[Continued - The Undeniable Words #5, 02/15/09]

Dont Stop - Innerpartysystem
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Chad, Chad, Chad. You have no idea how long I've been looking forward to this, old boy.

You, my friend, have something that very few people can lay claim to. For all your continual, boring, overdone bleating about being so much worse off than everyone else in this federation, you do in fact have something that we all recognise. You do have something we notice and acknowledge.

That's right. On behalf of the XWF, I congratulate you on achieving a unique accolade that nobody in the XWF has yet to achieve- I congratulate you on being the X-Treme Wrestling Federation's official Douchebag of the Decade. We've had a lot of shining examples of douchedom in the XWF's nigh-on-ten-year history. Brad Pierce, Cyren, Weapon: Ashen, Psyko Stevo, Golden Boy, Cooper, T Money... all of these men, while incredible douches in their own right, pale in comparison to the pinnacle of jackassery known as Chad.

I mean seriously, who wrestles under the name 'Chad' anyway? Don't you have a last name? Or is it actually possible that your surname might make you even lamer of an individual than you already are? And let me tell you, that's a pretty freakin' impressive feat in itself. I could come down and wrestle under the name 'Steve', but let's face it, there'd be about ten other people I'd get confused with. I mean, Christ, you had more dignity when you were running around calling yourself Cap'n Crunch... and trust me, brother, you weren't exactly overflowing with dignity back then. I'm sure Kitten would agree back when you were stalking her. Hell, I'm pretty sure Tyger Lilly would agree- or so I'm told.

How in God's name do you get knocked back by Tyger Lilly, anyway? You'd have to have, like, leprosy to get turned down by her. Just about anyone with a wang is in with a chance- and even a fair few without a wang, I'd wager. I guess that sums up just how epic fail you really are, Chad.

I honestly struggle to find the words to properly articulate just how much you annoy me. And it's always everybody else's fault, isn't it? You lost the Lord of the Ring because you were 'screwed'. You never got a Universal title shot because you 'weren't appreciated'. You never became an XWF Legend because of some imaginary conspiracy group who run the scenes- most of whom don't actually even like each other in the real world. It's always someone else's fault, isn't it, Chad?

You wanna know what I think? I think you refuse to acknowledge the truth because the truth hurts. You want to know how so many have succeeded where you have failed? Because when we took our losses, we picked ourselves up, dusted ourselves off, and tried to understand why things happened and more importantly how we can avoid it. We learned. We did not throw a massive retardsad, accuse everyone else of being out to get us, and blatantly refuse to face the truth.

Well, I'm gonna tell you some cold hard truth here, Chad. You wanna know why you lost the Lord of the Ring? It wasn't cause you were screwed, it's because Ranma Saotome is straight up better than you. You wanna know why you haven't won the Universal title? Because you weren't good enough to qualify. You wanna know why 'everybody hates you'? Because you're a jackoff!

Seriously. You are a jackoff. That's why everyone hates you, Chad, because you deserve to be hated. Your actions, your continual lashing out against people who are just doing their job, your whining like a baby and your continual demands to be worshipped and lame-arse conspiracy theories are why nobody likes you. Cause you're not a likeable guy right now. You're an arsehole, and so long as you continue to act like one, everybody's going to detest you. You want to be loved? The problem's with you, not with us. Maybe if you worked on being a better excuse for a human being, people'd love you. But I honestly think you're too blind, ignorant, arrogant and stupid to do it.

So let me ask you this, Chad. There are so many other members of this roster who could claim to be as hard-done by, if not harder, than you. Like I said once before, Andy Cortinovis has been here God knows how long and hasn't been Universal Champion. What makes you so much more worthy of a hand-out than him? What makes you more deserving than Nick Ryan? Or Hunter Ryan? Or anybody for that matter? What in the hell makes you somehow more urgent of a case than anyone else? What makes you so special? I got news for you, Chad, this is the XWF and we aren't in a PC-crazy world where we hand out trophies for 'trying'. The best succeed- the worst don't.

So you know what I have to say? After listening to you rant and rave for nigh on six years, after watching your delusional little rampages, after hearing you still refuse to accept losing Lord of the Ring, I've got only four words for you.

Harden the fuck up, Chad.

You heard me. Either get with the program, shut your mouth and let your actions speak, or get the hell out of here. There are thousands of kids who'd kill to be in your shoes. In fact, during my hiatus, I went to Zimbabwe. The place is falling apart, there's cholera epidemics, the economy's collapsing, unemployment's ninety-four percent and people are starving to death. Why don't you go on over there and tell them just how hard you've got it? Why don't you go and tell the kid whose parents got shot for voting for the wrong guy how much your life sucks in comparison to his because Jonathyn Brown doesn't love you? Why don't you tell the guy who doesn't have any arms and legs and is dying from cholera that it's totally unfair that Ranma Saotome whooped your arse at Lord of the Ring? Go on, I dare you! You go down there and you try to pull that shit. You'll be laughed out of town, because compared to those people, you have it fucking made.

You're in perfect health. You've got a home. You're a supposed billionaire. You could retire tomorrow and live like a king for the rest of your days. Even if you didn't have billions, you have a job that could feed hundreds of mouths in third-world countries. You live in a democracy where you can do whatever the hell you feel like with no comeuppance, and where instead of starving to death, people are getting heart attacks from too much food. You can vote for who you want without worrying about having your goddamn arms cut off, and if through some miracle you caught the plague, you can take a tablet and you'd be feeling right as rain the next day.

So don't you dare start bitching on about how hard you have it, because believe me, you've got it better than 99% of the world. You have no idea just how lucky you have it, and that's probably the greatest insult of all. Better yet, you don't even have to leave the country. Go to a fucking cancer ward and try telling them your life sucks.

I suppose you're probably looking at this handicap as your one big chance to run around like a little chipmunk screaming "I BEAT STEVE JASON!" like you won the world series blindfolded or something. I know you, and I know that technicalities mean nothing to you so long as you can brag about it. You aren't gonna care about how you beat me, you're just gonna care that you do. Well, let me make one thing clear, Chad. I'm aware of how much the odds are stacked against me. I'm aware that most people think it's going to be a snowball's chance in hell I'm walking away from this one. But rest assured- even if I can't beat the odds, I vow that I'm going to make it as absolutely hard for you as possible. I swear that if this is all said and done and I lose, people are going to say 'goddamn, SJ still almost won this one, he probably would have shredded Chad limb from limb if it were a one on one'. That, my friend, is a promise. Even if you win, this isn't going to be the egotistical vindication you want it to be. I'll fall on my sword before I let that happen.

And I vow that no matter what happens, I'm going to give you something real to cry about for the first time in your life. Rejoice, Chad, for after all your years of playing the victim when you're really not, by the time I'm done with you, you're going to have something real to cry about for a change. And that's if luck's on your side. If it's not, then I'm going to leave you beaten, battered, humiliated, and most of all, broken.

Until then- go to hell, douchetron.

And that.... IS UNDENIABLE!