumbass can punch and kick. Any dumbass can swing a chair, or T.V. Hell I even amuse the man and admit, any dumbass can swing a monitor. But actual technical wrestling, that needs speed, agility, and conditioning. Without conditioning Dameon, you'd be tired, halfway through the damn match. Think about how tired someone like me, who has to constantly be moving to keep from getting trapped or set up for some huge power move, would be halfway through a match if they didn't have proper conditioning. Conditioning is part of what makes someone a great natural athlete. Just look at some great natural athletes to prove it. Everyone in the NBA for example. 48 minutes of running back and forth, that takes a lot of conditioning. Now I know, no players stay in the game for a full 48 minutes, and even if they did, they still have all kinds of breaks like time outs, half time, time between the quarters, etcetera, etcetera. But still, it takes conditioning to have to run that much, and then still have the mental know with-all to put up the shot, play defense, or whatever, when you get to the other end of the court. Thats kinda like what I have to do. I have to run, and jab, run, and jab my opponents. Not run as in 'oh, I'm going to run out of this arena, into the back, out of the building, down the street, into the hotel, up the stairs, into my room, into my bed, and hide under the covers' run. But run AROUND INSIDE the ring. Yes, I know the ring is small, and a hexagon and all. But you can still run in it, and move quick in it.
Yes, I do think of myself as a dangerous man, I am sorry if you aren't aware of it yet, but I am dangerous Sara. In the very ring you are going to set foot in with me I have nearly ended careers, and damn sure shortened a lot of them.
Name one Dameon. Name someone you've put on the sideline that matters, and I'll give it too you. But you can't, and this takes me too my next point...
I know it was cheesy of me to say Sara, but come on what sort of pre-school comment is called somebody a cookie cutter. What is next, am I gonna be a "Doodie-Head" what about a "chicken-butt" oh oh oh, or what about a "Liar Liar Pants On Fire"?
Do you even know what being a 'cookie-cutter' means? Probably not from this response, therefore making you a dumbass. Calling someone a cookie-cutter, means you're the same as everyone else, like a cookie from a cookie cutter. Every cookie looks exactly the same, nothing special about them. Thats what you are when you talk about, how dangerous you are, or how many careers you've ended. Its the same damn thing everyone else in every other organization, in every other country in the world says. It's not new, it's not original, it's not amusing. It sucks. Come up with something new to say, thats all I ask of you. When I hear you speak, I think things I shouldn't. Like, gee, maybe I should cut my wrist for a little excitement. I honestly can feel myself getting older when I have to sit here and listen to you talk, and this is the second week in a row I've had to do it. Jesus Christ! It's like one of your promos is what set Chris Benoit over the edge. Because I know after having to sit and listen to one, that I feel like I have to go kill two people then hang myself. Maybe someone should look into this. Try to find out if Chris was watching any RWA programing before he killed Nancy, because if he was, he was probably watching a Dameon promo.
"Have you ever seen me steal or even cheat for that matter? No you haven't thats because I don't, I might occasionally run in and smack a little sense into an opponent, but thats about it. Cheating is an interesting thing though Sara, something that you seem to know a lot about, right...?"
This is the part where the dumbass, really shows class. You see, I didn't call Dameon a cheater. I was just pointing out that by him calling me a cheater, for hitting him in the head with the monitor, which is in fact a type of t.v., as it was pointed out by the match ending, that he was stating that one is capable of cheating in a T.V. elimination match. Using that theory, I stated that I in no way cheated anymore then he did, when he choose to use a chair. I did not call him a cheater, I simply implied that he was calling himself a cheater. Theres a big difference Dameon. And again, I have to point out, that I am not a cheater either, simply because I hit you with the monitor, which is not only legal in a t.v. match, but also apparently causes an elimination, as indicated by the bell ringing after I did so.
"You say I'm the one too ugly for film yet you are the one going to be masked behind a CGI animation, real smart of you Sara, what are you going to tell me next, the sky is purple and the munchkins have eaten three of your pet kittens in the last week and left the blood on the dogs mouth?"
Being a dumbass is also not being able to tell what a joke is, and taking it a little to seriously. Think about it. "Too Ugly for Animation".....you can't be too ugly for animation. It was just a silly statement hopefully to get a chuckle, and you had to ruin it with a serious response. You really know how to be a dumbass, don't you Dameon? Only a dumbass would completely destroy a harmless joke like that.
So, in summary class, what have we learned? Yes, that in order to not be a dumbass, you must first study the dumbass, figure out their ways. Figure out how they think. Talk about something even though you have no idea what it is, or what it means. Keep saying the same stuff everyone else says, but pretend like it's your original and your own. Make the same claims about some one, over and over, even after you've been proven wrong. Shawn Walsh said you were right, probably just to shut you up. Because first of all, he doesn't care about you. I only say that because it's pretty obvious, he doesn't care about anyone. Second, he doesn't care about what you have to say, based on the fact that he didn't listen the first time. Third, it was pretty obvious he didn't know what you were talking about, as none of us do, because you still haven't pointed out who "The Blonde Bimbo" is. Because I'm pretty sure I'm not blonde. I have never in my life looked in the mirror, and saw blonde hair. So I'm pretty sure I'm not the one your talking about, unless of course you're color blind. And if you aren't well, then I guess thats just more proof, that you're a dumbass.
The scene opens to show Sara sitting in her hotel room in Miami, Florida. She's got her cousin, Kotomi, with her. She's waiting on her step-father, Will Schorg, who is being brought by her step-sister Jane. Unknown to Will, he and Sara have been offered roles in the next in the series of Ice Age movies. But only if both agree to be part of it. Sara immediately called Jane, and told her the situation, to which Jane agreed to bring him here. As Sara waits, sitting on the couch, her cousin sits on the bed, obviously nervous about being in the same room as the 'Murder Ninja'.
"Would you like me to leave before your father arrives?" Kotomi asks Sara.
"No." Sara responds, "You're my manager Kotomi. You have a stake in this too." She tells her.
"I'm so nervous." Kotomi admits, "I've seen him fight in Japan before. I've seen him do so many things too people..."
"Kotomi, don't worry. Theres two Will Schorg's, the one in the ring, and the one in real life." Sara tells her, "Besides, he'd never do anything to anyone in front of Jane. He still thinks of her as his little girl."
Theres a knock on the door of the hotel room, signaling Will and Jane's arrival. Kotomi walks over to the door, and opens it, and looks right at Will Schorg standing on the other side.
"Oh, welcome, Will-san." Kotomi says, bowing as he steps into the hotel room, "You too, Jane-chan" she adds bowing to Jane as she steps into the room. Will bows back, and says a few words to Kotomi in Japanese, none of which Jane or Sara understand. Kotomi responds by laughing. Will then looks over at Sara, sitting on the couch, and looking up at him.
"Jane tells me you have something important to tell me. Something life changing....for both of us. So I suggest you spit it out now, so that I can take you out of my will as soon as possible." Will says to her in the most serious way possible.
"Dad, it's nothing like that," Sara begins, "Please, sit down." Sara says pointing towards the chair sitting next to the couch.
"Listen, I didn't fly all the way from New York to Miami just for you too talk to me like I was your child, and tell me to sit down without knowing why." Will says, "Before I sit down, what is this about?"
Sara looks over at her step-sister, who is leaning on the door to the room, and nods. Sara nods back, and Will immediately realizes what they're communicating.
"Fine," Will starts, "I'll sit, it's obvious you guys aren't going to let me go anywhere, anytime soon." He says as he sits down in the chair.
"Dad, before you think this is bad. It isn't, this is actually great news."
"Actually more like fantastic news." Jane adds.
Will smiles, "You're done with wrestling, and you're ready to go college, and become part of this family again?" Will says.
"While I'd like to go out a champion, I don't think I want to do it this early into my first title reign." Sara tells him with a bit of a sideways smile.
Will's smile fades. Sara nods at a dining table in the corner of the room behind Will. Will turns around, and sees the shining gold of the RWA T.V. Title on the table. He turns back to his step-daughter.
"Is that what this is about?" Will asks, "Congratulations, but don't call me again until it's at least a World Title." He tells her, starting to get up.
"SIT, DOWN!" Jane says in a firm tone, as she gets into a blocking stance in front of the door. Will looks at his only biological daughter, and slowly sits down again.
"I love you Janey, unconditionally. But don't ever take that tone with me again, or else I'll..."
"You'll what? I'm not a little girl dad. I'm a woman, you can't take me across your knee anymore. You need to sit, and listen to Sara. This is a huge opportunity for not only you two. But this family. For Ricky and Chris. For their sakes, just listen." Jane tells him.
Will looks at her, doesn't say anything. He turns to Sara, who is in slight shock, having never heard Jane stand up to Will before. Will snaps his fingers to get Sara's attention, and when he does, motions for Sara to continue talking with his hand.
"Well, uh, I just...sorry." Sara stumbles out, "I'll get right too it. Dad, through RWA, we've been offered a part in the next Ice Age movie. It's a huge opportunity." Sara says excitedly.
Will doesn't respond at first. He just sits in silence, thinking. Finally he asks, "What do you mean, we've been offered a part. You mean we've both been offered a part right?"
"Well..." Sara begins, "Not really. It is two parts, but there is a condition. You see, our characters would be a father, and his adopted daughter. We'd be Saber-tooth tigers, and this is just what Andrew Foley told me, but its kinda a 'Dad wants his child to follow his footsteps, but she doesn't want to,' sorta thing."
Will chuckles, "Thats funny, even as a cartoon you have to defy me."
The rest of the room lets out a nervous chuckle before Sara continues, "Anyway, like I said, it's like they offered us one part, because for either of us to get either part. We both have to agree to take each part." "SO you're saying, if I said no, you wouldn't get to be in the movie, right?" Will asks Sara.
"Thats about the gist of it." Sara tells him.
Will nods, understandingly it seems. "I'm not doing it." he responds before getting up and walking towards the door.
"What!?! But you....you can't....you didn't even think about it!" Sara says, obviously upset.
Will turns around. "Oh, but I did. I thought about it for two seconds, and I don't want to do it. Now if you excuse me, your sister and I are going back to New York." He tells her, before turning around and seeing Jane standing in his way at the door, "You said I only had to listen, and I did. Get out of my way, I did what you asked."
Jane's face sinks, as she steps out of his way. Will goes out the door, and starts to walk down the hall. Jane looks at Sara, who has a "figures" look on her face. "Don't worry Sary, I'll work on him. This isn't over yet."
Sara doesn't respond. She just sits on the sofa, and looks off into nothing, deep in thought. Will calls for Jane in the hall, and Jane says goodbye to Kotomi and Sara, who just responds with a wave. Jane turns around, and leaves the room, closing the door behind her.
"What do we do now?" Kotomi asks Sara.
"We hope either Foley can talk them into giving me the part without him....or that Jane can break him somehow." Sara mumbles, still in thought. She pulls her cell phone out her pocket, and hits three buttons, and it dials...after about ten seconds, she gets Andrew Foley's voice mail. Hey Andrew, it's Sara, listen, you better start to get real buddy, buddy with those movie guys if we're gonna get this done. We've hit a snag."
Sara then closes the phone, and tosses onto one of the beds. She gets up, walks over to it and flops down face first on the end. "Why me?"
End...